Answers Please!

[Ripley]

Hi all

been away for a bit struggling with the collapse of my personal life (don't worry, for those who don't know me, I am a toughie), but have to confess I have been kind of moderating ( = half a bottle of wine a night, with some nights off)

ok, so what?? most (non MWO-ers) people would say??!??

Dunno really. Why am I bothered about this?

I am totally functioning. get 3 kids up and to school every day then home again for homework, meal & bedtime etc. am not driving under the influence. am not losing the plot. am not yelling at any one. am doing my job.

but I don't like the amount I drink.

even though I am going through a divorce and my husband is up in court next week on domestic violence charges (not a sympathy ploy guys, please)

I am doing the whole MWO programme. 150mg topa plus supps. why am I feeling so damn guilty about the amount I am drinking? should I increase the topa?

answers on a postcard please... Kate

[Kimmy]

Answers Please!

Kate, you said it yourself you are a toughie - so when we are toughies we believe we can cope with everything and anything - well things are a little tough at the moment and the toughie is being to tough on herself - keep up with the program and keep your goals in sight - you are being responsible and doing what you need to do - Mods is not so bad at times - just remember well for me anyway mods becomes sods - so get through next week and then take it from then - each day at a time. Your strength will shine through. Thinking of you.

[Determinator]

Answers Please!

Ripley, have you experimented with setting a goal of say 2 glasses for the "on" nights and see how that affects your outlook? sounds like you have the resolve to do what you need to. Just gotta fing the right "fit" now. My idea of moderating used to mean not throwing up so much....arg.

[lushy]

Answers Please!

Rip, not sure what the guilt is about unless subconciously you really want to be abstaining and perhaps you feel you are letting yourself down? From what you say you are drinking I think that is top notch moderating. But you need to do what makes you feel good and calm about yourself.

I am sorry for all of the stress you are under but you sure sound like one strong woman. I am wishing you and your kids nothing but the best!!!

[Paddy]

Answers Please!

Dear Rip,

I'm going through a similar dilemma myself (minus the personal life one). I'm not on half a bottle, but while I would really like to do the full AF, I frankly don't want to do it.

I guess the BIG question is do you feel you're in control of your drinking? Do you feel you're able to say after one or two glasses 'STOP', that's it now?

If you can answer these questions with a 'Yes', then I wouldn't worry. If not, then, I guess it's probably a matter of continuing dealing with the physical dependence but also underlying psychological problems that may drive you to take to the bottle.

And again, maybe what I've just said is just complete s?%t (now I have to respect the very Etiquette I posted in an earlier thread, ha, ha) ;-)

[weemelonhead]

Answers Please!

Hi Ripley!! (believe it or not?).......

I guess that the answer comes from you my treasurelet...you said yourself that you are not happy with the amount you are drinking. Ergo, this means that there is a problem whether anyone else thinks so or not....next, it's just a question of what to do about it.

I would like to say though that I would try and remove as much guilt as you can. You sound like you are dealing with a crappy situation and a half at the moment, and coping with it admirably missus, so lets just pause and give ourselves one almighty pat on the back and a sloppy hug...you SURE sound like you deserve it with your positive attitude...my hat is off to you dear. I often used to find that guilt, although it was actually over my drinking, was one of the major contributors to me drinking even MORE to make myself 'feel better'...sometimes, when we lighten up a bit on the old...'why can't I do this?' it takes a bit of the edge off.

Also, do you know what you are actually aiming for? Is it increased moderation, or abstinence? Get your plan formulating first, so you know exactly what you WILL feel comfortable with in regard to your drinking patterns. (I have never taken topa, but it might be that you do need to up it again to give yourself a hand with this...) I go along with Deety boy and the Paddywhack...very good advice (and also agree with Deet about what moderation used to mean to me......groan!!!)

You'll get there...you're doing sooooo well already during difficult times that I feel it won't be too long until you get it to 'fit' as Deet said...

Good on you missus
Weemelon

[Popeye]

Answers Please!

Hi Ripley,
Good, thoughtful replies so far.

I have the same feeling when I'm struggling with the urge to drink.
Even the thought that I might like a drink brings on a depressing feeling of guilt.
I think it might be something to do with the addiction/problem itself.
The fact that these thoughts appear at all, makes me think that I haven't beaten it yet, which in turn keeps me on my toes.

[Happier]

Answers Please!

Kate,
You sound just like me with the 3 kids but minus the divorce issues.
I also am taking the 150 topa and the supps and doing the cd's. I was hoping for abs but I do drink moderately with days off and feel so darn guilty.
I guess I feel guilty because my intent was to quit altogether. But now I don't even feel that well after having 1 drink so it's almost like what's the point.
So that's is why I think you are having your guilt issues because you probably were planning on giving up drinking all together because a half a bottle of wine is 2 glasses and that is not a lot of wine. (to me anyways) Plus, you said you don't drink everyday.
Maybe you just want to save the wine for the weekend if you don't want to give it up totally.
Hope your life gets settled soon!
Take Care!

[Bella]

Answers Please!

Hi Ripley, This is my answer on a postcard!!! You say you don't like the amount you are drinking? I wonder why that is. Half a bottle a night is reasonable. Are you thinking that this will creep up to a bottle a night, perhaps? Is it making you feel weak that you are needing this alcohol to relax you, or boost you up? Maybe you don't quite trust yourself yet to continue to drink sensibly? Ask some questions and be honest with yourself. You are a toughie and you know whats right for you and what is not. But just remember, this horrible alcohol disease never goes away, it just lurks in the dark corners, waiting to gain control and become your jailer. Be in control of it. Lots of love and i hope life settles down for you and your lovely children soon. Bella xxxx P.S I also agree with weemelonhead, you need a plan of what you actually want to do, mods or abs?

[Ripley]

Answers Please!

thanks all

lots of comons sense in there. I think it is mainly fear that it (the demon...) will get the better of me again. so far so good anyway.

I reallly liked my 40 days AF and wanted to do another 30. I guess I feel I have "let myself down", how ridiculous, in not doing it. God, who wants to be superwoman anyway.

think I'd LIKE to be someone who could do abs, but actually am going to have to settle for mods for now. Couple of glasses 3 times a week sounds like a good plan for now. Thanks all. what a lovely bunch you are.....xx

[ScoobyDoo]

Answers Please!

Ripley, if I could have just a few glasses, just 3 times a week, I would be one happy gal! When I went through my divorce I was drinking a bottle nearly every night. I know what you're going through!

In my opinion, stick with what you're doing now... for now, and down the track if you feel that abs or a 30 day period of abs is what you need again, then cross that bridge when you get to it. In my eyes, you're doing superbly well. stick with it!

Scooby