Abstinece possibilities

[freethinker]

I'm actually on day 3 of AF. Since I just laid out a plan to moderate ( Fri & Sat, 2 or 3 drinks each evening) I wasn't sure whether to jump in here or not. What the heck? Let's see how it goes. I've been doing pretty well mentally. Might just challenge myself a little more than I thought. Even if I go 10, or 15, or 20 days I suppose it would be building toward better overall health anyway.

Our minds love to play little games with us. I really like the idea of staying calm and relaxed normally and letting it (my mind) know who's in charge. I hope this is an acceptable approach to this forum.

( Sorry for misspelling abstinence. I usually catch myself. Hopefully a forum mod can fix)

[Doggygirl]

Abstinece possibilities

Hi Freethinker! LOL my mind "fixed" the spelling of abstinence for me - didn't even notice until I saw that you pointed it out! Guess I've seen that word a time or two :lol:

I know my mind likes to play tricks on me for sure. The "now I can drink safely" one played over and over for me. If I had been able to easily moderate my drinking, I would have done that. The bottom line is that for me, any efforts to drink moderately - i.e. limit myself to 2 or 3 drinks - resulted in monumental effort on my part - and high levels of frustration and mental energy thinking about drinking. It was also a crap shoot as to whether I would be able to stick to my guns about the number of drinks I would have. Sometimes that worked (but all I thought about was the drinking I wasn't doing) and other times I just came up with some mental justification for drinking as much as I wanted.

I spent as much energy trying not to drink as I did drinking to oblivion and then cleaning up the mess.

It took a long time but now I can walk through life not even thinking about drinking other than occasional casual observations. I love that. I had to give up alcohol entirely to get to a place where it wasn't consuming me - whether I was actively drinking at the time or not.

Hope that makes sense. Your experience may differ greatly. I only put this out there so you can consider whether your own efforts at moderation are taking up more time and energy than they are worth. Congrats on your AF days! :yougo:

DG

[freethinker]

Abstinece possibilities

Thanks for your thought DG. Actually, it's not very consuming in my mind. I just revived LibraryGirl's "Indifference" thread with some personal observations. It's sounds as if you had to totally quit to ultimately become indifferent to it. You might read my thoughts posted there. Have a great day!

[BHOG]

Abstinece possibilities

FT-
I find myself in agreement with DG. I originally (many years ago) thought I could moderate my intake. It did not work for me, I find it much easier to just abstain.
But, I suggest you find out what works for YOU. that is all that matters.
BHOG

[retteacher]

Abstinece possibilities

FT: I tried for years & years to moderate. I went through many permutations of drinking...timing the drinking, limiting the drinking, changing the types, etc. etc. Nothing worked. It wasn't until I stopped all together that I got some relief. Last summer I relapsed after 3 years of sobriety. I was right back into it within a few days. Abstinence is how I have to approach it now. Mary

[TheSunFlower]

Abstinece possibilities

Free...getting a reply from Doggy is invaluable.

I think what you are looking for the is the "moderation thread".....they will support you more than an abstinence thread. The do AF days over there.

I am 100% for anyone going for it....and if it doesn't work out.....we are here. If it does work out you do not need us. We are all there for you. I recently read a book called "Change Your Drinking".....a great read. But, I know where I need to be. I reccomend the book to everyone. If that doesn't work....try "Alcohol Lied To Me".

You may have "revived" a thread from the past....but, you do not know their "present".

But in addiction....until you know for sure.....you'll never give it up.

[kuya]

Abstinece possibilities

I have never even tried to moderate......now as I type this it sounds strange as so many have tried.

I have never really thought about it but it occurs to me that when I, and my teenage peers, first stole our parent's alcohol, we knew full well the intention was to get a buzz.

I tend to think all this talk about the subtle differences between beers and wines is a bunch of wanky bullshit....the 'emperor's new clothes' of the drinking classes ! :H:H

My tastes changed over the years but I always drank for the EFFECT of alcohol. Over time it just took more and more to get the effect.

By the time I had a thought about cutting back I knew it was way too late for that. At the level I was drinking (15 units a night ) could NEVER, EVER, EVER have been cut back to the healthy, government guideline of ONE unit daily............what would be the point?????? I would just hang out to dry all week and then binge drink instead.

So I knew for years I had to stop......just annoyed with myself that I allowed 'received wisdom' to scare me from stopping sooner. It really wasn't that hard TBH.

Now I am stopped I wouldn't want to moderate cos I really enjoy being sober. I am a social person and have never needed alcohol to have a good time.

If you get a nice buzz from 2 beers Freethinker.....go for it. As long as it stops at that.

[paulywogg]

Abstinece possibilities

kuya,what do you mean by"recieved information" if i may ask

[Patrick]

Abstinece possibilities

I told myself for years that I only drank (every day)because I just liked the taste of beer,not because I was alcoholic.But funnily enough now that I am AF for about 5 months and can have AF beer any time I like,lo and behold I find i might get in one six pack a week and that it might last me 4/5 days.The AF stuff btw is just as nice as the AL stuff (if not nicer).So logic tells me I was drinking for the alcohol and the buzz not the taste.Why risk it?If you could moderate you would not have googled alcoholism and wound up here.

