MAE everyone well here it is ..Friday again..so how are things in the madhoose today then?
Just thought I would start with this piccy to brighten your day up
Sky is nice n blue this morning ..so again going swimming early and then hopefully out in the garden.Need to start thinking of getting that bigger greenhouse ..time is moving on.So anyone got any big plans for the weekend? Spill the beans cmon..talking about the beans ...Coffee on the go now
AAArgh nearly lost the post there...pots of squiggly crap came up on the screen!!
Evening TT.......and how are you doing ? apart from extremely busy!doing owt for the weekend?have a good one ...remember your you time!!Thinking about drunk tanks...hows this for a good idea for UK legislation.....
with drunks , lets charge them with some offence,give them a hefty prison sentence...but as the prisons are overcrowded lets use ships .Then we could take them to some far off land and let them fend for themselves under supervision to work for their freedom...sound familiar???
Morning Lav ...2 hrs yest on grandson watch?and you have had enough? hope the cold is better ..as for explaining the condom issue to the Amish guy..give him a plastic coat to put on ..ask him to take his hat off...hey presto one encased d.ck!!!!:H
Not quite sure how the drunk tank would work for people claiming benefits or unemployed..hmm taxpayer again??You get better...six oh in December....now moi as a spring chicken ...ok ok no chicken no spring at 57!have a good day hope you feel better
Wow not really a lot else to reply to..hope everyone else is doing ok and have a great weekend
CU
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.
A night of tall tales commences.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed..
how could anyone stoop so low
Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.
Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.
"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."
"This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole."
"Aaaaaaahhhhhh," said the children.
The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, "Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in 1 hole.
"Hmmmm," he thought, "How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I'll be darned; I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?"
"Yes," said Little Johnny, "You take a flute and shove it up your ass!"
How is a computer like an air conditioner?
They both stop working properly when you open windows.
A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!
The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"
The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"
Sam ...take note!!!
Due to the recent increase of encounters with grizzly and black bears in the area, all hikers should wear bells so you don't sneak up and startle nearby bears. Hikers should also carry pepper spray encase of of an encounter. The two bears have different characteristics to their droppings and you can tell which is in the area. Black bear scat will be smaller and will have berries and squirrel fur in it. Grizzly scat will be larger, smell like pepper, and have bells in it.
One day a young man has finally saved up enough money for a new bike so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set.
At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes.
After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family.
No one says a word.
Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word.
Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word.
Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table. They have even wilder sex. Still no one speaks.
By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance.
His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.
And the father says "Okay okay, I'll do the fucking dishes!"
A young woman's face is badly injured during a car crash. Before surgery the surgeon removes a large part of skin from her husbands buttocks so he can transplant it to her face. The operation is a success and the woman looks almost the same as she did before. Gratefully, the woman thanks her husband: 'You're so sweet you did this for me, when we get home I will make sure you'll have the night of your life'. 'No need' the man says, 'It's thanks enough to know that every time your mother kisses you, she will be kissing my ass!'
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
We better perk up or people will think we're nuts!
What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on the bug?
Dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant,----
Toilet Stolen From Police Station..
Cops Have Nothing To Go On
Just thought I would start with this piccy to brighten your day up
Sky is nice n blue this morning ..so again going swimming early and then hopefully out in the garden.Need to start thinking of getting that bigger greenhouse ..time is moving on.So anyone got any big plans for the weekend? Spill the beans cmon..talking about the beans ...Coffee on the go now
AAArgh nearly lost the post there...pots of squiggly crap came up on the screen!!
Evening TT.......and how are you doing ? apart from extremely busy!doing owt for the weekend?have a good one ...remember your you time!!Thinking about drunk tanks...hows this for a good idea for UK legislation.....
with drunks , lets charge them with some offence,give them a hefty prison sentence...but as the prisons are overcrowded lets use ships .Then we could take them to some far off land and let them fend for themselves under supervision to work for their freedom...sound familiar???
Morning Lav ...2 hrs yest on grandson watch?and you have had enough? hope the cold is better ..as for explaining the condom issue to the Amish guy..give him a plastic coat to put on ..ask him to take his hat off...hey presto one encased d.ck!!!!:H
Not quite sure how the drunk tank would work for people claiming benefits or unemployed..hmm taxpayer again??You get better...six oh in December....now moi as a spring chicken ...ok ok no chicken no spring at 57!have a good day hope you feel better
Wow not really a lot else to reply to..hope everyone else is doing ok and have a great weekend
CU
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.
A night of tall tales commences.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed..
how could anyone stoop so low
Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.
Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.
"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."
"This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole."
"Aaaaaaahhhhhh," said the children.
The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, "Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in 1 hole.
"Hmmmm," he thought, "How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I'll be darned; I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?"
"Yes," said Little Johnny, "You take a flute and shove it up your ass!"
How is a computer like an air conditioner?
They both stop working properly when you open windows.
A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!
The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"
The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"
Sam ...take note!!!
Due to the recent increase of encounters with grizzly and black bears in the area, all hikers should wear bells so you don't sneak up and startle nearby bears. Hikers should also carry pepper spray encase of of an encounter. The two bears have different characteristics to their droppings and you can tell which is in the area. Black bear scat will be smaller and will have berries and squirrel fur in it. Grizzly scat will be larger, smell like pepper, and have bells in it.
One day a young man has finally saved up enough money for a new bike so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set.
At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes.
After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family.
No one says a word.
Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word.
Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word.
Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table. They have even wilder sex. Still no one speaks.
By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance.
His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.
And the father says "Okay okay, I'll do the fucking dishes!"
A young woman's face is badly injured during a car crash. Before surgery the surgeon removes a large part of skin from her husbands buttocks so he can transplant it to her face. The operation is a success and the woman looks almost the same as she did before. Gratefully, the woman thanks her husband: 'You're so sweet you did this for me, when we get home I will make sure you'll have the night of your life'. 'No need' the man says, 'It's thanks enough to know that every time your mother kisses you, she will be kissing my ass!'
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
We better perk up or people will think we're nuts!
What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on the bug?
Dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant,----
Toilet Stolen From Police Station..
Cops Have Nothing To Go On
It would be nice to have a Longwood Garden style greenhouse of my very own :H OH WELL!
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