Announcement

**Mick** · February 25, 2013, 02:43 PM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Well done Tee Tee..look at that opener you have given me!!!!

In reaction to the horse meat found in their meatballs IKEA have decided to sell the raw ingredients in a pack for you to assemble yourself

Horsemeat discovered in IKEA meatballs. If you buy enough of them, you can self-assemble a horse

Horsemeat found in #Ikea meatballs. there's got to be a flatpack gag in this, but I've no idea how to put it together

Ikea latest - flooring found to have Laminate

Stunned to find Ikea have horse meat in their meatballs. Assumed they were made from couples who had become irretrievably lost in the store.

Ikea announce the name of their new product range for summer 2013: N?gg

Ikea have found horse meat in their Swedish meatballs. One would've been more shocked if they found wood in their furniture.

**treetops** · February 25, 2013, 02:56 PM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

haha!
some people bemoan the absence of IKEA in NZ but at least we don't have horsemeat in our meatballs.

**patrice** · February 25, 2013, 05:32 PM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Hi all,
I'm still here, I have been keeping sober except for one day on the weekend when I didn't....
Getting really busy with exam preparation and marking and trying to keep away a bit from my computer, only because when I log on it takes me ages to log off!!
Take care
Patrice
x

**blondie** · February 25, 2013, 08:01 PM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

morning all

was a bit blah the last couple of days, but pleased to be back to Mick's Ikea jokes :H(didn't hear about the latest with the horsemeat)

Hi TT and Patrice.

:hiya: off to read back

**treetops** · February 25, 2013, 10:10 PM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Hi Blondie - I got me threads in a twist (posted a reply to you on yesterday's one).

Patrice - what happened? This is the place to share if you want to.

**patrice** · February 26, 2013, 02:13 AM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

TT = My neighbours, who have lived here for 3 months, went back to Scotland on Sunday and left me a little package of things outside my door before they left.. things like washing powder, half a jar of marmite, some soap etc AND 3 cans of Beer....I didn't think to throw the beer out, I drank it.
I didn't buy anymore and I haven't had any since but clearly I still have a way to go.....

Hope you all have a great MAE
Patrice

**treetops** · February 26, 2013, 02:36 AM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Patrice - Just put it behind you and get on with your plans. You have been doing really really well.

I am sure some of our North American friends will raise their eyebrows at the Marmite though!

**patrice** · February 26, 2013, 03:51 AM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

I personally prefer Vegemite!!

**Mick** · February 26, 2013, 04:17 AM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

mae all ,and how are things today?...whats on the cards for this teetotal Tuesday?Speaking of which both on the go now.tea and coffee
.got to take the car to the garage in a minute....pretty sure its just a place with a licence to print money!!!

MAE tt and how are you today?would imagine now you are nearly if not finished work and on your way home..had a good day?

Wow Mr G ...long time no see ....and how are you doing?what are you up to with yourself nowadays?

Good morning ppqp...feeling any better today? how did the meeting go?Is this the garden project one?

Morning Lav..and how are you today?

Glad to say I sent 6 of those cupcakes home with my daughter effectively decreasing the chance of them sticking to my ass ...what you didnt tell us was that you made 120 of them!!!!
One coffee ,no sugar for you maam.Any plans for you today ? Is it a kid free zone , or is there a chance?

Hi SL..how are you today? yep it has gone quiet over the last couple of weeks or so ...not sure whether thats a good sign or not..still a few that used to come on here regular posting about the boards ,but not too many..how are you today?

Morning det...well done again mate ...keep it up ..watched that vid on the baby elephant ...darent let my other half see it.."want one" scenario..she adores elephants

Hiya Cat buddy and how are you today?how you coping with your tough week ? ok I hope.
Love farmers markets...dont understand how you could lose weight going to them..I want to try everything , the weird cheeses the lot!!! have a nice day

Hiya blondie ..and how are you?Be getting near evening time for you too ,so nearly time for feet up is it ?You had a good day.

hiya Patrice ,and how are you ? dont believe Jocks left anything ..far less ale!! have they gone home for good?

right peeps ,not a lot going on ..just dropped my car at the garage ..lets see what the damage is later!!

Take care and have a great day

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”
The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
“Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
“I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”/>A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice:
“The big sissy.”

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
“What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.”
“They’re just like people, aren’t they Grandma?” said the little one.
“How do you mean?” asked the Grandma.
“Offer someone a helping hand,” said the little girl, “and they screw you every time!”

Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.
Every other word was an expletive; those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird’s attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music… anything he could think of. Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy’s extended arm and said, “I’m sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavour to correct my behaviour”.
Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird’s attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the Chicken did?”

Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked.
“Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”

How To Annoy A Blind Date

Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.
Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.
When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than s/he does.
Drool.
Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements... i.e anything on the table that isn't bolted down.
Hold a debate. Take both sides.
At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.
Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.
Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
Repeat every third third word you say say.
Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.
Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.
Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
Order a bucket of lard.
Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths. br />Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female.
Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.
Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs.
Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.
Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her "What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?"
Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.
Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up.
Ask your date how much money they have with them.
Order for your date. Order something nasty.
Communicate in mime the entire evening.
Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.
Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.
Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
Undress your date verbally. Use a bullhorn.
Auction your date off for silverware.
Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.
Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate. Repeat later in the meal.
Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments.
Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on tape, and use good judgement in editing to twist their words around.
Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
Speak in pig latin throughout the meal (Or ubber-dubber language, or just nonsense).
Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.
If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.
Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.
Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.
Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.
Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. In a simliar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.
Accuse your date of espionage.
Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.
Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.
Pass the hat in the restaurant. Use the proceeds (if any) to pay the bill.
Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.
Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.
Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.
Quote Beavis & Butthead...escpecially in reference to how your date would like to be pleased.
Listen to violent music before going out. Recite all the expletives during your meal.
After kissing him/her explain that you're doing a study on the spread of mononucleosis.
Shoot hoops with shrimp into his/her wine glass.
Show up with make up on ninety percent of youre body...all lipstick... especially if you're male.
Dominate the conversation. Every time your date opens his mouth, interrupt and start a new conversation.
Belch. Rate yourself.
Complain of the effects of the acid you dropped before the meal.
Comment that the table would look simply marvelous with a severed head as a centerpiece.
As you food arrives, mention how long it's been since you last ate raw meat.
Count your contraceptives.
Stroke your thigh while commenting how much you can't wait until the meal is over.
Yawn. Don't cover your mouth. Roar.
When the meal is done and the question arises of whether to go someplace else, politely decline saying that you have had your fill of bad taste for the night.

**patrice** · February 26, 2013, 04:42 AM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Mick, I didn't mention some of the more unusual stuff they left me like 2 tablespoons of sugar and half a roll of toilet paper!!! But what lovely people they were. they come to Malaysia for 3 months every year to escape the winter so I look forward to seeing then again in November.

**Lavande** · February 26, 2013, 08:22 AM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Good morning Abbers!

Hope everyone is ready for another wonderful AF day! I can't even imagine choosing anything else at this point

patrice, I think the next time your neighbors clear out their cupboards you would be wise to just dump it all in the trash without a thought. What the hell is marmite anyway? :H
The longer you are AF the easier it gets to just walk away from temptation.

Mick - that was a batch of 12 cupcakes not 120 you smartass :H :H
There is still 1 left in my fridge & I enjoy it later today!

I love finding gluten free products & recipes on the internet blondie. But I live in Cow Country where there is no such thing as a GF Bakery so I have to push up my sleeves & get creative

Greetings to TT, PQ, Cat, Det, G & everyone! Hope you all have a great AF Tuesday!
I'm not actually scheduled to watch any kids today but that's always subject to change.

Lav

**shelbysmiles** · February 26, 2013, 10:27 AM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Good morning all. I'm not sure if you remember me, but I was posting here back in November (I think). I'm finally coming up on 30 days (tomorrow). With the help of antabuse I have dodged a few tempting occasions-superbowl Sunday, fancy Valentines Dinner, and this past weekend I was a t a convention.

**shelbysmiles** · February 26, 2013, 10:36 AM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Good morning all. I don't know if you remember me, but I was posting here back in November (I think). Tomorrow I will have reached the elusive 30 days. With the help of antabuse, I have dodged many situations I know I would have binged otherwise. I do not intend to go back to drinking as my goal is to reach 90 days. But, I do not know what I should be feeling right now. I am proud of myself for not reaching for the bottle for 30 days but I do feel like I cheated by taking the antabuse. I do not feel like I have had an awakening, I'm not peaceful, I still feel chaotic. However, I have lost weight, no more crippling anxiety, no more hangovers.

I guess I just wanted to see how you all felt at the 30 day mark.

SS

**Lavande** · February 26, 2013, 02:00 PM

af day Tuesday 26 Feb

Hi shelby, CONGRATS on your 30 AF days!
I did not use any meds myself but I certainly don't see their use as 'cheating'.
You are healing & learning & changing your life. It takes time, I have found it to be more of an evolution process

I think I pretty much felt the same way at the 30 day mark ~ proud yet not outstanding by any means. I did feel the need to keep moving forward & get months & months AF under my belt before I could start thing of myself as a 'success'. I found some peaceful feelings once I discovered meditation - worth a try

Your gratitude list sounds wonderful - losing weight, no more anxiety & hangovers! Keep building on that list, you'll never be sorry!

Lav

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