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**Catbuddy** · July 5, 2013, 09:56 PM

af Saturday 6 July

Mae, all.

Treetops, I had the same experience. It occured to me years ago that you can learn whatever challenges a person, what it is that they struggle with, by looking at their bookcase. Mine is full of detox, self-help, healing books. Several of the chronic issues I suffered from resolved themselves when I stopped drinking and dropped sugar (to really low levels). In the end, the solution was simple although difficult to execute. Now if someone could help me figure out how to ease chronic pain, I would be massively grateful.

Speaking of movies, I saw a great documentary last night "20 Feet from Stardom." It's about the lives of backup singers, and more broadly, the community it takes to make great music. I highly recommend it.

Cat

**Mick** · July 6, 2013, 02:38 AM

af Saturday 6 July

MAE..everyone ..well back to realiity ..all celebrations pour moi now finished ...had a good birthday...Julie got me a cake made..really nice...made of battenburg,marzipan and icing...beg to report ,less than half left!!
Weather is gorgeous..23 degrees yesterday and really warm today yipee ..rabbits are out playing.

Tea coffee n water on the go.

Evening TT, how are you? had a good day? I read a lot too ,though recently its been off to bed then into zedsville pretty much straight away!Did you go shopping ..and to the vintage shop?

Hiya Cat...hows you today?thanks for the hippie birdie...made me smile..have you any plans for te weekend?

Morning bear how are you?Glad you enjoyed Budapest ..you any plans for the weekend....apart from zooming about like a whirling dervish?

Morning Lav hows you ..yes you got your wish I ate LOTS of cake.....how did the baby sitting go yesterday? did they wake up all happy and smiley? yeh right!!any plans for today?have a good one..after this coffee!

Morning June...thanks for thec congrats..yep Ihave been called "different " in the past..amongst other names!!You any plans for the weekend?It is strange when you look back and think how did alcohol suddenly take over..not why..that is a separate issue, tough very much linked..too early for this 17 degrees on a Saturday morning!!

Hiya ppqp...how are you today?thank you for the congrats ..trade you for a coffee ..here you go...any plans ?Im just putting in some more plants at the mo then water them..anyone want cabbage? mine have grown huge and got more on the go too!!

Hi YAH...hows you ? not long for you either is it?Reckon it was the best pressie..Do you know yesterday felt so contented and happy..I remember thinking to myself..the only present I wish ..is for my mum to still be here!!strange isnt it?Anyway you have a good day

Hiya Det..and a merry christmas to you too!!Is that ac unit chucking out loopy juice?:H
be happy mate enjoy yourself

Hiya SF....ta for getting America to set off the fireworks!!So you have had a pretty rap time dealing with people?Like the one where your boss screws up ..and then kicks off about budget...just make sure that you write down the financial status you would have been in had this deal not been screwed up..document it all for your next bilat..after all he is the boss..if he wants to fk the job up fine crack on.....but then he must see that he will be paying the piper nobody else!!!you work to live not the other way around!!
As for hubby let that take its own time.....but when sorry day comes,make sure you tell him he was bang out of order with his comments..you worked hard to get where you were ..a little bit of support would be nice ..not snide comments thank you very much.

right offfski...going swimming this morning ..not want ..need to ..after all the cake!!!have a great weekend

A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment..

The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.. My little Fifi is using that seat.."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.
"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

An American soldier, English soldier, and Chinese soldier and standing together on top of their respective submarines...

The English soldier says, "The English have phenomenal subs. We can stay under for a week without coming up!"
The Chinese soldier quickly replies, "A week! Our subs can stay under for a month, easy."
The American lets out a chuckle and says, "With our nuclear power subs, we can remain underwater for over three months!"
All of a sudden, a U-boat rises from the water and a man comes out. He asks, "Did we win the war?"

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

A piiig!

There are three types of people in this world...

those who can count, and those who can't.

I actually like the smell of hospitals..

Does that make me a sick person?

Chris says to his father.

"Dad I just passed my drivers test and I was wondering if you could help me buy my first car".
His father said he?d make a deal with his son
"You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we?ll talk about the car.?"
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he?d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said
"Son, you?ve brought your grades up and I?ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I?m disappointed you haven?t had your hair cut."
The boy said,
"You know, Dad, I?ve been thinking about that, and I?ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair?and there?s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
The Dad replied:
?Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went??

