MAE everybody ....early doors here...couldnt sleep so decided I would get up and do something,so here I am.Hows everyone today?just going into sunny?Saturday..well that is if you dont live in upside down land!!!
ok on with the show ..out early this morning .going swimming ,then off to sunny ole Manchester.and dont forget I am out early tomorrow,so thread starter required..volunteers?
Tea coffee and water on the go just now,even tho it is a wee bit early
Evening TT..hows you today? Had time to yourself today or still all work?thanks for comment about Amy...methinks partners condition maybe a bit of both..we all develop not listeningitis at times!! have a pleasant evening
Morning Kuya..good for you...get back into that gym girl!!Sometimes its hard to get motivated ,but its a great buzz once you are into it.Put a couple of pounds back on..now 11st 6, but its that muscle scenario again...also certainly didnt have enough water yesterday to drink..fix that today!!So you dont know what you are all doing Sunday? maybe eldest lad has got a big surprise lined up for his ma ! I had a wee bit of a hiccup thinking about mothers day,and the family issues surrounding but ok now,its all packed away back in the brain repository.You have a great evening too
Goede morgen ltlw...welkom op Zaterdag..hope it bodes better for you today..any news from the muppets upstairs?As you say ..you have choices so one of our choices is move to the countryside...I would be off like a shot, that is without knowing the logistical issues...hmm let me think live in the city in an apartment block (Ithink)with a bunch of moronic retards as neighbours,whose biggest contribution to the community is to make as much noise as possible,with pretentious issues of playing musical instruments,with all the linguistic finesse of a dockside marin in Marseille..and to confirm the belief that arseholes are to be found the world over..or live in the countryside with all its surroundings and scenery, but it might take me a bit longer to travel to the metropolis,bit of a tough one that!!!:H anyway you have a great day
Mornin Lav..well did you get anything done yesterday?saw on one of the other posts that rain stopped play,so guess the pile is still there for shifting.how are you today?Bit early for a brew? here you are...Im on number 2 now.Found a wee space in the garden to plant all the spring onions...problem is ground is too acidic so got to add more lime to it,then off swimming.You on grandkid duty today?whatever you are doing ..have a good one
Morning SL ..hows you today?first thing you need to do is change the wee mood thing from sad..be positive..get yer plan together and lets do it! well done on the shopping .Start thinking hows and whys for a strategy,honestly its a lot easier once you plan it out out what to do ,even if it starts to go pear shaped,you have got something to fall back on.Make your plan, and if you want post it so that we can help, or if you dont want to then pm any one of us..the only thin you need to put in is commitment.So as for others ...take what you want and leave the rest..(says he who threw his toys out big time!!!:H)Its all about getting you to a position where you dont want a drink.When do you fly home?where are you going to? yep Mr Nosey..thats me!!!now have a great day
Morning Cinders ..hows you today?Mood gone?yep those crappy moods do happen at times..we just try to disguise them with drink and pretend a state of euphoria!!
Yes the big yellow thingy in the sky is on a no show here today also,in fact his cousin Mr Rain seems to be going to put an appearance in so must get on.
Speaking of mothers day..dont dread it.. just enjoy those precious moments you can together..it is worth it.
have a great day
morning Det..off to the sunshine state?Are you going to the touristy bit or elsewhere? Doing anything without a hangover is grand my friend ..have a great 3 days
Morning SF..hows you? the expression boss eyed means cross eyed..kinda hard to look yourself straight in the eye!!:H have a great day unboxing!!
Morn ppqp ..hows you ? notice you are on line now ..woweee bit early.Nice pics Cracking piece of wood they are building that bed with ..mind you lets be right you are in the right country for timber!!!Weather looks sound too ..you out building it today?heres a coffee for you ma'am and have a great day
Too late here..r Rain has appeared ..oh well looks I gonna get wet!!!
right ladies n gentleman time for the curtain, so I bid you a fond farewell, not goodbye,but adieu, au revoir
howzat for a dramatic exit? CYA :wavin:
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replies. The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for? "Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're my brother ? he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."
Two ministers are discussing their lives in the church, and one of them says, "I never slept with my wife until after we were married. How about you?" the second preacher thinks for a second, scratches his head, and says, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
These real-life pranks landed the pranksters in jail, court, or hell
Crappy Birthday to You
Prank: Four teenage girls from Pennsylvania baked a birthday cake for a fellow student and decorated it with nature?s frosting: human turds. The B-day girl ate a morsel, and, unaware that the dessert came from someone?s butt, brought the rest home to share with her family. Thinking it ?tasted bad,? they sent it to a lab, where scientists revealed that the secret ingredient was fished out of a toilet. Seconds, please!
