AA Thread - May

[retteacher]

AA Thread - May

C: You're doing fine. I try not to miss a meeting, but if I do, there's always tomorrow. I try not to let too much time pass in between. When I relapsed, my sponsor told me to do 90 meetings in 90 days. That really established a daily meeting schedule. It was hard but worthwhile.

Deter: Service is one of the 3 legs of the AA triangle. It's becoming more & more important to me. It's not only quantity of sober days...it's also the quality.

Everyone: I went to our area's roundup at a local hotel. It was a lot of fun...workshops & an alkathon. If there is an opportunity for you to go, think seriously about it. I learned a lot.

Mary

[Cinders]

AA Thread - May

Mary, Det, BG,

I ended up going to two meetings yesterday. 10:30 local group and 5:30 big group downtown. I needed it, so I went.

Det, As the BB says, "faith without works is dead." My secular counselor and I discussed the AA Steps and she agrees that volunteering is a crucial piece of recovery. We learn to step outside of ourselves.

As usual, I struggle with the Spiritual part of AA, which is the central portion of AA. I keep trying to say prayers, etc, and have finally ended up with "Thy Will be done." That seems to be about the best I can do right now. Sadly, I do believe in God. I am not sure why I doubt God will direct and help me. Arrgghh.

I do know that my will is a poor guide, shown over and over again, so my simple prayer is that God will take over the reins.

Cindi

[Cinders]

AA Thread - May

Interesting that the topic of service came up:

Here is today's Daily Reflection:

GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS

And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for a return.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 69

The concept of giving without strings was hard to understand when I first came into the program. I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, "What do they want in return?" But I soon learned the joy of helping another alcoholic and I understood why they were there for me in the beginning. My attitudes changed and I wanted to help others. Sometimes I became anxious, as I wanted them to know the joys of sobriety, that life can be beautiful. When my life is full of a loving God of my understanding and I give that love to my fellow alcoholic, I feel a special richness that is hard to explain.

From the book Daily Reflections
? Copyright 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

[retteacher]

AA Thread - May

C: First, Yay for the 2 meetings yesterday. I did that a lot when I first relapsed, as I needed to also. Second, I too have a lot of trouble w/the whole prayer, HP concepts. I'm pretty irregular about it. I find that when i do service for the program or anyone (children, g-children, etc.), that too is my form of prayer. It kind of goes along w/the reading you gave us above. I needed to see that.

I only know that I could not stay sober wo/the fellowship. The relapse taught me the 1st step. I can no longer fool myself into thinking I can drink normally. I'm pretty sure that I'd relapse quickly if I stopped going to meetings. That's an old story I hear at speaker meetings quite often.

Have a great day.!

Mary

[bettygirl]

AA Thread - May

cinders, i struggle with prayer as well, but there is no right or wrong way...i think it's more about connection to a feeling or being in that space of thinking positively about changes and people...it doesn't have to be to god or hp, just a good thought or a special moment of clarity, even just quiet meditation.

i have been walking my sponsor's dogs while she is on vacation, and i have been using that time too reflect and be grateful. it's nice, because her golden ret. is HUGE and walks slow, so it's kind of a walking meditation, unlike when i walk my beagles and it's GO GO GO!!!

i go to about 3 meetings a week anymore, and that seems right for me. if i need one, i get myself to one though! if i feel like i don't want to go, i go to one. but if i'm just kind of sailing along and not having strife or stinking thinking, i am a bit more relaxed about getting to a meeting. i figure i am going to be going to meetings for the rest of my life, i better not burn out on them!

have a good one all!

[retteacher]

AA Thread - May

I made an appointment w/my sponsor to listen to my 5th step around the relapse. Instead of the BB format, I wrote a narrative about what led up to the relapse, how I got back into the drinking cycle, & how I managed to admit it to my husband & AA fellows. I'm looking forward to getting it all off my chest.

We had an incoming group for a committment last night. Most of the people who spoke were women which is unusual. The first speaker was an older woman who came into AA when she was 71...7 sober years ago. She told my story, complete w/the hiding & deception. Another woman was just back after a relapse. She had 12 years of sobriety & spoke about feeling like she could now drink socially, normally. She hit a pretty low bottom & is now 3 months sober. Her message: once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. There's no going back.

Mary

[bettygirl]

AA Thread - May

that is the most important thing to remember.

thanks for sharing and the reminder...:thankyou:

[retteacher]

AA Thread - May

If the relapse taught me one thing, it's that I'm an alcoholic & cannot drink normally. It took me a while to get fully back into the alcoholic cycle, but I eventually did. It didn't take very long. M

[cpn1004]

AA Thread - May

I don't understand social drinking. This Sunday I took my wife to a brunch buffet. She ordered a Bloody Mary. The drink came and she didn't like its taste. So she left an 80% full drink on the table. I certainly don't understand that behavior.

I guess I better stay with abstinence.

[retteacher]

AA Thread - May

Phil: I've observed that w/social drinkers...leaving drinks partially full. My husb has done that on many occasions. We alcoholics have to finish it all whether we like the taste or not. In fact, taste has nothing to do w/drinking for me. I drank all kinds of yucky stuff just to get high. So, I guess I'll just stick to soda. That seems to be working well for me. Mary

PS: Thanks for the reminder of how normal drinkers drink.

[bettygirl]

AA Thread - May

egad guys! I remember guzzling down wine and almost puking from the taste, but I had to get it in me! I never really liked the taste of al either, just the feeling of being drunk. at one point I claimed to be a wine expert to cover up the fact that I just wanted to guzzle ALL THE WINE the last 5+ years I was buying big boxes of wine with 4 bottles worth of wine inside, and guzzling it down, not even tasting it. I went through 1 every other day, sometimes I drank more though...and that was just maintenance. eeeek, so glad i'm free now, for now, today. and only if I don't ever have that one drink that I used to convince myself I could have and not go back to being a total wino...we all know how that turns out!

thanks for the reminders guys!!!!

[retteacher]

AA Thread - May

BG: Ah, the lowly box of wine. It didn't matter how it tasted or how bad the inevitable headache was. Is there any kind of headache worse than a cheap wine headache?

I met w/my sponsor on Mon. night. I read over the narrative I wrote about the whys & hows of my relapse last summer. It was painful reading about the guilt & shame associated w/it. But, now I really feel I can put it behind me. My sponsor is wonderful. She listened to the whole thing, then said that my time for beating myself up about it is over.

Mary

[catch22]

AA Thread - May

sorry. i hav. fck up .... only alcoholic can fck up not hav a drink in 3yrs wrk the program. where did i go wrong? i want to hang on to my faith i even had a good day but got home it felt like i hit a brick wall. x

[catch22]

AA Thread - May

I know where i gone wrong i been living on the edge for ovver a year and it got worse without me realising. But i feel am coming of the edge now. Am on step 1. where i cant moved forward. And to be honest am not sure how far am going to .hit bottom this time.

[catch22]

AA Thread - May

i know how Maryanne. feels now.......