Wife asks his husband how many women he had slept with

Husband proudly replies, "Only you darling!" "With the others I was awake..."

**bear73** · July 6, 2013, 03:56 AM

af Saturday 6 July

hi there - up early and unhungover - it's my team's second birthday today.
we're playing rounders, have awards and food and a band and disco are playing later.I'm travelling with a friend and her dog.

I feel strong about being sober today, many people don't drink/drink moderately in my team.A few don't but it's only later on when that all kicks in.Funnily enough I never really liked drinking in the sun as it makes me feel ill.

I am aiming for 30 days as I need to break the idea of forever down. I agree re bookshelves - I have tonnes of self help books - eating,self esteem and more recently smoking and alcohol and I agree that sometimes reading can be a substitute for action.

SF I'm sorry about your husband and work situation, you have a good perspective on it by the sounds of it.

Mick - you're so right about me being a whirling dervish - I would LOVE to just stay at home and potter for a day - in fact I may well do that tomorrow.It's funny I spend hours mindlessly watching TV or surfing internet in evenings - there is pottering I could be doing/would enjoy to do in the house that would relax me.I'm conscious of letting myself off the to do lists though.

Today will be a good sober day, looking forward to seeing team and not stressing about if I am liked/part of 'the gang' - there are lots of people that I want to talk to and spend time with.

**Cinders** · July 6, 2013, 05:11 AM

af Saturday 6 July

MAE Abbers,

I've been jumping on and off a bit this week as hubby is home and, as usual, driving me batty with this and that. Although, I have to say that getting some things done around the house is nice.

TT,

But what I had to finally do was just quit. Really really want to.

That's quite the answer, isn't it? Too bad we can't figure out a way to make the decision come quicker for others but we just can't. I, too, read, over analyzed, pontificated, drank, expounded, ad nauseum until "boink" the want to quit was more than the want to keep drinking. Period.

Cat, Pain is quite the bugger, isn't it? I find chronic pain can take me down into some serious depression. Luckily, knock on wood, I am not experiencing anything severe atm. No serious back pain, no serious headaches, etc. Just the pain of having hubby around 24/7 but this too shall pass when he goes back to work Monday.

I have a good friend who told me that she didn't mind pain unless it was on her body...

Mick, What a week for you in terms of annis. Now back to it, man. No more kudos or special days for you. We expect the daily jokes or pictures to keep us occupied while drinking our coffee. I am going to Google the cake ingredients (I know the marzipan but batenburg is new to me.) Being a baker, I just may take the cake on. Can you send me a recipe?

I have been asked to bake a carrot cake for our AA "birthday" meeting at the end of the month. I am seriously looking forward to it. I may just make one ahead of time to "test" the recipe.

Bear, Now that I don't drink, I realize that a lot of people don't drink. Never occurred to me, really. And, they don't drink just because they don't want to. Seems odd to this alkie but it's actually true. I was telling my grandson the other day that all through my adult life, it simply never occurred to me that drinking every evening after work wasn't normal. I just thought it was something that one does. How odd is that?

Hope all have/are having a relaxing sober Saturday.

Love,
Cindi

**Lavande** · July 6, 2013, 07:35 AM

af Saturday 6 July

Good Saturday morning Abbers

Another hot, humid, hazy day in store officially making this the third heat wave of the summer

Kind of yucky but better than the endless days of rain we had for a few weeks.
I have the whole group coming for a BBQ today!

Cat, about your chronic pain......
My daughter found she was indeed allergic to wheat, sensitive to gluten so eliminating that from her diet gave her almost immediate relief from crippling arthritic pain. She recently told me that she is also taking a supplement with turmeric & bromelain. She claims it has taken care of ALL of her aches & pains. Anything that fights inflammation should be helpful

TT, the hardest part of this whole thing for me was convincing myself to just let go - take that leap of faith into the 'unknown'! I finally got so sick & tired of the way I was I wanted to change. Boy am I ever grateful now

Mick, glad you had plenty of good cake!!!!
I am expecting my whole brood today for a BBQ! My son was on duty for 48 hrs in DC - always a busy place during the holidays. So the family holiday celebration is today!

bear, hope you have a good day. A 30 day goal is completely doable for you!

