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**Mick** · July 29, 2013, 03:29 AM

af Monday 29 July

MAE all how are you?ok I hope..weather rubbish over here ..not stopped raining,but after the warm spell it was needed really.Got a lot to do so on with the show...

..Evening TT hope all is well with you...success both smell and stain have gone ..used a reed diffusser to take the smell away works brill..So now ..guess what quote"you know we were going to decorate the front and dining rooms? might as well do it now"Radiator to come out, fireplace and mantle to come out to change the insert tiles, renew wall lights..and then we will think about decorating.....really chuffed that stain came out.No you dont need drinky poos to get over that flat spot ..you can do it :goodjob:

Hiya witts end lovely to see you back on here ,hope all is well with you

Hiya Lav..and how are you today?Another week of xtreme babysitting ..go for it..enjoy your supermarket dash yesterday?Guess what ..my new phone got 29 tom n jerry cartoons downloaded on to it..priceless..how old am I ??!!!here you go one large coffee

Hiya Pauly .and how are you today?couldn't work the connection out about holidays and hot chocolate ..sure there must be one!!

Morning YAH ..hows you today?now that you have replenned on your spices from around the world at gratis..agree with you too ..certainly not shy either..refuse nothing but blows ..an excellent motto!!

Morning SF..how are you today? sleep pattern any better?hopefully so

kinda short on peeps on the thread Sunday.....but wherever you are be safe n sober
right off to get some work done...have a great day

Harold?s new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman.
The employee said, ?If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you.? The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle.
Harold says, ?This small thing, a watch dog? You?re kidding, right??
The employee says, ?No, this dog is special; he knows karate.?
?Karate? I don?t believe it,? Harold says.
The employee puts the dog down and says, ?Karate the sign.? And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this.
The employee then says, ?Karate the chair.? And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced.
?I?ll take him,? he says.
When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells out, ?This little thing, a watch dog? No way.? Harold says, ?But this dog knows karate.?
?Karate,? she yells. ?Karate my butt!?

Four guys are telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves for a bathroom break. Three guys are left.
The first guy says, ?I was worried that my son was gonna be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he?s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday.?
The second guy says, ?I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact, he?s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday.?
The third guy says, ?Yeah, I hear you. My son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. In fact, he?s so rich that he just gave HIS best friend a million in stock for his birthday.?
The fourth guy comes back from the can. The first 3 explain that they are telling stories about their kids, so he says, ?Well, I?m embarrassed to admit that my son is a MAJOR disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact, I just found out that he?s gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. But, I try to look at the bright side: his boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house, and a million in stock for his birthday.?

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, ?Wow, these seats are big!?
The person next to him answered, ?Everything is big in Texas.?
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, ?Wow these mugs are big!?
The bartender replied, ?Everything is big in Texas.?
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied, ?Second door to the right.?
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, ?Don?t flush, don?t flush!?

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favourite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, ?Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!?
?Dear God! Did you try to stop him??
?No,? she said, ?I did better than that! I got the license plate number!?

A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest.
The surgeon announced, ?Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession.?
The engineer replied, ?But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine.?
The lawyer smirked, and said, ?Who do you think created the chaos??

Men and Women ? The Differences

NICKNAMES:
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
DINING OUT:
And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it?s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom ? a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman?s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett?s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
CATS:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren?t looking, men kick cats.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: Go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of ?Love, American Style.?
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

An attorney, cross-examining the local coroner, queried, ?Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man?s pulse??
?No,? the coroner replied.
?Well, then, did you listen for a heart beat??
The coroner answered, ?No.?
?Did you check for respiration? Breathing??, asked the attorney.
Again the coroner replied, ?No.?
?Ah,? the attorney said, ?So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you??
The coroner rolled his eyes, and shot back ?Counselor, at the time I signed the death certificate the man?s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I can see your point. For all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.?

A father was scolding his young son for not doing his homework.
?If I had a computer, it would be so much easier,? said the son.
?You don?t need a computer,? replied the father. ?When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he studied by candlelight in a log cabin.?
?And when he was your age,? the son replied, ?He was President of the United States!?

Laws for women to live by

. Don?t imagine you can change a man ? unless he?s in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon ? they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man?s mind wander ? it?s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well ? they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same ? they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don?t make fools of men ? most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something ? suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind ? but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man ? look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn?t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you?re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal

A young lawyer, in the process of opening a new private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients.
Upon seeing a man enter the lobby of his office, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it, ?Eight hundred thousand dollars? You?re kidding me. You?re going to have to do better than that. Our bottom line for settlement is a million. Don?t waste my time with anything less.?
Slamming down the phone, he then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, ?Now, what can I do for you??
?Nothing,? replied the man. ?I?m here to hook up your phone.?

**Cinders** · July 29, 2013, 05:38 AM

af Monday 29 July

MAE Abbers!!

I am sorry I have been MIA but you are right TT, grandchildren all weekend, outdoor work to get done, etc.

