MAE all ..just a quick jump in before the place turns into a madhouse ..hope all is well..cases are going for a final weigh...Rocky wasnt on the scales as often as these are!!:H
Tea and coffee on the go
Bear ..like the avatar ..excellent with the exercise..hope its keeping those cravings away too :goodjob:hope you meant good news...not god news!!!
Hi ppqpq..cuppa? hope all is well with you ..now why would they moan about the recycling bin? glad you liked the pics..have a great day
Hiya Lav...how are you today? coffee for you?did a little bit in the garden yesterday...patched the lawn..there was a real rubbish bit ..and now its gone!!any plans for today?
Hiya Mary jo..how are you ? when I get back we will need to talk gardening..you grow for fun what I strive to grow!!As far as ex goes...down to him really you look after you ..like I said we can support you..you need to be strong ....
Hiya Cinders hows you? bunny run ..its where my 2 rabbits go and hide I put some stones in it and they scratch and chuck them about..makes them feel like they are in a burrow!!!going to sink it half into the ground and cover it.How are you today?Glad you are feeling a wee bit better
Hiya SF...you ok ? yes you have come a long way ...and well done for that...no reason to be guarded on this thread.
Hiya blondie you ok? yep the sun burnt my napper!!hope you have a great evening
Hi Ky..thinking of you ...nuff said
Hi Det ..just saw you posted...keep up the good work friend
right folks short and sweet..next time I check in will be on my phone ..and that is a pain in the donkey!!so I will be dipping in and out..take care stay safe sober and stick to it big hugs Team :l
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
After finding out Paddy had just had sex with his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.
"It was amazing," Paddy gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."
"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.
"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," Paddy replied.
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Three men worked at a quarry. An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman. They had all worked there for over ten years.
One day in the site hut, at lunch, the Englishman opened his sandwiches and said "That's it, if I get ham in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of this quarry and kill myself ". The Scotsman opened his sandwich box and shouted "That's it, if I get cheese in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of this quarry and kill myself". The Irishman opened his and sighed, "That's it, if I get jam in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of the quarry and kill myself".
The next day arrived and at lunch the Englishman opened his sandwiches, said nothing but climbed to the top of the Quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had ham between the slices.
The Scotsman opened his sandwiches, said nothing but climbed to the top of the quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had cheese between the slices.
The Irishman opened his sandwiches, had no one to say anything to, but climbed to the top of the quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had jam between the slices.
A few days later at the funerals which all took place at the same time in the same graveyard, and next to each other, the Englishman's wife sobbed, "I'm so sorry my love. If I had known you didn't want ham I wouldn't have given it to you. Goodnight Darling". The Scotsman's wife sobbed, "I'm so sorry my love. If I had known you didn't want cheese I wouldn't have given it to you. Goodnight Darling". The Irishman's wife laughed, "Oh Jesus Paddy... So you don't like jam... for the last ten years you've been making your own bloody sandwiches".
What do you get when you stick your hand in a blender?
a handshake
The three businessman: Canadian, Mexican and American, are flying to the meeting...
? the pilot comes on the radio and tells the three passengers that they need to throw something that they don?t need. Mexican goes first and throws out tacos. They ask him why he threw that out. He replies: ?we have a lot of them back home.? Canadian throws out hockey stick. They ask him why he threw that out. He replies: ?we have a lot of them back home.? American throws out the Mexican saying: ?we have a lot of them back home.?
What is green and has four wheels?
Grass; I lied about the wheels.
A mate of mine held up a sign that said 'BNAG'...
I said, "That's bang out of order!"
A man walked into a psychiatrist's office with a pancake on his head..
... a fried egg on each shoulder, and a piece of bacon over each ear.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the psychiatrist.
The man said: "I'm worried about my brother
An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar was offered a large skull by a street-trader. "Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra, effendi," said the Egyptian, "only one hundred English pounds."
"No, thank you," said the Englishman. "It?s far too expensive."
"How ?bout dis one, effendi?" said the street-trader, producing a small skull.
"Whose skull is that?"
"Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra when she was little girl!"
Two monkeys are in a bath, the first monkey turns to the other and screams "Ooh ooh aaah aaah".
The second monkey looks back and replies "You can put some cold in, if you like".
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." ONE CENT that is way too cheap!" exclaimed the guy, the barman replied "Yes." So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?" "Certainly sir "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies. "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?".. The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess?
Because he's dead.
Three guys are out jogging.
...and they turn a corner and are hit by a truck, killing all three. They are then standing in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks the first one, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first answers, "Honestly, at least twice a week, every week that I was married. I just couldn't help myself!" St. Peter says, "We know, that's why you get a moped to ride around Heaven with." The guy jumps on the moped and rides off. To the next, St. Peter asks the same question. The second answers, "While I was married, only twice did I ever cheat on my wife. I hated myself afterwards. Please forgive me." St. Peter says, "We know. That's why you get a Cadillac to drive around Heaven with." The guy shouts, "Woo hoo!" and jumps in the car and drives off. Before St. Peter can say anything, the last guy holds up his hand. "From the moment I met my wife, no other women existed!" St. Peter says, "We know, that's why you get a Lamborghini to drive around Heaven with." The guy jumps in the car and drives off.
About a week later, the guy with the moped sees the guy with the Lamborghini sitting on the side of the road crying. "What happened?" he asks. "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard!"
