MAE everybody, how are we all today? Bank holiday weekend here and the weather is supposed to be glorious,so the roads will be pretty snarled up!The weather at present is absolutely gorgeous,so long may it continue!!
Here we go then, tea and coffee readily available to this worldwide audience!
Ltlw Dobrye utro, und wilkommen mes amis....now theres mixed up for you!not so convinced bout the bowl of dog food tho.. trying to give that up!!
ASs for the sugar craving..dont really know..I still go through phases of eating loads of sweet things, but I am doing lots of exercise now so that helps.Are those paintings yours? very nice
Remember.....
Mei is mijn maand..
thats your saying..think it not drink it every time you feel the urge to drink ..say it over to yourself!!!
Morning TT .. Oops afters how are you? glad kitchen is getting into shape...any plans for the weekend?
Wow your teachings and research sound a bit of a strange subject, in as much ,what is the outcome or objective achieved from it? not knocking it, just wondering what you get as an end game (was going to write final solution..but guess that ones been used before!!) for it all?
6.30 am and I am just going to let the rabbits out thats how nice it is this morning!
Morning Lav...how are you today? glad you have got some good weather at last..heres a coffee before you get out into the garden
got to replant my toms this morning they have outgrown their pots!
So you had a good day yesterday..glad little man is back to normal now..Your food sounds mmm blackbean burgers sounds ace to me!!!
Morning ppqp.....well youve hit on what I do when post up now..I open it twice!Usually open it and read it, then open again..most times I can do it from memory, but like to check in case I have missed anyone...also right click copy every so often in case the post decides to take a walk.apologies for nae jokes yesterday, was busy the whole day,I an honestly say I did not stop once!!have a coffee and a great day
Hiya siren ..and how are you today?wow know that feeling about cheese..absolutely love it..and trying all the different kinds..unfortunately the cholesterol says nope, so now I have low and half fat cheeses ..still as nice ,as long as its not that sloppy gunk that they call soft cheese!!
Morning Mayzay wherever you are ...hope you are ok?
Hiya Kuya, know you are busy but hope all is well mate :l
An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"
Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day when the man looked over at his wife and said, "Your butt's getting huge. I bet it's bigger than the barbecue."
With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill. Then he went over to where his wife was working and measured her butt.
"I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband felt a little frisky. He made some advances toward her, but she completely brushed him off.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
She replied, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
A wild rabbit is captured and taken to a laboratory. While there he befriends a rabbit who has spent his entire life at the nicotine research facility. One evening the lab assistant forgets to lock the cage, and the wild rabbit suggests an escape. "I'm not sure," says the lab rabbit. "This is the only home I know."br />"Come on," insists the wild rabbit. "We'll get laid all night long."
The lab rabbit agrees, and they hop to a field where they each bonk 50 hottie females.
As the sun begins to rise, the lab rabbit says, "I gotta get back to the lab."
"Why?" asks the wild rabbit. "Aren't you enjoying yourself?"
"Yeah, I'm having a great time, but I'm totally dying for a cigarette."
The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. "I have two talking female parrots," she tells him. "All they can say is 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's awful," the priest agrees, "but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom I've taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God."
The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priest's house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
"Hi, we're prostitutes," say the females. "Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, "Close that Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered!"
A blonde is standing in an elevator with a few other people when a man wearing a black suit steps on. It's evident that the man has dandruff problems, because it can be seen on the shoulders of his suit.
Two floors later the man gets off, and after door closes someone says, "Someone should really give that guy some Head & Shoulders."
The blonde then responds, "Yeah? Hey, how do you give shoulders?"
A lady walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explains that she needs it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes get big and he says, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not?you cannot have any cyanide!"
The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "Ohhhh. Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"
Q: What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns?
A: Go for the juggler.
A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.
A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."
A drunk in a bar barfs all over his shirt. "Damn," he says. "I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she's gonna kill me."
"Not to worry," says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk's pocket. "Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill."
So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. "Why are there two twenties?" she asks.
The drunk replies, "Ummm, yeah... he crapped in my pants, too."
Four men go golfing one day. Three of them head to the first tee, and the fourth goes to take a leak. The three men start talking about their sons. The first man says, "My son is a home builder. He's so successful he built a house for his friend, free of charge."
The second man says, "My son owns a big car dealership. He's doing so well that he gave his friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."
Not to be outdone, the third man brags, "My son's a stockbroker. He gave a close buddy an entire portfolio."
The fourth man rejoins the group, and the first man says, "How's your son doing these days?"
"Well, my son is gay, and he go-go dances in bars," the guy replies.
There's an awkward silence. "I'm not thrilled about his job," the guy continues, "but he must be doing well. He's got new a house, a Mercedes, and an impressive stock portfolio."
25 ways to tell if you're a Redneck
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.
