morning all,how are we today? just checked ..make sure there isnt another Wednesday thread up..so far there isnt ,so on we go.Weather was brill yesterday so got a bit of work done in the garden...I had an idea to change it.....well ideas now reality!!!
Tea and coffee on the go for any takers..
morning TT...hows you today?looked everywhere for a post but none there..not like you that!hope all is well?
morning ltlw ..glad you are getting your head round the al business..one day you will just think..cant be bothered with it at all...and guess what ..it will happen without you even knowing..main thing is to keep at it so well done..As for learning Dutch..good for you..sod what the others say.My daughter goes for dyslexia tests in a couple of weeks.If she is, then all her midwifery work has got to be re marked..anyway have a great day
Morning Lav ..how are you?yep just looked at the garden yesterday and thought ..its happening!!so put in a new log edge and shaped the border,moved the blackberry bushes to the back border and moved a rhododendron bush..had to leave the fencing in at the moment and need to get some more soil into the bed..rabbits thought it was great!!As we speak it has just started raining, so might struggle today..Apologies one coffee..have you any plans for today?
Morning Kuya, and hows you today?..what you been up to?Yes youre right we need to push each other..have already spoken to someone that I used to work with to see whats available locally How about you? I need to go swimming today ..never went yesterday,was a bit busy..have a good one mate..saw your post ..lost of ops tomorrow ..yay..and thought what kind of a nut likes getting operations? duh ..clever me :H
Morning BHOG...hows you today?something I detect in your posts...eeermmm take it you arent in a management role at work? :H have a great day mein freund
Hiya ppqp ..and how are you today? feeling better? hope so..You aint the only one that has family rows..I had a belter with my brother yesterday..something happened last week..and could I let it lie? nope not in my nature (unfortunately at times!) so I phoned him ..and left a message for him to call me back..one serious row ensued, so we will see where that road goes to.Quite willing to throw the olive branch out now but in the circumstances had to be said ..that particular pot was beginning to boil!Anyway nuff of me ..have a coffee any plans for today?whatever you do ,have a good one.
Morning SF...well lets turn your post round...its coming together...I am not drinking.. now that statement for me is the beginning and most important part :goodjob: absolutely brilliant..as for the discord..this was probably the only thread in the whole forum that didnt have a major input into it..the suburbia in big city land!
As for your schooling showing you different things..not too sure I understand that ..apologies for my ignorance...for me I am no different from anyone else..apart from the fact that I cannot control alcohol,same as someone who smokes, or eats too much or any other addiction.If it works for you then thats what counts and it seems to ..so go for it
right peeps time to go.............
Right then ..where shall we start?
Hmmmm this aint very safe near me
taken this morning...doesnt actually look like Ive done much!!!..note the rain
2/6065/20130424070122.jpg" alt="" />
A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parrot that was perched in the back of the store for $50.00.*
She asked the shopkeeper why the parrot was so cheap, to which he replied, "Well, I have to tell you, the birds last owner was a madam at a whorehouse and he occasionally makes off color remarks that may offend some people."
Thinking that the price was right and she could handle anything he might say, she took him. When she got home she set the bird down on the table. He looked around and said, "New house, new madam".
"That's not so bad," she thought.
A little while later, her daughters got home from school, and the parrot spoke again, "New house, new madam, new whores."
Even though she felt a little insulted, she thought that wasn't so bad either.
Later that evening, her husband Ray came home.
The parrot again spoke out...
This time it said, "Hi Ray!"
The woman met with a divorce attorney the next day.
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."*
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
"I'll take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"I'll take that whip they all carry, and I'll whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?
"I'll take that gun they all carry, and shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"
"I'll pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."
"Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"
"You ain't thinkin' none to clear - cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage. You can bet on that!"
Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "the heart would be just below the left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents read "Consultation: $25.00."
"I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent for cash," the salesman said.*
The customer, not able to figure the calculation, said he would think about the deal and return the next day.*
That evening, the fellow asked his blonde female friend, "If you were offered nine hundred dollars minus six percent, how much would you take off?" She replied, "Everything but my earrings!"
one liners
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
The anger of the meek and humble is named wrath
We all make mistakes... said the Dalek climbing off the dustbin.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive example is adequate.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
If you don't like the way women drive....get off the sidewalks
"It is unbelievable what unbelievable things an unbeliever will believe in order to be an unbeliever."
Anybody can be Pope; the proof is that I have become one. John XXIII
BIGAMIST: A heavy fog in Italy.
All right. Who set the phasers to deep fat fry?
9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women.
Politics - Poli = Many , Tics = Blood sucking parasites
A man went into politics to do good and ended up doing rather well
"I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?" -- Groucho
Hey! Look at our Al. He's the only boy walking in step!
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet.
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
Very few people can afford to be poor.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
You will get a fair trial, after which you will be shot.
If God wanted us to go METRIC Jesus would've had 10 disciples not 12.
In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.
98% of all constipated people don't give a crap
Attention animal lovers, what you are doing is illegal....
Remember, the end never justifies the meanness.
100% of all smokers die. So do 100% of all non-smokers.
Definition of a redneck..apologies to anyone who fits the bill!!
1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.
