MAE everyone
So sorry about the confusing question I asked yesterday. I was talking more at myself. Still there were some interesting responses and its clear we have different patterns ? although we are all the same ? addicted to AL. So forgive me if I try to explain?
SF ? I can?t call myself a professional relapser ? I did have about 2 stops of 9 months each and then I sort of gradually built back up into dangerous drinking. I didn?t binge or have the sudden takeovers by the evil AL beast that you and Det describe. For me the big motivation was health and dangerous liver function levels ? so I quit and in time my results became normal. I guess for me that signalled that it was the OK that I could drink again ? and I kidded myself ? I could do this at a safe level. Of course my levels of boozing had never been safe.
I think the difference last year was a huge health scare and some serious talks with drs. So I wanted to stop but it was piecemeal ? I would stop for 5 days and then start again etc etc. This was really exhausting, as were the various therapy/support groups I tried last year. As I have said here I think - I really was over that ? I had reached a point where there was no point in talking about my addiction and how I would quit. There was no magic cure. It dawned on me that it was simple. Stop. And although it was bloody hard it was such a relief to do that and go through the early recovery ? without having to attend support groups or AA ? so for that I am truly grateful for MWO and being welcomed into this particular thread early on. I now don?t seem to get cravings but I sometimes have those moments of looking a bit wistfully at someone?s wineglass ? or catching a whiff of a gin and tonic on a balmy sunny day ? that image is all in my head (there I revealed my porn fantasy!!!
).
But I really really don?t want to ever be a slave to AL again ? or having to go through the quit again. So I do have a fear of relapse (and you good people tell me this is normal and that its just in my head).
Det described how his sudden craziness comes on ? and many others have described triggers at various times. I know what mine usually are ? boredom, tiredness, repressed anger. Throw depression in the mix too. What scares me ? is how I might deal with a major shock or loss ? especially the sudden death of a really close loved because this has led to boozing by me in the past. So I was truly impressed when Pauly coped with all her recent crises without drinking AL.
I had to get this out and sorry its not light-hearted. Also sorry I am not responding much to people individually as I usually like to try to do this.
You all have a great Tuesday. We have the fire going tonight and all is cosy here. Chocolate and icecream later!!
So sorry about the confusing question I asked yesterday. I was talking more at myself. Still there were some interesting responses and its clear we have different patterns ? although we are all the same ? addicted to AL. So forgive me if I try to explain?
SF ? I can?t call myself a professional relapser ? I did have about 2 stops of 9 months each and then I sort of gradually built back up into dangerous drinking. I didn?t binge or have the sudden takeovers by the evil AL beast that you and Det describe. For me the big motivation was health and dangerous liver function levels ? so I quit and in time my results became normal. I guess for me that signalled that it was the OK that I could drink again ? and I kidded myself ? I could do this at a safe level. Of course my levels of boozing had never been safe.
I think the difference last year was a huge health scare and some serious talks with drs. So I wanted to stop but it was piecemeal ? I would stop for 5 days and then start again etc etc. This was really exhausting, as were the various therapy/support groups I tried last year. As I have said here I think - I really was over that ? I had reached a point where there was no point in talking about my addiction and how I would quit. There was no magic cure. It dawned on me that it was simple. Stop. And although it was bloody hard it was such a relief to do that and go through the early recovery ? without having to attend support groups or AA ? so for that I am truly grateful for MWO and being welcomed into this particular thread early on. I now don?t seem to get cravings but I sometimes have those moments of looking a bit wistfully at someone?s wineglass ? or catching a whiff of a gin and tonic on a balmy sunny day ? that image is all in my head (there I revealed my porn fantasy!!!
). But I really really don?t want to ever be a slave to AL again ? or having to go through the quit again. So I do have a fear of relapse (and you good people tell me this is normal and that its just in my head).
Det described how his sudden craziness comes on ? and many others have described triggers at various times. I know what mine usually are ? boredom, tiredness, repressed anger. Throw depression in the mix too. What scares me ? is how I might deal with a major shock or loss ? especially the sudden death of a really close loved because this has led to boozing by me in the past. So I was truly impressed when Pauly coped with all her recent crises without drinking AL.
I had to get this out and sorry its not light-hearted. Also sorry I am not responding much to people individually as I usually like to try to do this.
You all have a great Tuesday. We have the fire going tonight and all is cosy here. Chocolate and icecream later!!
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