April Achievers!

[dill]

April Achievers!

Interesting topic about drinking companions. I can't say I've had a similar experience tho. I haven't had any people that I spent a great deal of time with where the time together was centered around drinking. When we were younger we partied, but it wasn't a big part of my life. My problem drinking developed in isolation....getting home from work and winding down. So I guess I never really had any drinking relationships per se. I enjoyed reading about it though, Pers and BHOG. I always like hearing about other's experiences with alcohol and with their journey to be free. Please always bring up topics as they arise!

Papmom, I'm sorry you had to receive negative feedback from your super. It happens to all of us. Sometimes it's fair and sometimes not. I don't think the feedback you received was totally fair or objective. The bit about tardiness...ok but that's easily rectified. Personally I don't see it as a big deal, but if it is important to this super, then just fix it. But the business about interpersonal relationships, I'm not sure that was objective or fair. I have a policy towards supervisors: avoid them at all times!!! :H I share that with my coworkers and they see the wisdom and agree.

Lav, arent' you glad you aren't unit manager to any one except grandkids these days?

33 more days...

[Lavande]

April Achievers!

Good morning all!

What a weird night of thunder, lightning, no rain & lots of tossing & turning
Suppose I should be grateful though, the news is full of storm damage in other parts of the country.

Papmom, remember - lots of deep breaths
I agree that your boss ahould let you develop your work relationships in your own way. Micromanaging is ridiculous & a feature of a control freak. I know, I was raised by one.
Keep your focus on YOU. It will get better. I will send you that FB invite.

Hi there Dill!
I am the Mi Mom boss around here - I do make those kids toe the line :H

I have a morning of work waiting for me & hope to get out for a hair cut this afternoon. Yesterday's hot weather & consequent frizz was a good reminder

Have a terrific AF Thursday everyone!
Lav

[Rusty]

April Achievers!

Good Morning, Everyone!

I have the day at home and very little work planned but a list of house stuff to do. So glad to have the whole day to myself and to be AF. I have no doubt I will conquer my list of tasks because of my "status."

Lav-Botulism????? Wow, I hope they can find meds to treat Will and that his physical strength is not as derailed as you think.

[cyntree]

April Achievers!

Wow - access!! I unfortunately tried to post both times the site was down, grrrr! Later I'll put on the post that I wrote a week ago...I saved it to Word, and kept trying to put it on the site, to no avail.

Glad to hear everyone's news -Pers, I'm with you today in spirit, I also deal with chronic pain. so glad you've made acupuncture appts, it's the only thing that helps me.

Lav - incredible news about Will, thank goodness you were on top of it. So sorry to hear about your brother.

Love to all - I'll catch up more later - dashing now to the car dealer's to have my windshield replaced from the ENORMOUS sand storm we drove through on our brief CA round trip we did M.T, W. Aaaargh. Gotta pack up, get taxes to our accountant here before leaving tomorrow, and now new windshield and air filters. Oh well - Good AF day to all!

[Rusty]

April Achievers!

Sorry....I hit SUBMIT before I finished my earlier post!

How the hell did that happen?

Anyway...Lav, I forgot to say how sorry I am about your brother. I am glad he has hospice care.

Perse- When my drinking turned from social to habitual?.and the 3.5 years it wreaked havoc in my life?I tolerated a couple of people for MUCH longer than I should have, and it was because I was lonely and needy. When I quit drinking, I was finally able to see that these people were selfish, toxic, totally phony, and truthfully, boring. The only thing we had in common was that we had nothing in common...aside from drinking. Like you, I made myself unavailable...and came up with every excuse in the world not to get together with them or talk on the phone. It upset both of them and they pushed to continue our friendships. In both situations, things came to a head one day....unplanned on my part....but the right words came squirting out of my mouth at the right time. To my female friend (now no longer a friend, thank God), she pushed the envelope and said in a very snotty voice, "I'm not MAD that YOU don't have time for me!!!" And I said, very quietly and simply, "Well.....I guess I don't." The male "friend" was a much older man (in his 80s) who I kind of inherited after my best friend died (he was her 30-year partner...and a lot older than she was), and finally one day I said words I'd rather not repeat here. Like you, I agonized about how to tell these people goodbye, but when the time is right, the right words will just come to you.

