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**Mick** · October 17, 2013, 01:48 AM

Thu 17 oct AF daily

mae everyone..look puter is workin today!ow is everyone ?checked first ..bear had started the thread..so thanks for that ..and also the coffee..Out again this morning ...doing my voluntary bit..stopped raining thankfully ..so on we go

Hiya bear ...well done you ..on to day27 ..thats excellent..and 5 days off too ..have a great time

Morning Lav...defo do you a swap ...another episode of Thomas...you make it sound like its not enjoyable!!Julie has just bought a Samsung tablet ...and tbh it is pretty good ..might end up with one !!!Any plans for today?have a good one whatever it is ...coffee is on the side .

Morning Det ..hows you today?..ok I hope ...ah go on ..dip yer hand in the cookie jar

.That is a pretty good weight loss for your friend..wow.as far as the weather goes ..would be happy with 20 now!

Hiya Pauly ..you ok today?As Sam says ..typing on a phone ain t the bezziest thing to do!It is great when you no longer rely on drink or think cos everyone else isnt drinking that it isnt fair!Just thinking back yesterday..since I stopped drinking ...saved over ?3.5k which in dollars = 5600..just shows how much I used to p up the wall!!

Morning SF..how are you today?You should have asked the pastor for Royalties on your work!!

Evening tt..how are you doing ? havent"seen "you so thought Iwould give you a mensh.

Likewise ppqp ..how are you doing?all going well still?:l

Oh goody its just started raining ...methinks I am going to get a tad damp today! oh well have a good one everybody

Murphy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.

"Twenty Euros," she whispers. Murphy had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only twenty Euros. So they hid in the bushes. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a Police Officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the cop. "I'm making love to me wife," Murphy answers sounding annoyed. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know." "Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that bloody light in her face!"

It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines...
They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.

What kind of insect is good at math?

An account-ant

What do you call someone who sells people fake tennis equipment?

A racketeer

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

mathematician visited a Native American reservation.
He spoke with an old Native American woman who was sitting on a buffalo pelt. She said, "My son runs so fast, he can reach that mountain all the way over there by sundown." He then spoke with a woman sitting on a coyote pelt. She said, "My son is so strong, he can wrestle a buffalo to the ground."
Then he spoke with a woman sitting on a hippopotamus skin. She said, "I have no sons. But I can run to the mountain before sundown, and I can wrestle a buffalo to the ground." Then the mathematician realized that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

What's a frogs favorite drug?

Croakcain.

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middleof the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, buthis dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized somethingand thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, andthe future is full of shit!"

Teacher : whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window Teacher : who just threw that?! Boy : Me! I?m going home now.

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.

**Cinders** · October 17, 2013, 03:22 AM

Thu 17 oct AF daily

Before I read back, I got this in email and thought I would share:

The idea that the creative endeavor and mind-altering substances are
entwined is one of the great pop-intellectual myths of our time.
...Substance abusing writers are just substance abusers - common garden
variety drunks and druggies, in other words. Any claims that the drugs and
alcohol are necessary to dull a finer sensibility are just the usual
self-serving bullshit. I've heard alcoholic snowplow drivers make the same
claim, that they drink to still the demons.

-- Stephen King

Posting and then reading back.

**Lavande** · October 17, 2013, 08:06 AM

Thu 17 oct AF daily

Good morning Abbers!

Waiting for the rain to begin - yucky looking out there.
But I have the day to myself, as far as I know so I can do anything I want :H

bear, you are so close to the golden 30 day mark - nice!

Mick, the only reason I have an iPad is because YB bought one for me & one for each of our kids for Christmas 2 years ago. He was feeling guilty for behaving like such as asshole. It took me a while but eventually I got hooked on it & it doesn't give me any grief the way YB did :H
Of course I've put a lot of kid's games & activities on the thing - it can be a useful babysitting tool

Thanks for the coffee this morning, I'm enjoying a lot of it, no kidding!

SF, I read your post about the Baptist minister's doings

It's exactly that type of mentality that pretty much keeps me out of church these days. Sorry you had to deal with that.

Cindi, Stephen King has a way with words, huh?
Hope you have a great day!

OK, wishing everyone a wonderful AF Thursday. Greetings Yah, Det, pauly, Sam & everyone!

Lav

**paulywogg** · October 17, 2013, 08:17 AM

Thu 17 oct AF daily

Mae,jeez mick thats a chunk of cash! i could buy a decent car or take a nice vacay with that,i have a similar feeling when i look at the cig butts in the coffee can out back we use as our ashtray,its all money,smoked,useless to us now money,sad,sunflower i was reading about your experience with the church cripes,id be so offended and kinda hurt,i believe in GOD but not religion anyways,think ive been exposed to too many,jehovahs witness as a child,mormon when i lived in utah,baptiized lutheran as a baby,baptist when i moved to vegas,they all contradict each other so i just stay away,although i would like some normal friends with good morals,especially in this city,has anyone heard from catbuddy?i know she used to post here sometimes,i havent seen her around or maybe im missing her?hope shes doing good,i liked her anyways i hope everybody has a easygoing but productive thursday

**TheSunFlower** · October 17, 2013, 12:52 PM

Thu 17 oct AF daily

Cinders...I watched an SK interview where the host asked SK if he thought his early works would have been possible without the drugs. SK replied that the books would have been much better

Mick...my hubby said the same thing about the royalties. Living in a songwriting town using someone else's words is not acceptable. Hubby wanted to make sure I got due credit....no thanks. I have clients that attend there. I get satisfaction out of knowing some people heard that sermon and walked out knowing "something ain't right here". Still shocked though.
Apparently I stirred up enough that and entire sermon was built around....believe like her and you go to Hell. And then put up on the web

.

Lav....I think it is sad that they do more to drive people away from the church....without really getting why.

Pauly sounds like you have quite the adventure of religion! Actually taking my son to a metaphysical seminar tonight to undo some of the religion he was exposed to.

Went to a meditation class this am. I really enjoyed it. Now if I would just do it on my own.

All the Hot Yoga really enlighten me to the fact that I need a pedicure! So that I where I am now.

Everyone have a great sober day!

**Samstone** · October 17, 2013, 06:19 PM

Thu 17 oct AF daily

evening all
friend of mine in college was a religion major, changed his major and when asked why he said "the shit gave me a headache". Reckon from what I see, there's little tolerances for those who don't believe exactly the way another perceives it, kinda defeats the purpose of loving your neighbor. Any one familiar with the John Hartford's "Lowest Pair"? On his Mark Twang album, it is pretty humorous.
well enough of that tangent, next thing you know there'll be talk of weapons of math destruction.

SF, my daughter likes the hot yoga quite a bit. She's says it is the best. I've done a few sweats, it is very purging of toxins.

Night all, have a pleasant day, morning or evening.
Sam

**Lavande** · October 17, 2013, 08:23 PM

Thu 17 oct AF daily

John Hartford - now there's a blast from the past!
I had the pleasure of seeing him perform twice

Nice memory Sam, thanks.

SF, I have found more inner peace & stillness on my own. A bit of meditation, communing with nature & eliminating toxic people has been a religious experience for me

Hi pauly! I've been thinking about Catbuddy too. Looks like she hasn't posted since late July. Hope she's OK.

Hope everyone has a great night!
Lav

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