I spent most of this weekend in our pool with the little ones. I took them home with burnt noses and exhausted. Hopefully mom and dad got a good night's sleep out of the deal.

TT, echoing the sentiments of others here, make your own tradition with your daughter. Ask her opinion of what to do at Christmas. Tell her to give you several ideas.

As far as extended family, I understand the issues. Sadly, my brothers and I are very close. No matter how far away we are or how long between visits, we just pick up where we left off. It is one of my SILs who is a real issue. For some reason, she cannot stand me. I have tried to get along with her and on the surface, she is very caring but all of the sudden out of nowhere, ambush. My oldest brother thinks she is very jealous of me for some reason. At the end of the day, it is a sad place in my heart because she keeps me somewhat distant from my other brother.

Family dynamics are interesting.

Lav, I, too, have the hot flashes and sleep issues that middle-aged women often suffer from. I do take Rx meds, but only very very occasionally. Insomnia is a trait my daddy passed on to me and if I go too many days without much sleep, it can be very draining.

A few tricks I have learned: Wake up at the same time every day, no matter what. In my case, easy to do because I wake up between 3:00 and 4:00 every morning. Keep the room fairly dark. Do not take vitamins too close to bed time. Take your calcium and magnesium at bed time. I take a 3 mg Melatonin at bedtime, also. I read somewhere that a lack of Melatonin is related to Dementia, so I figured what the heck. It helps sleep and may help stave off Dementia. It may or may not help but it can't hurt.

I also have a fan in the room and I believe the white noise helps me. I am one of those who hear a low hum when it is quiet. Science has no idea why some of us hear that but I do. The fan noise overcomes the hum.

Y@H, I hope you have fun with Maddie at home. I am sure there will be some friction at times because that is only normal when two people are in the same house. Still, it should be fun to have a "girlfriend" around to chat with.

I have to go take out the trash this morning. It is always a big ordeal since our garbage can is so far away. I keep telling myself I will do it during the week and never do.

I'll check back in later and see how all are doing here.

Oh, Mick, I am running into some serious financial issues with my daughter. I know how that goes. Currently, I find my stomach churning due to her situation. I keep saying the Serenity Prayer and that helps a bit but at the end of the day, I hate to see devastating financial consequences hit her so hard.

As Arnie would say, "I'll be back.."

Love,
Cindi

**Lavande** · July 29, 2013, 07:03 AM

af Monday 29 July

Good morning Abbers,

Monday Monday......
We shall see what develops this week :H
Week 4 of extreme babysitting begins at lunchtime. But first I get my trip to Curves in

TT, Mondays & stress always seemed to go hand in hand for me. Supposedly the incidence & heart attacks & strokes rise 20% on Mondays. I like the idea of some pre-emptive meditation early in the morning

Hope everything has settled down for you & your daughter!

Mick, you are sounding very ambitious fella!
If you run out of projects I have a few dozen things that need attention around here!
My granddaughter was playing with my iPhone last week & managed to send a 'sticker' to my son on Facebook. I couldn't figure out how to do that if my life depended on it :H
Have fun with your cartoons!

Cindi, sleep problems can be a real pain in the butt

Like I said, I've tried every trick in the book except Rx sleeping pills - don't want them. I actually can go to sleep just fine but I can't sleep thru the hot flashes which occur pretty regularly. My ceiling fan stays on most of the year - it helps me cool off when I am awakened. This issue is always worse during the summer months despite my house being completely air conditioned. I think I need to move to Alaska :H

OK, off I go, first stop is Curves!
Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

**porqoui** · July 29, 2013, 07:25 AM

af Monday 29 July

P

MAE ALL...

Just popping in to say have a great AF Monday all and all to come....

PPQP

Will try to pop on properly later.

**YoungAtHeart** · July 29, 2013, 08:14 AM

af Monday 29 July

MAE all!

Pauly, a special shout out to you, as I forgot to mention you by name yesterday! I knew I was forgetting someone, and it was you. Sorry......

Well, Maddie's move was not over for me yesterday after all. I got a plaintive phone call when I was in Costco, and she was back at her house with a Rug Doctor. She complained that it wasn't working, and I could tell she was about to lose it by the quaver in her voice. So I drove the 45 miles down to her place. Well, she knew how to turn the machine on, but the poor bunny didn't know that you had to specially spray the solution on the carpet. I showed her how to work it, and she was quite miffed at herself for a bit, but then I started laughing at her, and she hurled a few choice words at me, but I was too far gone to stop laughing. We both ended up rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter. I can't believe her roomies left so much for her to do. So I cleaned out the fridge while she did the carpets. We still didn't get home until 8 pm. Poor boo was up to catch the train at 5am this morning.

Anyway, sorry for the book. I have to run off to a meeting this morning, but I'll try to check back in later. So far it is nice having Maddie here.

I hope everyone has a great day.

:l
YahYah

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