BHOG-I liked your response to Perse's situation....but too bad your best friend has distanced himself. My guess is that he put a lot more into the drinking part than you did. My addiction therapist told me, "it's not what's in the glass, it's the time you are spending with your loved ones that matters."

Pap-At the risk of hurting your feelings, and of being skewered by our other friends here, although I understand how disappointed you are at your supervisor's evaluation of your work (I have been in that situation also), I truly see her concerns. I can't remember if you said you've been in a management position before, and I have....a few times. In the first few months of a new job, you're going to be under scrutiny.. Tardiness is not something that's easily overlooked, especially if you are single and have no kids. People with kids are given way more latitude because you can't help it if they get sick, can't find a babysitter, etc., and bosses understand that, to a point. But with single, childless people, there's a double standard. Not fair, but the reality. As far as being too chummy with the people you work with....she has a point there, too. You have to distance yourself somewhat because if there's ever a disciplinary issue with someone who reports to you, you can't be objective if you're friends with that person, and yes, you have to be the role model for your team. Maybe since you're new to this management position, you know what to expect from her and can show her that you're willing to make changes. Yet, I get it when you talk about her ego. I was always a better employee and boss when my boss was a man. However, I do not miss being a boss at all. Working out of my house is the way to go.

Cyn-you are a rolling stone. Are you letting the grass grow under your feet in CT?

LBH-I think the shopping car is a fantastic idea.

Ok, off to do some paperwork. Have a fabulous AF Thursday!

[ladybirdheart]

April Achievers!

I agree with Lav, don't let this throw you Pap. You can turn it around and all for the better. When I first learned that being "on time" at work could be stressful, you never know what is going to come up, I started going early, eventually really early, as a habit. I became famous for being an early person, but it turned out to be wonderful. I had the place to myself, put my stuff away, read the paper, did household paperwork peacefully without the distractions of home, drank coffee, relaxed, fiddled around, and by the time the place opened up I was completely ready to work. I am with Rusty about timeliness. I also think it is usually important to ones supervisor at your level in large part because it is even more important for those down the food chain line whose morale can be really affected when somebody who gets paid more than they do is late. Also, I am not sure if your supervisor might have been wanting you to avoid something that happened to me when she talked about your work relationships. When I took my first professional job, I had no intention of EVER being a supervisor but when my boss left in my third year and the most highly touted candidate for his replacement seemed to be a flashy creep, I applied in defense of myself and others. When I surprisingly got the job (probably in part because I was early), one of the office staff employees I had most enjoyed in our casual exchanges and had thought would be a joy to supervise turned out to not handle the transition well at all. As it turned out no matter what I did, she felt I personally had "changed" not just my position, and although she was quite a bit older than I (you can not make this up) abanndonned her like her "mother". That was a fun time. I don't know if that difficulty could have been avoided but I didn't see it coming. As Rusty said, you can imagine what is was like when I had to "discipline" her:H. With regard to relationships changing for OTHER reasons such as changing our drinking habits, I do know that alcohol allowed me to tolerate a lot of things that I just don't want to do sober. One thing we should probably remember, however, is what is said about death, divorce, the end of addiction etc. in terms of not doing anything irrevocable for a year or so as we don't know if we are acting out of a general malaise, excitement, relief, or other internal state that is transitory. Sometimes those unendurable character traits might be tolerable again, even endearing, with perspective but who knows. You can alway press dump later. Love Ladybird.

[Lavande]

April Achievers!

