Good mae everybody....as I sit or moreso lie on the sunbed outside writing this,I am reminded of the cold days that we have just experienced recently!!!temperature this morning when I got up was..wait for it ...77 degrees !!!..immediately dug the old speedo swimming trunks out and put the sunloungers outside on the grass.Less than 3 days ago,there was snow on the ground and plants were just peeking their heads through!!!!now in less than 24 hours later some are in full bloom...hang on just got to put some more sun cream on
Morning Lav....how are you today? heres a cuppa for you ,though Im haviing a long cool glass of lemonade instead..too hot for tea or .Any plans for today?did the jelly beans get a spanking?..I made an egg trail up yesterday when I was out for madam..started off with 6 mini cream eggs, hidden all over the place with clues, a bag of mini cream eggs and finally large egg..got home ..she had scoffed all bar the large egg and felt reallly sick!!
Here and cream eggs is like me and booze..doesnt work!!Are you going to replace the one thats gone to the happy henhouse?
Hiya Kuya..hows you today mate?You are doing really well with(out) the cigs..great...dont forget tho ..need to reward yourself in some way for not smoking...and I dont mean a bottle o wine!!!:H:H
Shit nearly lost this post..running 2 side by side..my brain cant cope!!! have a great evening
:l
Hi ppqp ..happy easter too..Did you do anything yesterday..or doing anything today? Cmon you need to move off that sofa!!Heres a coffee for you..have a great day
Hiya Nurdl..wow that arm must be really sore by now!!how are you doing? glad to see you posting again..and even gladder that your non presence was due to booze!!Well done on the choccies v booze ..no contest really..think I have got 9 months af this week sometime ..the time has really flown in...you have a great day
Hiya Cat ..how are you doing today?Any plans or just a quiet chill day? whatever you choose enjoy it
Morning TT..and hows life over here for you?If you are in the mids thats a fair old drive to Portsmouth for you!!any plans ..you must have..not really good.. you just land and we start playing about with the clocks..how long are you over for?Where in the mids are you?..me being Mr Nosey!!
Morrning SL ..well done on your 4th week ...the months will sooon rack up..glad you had a quiet but nice time..so they werent impressed with Mr Bond your girls..cant say i blame them
Hiya Turnagain ..happy Easter ..glad you are better now that your vit problem is sorted out, you have a great day
Morning LTLW... cmon mate big smile
dont let the crappy weather get you down!!!
my wife came home the other day and announced that she had bought me a present...it is only a little rubber Mr Happy keyring that she bought from cancer research for kids charity..but the rationale behind it was..that since Ihave stopped drinking and stopped those tablets that I was on,Im no longer the arse that I was...and that little thing makes me so pleased with myself..yes I still get down as we all do...but deal with it differently..just thought Id share that with you,for Im sure others see the change in you..thats what its all about..enjoying life so that others see that you are
Right folksies ..offski back into the sunshine...just in case you think I have lost the plot.. look at the date.!!!Its bloody freezing, dull, heatings on even the plants have got hats on..but so what! have a great day
There?s 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician ?I want to go to the moon?. The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says ?I want to go to Mars?. He says she can go next week. The blonde says ?I want to go to the sun?. The flight technician says, ?Don?t you know you?ll burn up?? The blonde says ?Well then I?ll go at night.?
Interviewer: What is the difference between paper clip and a screw?
Interviewee: I do not know. I have never been paper clipped.
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"
"Im sorry," The girl tells him. "We cant allow animals in the cinema."
The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick its head out and watch the film.
Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!"
Agnes whispers back, "Oh, dont worry about it...youve seen one, youve seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this ones eating my POPCORN!!"
What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ?A? bra.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
Funny Dirty Joke 6
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Below is a list of real car insurance claim quotes, so what real insurance claimants has put on their car insurance claim forms!
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 01
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 02
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife?s face.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 03
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 04
As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 05
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don?t have.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 06
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 07
I didn?t think the speed limit applied after midnight.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 08
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 09
I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 10
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 11
I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 12
I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 13
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 14
I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 15
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 16
I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 17
I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 18
I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 19
I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 20
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 21
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 22
I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 23
I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 24
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 25
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 26
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 27
I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 28
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 29
My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 30
No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 31
No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 32
On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 33
The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian, and the other on the car behind.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 34
The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 35
The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 36
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 37
The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 38
The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intersection)
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 39
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were ?
