Ladies on a Mission Week 3

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Wow, Pav that was good, thanks!
I never thought of it that way "giving alcohol the power" but that totally makes sense. I think that is a great way of thinking about it. WE need to keep the power within ourselves. Just like you alluded to Available.
Your analogy was awesome Patrice.

It is awesome not to have the worry of trying to moderate. I missed my work party tonight and don't regret it for a second. Last year my husband drank too much and then so did I. He left early without telling me, we got in a huge drunk fight when I got home. It was ridiculous. I mean, how old am I that I would do that? Time for change gals.
SL, J-Vo, everyone, thank you for being here.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Hi, Friends

Well, the cocktail party last night was not a problem in terms of not drinking (none by me and not excessively by anyone, thankfully, at a job-related event). The problem was realizing that I don't really enjoy functions such as that and over the years, a glass of wine or two must have made them seem fine. I didn't over drink in public so that isn't what I was missing - I was just bored (and cold - 3 iced club sodas on a wintry night!). It made me have that hopeless wish that I could be a "social drinker"... Skip that! Like a post I read by Pavati: I don't drink and that is non-negotiable. I was thinking about how we get to the point of that being true and came up with these ways of getting down to the first floor (great analogy, Patrice!):

- You have an experience like Pavati did (I'm so sorry you had to endure that :l) which is so traumatic that you realize, like she did, that change is imperative. And you just do it. You decide that no matter what happens, your response will not be to drink.

- You wait for a rock bottom that involves hurting or killing yourself or someone else; you end up in a hospital or prison; in other words, you wait until the choice is no longer yours.

- You take antabuse so that the risk of drinking is too great. You decide to use medication - and really use it!

- You change your brain deliberately through counseling, meditation, active participation in online or in person support groups, learning, etc. no matter what happens, you don't consider taking a drink as a possible response. This option can stand alone or be part of the others.

Any other ideas? There have to be ways for anyone who is struggling to figure out how to take that last option and avoid a traumatic experience or life-threatening/ending crisis.

Without an experience like Pavati's, it would be tough to just say one day, I'm done drinking. My experience was that by using everything MWO offered, working on mindfulness, gratitude, and meditation, learning about addiction, and making this a top priority, I became done drinking.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

NS - Hi, I don't think we need to have an experience like Pav's ( no disrespect to you Pav) I think really we come to it in our own time and space and we innately know when we are done and it's up to us to follow up on that.. just as I believe we are born with our end date firmly established. When we are done, we are done. We can fight it as much as we want.. and I have tooth and nail.. and fluffed around but ultimately I know that I've had my quota.. I think at this stage it's a case of getting those tools firmly established ( as you mention above) in order to put it into practice... And that is the tricky part.

Learning how is enlightening and could even be fun..
Oh I bet you wish you could have had a hot chocolate ( sugar free .. naturally!) on that cold night
Take care Peeps
x
Patrice

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Oh how I hear you Patrice on your reasoning behind getting that wine. Each time my husband indicated he was going out for a couple few hours or overnight, I would immediately plan my drinking schedule, race to the store as soon as he left, put my wine bottle in the closet close by and start drinking, sometimes straight from the bottle if I didn't want to have to wash out the cup before he returned. Oh man, that's embarrassing to recount.

Narilly mentioned loneliness and boredom triggers. 'Boredom' for me is really more like 'decided inactivity.' I have tons of fun stuff to do--indulge my hobbies, of which I have several, take the dogs for a walk, shop for dinner, do laundry (I actually find laundry a fun chore...), etc. Now I plan my free time to include those activities instead of calling my life boring so that I can justify a bender.

Pavati, guard your mind peace with your whole being. Let your MP direct the brain/body and not the other way around, with the base brain/body trying to overthrow the very soul. Day 6 is great, and way better than another day 1. Alcohol WON'T 'wine'

NS, I'd like to add to the list: replacing the activity of imbibing spirits with all the other activities ignored or avoided during drinking times. So for me, I am now back to photography and have made it a mandatory activity (blipfoto, an online photo diary site where you post a photo a day), spinning wool, knitting and crocheting, reading and actually comprehending, watching some great Netflix shows (we don't have cable TV), walking the dogs, and coming here everyday. It's working right now for me.