LBH, I still have my finger hovering over the DUMP button pointed at YB :H
It's almost 3 years now since he took off. Is he a happier or kinder person now? NO!
He was sitting here last evening when a news piece came on TV about Michelle OBama & the snarling & snarky remarks started & I told him STOP IT!!!!
Honestly, he can be a mean SOB for absolutely no reason. What the hell did she ever do to him?
I'm starting to wonder if he stopped taking his Cymbalta....his mood is shitty & I can see that his back pain has increased.

Sorry about my rant ~ just kind of came out

Hi Rusty & Cyn!
My brother's care plan has changed, he's not in hospice but has been sent to a bigger city hospital where his former vascular surgeon is going to see him. I don't see how he can be helped at this point but it's not my call.
My son took Will to have blood drawn today then had to drive it to the state lab that's going to be doing the testing.
There are no meds for this Rusty. His recovery is going to depend on really good PT. All of us involved in his care are going to have to follow a prescribed plan.

I will be watching both boys tomorrow from lunch until dinnertime. Guess I won't be getting anything else done but that's OK.

Have a good night one & all.
Lav

[papmom3]

April Achievers!

Rusty, Lav and LBH-thank from the bottom of my heart for your take on my situation and your advice. I mean it. Now that I've had a couple of days to simmer down, I realize that although she might have an ego and be a bit of micro manager, she was right to call me on both points, moreso the tardiness I think. Although I didn't think it was excessive, to her even one late morning flies in the face of what she wants to accomplish in the office. Any you are all right, RHIP has no place here-I need to be in at least 15 min early EVERY day, no excuses. And yes Rusty, you are also right that there is a double standard. Unfortunately she is not one of those women who sacrifices job for family. I think her hubby works from home so he is the one who takes care of the kids if they get sick. I get the feeling that my boss feels that if she can be on time, and stay hours after 4 than I can too and even more so. I may not have kids but I am the only caretaker of my animals so I will try to find the balance. Anyway, LBH, I am definitely "fixing" the tardiness problem. As far as the office relationships, I don't think I did too much damage as it's only been 2 months. These past 2 days I have kept to myself and gotten a TON of work done. It's actually nicer NOT to be making small talk surprise surprise!! Anyway, thank you all and I do feel much much better.

Tonite I met one of my former bosses for dinner as she now lives in the town I work in plus she is a former employee of my college. I was never a big fan of her when I was her employee and I'm pretty sure the feeling was mutual but she sought me out and wanted to get together. She hasn't changed in 10 years LOL!! Still as self centered and egotistical as ever. I didn't get a word in all night! But, she paid for dinner and I think she is a power ally to have in this world of cut throat higher ed. now that we are no longer supervisor/employee, I think it will be an interesting and possibly beneficial relationship. I also got some interesting scoop about some of the higher ups at the school but I'm taking it all with a grain of salt knowing who its coming from.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and say thanks. Good to see you again Cyn!! Happy travels home!

[Lavande]

April Achievers!

Good morning all!

Dark & raining here, finally. The record breaking heat wave is over too

I'm about to have a very busy family type day so I think I may have to skip Curves. Do need to haul in some supplies though.

Glad you are feeling better papmom. I've been thinking about you & about micro-managers in general. There is no changing them because they always need to feed their egos. it really is best to give them a wide berth, keep yourself out of their radar. I was always a person to arrive at work early too. Better to start your day on a calm, quiet note

Cyn, that must have been some storm to have your car damaged like that.
Hope you are having a safe trip home.

OK, off I go to get this day in gear. I guess I should do my work stuff first, huh??
Have a great AF Friday everyone.

Lav

[papmom3]

April Achievers!

