November -Week 1

[DreamThinkDo]

November -Week 1

Hallo all, wide awake this side

Sorry - sort of - for the down post - just a bit a Newbie Angst. My "fear of failure" is something that I didn't want to discuss in the Nest, because so many people there are struggling on a daily basis, and the last thing they want to hear is me worrying about them failing. Dill, no, i'm not having a hard time at all - in fact, I can't believe how easy these 3+ weeks have been - and that worries me. Silly, I know, but I sometimes wonder if there's something that I'm not getting - that others struggle because they "got" it, and I'm just blithely playing on the railway tracks without seeing or hearing the train.

Dill, were you selected for jury duty? A grand jury is a type of preliminary hearing, before the trial proper starts, or do I have it all wrong? Are there the same number of jurors as for a trial?

Rusty, I love the docudramas - keep them coming!

You know what, I've never done the introduction thing here on the boards. I'm slightly younger than you, Rusty - 50, live alone with my cat and work from home - I'm a freelance editor and translator. Started drinking at varsity, but the last year or three was bad: very often I'd start drinking in the morning when not working, and as freelance work very often is a feast or famine business, there were many such mornings. Came here with the idea of moderating, and the Nest mothers convinced me it was simply not possible. I sometimes read the Mods threads, and don't think I can handle that bargaining with myself. I read a lot here before I actually stopped drinking and started posting - with a glass of wine next to my laptop. God, the things we do. (More often than not, the glass was not a proper wine glass, but an enamel espresso cup, so that when I sat outside, the neighbours wouldn't know what was in there - sneaky sneaky sneaky.)

Well, the Cape robins have woken up - it's 4: 20 here. Have a wonderful Wednesday, everybody.

[FlyAway]

November -Week 1

DTD-I think fear of failure is a huge factor in the lives of many of us drinkers. It's been a factor in my life since I was a child. I had the kind of parents whom I could never please. I tried and tried, yet was never good enough. At least that's how I perceived it. I heard after my father died how much he always praised me to others. Huh! Imagine that. Anyway I ended up being a perfectionist and trying to be superwoman and practically drove myself nuts in the process. I think drinking was like an ointment on a sore. It took the edge off of everything, or so I thought. By becoming sober I realized that everything that I thought I had numbed and put behind me was still right there with me, waiting. It can be kind of hard at first truly feeling and dealing with life, but over time it becomes your new normal and you gain strength. Now that I've had some sober time I realize how much better my life is and my shame is gone.

I found the "repeaters" to be hard to deal with myself and that's why I started hanging out in the abstinence threads. Like Dill said, everyone's journey is unique. If staying out of the Newbie's Nest is what works, then do it. You are in charge and you make the rules. As far as there being few "old timers," I think that what Rusty said is very true. As a matter of fact, I haven't been posting regularly because I just don't think about alcohol anymore. I'm not triggered by it and it's just not a part of my life. There are some true angels here at MWO with a lot of time under their belts who stick around and help out the newbies. But it takes a special person to do that and it's not for everyone.

As far as my health goes, I do have fibromyalgia but you're probably thinking of Cyn. I think Cyn was doing a special diet for it. I also have chronic migraines. But this latest issue has me having test after test and still no results. I just heard today after having an MRI yesterday that I need a biopsy. I've got an appointment to meet with yet another doctor on November 27th to discuss where to go from here and hopefully we can get some answers.

[Stargazerlily]

November -Week 1

Good morning...

DTD, thanks for sharing your life story. I think we are all afraid of drinking again as it is such a BEAST for us, making us sick, ruining our health, relationships, sense of self worth. Then alcohol is offered everywhere, even more than in the past. Drugstore, gas station, grocery store, liquor store, there is alcohol on TV, commercials, making it look glamorous and fun. But we know better. It took me a long time to find my place on MWO, a place where I found like minded people, who I feel I have relationship, and can share my concerns. Because, being AF is life or death. Period. Do you feel that way?

I am 53 years old, married, two adult kids, work in the health field, too many cats! I know that AF is the only way for me as I drank since a teenager. I am more of a binge drinker, never letting drinking affect my functioning, like most problem drinkers. No arrests, job losses, or things like that. More an eroding of my sense of self, fear when I drank too much, blacked out, hangovers from hell, wondering what the heck I was doing. Plus, it runs in my family. So, this is the place for me and I am glad you have come on board.

Hello to Rusty, Lav, Dill, Fly, have to get ready for work. Have a great day.

[Lavande]

November -Week 1

Good morning friends & happy humpday to everyone

Sunny, a bit chilly out so far. The news people are hinting about snow sometime next week Way too early for that nonsense.

DTD. I hope you have managed to catch some sleep. It's rough when you can't sleep - boy do I ever know about that! Through a lot of trial & error I have found a good mix of herbal products & some Benadryl help me sleep pretty decently now.

FlyAway, sorry you are dealing with more aches & pains. I remember you talking about jumping through hoops to get your migraine treatments. I hope you can get a care plan together soon, waiting is rough :l

I have been spending less & less time posting in the newbies nest for the same reasons you just mentioned Fly. Sometimes it is difficult to stand by & watch the same offenders beat themselves up over & over.

Time for me to get myself in gear & get some work done, animals fed & watered then out to meet friends for lunch.
Have a great AF Wednesday everyone!

Lav

[FlyAway]

November -Week 1

Quick check in just to let you know that I'm here. I just got home from work and I've got to head out for acupuncture in a few minutes. Be well all!

[Rusty]

November -Week 1

Good Evening, All,

I am just finishing my packing for my vacation tomorrow. I probably won't check in for the next 4 days but I will be reading.