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn.
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 40
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 41
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 42
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 43
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 44
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 45
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 46
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 47
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 48
When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 49
Windshield broke. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo
Morning Lav....how are you today? heres a cuppa for you ,though Im haviing a long cool glass of lemonade instead..too hot for tea or .Any plans for today?did the jelly beans get a spanking?..I made an egg trail up yesterday when I was out for madam..started off with 6 mini cream eggs, hidden all over the place with clues, a bag of mini cream eggs and finally large egg..got home ..she had scoffed all bar the large egg and felt reallly sick!!
Here and cream eggs is like me and booze..doesnt work!!Are you going to replace the one thats gone to the happy henhouse?
Hiya Kuya..hows you today mate?You are doing really well with(out) the cigs..great...dont forget tho ..need to reward yourself in some way for not smoking...and I dont mean a bottle o wine!!!:H:H
Shit nearly lost this post..running 2 side by side..my brain cant cope!!! have a great evening
:l
Hi ppqp ..happy easter too..Did you do anything yesterday..or doing anything today? Cmon you need to move off that sofa!!Heres a coffee for you..have a great day
Hiya Nurdl..wow that arm must be really sore by now!!how are you doing? glad to see you posting again..and even gladder that your non presence was due to booze!!Well done on the choccies v booze ..no contest really..think I have got 9 months af this week sometime ..the time has really flown in...you have a great day
Hiya Cat ..how are you doing today?Any plans or just a quiet chill day? whatever you choose enjoy it
Morning TT..and hows life over here for you?If you are in the mids thats a fair old drive to Portsmouth for you!!any plans ..you must have..not really good.. you just land and we start playing about with the clocks..how long are you over for?Where in the mids are you?..me being Mr Nosey!!
Morrning SL ..well done on your 4th week ...the months will sooon rack up..glad you had a quiet but nice time..so they werent impressed with Mr Bond your girls..cant say i blame them
Hiya Turnagain ..happy Easter ..glad you are better now that your vit problem is sorted out, you have a great day
Morning LTLW... cmon mate big smile
dont let the crappy weather get you down!!!my wife came home the other day and announced that she had bought me a present...it is only a little rubber Mr Happy keyring that she bought from cancer research for kids charity..but the rationale behind it was..that since Ihave stopped drinking and stopped those tablets that I was on,Im no longer the arse that I was...and that little thing makes me so pleased with myself..yes I still get down as we all do...but deal with it differently..just thought Id share that with you,for Im sure others see the change in you..thats what its all about..enjoying life so that others see that you are
Right folksies ..offski back into the sunshine...just in case you think I have lost the plot.. look at the date.!!!Its bloody freezing, dull, heatings on even the plants have got hats on..but so what! have a great day
There?s 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician ?I want to go to the moon?. The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says ?I want to go to Mars?. He says she can go next week. The blonde says ?I want to go to the sun?. The flight technician says, ?Don?t you know you?ll burn up?? The blonde says ?Well then I?ll go at night.?
Interviewer: What is the difference between paper clip and a screw?
Interviewee: I do not know. I have never been paper clipped.
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"
"Im sorry," The girl tells him. "We cant allow animals in the cinema."
The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick its head out and watch the film.
Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!"
Agnes whispers back, "Oh, dont worry about it...youve seen one, youve seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this ones eating my POPCORN!!"
What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ?A? bra.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
Funny Dirty Joke 6
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Below is a list of real car insurance claim quotes, so what real insurance claimants has put on their car insurance claim forms!
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 01
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 02
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife?s face.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 03
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 04
As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 05
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don?t have.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 06
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 07
I didn?t think the speed limit applied after midnight.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 08
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 09
I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 10
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 11
I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 12
I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 13
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 14
I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 15
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 16
I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 17
I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 18
I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 19
I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 20
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 21
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 22
I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 23
I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 24
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 25
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 26
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 27
I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 28
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 29
My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 30
No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 31
No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 32
On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 33
The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian, and the other on the car behind.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 34
The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 35
The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 36
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 37
The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 38
The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intersection)
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 39
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were ?
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn.
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 40
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 41
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 42
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 43
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 44
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 45
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 46
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 47
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 48
When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
Funny Car Insurance Claim Quote 49
Windshield broke. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo
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