Cindi, I imagine you are dealing with all this heat & humidity too!
I am going to finally get around to dragging out the kiddie pool today so at least the kids can take a dip.

SF, sorry you are dealing with a difficult spouse. I know a bit about that myself.
If they would just wake up & choose to be happy each & every day, things would be a lot different.

Have a great day one & all.
Lav

**YoungAtHeart** · July 6, 2013, 10:15 AM

af Saturday 6 July

MAE Fabbies!

It's hot and muggy here, too. Lav and I have about the same weather report most days, being that we probably live about 100 miles apart, as the crow flies.

Maddie is home today, as we are starting to rearrange furniture preparatory to her move back home for a number of months. I'm glad that we will be sweating indoors in the AC.

I know that some people in AA are First Nighters, who quit successfully on their first attempt. While that may seem like a good thing, I'm not sure I totally agree without some reservations. If that person ever does relapse, they will have no experience coping with the shame and remorse. I don't mean to sound like relapses are a good thing, but for some of us, they have been learning experiences. Either way, the goal is to be sober, and I'm sure glad I am.

I have had some cravings this week after having to be so strong this past weekend, but I am glad that I did stay strong, and now they are starting to pass and I'm feeling back to my regular self. Some people at the reunion (including one of my good friends) got really stupid. Another of my good friends downed 6 cosmos and 7 beers and was still standing. THAT is frightening! My bar tab was a total of $5 (including tip) for an iced tea with refills. :H It felt so good not to spend $70-100 on drinks.

On the other hand, as you noticed, bear, there were a number of people who weren't drinking at all or drank very normally. My friend, Sue, had 3 glasses of wine over 6 hours, and drank water to keep herself hydrated as well.

Okay, I'm starting to sound like a preacher.

Cinders, I'm glad you survived the time with your daughter and her family. It must be difficult.

Oops, gotta run, Maddie's ready to get to work, and I sure don't want to lose that opportunity. I'll try to check in later and not talk about me, me, me!

:l
YahYah

**TheSunFlower** · July 6, 2013, 10:58 AM

af Saturday 6 July

Good morning TT, Cat, Mick, Bear, Cinders and Lav and all to follow. I slept in today and it feels great. It's been raining here for days....I plan to catch up on some reading. Trying to not get sucked in by the television.

Gosh, I can't tell you how many books I read about quitting drinking over the years. I guess all helped in a way giving me a good foundation for strategies. I also wanted to know why? In the end the why doesn't really matter. I needed to stop permanently and knew that. I had a ton of failed experiments to show that

I read on another thread that the pathways we made in our brain we made in our brain are permanent. Kinda like the pathways we made while learning to ride a bike. Thus, being why that first drink is so important to stay away from.....and why we are suspectible to relapse. I have seen a lot of people relapse after long periods of sobriety. Sometimes with fatal results. In a way....I thought what's the point of getting sober to relapse after years of being sober. I forgot to look at people who have not relapsed and learn from them.

I recently read on another site where a man states, "we get sober for ourselves, we stay sober because of all the people we will hurt if we drink". The biggest motivator for me these days is how much it would let my kids down if I drank. They continually cheer me on. And I remember how awful it felt when I let them down in the past.

Mick....this client most likely would have been a long term client after their initial grand opening. So the financials and budget making are long term with the boss's screw up. Also, they had an agency representing them which could have brought us several other clients. Ultimately my boss made the agency and myself look stupid.....so I don't see that agency taking my calls ever. The worst part is that he is blind to all this.

Hubby got on me this am about money. We have accumulated more cc debt over the last few months than I would like....but, it's due to one client not paying their bill. I ultimately had over $3,000 pulled from my check as we sent them to collections. Being the sole financial provider.....I just looked at him at said..."yeah it will be nice when you start bringing in some money". He shut up and walked away.

I am not a shopper. The cc build up is due to groceries and things the kids needed. He was taking the kids out for lunch almost everyday....it was me that put a stop to that.

I still don't know what I am going to do with my marriage. My main focus is to get enough sober time in, so he can no longer threaten me with the kids. He knows he can't support himself if I left him. In the past he had these grand ideas that I would have to give him all this alimony and child support. He is now realizing that isn't the case. Especially if I remain sober. I just don't think we are compatible anymore and I really have lost respect for him. He has made excuse after excuse for not getting a job....and he knows if he doesn't get something soon.....he is going to be shown the door.