[kuya]

Abstinece possibilities

paulywogg;1481899 wrote: kuya,what do you mean by"recieved information" if i may ask

What I mean is that I kept reading how hard it was to quit, how you can have terrifying withdrawals, how you are likely to fail.........I was so scared that I DIDN'T dare try.

When I eventually got so sick and tired I HAD to quit it really wasn't that hard. I feel like about ten years of my life were spoiled ( not wasted mind) due to fear of quitting.

The same goes for smoking......forty years smoking and now quit.......again not that hard.

And what pisses me off is all the people I have told I have quit smoking keep telling me it is harder than alcohol.

I know we are brainwashed into believing that BS but IF that is true how come there are no ONGOING forums for nicotine support?????

SIMPLE.......IT AIN'T THAT HARD TO QUIT !!

The tobacco companies LOVE it that we believe that bullshit......it keeps us smoking. Nicotine Replacement Therapy, Champix, Zyban etc makes companies a fortune and compounds the myth. Truth is it takes THREE days for nicotine to leave your body, the rest of it is habit AND BELIEF.

I know the truth is that you have to really WANT to do these things ............but people should be told the fecking truth......

WHEN YOU ARE READY, QUITTING ANY DRUG IS NOT THAT HARD

if we promoted the truth about addiction there would be less misery in the world IMO

[paulywogg]

Abstinece possibilities

kuya,you make a great point,i was scared to even try quitting drinking because i read horrible descriptions of withdrawal,hallucinations,seizures etc.truthfully when i first tried i only felt sick for maybe a week,im glad you quit smoking thats my next hurdle

[Kradle123]

Abstinece possibilities

kuya;1482100 wrote: What I mean is that I kept reading how hard it was to quit, how you can have terrifying withdrawals, how you are likely to fail.........I was so scared that I DIDN'T dare try.

When I eventually got so sick and tired I HAD to quit it really wasn't that hard. I feel like about ten years of my life were spoiled ( not wasted mind) due to fear of quitting.

The same goes for smoking......forty years smoking and now quit.......again not that hard.

And what pisses me off is all the people I have told I have quit smoking keep telling me it is harder than alcohol.

I know we are brainwashed into believing that BS but IF that is true how come there are no ONGOING forums for nicotine support?????

SIMPLE.......IT AIN'T THAT HARD TO QUIT !!

The tobacco companies LOVE it that we believe that bullshit......it keeps us smoking. Nicotine Replacement Therapy, Champix, Zyban etc makes companies a fortune and compounds the myth. Truth is it takes THREE days for nicotine to leave your body, the rest of it is habit AND BELIEF.

I know the truth is that you have to really WANT to do these things ............but people should be told the fecking truth......

WHEN YOU ARE READY, QUITTING ANY DRUG IS NOT THAT HARD

if we promoted the truth about addiction there would be less misery in the world IMO

This post is super timely: yesterday Matt had his Eval for ODD as we were considering meds... It was very eye opening- After 2 hours of tests and talking it all came down to this- Matt simply is not a candidate for psychotropic meds because at this point in life, he DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE ANY CHANGES...HE IS HAPPY TO SETTLE...:upset:

There was a lot more said of course but I am just so disappointed. I known DH and I were hoping against hope that he would have tested for ADD or ADHD or even depression...but Alas...he just doesn't WANT to stop flunking out / badly enough to change the trajectory of that behavior...

As we drove home he kept insisting that he really did want to change...he really doesnt want to end up back the school he hates, blah blah blah to which I gently pointed out the difference between wanting something and WANTING something...

The latter is in line with Kuya's post IMO. When yet to that Big letter Place in your head than quitting or changing any behavior is pretty easy...

The problem is however that just like Matt, it is almost impossible to tell the difference between the two- mostly because being honest with ourself (well with Matt at least!) is pretty damn difficult.
He reminds me so much Iof that great Dickens line from Great Expectations: All other swindlers on earth are nothing to the self swindlers...uch:

[Kradle123]

Abstinece possibilities

Also...when I found out I was pregnant with Matt (talk about Karma! ) I got my BIG LETTER wake up call about smoking and I quit after almost 20 years that very day if not moment...and I have NEVER looked back.

I think I gave the impression that quitting was easy but in reality this was a change that my mind had been wanting to make for years...going from the little want to the big WANT. All the ground work was being laid silently in my mind- listening to quit tapes, reading books on how to quit, trying time and time again to quit-, out of sight essentially so when I made the change finally, pushed finally by my refusal to harm my baby in ANY way...it all looked easy.... That so called Overnight Success which we all know is never overnight !!
:l

[pixie]

Abstinece possibilities

I think quitting is easy (or at least not super hard) when you are mentally ready to quit. But some people will try to quit (whether AL or smoking) before they reach that point, due to pressure from others, or just feeling like they SHOULD quit, but not really there yet in wanting to quit. I think for those people it can be very very hard. I too wish I had quit sooner, but I wonder whether it would have stuck. I may not have been ready at that point.

[Hippyman]

Abstinece possibilities

I've accepted that some people just can't take a drink. I'm one of those people. There is nothing about alcohol that I miss. I fought a good fight but alcohol always ended up beating me up. I threw the towel in 6 months ago today. GOOD RIDDENS TO BAD RUBBISH!