Punishment: The mean girls got 22 months? probation and were ordered to do 200 hours of community service, cleaning bedpans at a nursing home and picking up dog shit. Which, in their case, is like foraging for food.
Really, Really High School
Prank: For a potluck at the University of Colorado Boulder, students Thomas Cunningham, 21, and Mary Essa, 19, allegedly punked their history class by serving up a tray of marijuana-laced brownies. Three people were hospitalized, including the professor, who experienced dizziness, blackouts, and a raging case of bongo playing.
Punishment: Cunningham and Essa were arrested and charged with 18 felonies each, including second-degree assault and conspiracy to induce consumption of a controlled substance. They now face up to 78 mellow-harshing years in prison, or 537 years in stoner time.
Sex Bomb
Prank: Eighteen-year-old Tyell Morton placed a blowup sex doll in a bathroom stall at his Rushville, Indiana high school. Unfortunately, school officials were unfamiliar with things you?re supposed to put your dick into and called the bomb squad, thinking it was an explosive device. Well, you can explode into it?
Punishment: Morton spent five days in jail and faced a felony charge of institutional criminal mischief, but the charges were eventually dropped and his record was wiped clean in return for eight hours of community service. He and the blowup doll were married and have two beautiful half-human, half-balloon babies.
Jesting H. Christ
Prank: Baby Jesus was at the center of a prank at Monmouth College in Illinois when a group of sorority sisters snatched him from his manger?along with Mary, Joseph, and several stable animals?and placed the holy figures on the lawn of the school?s president. Witnesses were able to describe the girls? getaway vehicle, and cops tracked them down at a nearby Taco Bell, where they fessed up to the practical joke and to cheating on their diets with way too many Chalupa Supremes.
Punishment: The perps of Kappa Kappa Gamma had to put in 25 hours of community service...and an eternity in hell.
Supersize Hit
Prank: Texas resident James Markle, 19, called up a McDonald?s and, posing as a corporate official, convinced an employee to set off the fire suppression system. Then Markle told him that the liquid was toxic and that he needed to break all the windows ?for ventilation.? The worker followed orders and smashed out four windows, resulting in $5,000 in damages and a new menu item: Glass-Shard McNuggets.
Punishment: In the eyes of the law, Markle?s ?prank? was considered a felonious terrorist threat, and he was sentenced to five years in prison. Something tells us this McPrankster won?t be lovin? it in lockdown.
A woman speeds by a motorcycle cop holding a radar gun. He pulls her over and asks, ?What?s the rush?? She replies, ?I?m on my way to assist in an emergency procedure at the hospital.? The cop asks what she does in the ER. ?I?m an asshole stretcher,? she says. The cop scratches his head. She explains, ?You see, I prep the patient by taking one finger at a time to slowly stretch the asshole till my hands have made the patient?s asshole a full six feet open. ?Looking at the woman in shock, he inquires, ?What do you do with a six-foot asshole?? The lady says, ?Usually we give it a badge and a radar gun.?
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said, ?If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, you?d look alright.? I said, ?If I did that, I?d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.?
A guy who?s looking for his buddy walks into a barbershop and asks, ?Bob Peters here???Sorry,? replies the barber. ?We just cut hair.?
A woman walks into a bar and orders a whisky on the rocks. The bartender takes the glass and grabs a handful of ice. ?Wait a minute,? says the woman. ?I don?t know where those hands have been. Please use the tongs.?
The bartender gives her a funny look, but shrugs and obliges. A couple minutes later the woman notices that the bartender has a string hanging from the zipper of his pants. ?Excuse me, I don?t want you to get the wrong idea, but you have a string hanging from you zipper.?
?Yeah, that?s so when I go to the bathroom, I can just pull it out without having to touch anything,? says the bartender. ?That way I don?t need to wash my hands.?
?That makes sense,? says the woman, and she continues to enjoy her drink. A few moments later, after having time to think, she adds, ?I don?t mean to pry, but how do you get it back in??
The bartender smiles and replies, ?That?s what the tongs are for.?
Twin brothers from Arkansas walk up to a U.S. Air Force recruiting officer and tell him they?d like to join the service.
The officer asks the first twin, ?What can you bring to the Air Force??
?I?m a pilot,? he replies.
?You?re in,? says the officer.
?I chop wood,? offers the other twin.
?Sorry,? says the officer. ?We don?t really need any wood choppers.?
?But you hired my brother.?
?Sure,? says the officer. ?He?s a pilot.?
