I don't want to keep drinking or I wouldn't be trying to quit completely! There are many reasons not to continue, more reasons to stop and really no good reason to continue. I am so dissappointed in myself. I am at work and the tears are just ready to spill. :boohoo:
How stupid this all is, to make myself feel so sick and sad inside! The world sees me as a successful person and I feel so inadequate, like an imposter. As long as I can remember there has been this empty, sad, place of fear and darkness inside. When I drink it is anesthetized, temporarily. Only to return made worse by the guilt, that I had failed, once again. Maybe that is how this cycle began. How and why is not the issue. Stopping is the my only option. Not forced upon me. It is my true desire. I no longer want to feel so bad about someone who I know is such a good person - Me! I am not being fair to myself. And I am certainly not repaying those who have loved and supported me with the same love, support and honor that they have given me. How cruel and selfish I have been.
Sneaking alcohol late at night is so disgraceful. It is such a contradiction to how I present myself to the world and what I truly feel myself to be inside.
Oh my, I am really putting myself out here, sort of like standing naked for all to see. :help!
Thank you for listenting!
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