Mae everyone ..how are we today? not a lot of traffic on here yesterday but hey....weather is definintely on the turn over here ..its got the start of that autumny feel in the air in the mornings....I love em ,really quiet ,peaceful and fresh..the rabbits are out playing in the garden ,couple more jobs to do then I cn think about getting a new greenhouse.Got lots of tomatoes,mostly green still on the plants so need some sun to ripen them off.So thats me finished burbling on ...how is everyone today..on tis prehump day?saying it like that makes thee week go even faster..Postweekend,prehumpday,humpday posthumpday,preweekend,weekend.
tea and coffee on the go
Start with you Det ..morning mate and how are you today?Glad you made your meeting..53 years wow..did she evr drink or give you any history into her past?Is this a new fitness regime you have got do nowt and watch it disappear???Sell that one ..Im sure you would have lots of subscribers!!
Morning Lav..well here you go...you can have 2 lots of coffee today ..no one turned up yesterday!!!:H how are you today?Any plans for today? well half today as half is already sorted out!!
Evening TT ..hows your day been ? ok ? any plans for the evening ? the reason you got the weird looks when getting a diet coke at the theatre over here is ..no-one buys it..they all bring their own...because it is so expensive for soda water with a lump of syrupy gloop chucked in it!!Did you know tht coke zero and diet coke were the same thing?Diet coke dint have enough of a macho image for men apparently hence the name change!!!
Hiya Pauly ..how are you today? you sound full of beans ..chuffed for you...My phone must have at least 20 pictures of bougainvillea on it... its Julies favourite flower /shrub I tried to grow it over here but it wont have it Everywhere we have been in Europe,Spain Turkey Egypt even Croatia I have got pics of it.See so you might like my garden ..but youve got something I haven!!!..You have a great day
Yo Sam....that sounds like a line out of a cartoon!!! what was his name? Yosemite Sam with a big orange muzzy! how are you today? ok I hope I certainly concur with your reasons for sacking booze ...well done you
Hiya Cinders how are you today ? how did little un like school then? you sound contented at thee mo..long may it reign :l
ppqp...how are you ? sounds lie you are learning this job on your ownsome!!!ask the trainer if you can do her shifts!!!Coffee to go madam? here you are..have a great day
Hi Yah..glad you are ok ..wow decent drive that.....Theres something satisfying in the fact that you can be surrounded by people drinking and having the ability to say no.....it still gives me a bit of chuffed itis at the end of the night, when you see all these gibbering wrecks and you think wow was I really like that?
Ihave got a leaving do to go to next month..its a biggy..someone I used to work with has just got their own prison to run..so at the do every man and his dog that I have ever known will be there...theres also an all you can eat buffet which is gorgeous ..there are stands with dishes from all over the world on them..do you know whats bothering me most?not drinking in the slightest ..but the amount of food I will trough!!!When I get an eating mood on I get one on!!!looks like I will be going on strict food control up till then!!
well not much more to say so I will bid you all a fond farewell..take care and have a great day
Q: What’s the difference between a wife and a hippopotamus?A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass…and the other one lives somewhere in Africa.
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the backyard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts.
He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.
Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited.
The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door.
"Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."
"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.
"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts."
The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside.
"OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's breasts."
At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, the twin objects of desire hanging free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy.
This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed.
"Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.
"I can't," replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.
"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.
"I don't have ten thousand dollars."
A farmer buys a young rooster to impregnate his chickens. The young rooster struts into the barn and yells to the old rooster, “Get out, old man! This is my barn now!”
“Tell you what,” says the old rooster. “I’ll race you around the farm; winner gets all the chicks.”
The old rooster takes off toward the front of the house with the young rooster chasing him. The farmer takes one look at the roosters, pulls out his shotgun, and blows the young one away.
“Dammit,” says the farmer. “That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”
What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? -- He got a little behind in his work!
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop? -- Shoe!
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? -- Who cares? They never get the house anyway.
What does a mathematician do when he's consitpated? -- He works it out with a pencil
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? -- Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you get virgin wool? -- Ugly sheep.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche? -- The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What do you do if a bird shits on your car? -- Don't ask her out again.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? -- A gummy bear!
Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Have you ever smelled mothballs? How did you get his little legs apart?
What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man? Nothing. They both think they know everything.
Why do men get married? So they don't have to hold-in their stomachs any more.
Doctor: You’re overweight. Patient: I think I want a second opinion. Doctor: You're also ugly.
If con is the opposite of pro, it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? -- His lips are moving.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? -- Damn
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
I pretend to work here, they pretend to pay me.