The brother rolls his eyes and replies, ?Yeah, but I have to chop the wood before he can pile it!?
ok on with the show ..out early this morning .going swimming ,then off to sunny ole Manchester.and dont forget I am out early tomorrow,so thread starter required..volunteers?
Tea coffee and water on the go just now,even tho it is a wee bit early
Evening TT..hows you today? Had time to yourself today or still all work?thanks for comment about Amy...methinks partners condition maybe a bit of both..we all develop not listeningitis at times!! have a pleasant evening
Morning Kuya..good for you...get back into that gym girl!!Sometimes its hard to get motivated ,but its a great buzz once you are into it.Put a couple of pounds back on..now 11st 6, but its that muscle scenario again...also certainly didnt have enough water yesterday to drink..fix that today!!So you dont know what you are all doing Sunday? maybe eldest lad has got a big surprise lined up for his ma ! I had a wee bit of a hiccup thinking about mothers day,and the family issues surrounding but ok now,its all packed away back in the brain repository.You have a great evening too
Goede morgen ltlw...welkom op Zaterdag..hope it bodes better for you today..any news from the muppets upstairs?As you say ..you have choices so one of our choices is move to the countryside...I would be off like a shot, that is without knowing the logistical issues...hmm let me think live in the city in an apartment block (Ithink)with a bunch of moronic retards as neighbours,whose biggest contribution to the community is to make as much noise as possible,with pretentious issues of playing musical instruments,with all the linguistic finesse of a dockside marin in Marseille..and to confirm the belief that arseholes are to be found the world over..or live in the countryside with all its surroundings and scenery, but it might take me a bit longer to travel to the metropolis,bit of a tough one that!!!:H anyway you have a great day
Mornin Lav..well did you get anything done yesterday?saw on one of the other posts that rain stopped play,so guess the pile is still there for shifting.how are you today?Bit early for a brew? here you are...Im on number 2 now.Found a wee space in the garden to plant all the spring onions...problem is ground is too acidic so got to add more lime to it,then off swimming.You on grandkid duty today?whatever you are doing ..have a good one
Morning SL ..hows you today?first thing you need to do is change the wee mood thing from sad..be positive..get yer plan together and lets do it! well done on the shopping .Start thinking hows and whys for a strategy,honestly its a lot easier once you plan it out out what to do ,even if it starts to go pear shaped,you have got something to fall back on.Make your plan, and if you want post it so that we can help, or if you dont want to then pm any one of us..the only thin you need to put in is commitment.So as for others ...take what you want and leave the rest..(says he who threw his toys out big time!!!:H)Its all about getting you to a position where you dont want a drink.When do you fly home?where are you going to? yep Mr Nosey..thats me!!!now have a great day
Morning Cinders ..hows you today?Mood gone?yep those crappy moods do happen at times..we just try to disguise them with drink and pretend a state of euphoria!!
Yes the big yellow thingy in the sky is on a no show here today also,in fact his cousin Mr Rain seems to be going to put an appearance in so must get on.
Speaking of mothers day..dont dread it.. just enjoy those precious moments you can together..it is worth it.
have a great day
morning Det..off to the sunshine state?Are you going to the touristy bit or elsewhere? Doing anything without a hangover is grand my friend ..have a great 3 days
Morning SF..hows you? the expression boss eyed means cross eyed..kinda hard to look yourself straight in the eye!!:H have a great day unboxing!!
Morn ppqp ..hows you ? notice you are on line now ..woweee bit early.Nice pics Cracking piece of wood they are building that bed with ..mind you lets be right you are in the right country for timber!!!Weather looks sound too ..you out building it today?heres a coffee for you ma'am and have a great day
Too late here..r Rain has appeared ..oh well looks I gonna get wet!!!
right ladies n gentleman time for the curtain, so I bid you a fond farewell, not goodbye,but adieu, au revoir
howzat for a dramatic exit? CYA :wavin:
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replies. The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for? "Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're my brother ? he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."
Two ministers are discussing their lives in the church, and one of them says, "I never slept with my wife until after we were married. How about you?" the second preacher thinks for a second, scratches his head, and says, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
These real-life pranks landed the pranksters in jail, court, or hell
Crappy Birthday to You
Prank: Four teenage girls from Pennsylvania baked a birthday cake for a fellow student and decorated it with nature?s frosting: human turds. The B-day girl ate a morsel, and, unaware that the dessert came from someone?s butt, brought the rest home to share with her family. Thinking it ?tasted bad,? they sent it to a lab, where scientists revealed that the secret ingredient was fished out of a toilet. Seconds, please!