Day 35, woohoo.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Reflection from my journal this morning:

Lately, I've been feeling somewhat peaceful. This feeling doesn't happen much with me. But I've been reflecting on some things. I think because I've been fighting this beast for so very long, I realized that I don't need to fight anymore. I'm an alcoholic and I'm ok with that. There's only one thing I need to do...Not pick up that drink. So there's no chatter going on in my head of whether I should or shouldn't. The choice is off the table for me. I'm not afraid of the beast. I just ignore him. He's not a friend of mine anymore, even though he betrayed me thousands of times. I realize what he is... and he's going to hell. I'm going to heaven.

I'll read over all posts after church. See you girls in a bit.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Oh, watched the 1994 flick, "When a Man Loves a Woman" with Meg Ryan. I'd seen it years ago, but if you're looking for something good to watch, that's the one!

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Hey Humble and J-vo.. yes Humble haha that strange feeling of freedom when you have the house to yourself.. sadly its just me and my boy but wow was I happy when he left for the night ( bless him, he's only just turned 8!!.. another good reason as a 50 year old to stop stop stop!!)
J-vo.. love that peacefulness you are feeling.. can almost feel it through osmosis..
Take care Girls
Patrice x

[available]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Morning girls and some great posts again. i am sick today so going to spend it in bed watching some movies and reading on here.

I feel the same as you Jvo being at peace with not drinking. The guilt and shame were getting bad, not that I did anything but I know it was hurting my children to watch me get pissed everynight. I would pretend I had only one bottle in the fridge but I also had one in the bedside draw to tide me over. They are happy with my progress and tell me so and that means more than anything.

Like you Pat at nearly 50 I need to stand up and be there for my children, not saying I was not when they were younger but it was through a mostly AL haze.

Humble, i love doing the laundry too, not sure why, maybe its when i have to hang it out that is fun. Small things amuse........ lol.

NS i was not a public drinker either but behind closed doors, say no more. If someone invited me out after 7pm the answer was always no as i was way on my way to being pissed. Probably make that 6pm. Its hard to realise how much power AL had over my life but the good thing is that no more will it do what it did.

I found this quit that i just really wanted to stop, my mind was made up, something clicked that this was it, i was tired of AL, I wanted to be "normal". I had made it to the ground floor as Pat put it, I took those final steps from the first floor. Now I need to stay on the ground and smell the flowers.

I hope everyone is having a great day/night where ever you are on this planet. Its great having frieds far and wide who totally understand our fight.

SL hope you are going well and thanks for the congrats if I did not thank you before.

Today I will not drink.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Hi all - trying to get my Christmas mailing done, way too late - but better late than never??
I would usually be doing this happily enjoying some al beverage and my writing would be getting sloppier and sloppier - wonder if anyone will recognise my writing sober??
Well, off I go back to it - hopefully will get cards in the mail this week!

Well done to those of you at peace with your choice, sad to say I am not. Day 25 here and 30 not far away - I really have to get my head around this....

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Hi, SL

I don't know your full story but drinking must have been hurting you for you to join here. You've got a long string of AF days now. How could those days have been better if you had drank? What was better about the days before this AF period? If you can figure out what is lacking in this AF life, perhaps the group can help you identify a different way to have that missing element without drinking.

xx-NS

[available]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Love it SL, funny how our writing got worse and worse. I found that I could not write in the mornings as the shakes were so bad, I had to take a xanax half an hour before i wrote anything. I dont miss that and my children would notice which was not good. God forbid trying to sign for my credit card, may as well put an X.

Day 25, you should be proud of that SL. I know how you feel about getting your head around it though, I don't dwell on never having a drink again, I cannot but I do know I dont want to drink today. My 50th next year, god how can it be a party without guzzling AL i wonder, how can I still have fun? Luckily it is 5 months away and my AF time will be so much longer. I cant imagine waking up without a single bruise on me as i remembered the whole night.

Oh well we just keep doing what we are doing and be happy with what we have I think. I know i would not have met so many lovely people on MWO if I was still drinking so that is a bonus for me.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Wow, lots of thoughtful posts. This is what we all need; to think about all of these issues and work through them.