How do you seduce a fat woman? Piece of cake.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm but she said that she doesn't like to call me at work.
Want to look thinner? Hang out with fat people.
What do you do if a idiot throws a grenade at you? -- Pull the pin and throw it back at him!
I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun? A. I just love baskin’ robins.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
tea and coffee on the go
Start with you Det ..morning mate and how are you today?Glad you made your meeting..53 years wow..did she evr drink or give you any history into her past?Is this a new fitness regime you have got do nowt and watch it disappear???Sell that one ..Im sure you would have lots of subscribers!!
Morning Lav..well here you go...you can have 2 lots of coffee today ..no one turned up yesterday!!!:H how are you today?Any plans for today? well half today as half is already sorted out!!
Evening TT ..hows your day been ? ok ? any plans for the evening ? the reason you got the weird looks when getting a diet coke at the theatre over here is ..no-one buys it..they all bring their own...because it is so expensive for soda water with a lump of syrupy gloop chucked in it!!Did you know tht coke zero and diet coke were the same thing?Diet coke dint have enough of a macho image for men apparently hence the name change!!!
Hiya Pauly ..how are you today? you sound full of beans ..chuffed for you...My phone must have at least 20 pictures of bougainvillea on it... its Julies favourite flower /shrub I tried to grow it over here but it wont have it Everywhere we have been in Europe,Spain Turkey Egypt even Croatia I have got pics of it.See so you might like my garden ..but youve got something I haven!!!..You have a great day
Yo Sam....that sounds like a line out of a cartoon!!! what was his name? Yosemite Sam with a big orange muzzy! how are you today? ok I hope I certainly concur with your reasons for sacking booze ...well done you
Hiya Cinders how are you today ? how did little un like school then? you sound contented at thee mo..long may it reign :l
ppqp...how are you ? sounds lie you are learning this job on your ownsome!!!ask the trainer if you can do her shifts!!!Coffee to go madam? here you are..have a great day
Hi Yah..glad you are ok ..wow decent drive that.....Theres something satisfying in the fact that you can be surrounded by people drinking and having the ability to say no.....it still gives me a bit of chuffed itis at the end of the night, when you see all these gibbering wrecks and you think wow was I really like that?
Ihave got a leaving do to go to next month..its a biggy..someone I used to work with has just got their own prison to run..so at the do every man and his dog that I have ever known will be there...theres also an all you can eat buffet which is gorgeous ..there are stands with dishes from all over the world on them..do you know whats bothering me most?not drinking in the slightest ..but the amount of food I will trough!!!When I get an eating mood on I get one on!!!looks like I will be going on strict food control up till then!!
well not much more to say so I will bid you all a fond farewell..take care and have a great day
Q: What’s the difference between a wife and a hippopotamus?A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass…and the other one lives somewhere in Africa.
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the backyard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts.
He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.
Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited.
The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door.
"Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."
"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.
"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts."
The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside.
"OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's breasts."
At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, the twin objects of desire hanging free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy.
This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed.
"Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.
"I can't," replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.
"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.
"I don't have ten thousand dollars."
A farmer buys a young rooster to impregnate his chickens. The young rooster struts into the barn and yells to the old rooster, “Get out, old man! This is my barn now!”
“Tell you what,” says the old rooster. “I’ll race you around the farm; winner gets all the chicks.”
The old rooster takes off toward the front of the house with the young rooster chasing him. The farmer takes one look at the roosters, pulls out his shotgun, and blows the young one away.
“Dammit,” says the farmer. “That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”
What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? -- He got a little behind in his work!
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop? -- Shoe!
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? -- Who cares? They never get the house anyway.
What does a mathematician do when he's consitpated? -- He works it out with a pencil
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? -- Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you get virgin wool? -- Ugly sheep.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche? -- The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What do you do if a bird shits on your car? -- Don't ask her out again.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? -- A gummy bear!
Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Have you ever smelled mothballs? How did you get his little legs apart?
What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man? Nothing. They both think they know everything.
Why do men get married? So they don't have to hold-in their stomachs any more.
Doctor: You’re overweight. Patient: I think I want a second opinion. Doctor: You're also ugly.
If con is the opposite of pro, it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? -- His lips are moving.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? -- Damn
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
I pretend to work here, they pretend to pay me.
How do you seduce a fat woman? Piece of cake.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm but she said that she doesn't like to call me at work.
Want to look thinner? Hang out with fat people.
What do you do if a idiot throws a grenade at you? -- Pull the pin and throw it back at him!
I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun? A. I just love baskin’ robins.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Comment