I was at a bar last night nursing a beer
But I stopped after an hour because my nipple was getting too soggy
Tea and coffee on the go
Bear ..like the avatar ..excellent with the exercise..hope its keeping those cravings away too :goodjob:hope you meant good news...not god news!!!
Hi ppqpq..cuppa? hope all is well with you ..now why would they moan about the recycling bin? glad you liked the pics..have a great day
Hiya Lav...how are you today? coffee for you?did a little bit in the garden yesterday...patched the lawn..there was a real rubbish bit ..and now its gone!!any plans for today?
Hiya Mary jo..how are you ? when I get back we will need to talk gardening..you grow for fun what I strive to grow!!As far as ex goes...down to him really you look after you ..like I said we can support you..you need to be strong ....
Hiya Cinders hows you? bunny run ..its where my 2 rabbits go and hide I put some stones in it and they scratch and chuck them about..makes them feel like they are in a burrow!!!going to sink it half into the ground and cover it.How are you today?Glad you are feeling a wee bit better
Hiya SF...you ok ? yes you have come a long way ...and well done for that...no reason to be guarded on this thread.
Hiya blondie you ok? yep the sun burnt my napper!!hope you have a great evening
Hi Ky..thinking of you ...nuff said
Hi Det ..just saw you posted...keep up the good work friend
right folks short and sweet..next time I check in will be on my phone ..and that is a pain in the donkey!!so I will be dipping in and out..take care stay safe sober and stick to it big hugs Team :l
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
After finding out Paddy had just had sex with his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.
"It was amazing," Paddy gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."
"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.
"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," Paddy replied.
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Three men worked at a quarry. An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman. They had all worked there for over ten years.
One day in the site hut, at lunch, the Englishman opened his sandwiches and said "That's it, if I get ham in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of this quarry and kill myself ". The Scotsman opened his sandwich box and shouted "That's it, if I get cheese in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of this quarry and kill myself". The Irishman opened his and sighed, "That's it, if I get jam in my sandwiches again after ten years I will jump from the top of the quarry and kill myself".
The next day arrived and at lunch the Englishman opened his sandwiches, said nothing but climbed to the top of the Quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had ham between the slices.
The Scotsman opened his sandwiches, said nothing but climbed to the top of the quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had cheese between the slices.
The Irishman opened his sandwiches, had no one to say anything to, but climbed to the top of the quarry and flung himself off to his doom. His bread had jam between the slices.
A few days later at the funerals which all took place at the same time in the same graveyard, and next to each other, the Englishman's wife sobbed, "I'm so sorry my love. If I had known you didn't want ham I wouldn't have given it to you. Goodnight Darling". The Scotsman's wife sobbed, "I'm so sorry my love. If I had known you didn't want cheese I wouldn't have given it to you. Goodnight Darling". The Irishman's wife laughed, "Oh Jesus Paddy... So you don't like jam... for the last ten years you've been making your own bloody sandwiches".
What do you get when you stick your hand in a blender?
a handshake
The three businessman: Canadian, Mexican and American, are flying to the meeting...
? the pilot comes on the radio and tells the three passengers that they need to throw something that they don?t need. Mexican goes first and throws out tacos. They ask him why he threw that out. He replies: ?we have a lot of them back home.? Canadian throws out hockey stick. They ask him why he threw that out. He replies: ?we have a lot of them back home.? American throws out the Mexican saying: ?we have a lot of them back home.?
What is green and has four wheels?
Grass; I lied about the wheels.
A mate of mine held up a sign that said 'BNAG'...
I said, "That's bang out of order!"
A man walked into a psychiatrist's office with a pancake on his head..
... a fried egg on each shoulder, and a piece of bacon over each ear.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the psychiatrist.
The man said: "I'm worried about my brother
An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar was offered a large skull by a street-trader. "Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra, effendi," said the Egyptian, "only one hundred English pounds."
"No, thank you," said the Englishman. "It?s far too expensive."
"How ?bout dis one, effendi?" said the street-trader, producing a small skull.
"Whose skull is that?"
"Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra when she was little girl!"
Two monkeys are in a bath, the first monkey turns to the other and screams "Ooh ooh aaah aaah".
The second monkey looks back and replies "You can put some cold in, if you like".
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." ONE CENT that is way too cheap!" exclaimed the guy, the barman replied "Yes." So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?" "Certainly sir "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies. "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?".. The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess?
Because he's dead.
Three guys are out jogging.
...and they turn a corner and are hit by a truck, killing all three. They are then standing in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks the first one, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first answers, "Honestly, at least twice a week, every week that I was married. I just couldn't help myself!" St. Peter says, "We know, that's why you get a moped to ride around Heaven with." The guy jumps on the moped and rides off. To the next, St. Peter asks the same question. The second answers, "While I was married, only twice did I ever cheat on my wife. I hated myself afterwards. Please forgive me." St. Peter says, "We know. That's why you get a Cadillac to drive around Heaven with." The guy shouts, "Woo hoo!" and jumps in the car and drives off. Before St. Peter can say anything, the last guy holds up his hand. "From the moment I met my wife, no other women existed!" St. Peter says, "We know, that's why you get a Lamborghini to drive around Heaven with." The guy jumps in the car and drives off.
About a week later, the guy with the moped sees the guy with the Lamborghini sitting on the side of the road crying. "What happened?" he asks. "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard!"
I was at a bar last night nursing a beer
But I stopped after an hour because my nipple was getting too soggy
. 
PPQP
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