Went to church and pastor was discussing a man who let "money" be his God until he opened his eyes and saw that was not what was important or made him happy. It actually created anger, greed, and a whole host of other issues in his life. Maybe we always looked to Alcohol as our "higher power" giving us what we needed, mistakenly believing that AL was good to us, made us be the person we needed to be, or allowed us to escape to another realm. But really, it made us greedy for more, put us in so many sad situations, and didn't allow us to be and feel who we really are. My God is not AL anymore.

Dottie, how you back? Any relief from the kiddie party? You're welcome to come and use my lovely hot tub. Went in it yesterday after my workout and it was so lovely laying in it with snow surrounding me!!!!

Available, you're sounding stronger and stronger by the minute. I'm so happy for you. And having your children be proud of you...well, there's nothing that can compare. I'm going to watch "Smash" tonight as well. That's my "after dinner treat" well, after my real dessert...ice cream. I love what you said, too, that too, about the physically gifted...they do, everyone has something. We need to be kind to everyone because we don't know what "their" deal is.

Patrice, so glad you're feeling better today. Your honesty will get you everywhere, dear. And I can understand that "freedom" aspect of this. I still think, if my son or husband wasn't around, could I have gotten sober? Really makes me wonder. I know every chance I got when no one was home, that would have been my deal. You came right back, and we're with you all the way. I, too, loved your analogy of the elevator. This is a learning process. Yea, some people stop one day and that's it. For most, it's a battle in the beginning, and learning tools that work for us takes time.

SL, your penmanship is beautiful!!!!! So, I feel your struggle and I know the voices. The chatter gets so freaking loud at times. For me, I believe the switch from resentment to gratitude is what it ultimately takes to continue. Can you look back and see what pain AL has caused you? Can you get angry that it's stolen some of your precious moments in life? Can you appreciate waking up with that clear head? No headache, not parched, able to function at a high level of efficiency from day to day without AL? My bottoms were bad, lots of them. But some people do have "high" bottoms, and this does let our minds stray to the resentments. Peace to you, dear. Hoping that chatter gets a little quieter.

Narilly, I'm glad you didn't go to the work party! And remembering last year had to be such a good feeling...that you didn't put yourself through that again! Keep looking for a good women's group. Three years ago when I attended my first AA meeting, I was taken aback by the addicts and people that were there. It scared the shit out of me. I finally found one that was much better suited for me. Keep looking, and let us know how it goes. And I agree that it's nice having the extra brain space not worrying about moderating, or even thinking about it.

Pav, thank you for sharing what your counselor said. Where should I send the bill??? Free advice from a professional. And this makes total sense..."Giving the Power to Alcohol" is not an option for me anymore. I will not give him the time of day. I believe that's where my peace is coming from now. Thank you for that post!!!

NS, I read all the time that our ideas of what we find enjoyable change when we take alcohol out of the equation. Who people were in our social circle may change, what we do and like to do may change. Our idea of "fun" changes. Thank you for that awesome list of tools. Thank goodness you only have that party once a year, even though it was more of a boredom "thing" than anything.

To all the Ladies on a Mission, have a lovely sober Sunday or Monday!

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

j-vo the heating pad was my best friend last night...and it was just too darn cold for the hot tub....bbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

Hi sweeties,
J-Vo don't overwhelm yourself. Just don't drink today. I have to read through the posts properly and get back to you gals. Be back in about an hour.
Big Hugs,
I don't drink

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission Week 3

I'm in bed now, got to get up early. I quite often would drink on Sunday to get ready for the week or if there was a bottle left over from the night before. Of course, I would have to finish it! I am sober and am so thankful for that.
Available, are you turning 50 in April? So am I! My goal is to spend my birthday doing something fun that does not have to do with AL. There is no way I will drink on that day.

You know, this is tough for all of us. Drinking thoughts still come to me all the time, but I think as time goes on and we change our habits. Replace old drinking habits with other habits, eventually the drinking thoughts should become infrequent. It's less now for me than it was a month ago, hopefully it just gets better. All I know is that I want to succeed in this and want an AF life. J-Vo, we have to hang in. I like what your pastor said. That makes sense.
Hey Dottie, freezing here too. -17C, I Barbequed chicken and veggies tonight. Had to brush the snow of the BBQ!
Sugar, Pat, Pav, SL,everyone, together we are strong