Ahh lav, if only I could avoid her but unfortunately we are joined at the hip so to speak. I'm her right hand girl. This morning she called my ext. while I was at the water cooler about 15 feet away. My phone rings so seldom I didn't realize it was mine ringing. The one other person in the office who knew it was mine didn't bother to alert me. I was walking back to my desk, realized it was my phone and ran to answer it but it went to VM just as I picked up the receiver. It took me 5 tries to get into VM to retrieve the message and as I suspected it was her. I could hear the disappointment in her voice as she was thinking (incorrectly) that I wasn't in yet at 8:03. I had been in since 7:40. I tried calling her, she didn't pick up. I sent her a text but she never acknowledged it and when she did come in at 9 (her new hours are 9-?) she didn't say a word. The girl at the front desk said she had called right after she tried to get me and asked if I was in yet. Mary told her yes but was down the hall. It bugged me all day that she just assumed I wasn't in when she called so I brought it up after hours (I didn't leave until 5:30). I guess all is well but she did admit that when I didn't answer the phone she just assumed I wasn't in yet and she was pissed. I feel like a young child who has to earn her parents trust again after doing something wrong and this woman is at least 10 years younger than me!! I am sure all will work out after a while. I'm doing good work and have handled anything she has thrown at me. I have also completed a number of projects she never would have been able to get to. I can't even think about job hunting again so I really have no choice but to make this work. The extra $$ would have really helped me get some balance back in my life as maybe I would have been able to cut back on my weekend job hours, especially since I am putting such long hours in at my FT job. I'm lonely, embarrassed and anxious about job security now (of which there is none as I am no longer in a union). Horror of all horrors, I actually kind of miss my old boss (must be the devil you know scenario).
On the other dark side we had a long day of rain/ice/snow. It's cold but at least the roads weren't the least bit slippery by the time I left. I'm looking forward to my weekend off and the warm weather returning. Hopefully these 3 days of no work will help me get my mojo back.
On the bright side, my kitty is still here and my dogs were ecstatic to see me. Life's little pleasures!!

[papmom3]

April Achievers!

Lav! How did you day go?

[Lavande]

April Achievers!

My day went very well, thanks!

Hectic, busy but fun too
My daughter & grandaughter didn't leave until almost 8:30 tonight. The boys left a little earlier than I expected, their other grandparents stopped & picked them up.
Will seems a little happier but is still very, very focused on playing 'twain games' on my iPad. I told him he could use the iPad but not sit (endlessly) on the sofa with it today. So he was happy standing for the longest time at my coffee table (exercising those little legs). Improvement, inch by inch
I don't know how long it will take to get his test results from yesterday. I am not going to rest easy until I know something more concrete.

Sounds like your manager is going to work herself into some early gray hair but that's her problem, right?? Don't worry too much, you can't change her anyway.

Had some light rain here this morning & a very heavy downpour just now. Hope this weather system moves out for the weekend.

[Lavande]

April Achievers!

Rise & shine sleepy heads!
It's 7:15 & I've been up almost an hour thanks to Matilda the wonder dog :H

Hope everyone has a nice AF Saturday!
Lav

[papmom3]

April Achievers!

:H I woke up and looked at my phone-OH NO! It's 5:38! I'm going to be late! Panic set in, jumped out of bed and it hit me-It's Saturday!! Let the dogs out (no stopping them now!) and went back to bed. I'm up now.

It's trying to clear out there but it coooolllllldddddd! I have most of the day to catch up on laundry, dishes and what not then I have to be downtown for a charity hockey game. My nephews are playing against former (and maybe present) Bruins for the Why Me foundation. First time I've gone to one of these. Can't wait to see them play again! My sister is in Providence for a girls weekend with my niece and 2 of her friends. Those plans were made well before this game was scheduled so she couldn't renig. It will just be my BIL and maybe my oldest neph's GF.

Have a great day everyone!!

[Persephone1]

April Achievers!

Hi Sweet Friends,

Internet out since Thursday. I somehow have a moment where it's working so thought I'd pop my head in before it cuts out again...It's depressing being disconnected AND not feeling well. I take for granted how much the compooper is my lifeline :h

I have a different take on your work situation PapM and will impart my '2~cents' soon, if that's ok?

Miss you all bunches and gonna post before I can't. xoxoxoxox ~ P.