MAE ...folks how are we all today?good O hope well firstly big thank you to all those that took the time to post their congrats on my one year af..look forward to seeing your names in the same position...and yes you can do it!!Well Im out again all day today...weather is supposed to be really sunny..need to take a hat with me.Weekend coming up ..you all looking forward to it?
Tea and coffee brewing so here we go
Evening TT ..well the weekend has started for you..any plans ..what are you up to?Thank you for your oratory start yesterday ..twas really nice of you.
YAH ...good morning to you ...again thank you..so what are you up to?chill weekend or working on your house?or is that done now?
hiya blondie..and how are you this evening?looking forward to the weekend?My image of Australian weekends is ...chuck the weeks work into a corner, into shorts and off to the beach with surf board n barbie..no not a woman ...a bbq! tell me im right
hiya SF hows you today?thanks for the hug...you have done really well and really settled in.
hiya sweetpea..thanks for the thanks..duh??and dropping by .hope you are doing ok over there in the Emerald Isle.
Morning Cat...thank you ever so much for what you wrote..you know its things like that ,that keep you going..the whole purpose of me doing this originally was to help others, but you never find out if you do...I actually enjoy doing it too now!And no I aint one of those people that wants to convert/change the world,but I was given a second chance,and its nice to pass it on.Life seems to be treating you good now..so pleased for you.
Hiya Det ..and thank you for being on the same road..youve had your troubles and believe me worried us at times ,but you pulled through so well done.
Morning ppqp...thank you very much..and hows you today?hows the garden going? weather is sunny today...supposed to be a roasting weekend,and plants are doing great Have you any plans for the weekend?you off to your dads?Heres a cuppa to start your day..
Hiya Lav and how are you today?thank you for the cake......it has to go 3 ways..to celebrate independance day, my one year, and guess what ...today is my birthday too...so you have made me a birthday cake!..have you any plans for the weekend? or just see what lands!!
heres a nice brew and thank you..sheer poetry ..are this guys talent unstoppable :H
Hiya Caysea...how are you? thank you for your good wishes...its always lovely to see you.as for keeping fighting and fit thats the way for me
Hiya bear hows you?ok I hope..As for my life being unrecognisable......its exactly the same ..its my take on it thats different....and its all worth it..so cmon lets see your name in that 12 month slot!!
right peeps off we jolly well go..its going to be a long hard day...but fun take care all
cya
o there was this professional assassin who charged $1000 a bullet...
A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $1000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, we'll I've got $2000 here. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on two more minutes. I think I can save you $1000."
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.....
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
A man enters a pet shop.
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose." The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house. Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...
"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."
The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"
"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."
"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.
"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and panties."
What is the objective of jewish football?
To get the quarter back.
A blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mommy today at school we learned how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5, 6,7,8,9,10! It's good, right?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mommy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, right?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mommy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."
As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers, I muttered under my breath, "Fat fucking cows."
"What was that?" snapped my wife.
"You herd."
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? " "No", the woman replied. "I'm with the I.R.S."
What's red and bad for your teeth...
a brick
A woman is opening presents at her birthday party,
and the first present she picks up is from the local florist, Max. She looks at the box and says, "I bet these are flowers" and Max nods his head. Sure enough, inside the box are flowers.
The second present she picks up is from the local candy shop owner, Molly. She looks at the box and said, "I bet this is candy" and Molly nods her head. Sure enough, inside the box is candy.
The third present she picks up is from the local liquor store owner, Joe. She looks at the box, which is leaking. " I bet this is a bottle of liquor" she says.
"Nope" says Joe.
The woman dabs some of the liquid on her finger and tastes it. "Oh, I know what this is, it's champagne!"
"No" says Joe.
The woman, frustrated, puts the box to her mouth and slurps off as much liquid as she can. "I have no idea. What did you get me, Joe?"
"A puppy."
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
Tea and coffee brewing so here we go
Evening TT ..well the weekend has started for you..any plans ..what are you up to?Thank you for your oratory start yesterday ..twas really nice of you.
YAH ...good morning to you ...again thank you..so what are you up to?chill weekend or working on your house?or is that done now?
hiya blondie..and how are you this evening?looking forward to the weekend?My image of Australian weekends is ...chuck the weeks work into a corner, into shorts and off to the beach with surf board n barbie..no not a woman ...a bbq! tell me im right
hiya SF hows you today?thanks for the hug...you have done really well and really settled in.
hiya sweetpea..thanks for the thanks..duh??and dropping by .hope you are doing ok over there in the Emerald Isle.
Morning Cat...thank you ever so much for what you wrote..you know its things like that ,that keep you going..the whole purpose of me doing this originally was to help others, but you never find out if you do...I actually enjoy doing it too now!And no I aint one of those people that wants to convert/change the world,but I was given a second chance,and its nice to pass it on.Life seems to be treating you good now..so pleased for you.
Hiya Det ..and thank you for being on the same road..youve had your troubles and believe me worried us at times ,but you pulled through so well done.
Morning ppqp...thank you very much..and hows you today?hows the garden going? weather is sunny today...supposed to be a roasting weekend,and plants are doing great Have you any plans for the weekend?you off to your dads?Heres a cuppa to start your day..
Hiya Lav and how are you today?thank you for the cake......it has to go 3 ways..to celebrate independance day, my one year, and guess what ...today is my birthday too...so you have made me a birthday cake!..have you any plans for the weekend? or just see what lands!!
heres a nice brew and thank you..sheer poetry ..are this guys talent unstoppable :HHiya Caysea...how are you? thank you for your good wishes...its always lovely to see you.as for keeping fighting and fit thats the way for me
Hiya bear hows you?ok I hope..As for my life being unrecognisable......its exactly the same ..its my take on it thats different....and its all worth it..so cmon lets see your name in that 12 month slot!!
right peeps off we jolly well go..its going to be a long hard day...but fun take care all
cya
o there was this professional assassin who charged $1000 a bullet...
A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $1000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, we'll I've got $2000 here. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on two more minutes. I think I can save you $1000."
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.....
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
A man enters a pet shop.
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose." The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house. Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...
"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."
The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"
"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."
"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.
"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and panties."
What is the objective of jewish football?
To get the quarter back.
A blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mommy today at school we learned how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5, 6,7,8,9,10! It's good, right?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mommy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, right?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mommy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."
As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers, I muttered under my breath, "Fat fucking cows."
"What was that?" snapped my wife.
"You herd."
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? " "No", the woman replied. "I'm with the I.R.S."
What's red and bad for your teeth...
a brick
A woman is opening presents at her birthday party,
and the first present she picks up is from the local florist, Max. She looks at the box and says, "I bet these are flowers" and Max nods his head. Sure enough, inside the box are flowers.
The second present she picks up is from the local candy shop owner, Molly. She looks at the box and said, "I bet this is candy" and Molly nods her head. Sure enough, inside the box is candy.
The third present she picks up is from the local liquor store owner, Joe. She looks at the box, which is leaking. " I bet this is a bottle of liquor" she says.
"Nope" says Joe.
The woman dabs some of the liquid on her finger and tastes it. "Oh, I know what this is, it's champagne!"
"No" says Joe.
The woman, frustrated, puts the box to her mouth and slurps off as much liquid as she can. "I have no idea. What did you get me, Joe?"
"A puppy."
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
Comment