MAE everyone...well how are we today?all set for a happy pre hump day?ok then lets get rollin..tea n coffee on the go
morning Lav?hows you today? ot humid weather, combined with extreme kiddie watching...wow here quick have this coffee..reckon you will need it oh and a few more gallons!!!
Hiya SF..hows you? after pullin the old left the wallet stunt...I can understand it doing it on someone else...but doing it to yourself..now that is something!!
Mornin ppqp ..hows you today?easy day for you today is it?oh well might as well start with this coffee. So you are trundling your flock off to Banff?any spare places long long time since I was there!!You never heard of underwater football?:H oh by the way ...you still on coke??me too..boss taking you out for Jan 5th lunch..whats up did he forget his wallet too?
Hiya Cat...and hows Paradise today then?Just another day.....hmm Phil Collins..that song as got special memories for me..went on an exchange trip years ago with the Estonian Prison Service..and one of the nicks I visited had previously been a Russian Gulag complete with all the mod cons..NOT..They played that song over and over allday on loudspeakers..the reason? to stop the different cell blocks from communicating with each other..there you go ..another useless piece of info for you!!
Hiya blondie, how are you today..or in your case this evening?I await the mandarins with delight..on saying that..you watch bet I end up with Chinese gentlemen with long robes and beards on the doorstep!!
Christmas stocking...apple ,orange,and some nuts...eeeee those were the days !!!!
Morning Det ..and how are you this fine day?all well?
Hiya June and how are you? well done on the iced tea versus wine..great job...you really have taken to the af life well.
Morning YAH..how are you today?gardens going mad is it? lets do some plant swapping.Forgot to put new potatoes on the list of veggies I have had out of the garden.weather over here is really good for growing at the present.
righto people must go ..places to go people to meet n all that!! have a great day
Fred and Mary get married but couldn?t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred?s Mom and Dad?s house for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred?s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, ?No?.
Johnny asks, ?Do you know what I think??
His mom replies, ?I don?t want to hear what you think! Just go to school.?
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, ?Are Fred and Mary up yet??
She replies, ?No.?
Johnny says, ?Do you know what I think??
His mom replies, ?Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.?
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, ?Are Fred and Mary up yet??
His mom says, ?No.?
He asks, ?Do you know what I think??
His mom replies, ?Ok, now tell me what you think.?
He says: ?Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think?
I gave him my airplane glue.?
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for s*x. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, ?Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time??
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife?s shoulder and asks, ?Honey, please?just one more time before I die.? She says, ?Of course, Dear,? and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he?s down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. ?Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could??
At this point the wife sits up and says, ?Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning? you don?t.?
why women are so bright
We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
* Taxis stop for us.
* We don?t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
* We don?t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We can talk to people of the opposite s*x without having to picture them naked.
* If we marry someone 20 years younger, we?re aware that we look like an idiot.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
* We?ll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
* We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren?t listening anyway.
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn?t figure out what the letters stood for? It is about time you became informed:
A ? Almost Boobs
B ? Barely there.
C ? Can?t Complain!
D ? Damn!
DD? Double damn!
E ? Enormous!
F ? Fake
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They?re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don?t work.
How do men define a ?50/50″ relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder ?Instruction Manuals.?
How does a man show he?s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he?s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn?t hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted./>What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he?s God?s gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they?re sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.
?Don?t do that, that was a honeybee,? his father said, ?he wasn?t doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week.?
Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it.
?That was a butterfly,? his father said, ?he wasn?t doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week.?
The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter.
Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped on it.
The boy looked at his father and said, ?Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I??
morning Lav?hows you today? ot humid weather, combined with extreme kiddie watching...wow here quick have this coffee..reckon you will need it oh and a few more gallons!!!
Hiya SF..hows you? after pullin the old left the wallet stunt...I can understand it doing it on someone else...but doing it to yourself..now that is something!!
Mornin ppqp ..hows you today?easy day for you today is it?oh well might as well start with this coffee. So you are trundling your flock off to Banff?any spare places long long time since I was there!!You never heard of underwater football?:H oh by the way ...you still on coke??me too..boss taking you out for Jan 5th lunch..whats up did he forget his wallet too?
Hiya Cat...and hows Paradise today then?Just another day.....hmm Phil Collins..that song as got special memories for me..went on an exchange trip years ago with the Estonian Prison Service..and one of the nicks I visited had previously been a Russian Gulag complete with all the mod cons..NOT..They played that song over and over allday on loudspeakers..the reason? to stop the different cell blocks from communicating with each other..there you go ..another useless piece of info for you!!
Hiya blondie, how are you today..or in your case this evening?I await the mandarins with delight..on saying that..you watch bet I end up with Chinese gentlemen with long robes and beards on the doorstep!!
Christmas stocking...apple ,orange,and some nuts...eeeee those were the days !!!!
Morning Det ..and how are you this fine day?all well?
Hiya June and how are you? well done on the iced tea versus wine..great job...you really have taken to the af life well.
Morning YAH..how are you today?gardens going mad is it? lets do some plant swapping.Forgot to put new potatoes on the list of veggies I have had out of the garden.weather over here is really good for growing at the present.
righto people must go ..places to go people to meet n all that!! have a great day
Fred and Mary get married but couldn?t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred?s Mom and Dad?s house for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred?s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, ?No?.
Johnny asks, ?Do you know what I think??
His mom replies, ?I don?t want to hear what you think! Just go to school.?
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, ?Are Fred and Mary up yet??
She replies, ?No.?
Johnny says, ?Do you know what I think??
His mom replies, ?Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.?
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, ?Are Fred and Mary up yet??
His mom says, ?No.?
He asks, ?Do you know what I think??
His mom replies, ?Ok, now tell me what you think.?
He says: ?Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think?
I gave him my airplane glue.?
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for s*x. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, ?Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time??
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife?s shoulder and asks, ?Honey, please?just one more time before I die.? She says, ?Of course, Dear,? and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he?s down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. ?Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could??
At this point the wife sits up and says, ?Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning? you don?t.?
why women are so bright
We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
* Taxis stop for us.
* We don?t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
* We don?t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We can talk to people of the opposite s*x without having to picture them naked.
* If we marry someone 20 years younger, we?re aware that we look like an idiot.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
* We?ll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
* We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren?t listening anyway.
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn?t figure out what the letters stood for? It is about time you became informed:
A ? Almost Boobs
B ? Barely there.
C ? Can?t Complain!
D ? Damn!
DD? Double damn!
E ? Enormous!
F ? Fake
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They?re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don?t work.
How do men define a ?50/50″ relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder ?Instruction Manuals.?
How does a man show he?s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he?s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn?t hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted./>What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he?s God?s gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they?re sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it.
?Don?t do that, that was a honeybee,? his father said, ?he wasn?t doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week.?
Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it.
?That was a butterfly,? his father said, ?he wasn?t doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week.?
The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter.
Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped on it.
The boy looked at his father and said, ?Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I??
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