June AA Thread

[witts end]

June AA Thread

Thankyou I know I can relapse anytime 1 is 1 to many

[retteacher]

June AA Thread

Thanks Phil: Remember that crazy story for the BB about adding whiskey to milk thinking that would make it OK? The guy in the story said something like: "I knew I was doing something that was not too smart." But, he went ahead & did it anyway. That's kind of what happened to me. My husband was away from home, I couldn't sleep, & I said to myself: "Maybe a little drink will help." Without giving it much more thought, I went ahead & had a small drink. The very next day, I was deep into the obsession. Cunning, baffling, & powerful.

Yes, Witts, one is one too many for me too. It puts me right back on the merry-go-round. Mary

[bettygirl]

June AA Thread

oh boy...how many people do you hear in meetings talking about having just one, or a couple, or just one night of fun, and they stay out for years...luckily we can learn from other's mistakes in AA. I did that for years...thought I could control the amount, but I just got mad if I didn't have enough alcohol for the "one time" I decided to get drunk, and then I went deep into the obsession/compulsion, and was a goner for months or years at a time. one is too many and a thousand is never enough...

it really is that simple; don't ever have that first one.


peace!

[retteacher]

June AA Thread

BG: Amen!

I'm so lucky I didn't stay out for a long, long time...a few months. I began w/that one & gradually began to build up...not only using for sleep but also for stress, etc. I knew that I wouldn't be able to hide it much longer, as the stash that we had kept for company was dwindling. I didn't want to have to replace any liquor & get into that whole ugly scene: making the rounds of liquor stores, disposing of bottles, replacing liquor I had drunk, drinking more & more, hiding it, etc. I saw it all stretching in front of me & didn't want to face that. I knew then that I had to admit what I had done. It was very difficult, but I did it. As soon as I told my husband, he went down into the basement, got all the bottles (not so many actually), & poured them all down the drain.

The more I talk at meetings about relapse, the more people speak to me about their relapses & fears of relapse. It all has to come out into the open. Nothing I've done hasn't been done before. If it helps just one person, feel stronger in their sobriety, then I feel happy.

Take care, Mary

[Determinator]

June AA Thread

ahoy fellow AAers!

indeed fear of relapse is one of my greatest mental demons. I'd rather be fearful than complacent though.

today we had a guest speaker and the discussion afterward was step 3 and letting go to a higher power (something that is still taking form in my mind as to what it means for me). a LOT of people said 'pass' today which is unusual. one lady said simply: I don't believe in God but I believe in these steps. she has almost 10 years of sobriety. many shared that they couldn't do it without a higher power that they believe is helping them on a personal level. I struggle with my position on this and dunno what the heck I am. hmmmm. I really enjoy studying and learning from the worlds religions and philosophies but I certainly don't have faith or true belief in any of them per se. I wish I did. it would make for a better fit in the program.

[Phin]

June AA Thread

Determinator,

I am in the same place. I have no yet attended a meeting. I'm still on the very early stages and well, I just can't go to a meeting at this point. There are a couple reasons. I do belong to a women's AA site and they tell me there's an agnostic/atheist section in the Big Book, maybe chapter 4? I too have been reading a lot about religions and trying to see if anything sticks. So fr what I can sink my teeth into the most is Buddhism. It seems to make the most sense to me.

I often fear that this program won't work for me if I don't have a higher power. It actually terrifies me because I need this to work.

[retteacher]

June AA Thread

I try not to overthink the whole HP thing. I'm a very practical kind of person...not terribly spiritual. Sometimes I act "as if." I pray at the end of meetings, but praying on my own doesn't influence me very much at this point. I might all of sudden get it, but I'm not holding my breath. For now, just the feeling of spirituality at meetings is enough for me. Practical actions such as making an amends or helping another alcoholic keep me spiritually fit.

This morning's meeting was out of "Living Sober." It was the chapter on medication/pot/etc. It always amazes me that Bill W. & AA doesn't dictate anything. They leave an awful lot up to the individual...even drinking. Last night we read "How it Works." Bill W. says in that chapter: (paraphrase) If you think you can drink normally, go out & try some controlled drinking. That's not an experiment I'm willing to try, but it's interesting that it's in the BB.

Have a wonderful day one & all.