3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
7. You own a homemade fur coat.
8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath"
11. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
12. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
13. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
14. Birds are attracted to your beard.
15. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
16. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
17. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
18. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
19. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos"
20. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
21. You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
Tea and coffee on the go for any takers..
morning TT...hows you today?looked everywhere for a post but none there..not like you that!hope all is well?
morning ltlw ..glad you are getting your head round the al business..one day you will just think..cant be bothered with it at all...and guess what ..it will happen without you even knowing..main thing is to keep at it so well done..As for learning Dutch..good for you..sod what the others say.My daughter goes for dyslexia tests in a couple of weeks.If she is, then all her midwifery work has got to be re marked..anyway have a great day
Morning Lav ..how are you?yep just looked at the garden yesterday and thought ..its happening!!so put in a new log edge and shaped the border,moved the blackberry bushes to the back border and moved a rhododendron bush..had to leave the fencing in at the moment and need to get some more soil into the bed..rabbits thought it was great!!As we speak it has just started raining, so might struggle today..Apologies one coffee..have you any plans for today?
Morning Kuya, and hows you today?..what you been up to?Yes youre right we need to push each other..have already spoken to someone that I used to work with to see whats available locally How about you? I need to go swimming today ..never went yesterday,was a bit busy..have a good one mate..saw your post ..lost of ops tomorrow ..yay..and thought what kind of a nut likes getting operations? duh ..clever me :H
Morning BHOG...hows you today?something I detect in your posts...eeermmm take it you arent in a management role at work? :H have a great day mein freund
Hiya ppqp ..and how are you today? feeling better? hope so..You aint the only one that has family rows..I had a belter with my brother yesterday..something happened last week..and could I let it lie? nope not in my nature (unfortunately at times!) so I phoned him ..and left a message for him to call me back..one serious row ensued, so we will see where that road goes to.Quite willing to throw the olive branch out now but in the circumstances had to be said ..that particular pot was beginning to boil!Anyway nuff of me ..have a coffee any plans for today?whatever you do ,have a good one.
Morning SF...well lets turn your post round...its coming together...I am not drinking.. now that statement for me is the beginning and most important part :goodjob: absolutely brilliant..as for the discord..this was probably the only thread in the whole forum that didnt have a major input into it..the suburbia in big city land!
As for your schooling showing you different things..not too sure I understand that ..apologies for my ignorance...for me I am no different from anyone else..apart from the fact that I cannot control alcohol,same as someone who smokes, or eats too much or any other addiction.If it works for you then thats what counts and it seems to ..so go for it
right peeps time to go.............
Right then ..where shall we start?
Hmmmm this aint very safe near me
taken this morning...doesnt actually look like Ive done much!!!..note the rain
2/6065/20130424070122.jpg" alt="" />
A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parrot that was perched in the back of the store for $50.00.*
She asked the shopkeeper why the parrot was so cheap, to which he replied, "Well, I have to tell you, the birds last owner was a madam at a whorehouse and he occasionally makes off color remarks that may offend some people."
Thinking that the price was right and she could handle anything he might say, she took him. When she got home she set the bird down on the table. He looked around and said, "New house, new madam".
"That's not so bad," she thought.
A little while later, her daughters got home from school, and the parrot spoke again, "New house, new madam, new whores."
Even though she felt a little insulted, she thought that wasn't so bad either.
Later that evening, her husband Ray came home.
The parrot again spoke out...
This time it said, "Hi Ray!"
The woman met with a divorce attorney the next day.
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."*
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
"I'll take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"I'll take that whip they all carry, and I'll whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?
"I'll take that gun they all carry, and shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"
"I'll pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."
"Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"
"You ain't thinkin' none to clear - cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage. You can bet on that!"
Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "the heart would be just below the left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents read "Consultation: $25.00."
"I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent for cash," the salesman said.*
The customer, not able to figure the calculation, said he would think about the deal and return the next day.*
That evening, the fellow asked his blonde female friend, "If you were offered nine hundred dollars minus six percent, how much would you take off?" She replied, "Everything but my earrings!"
one liners
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
The anger of the meek and humble is named wrath
We all make mistakes... said the Dalek climbing off the dustbin.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive example is adequate.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
If you don't like the way women drive....get off the sidewalks
"It is unbelievable what unbelievable things an unbeliever will believe in order to be an unbeliever."
Anybody can be Pope; the proof is that I have become one. John XXIII
BIGAMIST: A heavy fog in Italy.
All right. Who set the phasers to deep fat fry?
9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women.
Politics - Poli = Many , Tics = Blood sucking parasites
A man went into politics to do good and ended up doing rather well
"I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?" -- Groucho
Hey! Look at our Al. He's the only boy walking in step!
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet.
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
Very few people can afford to be poor.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
You will get a fair trial, after which you will be shot.
If God wanted us to go METRIC Jesus would've had 10 disciples not 12.
In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.
98% of all constipated people don't give a crap
Attention animal lovers, what you are doing is illegal....
Remember, the end never justifies the meanness.
100% of all smokers die. So do 100% of all non-smokers.
Definition of a redneck..apologies to anyone who fits the bill!!
1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.
3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
7. You own a homemade fur coat.
8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath"
11. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
12. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
13. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
14. Birds are attracted to your beard.
15. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
16. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
17. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
18. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
19. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos"
20. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
21. You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
PPQP
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