I wish you drank

[free at last]

I wish you drank

Hi Fly Away,
Just checking back to see how you are doing. When I read your Sept 6 post I thought "now there's someone who is generous of spirit and self-aware." Look forward to hearing from you.

[FlyAway]

I wish you drank

retteacher;1555349 wrote: Fly: I'm hoping you've stuck w/your conviction that your sobriety is a #1 priority.

Absolutely! My conviction to stay sober is 100%.

This might sound like a weird story, but here goes: I had a mole in the middle of my back, slightly off center of my spine, and right under where my bra covers. Very hard spot for me to see. But it looked a bit irregular around the border to me and a couple months ago I had it removed. A couple weeks later I got a call from the receptionist saying that my biopsy was "abnormal" and that the margins of my biopsy weren't clear and that I needed to come back and have more removed. WTH does "abnormal" mean? She couldn't tell me. This past Wednesday I went back to have more cut away.

When I got there I asked for a copy of the pathology report which they immediately gave me. Then I had about a half hour to wait for the doctor. I was reading things like "large cluster of moderately atypical melanocytes" and "dysplasia" and something about "nests and threads and strands" and I'm thinking WTF? Is this melanoma? I had all kinds of worst case scenarios going through my head while I waited and one thought was, "If this is melanoma and it has spread, will I drink?" And the immediate answer was "HELL NO." Would it even be something to think about? No.

Alcohol added nothing to my life, it only took away. What fun or fond memories I have of times when I was drinking probably would have been even more fun if I had been sober. Alcohol never had anything to do with the "fun" part. It just made me feel numb and become someone who isn't my true self. And I am worth more than that! I deserve to feel and experience this world wholly present.

When the doctor came in she told me that what I had was considered precancerous. It would have turned into melanoma if I had waited, but it wasn't cancer yet. So she cut more away and hopefully this time she got it all. If not I'll have some more removed. But in a way I'm grateful for this experience and for the chance to fully examine my feelings toward alcohol and to test my resolve. I have said several times on this website that I am done with alcohol, but now I truly know it with every fiber of my being.

[YoungAtHeart]

I wish you drank

That is wonderful news on both fronts, FlyAway! I'm happy for you. I hope hubby has adjusted better to your situation AF.

[TresCool]

I wish you drank

Heya Guys....I joined this party kinda late to maybe offer anything insightful. But since I tend to ramble on and listen to myself talk anyhow, here goes: Ive been in that same situation. Years ago, when I was working hard at moderation, I remember arguing with my ex-wife and she spit out "why don't you have a fuckin beer- at least you're more cheerful." Like you said, it stung like a slap in the face. But being a manly-man, I'll just label it as 'eviscerating'.

In just a few words- if you think you're sick from having a substance abuse "illness" (I don't buy the disease model as its usually presented), that partner is even sick(er). I'm not a huge AA/12-step fan, but the lectures from Father Martin on alcoholism and the family are somewhat enlightening. There's a ton of them on YouTube.

Recovery is hard on the abuser, it can be even harder for loved ones and family. Doesn't excuse him from being a dick, tho'.

[Daya]

I wish you drank

Yep... he hasn't said that, but he will not stop bringing booze home. It changes the dynamics of the relationship, and as we may be tense when we first stop, we aren't so much "fun" .

I told my husband a year ago, if I didn't stop drinking I would die..he just started hiding the wine. I have come to realize he does not want to stop, I have to, so that's the way it is. Most addictions come before love, as the nature of it is selfish anyway.

So Flyaway, I'm with you on this. It does sound like you have a handle on it though, do your thing, for you, and let him do his thing..and try and not get hurt by what you may perceive as lack of support. And congratulations on your sobriety.!!!!!

FlyAway;1551786 wrote: These were the words my husband said to me a couple nights ago. "I wish you drank." How could anyone possibly wish that?

How has my not drinking negatively impacted his life? We have had booze in the house since Day 1. I have never denied it from him. I have never asked him to quit. I have never made a negative remark to him about drinking. I have gone to bars with him. I went on a beer crawl with him and his friends. I went on a brewery tour with him. We spent an entire day of a week long vacation touring 6 different breweries. I have been his designated driver. And I have seen the light and will never go back.

I have often wondered why whenever I tried to quit in the past (and this time too) he'd suddenly come home with a huge bottle of my favorite vodka, even after I told him I wanted to quit and knowing he doesn't drink vodka. I have wondered why time after time and even after a year and a half sober he will still try to get me to drink alcohol when we're out at a restaurant. "Are you sure you don't want anything? Just take a sip." I have wondered why he won't ever say that I don't drink alcohol. He acts like this is a phase I'm going through.

I sat in stunned silence after he said that, the remark stinging like a slap across my face. How could he ever wish I was back to blacking out 5 nights a week? How could he wish that I was drunk every night? I still don't understand. And I still feel incredibly hurt, confused, and sad. There are lots of things that I could wish for, but being a drunk isn't one of them. :upset:

[retteacher]

I wish you drank

Fly: Your story about the mole removal was so interesting...& inspiring. I have something similar to share. Very shortly (2 months) after I got sober in AA, my then 36 year old daughter was diagnosed w/breast cancer & needed a double mastectomy. We were all in shock & scared as well. She has 2 little boys. While I did plenty of crying (not in front of her), I didn't even think about drinking. My family needed me desperately. What would drinking have accomplished? It turned out that she needed tons of help post-op, & I was able to be fully present & helpful. She's now cancer-free for 3 years, & I learned a valuable lesson. Life on life's terms isn't always easy, but numbing out w/alcohol doesn't accomplish anything. It only makes matters worse. Keep going! You're doing great! Mary