Maybe I should start reading a book instead of writing one

**TheSunFlower** · July 6, 2013, 11:41 AM

af Saturday 6 July

YAH...looks like we were posting at the same time.

I never heard of First Nighters. I think most people get to AA after many failed attempts of trying to get sober on their own. So most likely it was not their first attempt. What I did see is when someone relapsed for a period of time.....the group turned their backs on them. The longer sober time they had it seemed like the group was more harsh on them. Because of being in AA for so long they ultimately lost their entire support system overnight.

I did see people return....but, in many cases they had to change groups and start all over again forming a new support system.

My ex-sponsor went through that and did not survive.

I like Celebrate because even though it is Christ centered and based on the 12 Steps....they really focus on its is your responsibility to get sober and stay sober. There is no disease talk. It is much like having diabetes and the person with diabetes is responsible to take care of themselves. But, I have yet to hear a diabetic say....my disease made me eat all that sugar.

It is my responsibility to do whatever it takes to not reach for a drink for the endless excuses I had. I find it empowering to know it ultimately lays on my shoulders. And that includes seeking support when I need it.

**porqoui** · July 6, 2013, 02:33 PM

af Saturday 6 July

MAE ALL...Late check in as I was down at my Dads, who's doing fabulous today.

TT...thanks for the kickoff. Taking it easy this weekend but what a week! Glad it's over.

CB...my bookcase could be right beside yours. I don't remember a time (present day excluded) that I didn't wonder what was wrong with me.

SF...I suffered from low self esteem, was unhappy, friendless and no direction in life. Looking for someone else to look after me and wound up with a "manic-depressive" :shocked: He would use alcohol to control me. Offer it to me because he wanted something and take it away when I wasn't living up to his standard. It is so much easier being responsible for myself and leaving him, literally, to be responsible for himself.

Mick...trade accepted I can use a coffee. Going to head over to the garden soon and check things out as we experienced thunder/lightning, heavy downpour and flash flooding last night. A few of the cleaned up flood sites got flooded out again. :surrender: We are nowhere at the stage of harvesting which I blame directly on the weather. Considering this 1st year a learning experience. Watch out next year.

Bear...you definitely are sounding strong as well and your 30 day goal will just fly by. Have fun at your teams second birthday it sounds like you're going to have a great time.

Cindi...never occurred to me either that people didn't come home from work and drink. I seem to remember some black&white shows where the "man" comes home to his "perfect woman" handing him a drink as she goes back to the kitchen to finish cooking the meal and he relaxes with the paper. Even now I'll watch commercials and think why couldn't my married family life have been like that and I finally figured out that the truth is those families don't exist. That stopped the coulda, shoulda, woulda thinking.

Lav...hope you have a grand BBQ and remember...the kiddie pool is for the kiddies.

YahYah...never heard of First Nighters either but boy does that describe the ex. When he was diagnosed with Bipolar he was told some people only ever experience 1 episode...and that's all it took, that was him. He didn't need meds or to deal with things because he was the one in a million that it only happens once. Needless to say he was wrong.

roud: for staying strong during the cravings. Sounds like those cravings were the beast saying you deserved a reward for not drinking over the weekend and you showed him who's boss. :goodjob:

Off to see if the gardens are still there...have a great AF Sat aft/eve all and all who pop in....

PPQP

**YoungAtHeart** · July 6, 2013, 03:48 PM

af Saturday 6 July

Hey all! Back. Maddie and I got lots accomplished; we had to take apart a trundle bed and move it into another room. In a townhouse with small rooms, this is major! We only yelled at each other once and quickly returned to civility.

What a great discussion today. SF, that is a terrible about your former sponsor. I cannot imagine an AA group turning their back on someone who relapses after a long period of sobriety. That is absolutely horrible. I can imagine people being angry, disappointed, etc., but turning away? Ugh!

I don't mind things that are God/Christ centered as long as it is not shoved down one's throat. I know several people who couldn't stand AA but loved Celebrate Recovery.

Regarding your spousal unit, I think you have things under control, and it is just a matter of time. That doesn't mean it isn't supremely frustrating at times. I'm glad you're not letting it control your actions, though.

