mae everyone....and how are we on sunny Saturday?well it might be wherever you are but it deffo isnt here Dont know where they got the "hot for 2 days" report from...it certainly wasnt here!!Its raining ...thankfully rabbits hutch isnt leaking ,so they are nice n dry ..they are still getting used to it..especially now that I have changed their drinking bottles.Got 2 that dont leak ..they really are good ...Ezi fill..if anyone is interested ..trouble is completely different design from the others.
Out early doors tomorrow...one of the people I used to see has just died...he had a pretty rough time of it too god bless, so its his son and wife I will be dealing with from now on..hopefully should be ok.
right on we go...for a sumptious selection for this sober Saturday..oh yeh t n coffee as well.
Evening tt ..how was your Saturday? chill out time or were you busy bee time?..or Hitchcock time? whatever ..hope it was a good one.
Hiya Lav ..how are you? when you say gas is 3.51..take it thats a gallon? Ours is $1.44 per litre!!!more fat cat tax!.So you are cleaning out too? wow must be something in the air!!I get as far as sorting it all out , ready to go to the charity shop ,and suddenly decide I need a jersey to work in ...so hey presto the circle starts again!!qhick have a coffee from a madman!!you any plans for today?
Hia Sam ..how are you? doin the do?anything on for the weekend?
Lav, Amish henchman?? Sounds like an oxymoron to me...nah dont think theyre morons Sam ..just a wee bit slow on the uppytake!!!:H
Det well done to you for keeping the al beast at bay..you get about a bit dont you mate?hope you are home soon have a good one
well not a lotta peeps on here but hey sometimes thats the way the deck drops!...if you are there Pauly (which I reckon) hiya to you ...hope things are starting to get sorted and easier for you ..just to let uno thinking about you :l
big shout to everyone else ..ppqp,yah Cinders blondie, bear and anyone else that I have had the nerve to forget!!
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, ?You are back early, what?s wrong?? ?I was stung by a bee!? she said. ?Where?? he asked. ?Between the first and second hole.? she replied. He nodded and said, ?Your stance is far too wide.?
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says "You have a drink named Steve?"
What did the farmer say when he lost his plow?
Hey! Where's my plow?!?
What has two legs, but can't walk?
Half a dog.
why do ducks have flat feet?
to stamp out forest fires.
why do elephants have flat feet?
to stamp out burning ducks.
Ways to Annoy People
Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4. Name your dog "Dog."
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along at the opera.
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
51. Practice making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
59. Honk and wave to strangers.
60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
61. type only in lowercase.
62. dont use any punctuation either
63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..
66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
67. Drum on every available surface.
68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms for random times.
70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress only in clothes coloured Hunter's Orange.
74. Wear your pants backwards.
75. Begin all your sentences with "ohh la la!"
more to follow.....
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts"
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it started!?
A Jewish dad is lying on his death bed, he calls out for his wife and she squeezes his hand and tells him, "I'm here sweetheart." "Good" he tells her, "and my son?" "I'm here papa" says the boy. "Good", says the dad, "and where is your sister?" "Oh papa, I'm here too!" The girl responds. The fathers face becomes angry, and he yells, "Then why the hell is the light on in the other room if you're all in this one?"
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Horny as hell he says, "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, Dad says he can come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell the asshole to take his fucking hand off the intercom!"
An art thief pulls off an incredible heist at the Louvre. He loads a bunch of priceless paintings in the back of his van and drives off.
He is about to make the perfect getaway when his van suddenly stops. The authorities nab him, and one of them asks "what happened to the van?"
The thief replies:
"I did not have the Monet
to buy Degas
to make the Van Gogh"
Out early doors tomorrow...one of the people I used to see has just died...he had a pretty rough time of it too god bless, so its his son and wife I will be dealing with from now on..hopefully should be ok.
right on we go...for a sumptious selection for this sober Saturday..oh yeh t n coffee as well.
Evening tt ..how was your Saturday? chill out time or were you busy bee time?..or Hitchcock time? whatever ..hope it was a good one.
Hiya Lav ..how are you? when you say gas is 3.51..take it thats a gallon? Ours is $1.44 per litre!!!more fat cat tax!.So you are cleaning out too? wow must be something in the air!!I get as far as sorting it all out , ready to go to the charity shop ,and suddenly decide I need a jersey to work in ...so hey presto the circle starts again!!qhick have a coffee from a madman!!you any plans for today?
Hia Sam ..how are you? doin the do?anything on for the weekend?
Lav, Amish henchman?? Sounds like an oxymoron to me...nah dont think theyre morons Sam ..just a wee bit slow on the uppytake!!!:H
Det well done to you for keeping the al beast at bay..you get about a bit dont you mate?hope you are home soon have a good one
well not a lotta peeps on here but hey sometimes thats the way the deck drops!...if you are there Pauly (which I reckon) hiya to you ...hope things are starting to get sorted and easier for you ..just to let uno thinking about you :l
big shout to everyone else ..ppqp,yah Cinders blondie, bear and anyone else that I have had the nerve to forget!!
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, ?You are back early, what?s wrong?? ?I was stung by a bee!? she said. ?Where?? he asked. ?Between the first and second hole.? she replied. He nodded and said, ?Your stance is far too wide.?
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says "You have a drink named Steve?"
What did the farmer say when he lost his plow?
Hey! Where's my plow?!?
What has two legs, but can't walk?
Half a dog.
why do ducks have flat feet?
to stamp out forest fires.
why do elephants have flat feet?
to stamp out burning ducks.
Ways to Annoy People
Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4. Name your dog "Dog."
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along at the opera.
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
51. Practice making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
59. Honk and wave to strangers.
60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
61. type only in lowercase.
62. dont use any punctuation either
63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..
66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
67. Drum on every available surface.
68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms for random times.
70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress only in clothes coloured Hunter's Orange.
74. Wear your pants backwards.
75. Begin all your sentences with "ohh la la!"
more to follow.....
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts"
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it started!?
A Jewish dad is lying on his death bed, he calls out for his wife and she squeezes his hand and tells him, "I'm here sweetheart." "Good" he tells her, "and my son?" "I'm here papa" says the boy. "Good", says the dad, "and where is your sister?" "Oh papa, I'm here too!" The girl responds. The fathers face becomes angry, and he yells, "Then why the hell is the light on in the other room if you're all in this one?"
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Horny as hell he says, "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, Dad says he can come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell the asshole to take his fucking hand off the intercom!"
An art thief pulls off an incredible heist at the Louvre. He loads a bunch of priceless paintings in the back of his van and drives off.
He is about to make the perfect getaway when his van suddenly stops. The authorities nab him, and one of them asks "what happened to the van?"
The thief replies:
"I did not have the Monet
to buy Degas
to make the Van Gogh"
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