Mary

[bettygirl]

June AA Thread

I have been an atheist my whole life, and am still one almost 9 months into the program. higher power doesn't have to be a deity (though it feels like the book sort of pushes that interpretation, and it was written under Christian principles), but the guys who wrote it were wise enough to know that that would turn a whole lot of people off of the "program" so they said your higher power can be anything you need it to be. my dad suggested the fellowship could be a higher power, or nature, or the universe. I just really feel a conncection to other alkies, and that feels like a higher power to me. together our strength to make it a day at a time, is stronger than our own desire to stop drinking. my higher power comes from not isolating, being a part of something bigger than my sick little world, accountability, and fellowship...my sponsor really worked with me on that and didn't force me to pray to god or anything like that. in fact she doesn't even think I need to pray per se, but meditate.
anyway, I hope that helps...you probably already thought of all that, but just know, you aren't alone. I NEVER say the lord's prayer (which every meeting around here ends with), but I bow my head in respect to the people who need it. It's principles before personalities, so I don't make a big deal out of being an atheist, I just do my thing and am happy to let others do the same. whatever works for you.


peace!

[bettygirl]

June AA Thread

also, phin, there is a great book called "the 12 step Buddhist" by Darren littlejohn. I love it! I too like Buddhism a lot and find I relate to it the most, but more of the philosophy of it, not the reincarnation stuff. it's a great philosophy and goes hand in hand with the steps, imho. oh, there is also a website for 12 step Buddhist, but I don't think it's very active...then again I don't really go to the discussion board.

peace!

[witts end]

June AA Thread

hello still here for af june

[retteacher]

June AA Thread

BG: You say so eloquently and simply what needs to be said regarding a higher power. AA is filled w/recovering people whose beliefs are similar to yours. Thank you.

Witts: Yay! Keep on going. You only have to stay sober today. Tomorrow is another day. I love the one day at a time philosophy. It works for me.

Mary

[Determinator]

June AA Thread

Betty and Mary, excellent heartfelt posts, thank you. my personal philosophy sounds a lot like yours Betty. my GOD is an acronym for 'group of drunks' that are there to help each other get/be well. I think meditation is a powerful tool for sure. I think the AA structure is very sound and effective regardless of how we view a HP. Incidentally I heard a fascinating AA share by the actor John Larroquette who has gotten sober in AA and has a similar view of a HP as the two of us. I think I'll listen to that again.

Phin, don't forget the only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking.

[retteacher]

June AA Thread

Deter: I hope all is well w/you. It's so great to see you here. Are you finding meetings that work well for you? I've found some new ones that I like very much...& am still going to the ones that got me sober in the first place.

Today, at the early am meeting, I saw someone I knew from the community...someone who didn't know I was an alcoholic. Remember: I was an expert at hiding my drinking. I knew she was one, as she shared that w/me a long time ago. When I first noticed her, my heart kind of skipped a beat. When I recovered myself a little, I realized that my HP put her there for a reason. My pride can still rear its ugly head in the form of not wanting anyone to know I'm an alcoholic. We embraced after the meeting, & I had a huge sense of relief & joy that I was able to "come out" once again.

These are the types of experiences that make me realize that there is some larger (higher?) force working in my life to make me a better, more honest person. For that, I am grateful. I don't have to believe in a great "man" god up there pulling strings. I can just be aware that my spirit is healing, & that there is a power there spurring it on.

Today, the internet reading was about letting go of resentments. I have a few old ones & a new one that I can let go of. It was the perfect reading for me today.

Mary

[bettygirl]

June AA Thread

that's great mary! what a relief to be real, eh? I had coffee with my neighbor yesterday (something I would have been anxious about or tried to get out if I had still been drinking), and she mentioned getting hooked on some pills and a stint in "the hospital" after a bad divorce years ago, so after some more talking, I felt like I could tell her that I was in recovery and that led to a big talk about alcoholism (her ex was/is a big time alkie), and my situation etc... she was very supportive and said that I looked so much more alive and vibrant lately and now she knows why! i'll say! I ws practically dead before I quit drinking!!!

anyway, I am going for a vacation for a week. ill be with family who all know I am in recovery,and I don't feel anxious at all. like you mary, I drank alone, so hanging with the family doesn't freak me out if they are drinking (which they will be), as I have been around them and not drank many times while they did.

so anyway, ill touch base when I get back!

take care all

peace

[bettygirl]

June AA Thread

oh, det...there was a link to that john laroquette you tube video...I can't find it though...good stuff. I have a friend in AA who has seen him speak and says he's really awesome. thanks for the reminder.

peace