Punishment: The mean girls got 22 months? probation and were ordered to do 200 hours of community service, cleaning bedpans at a nursing home and picking up dog shit. Which, in their case, is like foraging for food.
Really, Really High School
Prank: For a potluck at the University of Colorado Boulder, students Thomas Cunningham, 21, and Mary Essa, 19, allegedly punked their history class by serving up a tray of marijuana-laced brownies. Three people were hospitalized, including the professor, who experienced dizziness, blackouts, and a raging case of bongo playing.
Punishment: Cunningham and Essa were arrested and charged with 18 felonies each, including second-degree assault and conspiracy to induce consumption of a controlled substance. They now face up to 78 mellow-harshing years in prison, or 537 years in stoner time.
Sex Bomb
Prank: Eighteen-year-old Tyell Morton placed a blowup sex doll in a bathroom stall at his Rushville, Indiana high school. Unfortunately, school officials were unfamiliar with things you?re supposed to put your dick into and called the bomb squad, thinking it was an explosive device. Well, you can explode into it?
Punishment: Morton spent five days in jail and faced a felony charge of institutional criminal mischief, but the charges were eventually dropped and his record was wiped clean in return for eight hours of community service. He and the blowup doll were married and have two beautiful half-human, half-balloon babies.
Jesting H. Christ
Prank: Baby Jesus was at the center of a prank at Monmouth College in Illinois when a group of sorority sisters snatched him from his manger?along with Mary, Joseph, and several stable animals?and placed the holy figures on the lawn of the school?s president. Witnesses were able to describe the girls? getaway vehicle, and cops tracked them down at a nearby Taco Bell, where they fessed up to the practical joke and to cheating on their diets with way too many Chalupa Supremes.
Punishment: The perps of Kappa Kappa Gamma had to put in 25 hours of community service...and an eternity in hell.
Supersize Hit
Prank: Texas resident James Markle, 19, called up a McDonald?s and, posing as a corporate official, convinced an employee to set off the fire suppression system. Then Markle told him that the liquid was toxic and that he needed to break all the windows ?for ventilation.? The worker followed orders and smashed out four windows, resulting in $5,000 in damages and a new menu item: Glass-Shard McNuggets.
Punishment: In the eyes of the law, Markle?s ?prank? was considered a felonious terrorist threat, and he was sentenced to five years in prison. Something tells us this McPrankster won?t be lovin? it in lockdown.
A woman speeds by a motorcycle cop holding a radar gun. He pulls her over and asks, ?What?s the rush?? She replies, ?I?m on my way to assist in an emergency procedure at the hospital.? The cop asks what she does in the ER. ?I?m an asshole stretcher,? she says. The cop scratches his head. She explains, ?You see, I prep the patient by taking one finger at a time to slowly stretch the asshole till my hands have made the patient?s asshole a full six feet open. ?Looking at the woman in shock, he inquires, ?What do you do with a six-foot asshole?? The lady says, ?Usually we give it a badge and a radar gun.?
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said, ?If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, you?d look alright.? I said, ?If I did that, I?d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.?
A guy who?s looking for his buddy walks into a barbershop and asks, ?Bob Peters here???Sorry,? replies the barber. ?We just cut hair.?
A woman walks into a bar and orders a whisky on the rocks. The bartender takes the glass and grabs a handful of ice. ?Wait a minute,? says the woman. ?I don?t know where those hands have been. Please use the tongs.?
The bartender gives her a funny look, but shrugs and obliges. A couple minutes later the woman notices that the bartender has a string hanging from the zipper of his pants. ?Excuse me, I don?t want you to get the wrong idea, but you have a string hanging from you zipper.?
?Yeah, that?s so when I go to the bathroom, I can just pull it out without having to touch anything,? says the bartender. ?That way I don?t need to wash my hands.?
?That makes sense,? says the woman, and she continues to enjoy her drink. A few moments later, after having time to think, she adds, ?I don?t mean to pry, but how do you get it back in??
The bartender smiles and replies, ?That?s what the tongs are for.?
Twin brothers from Arkansas walk up to a U.S. Air Force recruiting officer and tell him they?d like to join the service.
The officer asks the first twin, ?What can you bring to the Air Force??
?I?m a pilot,? he replies.
?You?re in,? says the officer.
?I chop wood,? offers the other twin.
?Sorry,? says the officer. ?We don?t really need any wood choppers.?
?But you hired my brother.?
?Sure,? says the officer. ?He?s a pilot.?
The brother rolls his eyes and replies, ?Yeah, but I have to chop the wood before he can pile it!?
PPQP
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