Fly- I

heard after my father died how much he always praised me to others. Huh! Imagine that. Anyway I ended up being a perfectionist and trying to be superwoman and practically drove myself nuts in the process. I think drinking was like an ointment on a sore. It took the edge off of everything, or so I thought. By becoming sober I realized that everything that I thought I had numbed and put behind me was still right there with me, waiting. It can be kind of hard at first truly feeling and dealing with life, but over time it becomes your new normal and you gain strength. Now that I've had some sober time I realize how much better my life is and my shame is gone.

I think we had the same father. I couldn't have said your words any better....our history is very, very similar.:l I hope your doctor can find the cause of your pain and illness. We want you around us for a good long while.

Big hellos to everyone else. I'm off to bed.

See you on Sunday.

[sunshine_gg]

November -Week 1

Hello Novemberers (?) :H

Dill.. YES! That's it! It's a minion. With 2 eyes. Apparently, they come in variations

DTD.. thanks for your intro :l I can very much relate to what you've said... I'm 49 and have been self-employed for 13 years.. and yes, my 'coffee' mug has seen many a liquid utterly unrelated to java.

Rusty.. what's your plan on the job front now? Sleep well.

Wave to FLy, and Lav, and anyone else poking in. I'm also off to bed, I think. Went to the Wednesday women's meeting tonight (just 3 of us, it was awesome, actually), then had to muck out horse stalls because those buggers couldn't bear being out in the rain (no, they're not spoiled at all) - so, I'm pooped!

Night night, everyone!

[Lavande]

November -Week 1

Good morning friends,

Enjoying some coffee while waiting for the rain to arrive, oh well.

Sunni, cleaning up chicken poop is so much easier, that's all I can say :H :H
I want to know why you are only 49. This granny is turning 60 next month, ouch!

Fly, hope your acupuncture treatment went well

Happy vacation Rusty - lucky dog!!!

Just work for me this morning then my daughter & granddaughter arrive around 1 pm for a visit.
Greetings to Dill, Star, cyn & anyone popping in. Have a great AF Thursday!

Lav

[DreamThinkDo]

November -Week 1

Hallo all

Got a good 10 hours of sleep last night - I was up for 19 hours, so really needed it! And I feel another early night coming on. Just finished supper - an easy-peasy tuna & cream pasta, with lots of garlic; forgot the parsley, though.

Lav, do you use the chicken poo in compost, or what do you do with it? I'm a organic gardener of sorts, and make my own compost. But, since I live surrounded by vineyards and orchards, there's not a big supply of manure around.

Rusty, have a wonderful holiday.

Sunny, do you prefer smaller meetings, or was it the people there that appealed to you?

Dill, Star - where are you hiding? That reminds me: I still haven't thought about a place for the stargazers, and I must plant some dill (and fennel!) this weekend. I hope the weather holds, I'n running late with most of my veggies.

Enjoy the rest of your Thursday!

[dill]

November -Week 1

Hi Everyone! Sorry for my absence. Things have just gone crazy busy here lately and I have not had a chance to post or read. I'll get back on track I think starting tomorrow and will have a proper post then.

[FlyAway]

November -Week 1

Hello and good night! Been on the go since 5am. Got to do it all again tomorrow. :h

[Stargazerlily]

November -Week 1

Good morning to all...

Lots of chaos at my house, fighting with my son, who is just a troubled person. I cannot take fighting and was just exhausted from the conflict. Lost sleep and just made it through work the best I could. AF was a blessing as drinking would have made everything worse. So, I have caught up on sleep, and have things to do on my day off.

Lav, Rusty, Dill, Fly, DTD, have a great day.

[Lavande]

November -Week 1

Good morning everyone & happy Friday!

Star, sorry about your drama at home.
I hope your day is peaceful & productive for you

Greetings Dill, Fly & everyone.
I'm off to Curves, then back for some work then spending the rest of the day with my girls who decided to stay overnight.

Have a great AF Friday!
Lav

[sunshine_gg]

November -Week 1

:l Star.

I don't miss those days. My son was also a very troubled young man. How old is yours? The only wisdom or encouragement I have is to have faith... what they have learned in younger years WILL shine through eventually. Mine turned human again between 18 and 19.

Lav.. have fun with Miss Lily & Co.

I'm somewhat dodging work. Something (an upgrade) went very wrong yesterday, and the more I try to fix it, the more screwy it gets. I may need a day distance and start anew. Sigh.

Have happy Friday and weekend, everyone!

[dill]

November -Week 1

Hello one and all,

Jury duty turned out to be interesting. You are correct DTD that the grand jury decides in secret whether to indict a person. They hear the evidence and determine if there is enough reason to believe a crime has been committed that should go to trial. There are 9 jurors and 5 alternates. 7/9 must agree for the case to go to trial. I have to go once a week for two months.

My volunteer work at the food pantry was yesterday and I am glad that I have found this voluteer opportunity.

Star, sorry you have been experiencing turmoil in the home. We've had a rough patch here too and it is draining to say the least.

Sunni, Yes, minions either have two eyes or one. They are cute little creatures. I actually enjoyed the movie. Usually I can't make it thru a complete animation such as that, but Despicable Me I was pretty entertaining. Haven't seen Despicable Me II yet. Mucking out stalls is hard work, but I'll take the smell of horse manure over the smell of chicken manure any day!:H I've shovelled my share of both over the years. Been there, done that. No more chickens or horses now.

Fly, Lav, Rusty, Witts, thinking of you all. I love hearing how well you are doing and how AF life is working so well for each of you. It's definitely the way for me, too.