PPQ, thanks for the support. I hadn't thought of it like that, but I DO think I deserved a reward for being so strong! LMAO. What a loon I can be. Thanks for your insight. I hope the gardens are all in good shape, considering what those plants have been through. My former fiance was a first nighter, but he was a controlling asshole. I'm sure it made him high to be a first nighter.

I hope your BBQ is going well, Lav! Great day for it, if you have lots of shade trees.

Hey, Mick, so happy you had a good, contented day yesterday. Interesting that you missed your mum. She would have been very proud of you, I'll reckon!

Sounds like it is time for hubby to get back to work, and not a moment too soon, huh, Cinders! Just gotta get through the weekend.

Anyway, that's all for me today. Hugs to anyone I missed. It's nice to have my life slowly returning to normal after the last month. Really nice.........

:l
YahYah

**Determinator** · July 6, 2013, 04:52 PM

af Saturday 6 July

happy healthy Saturday ABeroooos!

just a quick fly by to grant garlic-flavored hugs to you all xxxxxxxx

be well

**TheSunFlower** · July 6, 2013, 07:18 PM

af Saturday 6 July

TT....I too put off getting sober because I was reading a book on getting sober....and I could not possibly do what the book said until I finished it:H

Cat...I am sorry you have chronic pain. So thrilled that you are able to stay sober through it.

Bear....the last time I put skates on was at a kids birthday party with my son. It was not pretty. Hope you stay strong. For me I am steering clear of celebrations that are booze filled.

Cinders....it was awhile ago that I really started to notice at restaurants that only a minority of people even had a drink with their dinner. But, I was able to polish off four before the check arrived

Lav....I so wish I was at your BB. I am hungry. I grew up in western PA.

PPQ....glad to hear about your dad....that has to ease your mind.

YAH....glad to hear you got a lot accomplished today. It is raining so I planned a reading day. I really enjoyed it.

I find Celebrate uplifting and accepting. I have only been to 3 so far. Nothing is stuffed down your throat. When we break into small groups people introduce themselves as..."My name is Stacy and I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I am here for alcohol abuse (the terms alcoholic and addict are not used). I do not say that I am a believer....because quite frankly I don't know what that really means. Nobody seems to care.

I have been attending the church's services and they always have a great message. I attended a "get to know the church" meeting. He said "that this church is for broken people to come to heal. All we really care about is seeing you grow into the best version of you." To join the church....it's a bit different. And when I said I just did not know enough about God to think about joining.....he said that I had come to the right place. And again, nothing pushed on me.

That said....I began to read the "Recovery Bible". In the past the Bible could never hold my attention. However, before I am going disagree with something.....I should at least read the darn thing. This one has correlations written on the side that relate to recovery. It does start out like a horror novel. But I am committed to reading it, slowly.

I felt in AA things were shoved down my throat much more than Celebrate. Using threats of prison and death. My friend from AA keeps ranting how AA is not religious. To some degree I agree....but by step 3 God is clearly there. For those who chooses their cat as their HP....step 3 has to be tough. And maybe this is where I got lost in AA....because I never had a clear picture of what I believed in. Just something out there.

She really downs me on the whole Celebrate thing. Predicts my relapse and how I will be back in AA or die. Personally, I don't think anyone should down or reject AA until they have gone. It's not for me. And I can clearly say that because I have gone. I've done the whole sponsor and step thing....it never kept me sober.....in the end I was getting drunk after every meeting.

So clearly I read books today....and written one.

**Lavande** · July 6, 2013, 09:23 PM

af Saturday 6 July

Wow SF, I couldn't tolerate a group threatening me with prison & death

I don't respond well to threats & intimidation, never did. Glad you have found better support!
So you're a PA girl too? Cool!

YahYah, you have had a lot going on lately, hope things slow down now. I think that's nice that your daughter will be staying with you for a while. No one got hurt moving furniture, that's a plus :H
So glad you've gotten through everything AF

Hi to Det & everyone.
Have a great night all!

Lav

**YoungAtHeart** · July 6, 2013, 09:59 PM

af Saturday 6 July

SunFlower, it's so nice to be getting to know you better. Threats and intimidation never worked for me, either. It is so condescending for people to say that if you don't do it their way, you will relapse. That makes me so angry. I got enough of that kind of shit in childhood, no need for more, thank you very much!

Garlicky waves back at ya, Det!

Regular waves to you, Lav.

:l

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