24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
right folks have a great weekend stay safe,sane and sober..big shout to all not here
Here we go then, tea and coffee readily available to this worldwide audience!
Ltlw Dobrye utro, und wilkommen mes amis....now theres mixed up for you!not so convinced bout the bowl of dog food tho.. trying to give that up!!
ASs for the sugar craving..dont really know..I still go through phases of eating loads of sweet things, but I am doing lots of exercise now so that helps.Are those paintings yours? very nice
Remember.....
Mei is mijn maand..
thats your saying..think it not drink it every time you feel the urge to drink ..say it over to yourself!!!
Morning TT .. Oops afters how are you? glad kitchen is getting into shape...any plans for the weekend?
Wow your teachings and research sound a bit of a strange subject, in as much ,what is the outcome or objective achieved from it? not knocking it, just wondering what you get as an end game (was going to write final solution..but guess that ones been used before!!) for it all?
6.30 am and I am just going to let the rabbits out thats how nice it is this morning!
Morning Lav...how are you today? glad you have got some good weather at last..heres a coffee before you get out into the garden
got to replant my toms this morning they have outgrown their pots!So you had a good day yesterday..glad little man is back to normal now..Your food sounds mmm blackbean burgers sounds ace to me!!!
Morning ppqp.....well youve hit on what I do when post up now..I open it twice!Usually open it and read it, then open again..most times I can do it from memory, but like to check in case I have missed anyone...also right click copy every so often in case the post decides to take a walk.apologies for nae jokes yesterday, was busy the whole day,I an honestly say I did not stop once!!have a coffee and a great day
Hiya siren ..and how are you today?wow know that feeling about cheese..absolutely love it..and trying all the different kinds..unfortunately the cholesterol says nope, so now I have low and half fat cheeses ..still as nice ,as long as its not that sloppy gunk that they call soft cheese!!
Morning Mayzay wherever you are ...hope you are ok?
Hiya Kuya, know you are busy but hope all is well mate :l
An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"
Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day when the man looked over at his wife and said, "Your butt's getting huge. I bet it's bigger than the barbecue."
With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill. Then he went over to where his wife was working and measured her butt.
"I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband felt a little frisky. He made some advances toward her, but she completely brushed him off.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
She replied, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
A wild rabbit is captured and taken to a laboratory. While there he befriends a rabbit who has spent his entire life at the nicotine research facility. One evening the lab assistant forgets to lock the cage, and the wild rabbit suggests an escape. "I'm not sure," says the lab rabbit. "This is the only home I know."br />"Come on," insists the wild rabbit. "We'll get laid all night long."
The lab rabbit agrees, and they hop to a field where they each bonk 50 hottie females.
As the sun begins to rise, the lab rabbit says, "I gotta get back to the lab."
"Why?" asks the wild rabbit. "Aren't you enjoying yourself?"
"Yeah, I'm having a great time, but I'm totally dying for a cigarette."
The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. "I have two talking female parrots," she tells him. "All they can say is 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's awful," the priest agrees, "but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom I've taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God."
The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priest's house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
"Hi, we're prostitutes," say the females. "Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, "Close that Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered!"
A blonde is standing in an elevator with a few other people when a man wearing a black suit steps on. It's evident that the man has dandruff problems, because it can be seen on the shoulders of his suit.
Two floors later the man gets off, and after door closes someone says, "Someone should really give that guy some Head & Shoulders."
The blonde then responds, "Yeah? Hey, how do you give shoulders?"
A lady walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explains that she needs it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes get big and he says, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not?you cannot have any cyanide!"
The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "Ohhhh. Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"
Q: What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns?
A: Go for the juggler.
A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.
A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."
A drunk in a bar barfs all over his shirt. "Damn," he says. "I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she's gonna kill me."
"Not to worry," says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk's pocket. "Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill."
So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. "Why are there two twenties?" she asks.
The drunk replies, "Ummm, yeah... he crapped in my pants, too."
Four men go golfing one day. Three of them head to the first tee, and the fourth goes to take a leak. The three men start talking about their sons. The first man says, "My son is a home builder. He's so successful he built a house for his friend, free of charge."
The second man says, "My son owns a big car dealership. He's doing so well that he gave his friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."
Not to be outdone, the third man brags, "My son's a stockbroker. He gave a close buddy an entire portfolio."
The fourth man rejoins the group, and the first man says, "How's your son doing these days?"
"Well, my son is gay, and he go-go dances in bars," the guy replies.
There's an awkward silence. "I'm not thrilled about his job," the guy continues, "but he must be doing well. He's got new a house, a Mercedes, and an impressive stock portfolio."
25 ways to tell if you're a Redneck
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.
24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
right folks have a great weekend stay safe,sane and sober..big shout to all not here
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