af Sun 8 December

[treetops]

Mae everyone. Sunday afternoon ? not so warm today and it rained. But I went for a lovely walk in a park and along a river today. I have yummy gingerbread to share with you for afternoon tea.

Well I see that Christmas anxiety is still a biggie for you Pauly ? so I hope you don?t get too over-whelmed. Did it snow in Vegas? I know all sorts of things happen there but I didn?t think it would snow.

PPQP and Narilly ? you sure dispel any romantic notions about snow! Another sober day Narilly ? that's great!

Bear ? how was the Xmas party? I know what you mean about Xmas cards. I buy new ones every year and always seem to have a pile left over ? that I forget about. I am trying to write more cards this year as I think e-greetings are a pathetic substitute (unless its on a website like this). Actually its been a mission to find some people?s real postal addresses. Maybe I shouldn't bother.

Patrice ? how is the weekend going? Are you bracing yourself with the affirmations about not drinking AL ? in prep for your visit home soon?

Sam ? is everything ?cool? with you too? i.e. the weather as well as the festive anxiety?

You do sound cool and calm Lav ?despite the big to-do list! I have a lot to do at work over the next few weeks as everything shuts up over Christmas/New Year and then January is a slow month ? in some ways it is. Its not for me as a lot of my work I do at home.

Mick ? are you home yet? It looks like Manchester airport is open. Sounds like you are looking forward to home.

Det ? you sound chirpy and sociable!

Cinders ? great to hear from you. I was getting worried. Glad you had some time back with the family and nice story about your grand-daughter.

How is the yoga lady? In any case you sound much calmer than a year ago SF ? you must be very proud of yourself.

Have a great AF Sunday folks!

[patrice]

af Sun 8 December

Hi all, no the affirmations didn't work this weekend. TT. I realise now that I haven't taken the last step which is to take Al off the table completely. On another thread I wrote how during the last 3 years I have stepped down slowly and purposefully from the 12th floor and I am now so much better than I was 3 years ago. I'm at the 1st floor now, all I need to do is get to the ground. This is proving to be the hardest step.. to take alcohol totally off the table .
But I am still determined and will do it. I listened to that RNZ interview ( love Kim's gravelly voice!) and that again motivatedand inspired me to just take that final step
Have a great day all
x

[Samstone]

af Sun 8 December

TT
anxiety has been checked and averted thanks to some sage advice and kindness from those here.

[treetops]

af Sun 8 December

Patrice - good on you for being honest and as I said I think your self awareness and self honesty will get you there.
Sam - anxiety is something we all have and its necessary to have a degree of anxiety to stay alive! The rest is seasonal and commercial pressure -collective manufactured anxiety to make us spend more money IMO!

[TheSunFlower]

af Sun 8 December

TT-thanks for the podcast, very interesting. It is always interesting to me how the advertising world will take aim and have quite an effect on a generation.

An eye opener for me was something was being advertised, "not for use by pregnant women". Gave me pause....if pregnant women should not be taking it...then most likely its not good for population in general. When I look at all the laws/restrictions regarding alcohol....it really should have been red flashing light for me personally. It causes me to pause, shake my head and think..."what the hell was I doing?" How can there be any logic in drinking alcohol with all the drama that surrounds it. If there is car accident....the first thing everyone wants to know..."was alcohol involved?"

Where I work...if you are in a car accident during work hours...even if the other driver is clearly at fault, you immediately have to go take a drug test. Just interesting that is their first thought and you have to take a drug test regardless of the circumstances.

Patrice it is hard to make that final move to take alcohol out off the table completely. I too had "gotten better than I was before" kind of mentality. All it really did was lengthen my misery. It was when I spoke to another woman that had the same kind of experience, but decided to give up drinking in the end....I realized this is such a nasty thing....it will do anything to stay alive. Started to piss me off. People had told me how it would get worse, I would drink harder stuff, earlier and earlier....and do stupider things. Instead the opposite happened....so I wasn't that bad

What the reality was....I still did not feel wonderful the next day. I was never happy in the morning that I had drank the night before. Nights I didn't drink....I never woke up thinking...."gosh, wish I had a few last night".

I think you have to evaluate how you really feel about drinking and how you feel about it the next day. We can justify and rationalize anything in the moments leading to a drink. Tell ourselves how much better we have gotten....but, inside of us....we know the hard truth.

And the real truth is....that once you let go...you go through a bumpy period, but there is no suffering needed. The only suffering that really occurs are the thoughts we hang onto. In time you realize they are just thoughts....and in my case....I realized how silly they were....and just outright lies.

Speech over Saturday I was so good at doing nothing....that I have woken up...wide awake at 4am. Think I will try to read and get some more shut eye. My son has his final concert of the season today....and I don't want to be dragging at that.

[bear73]

af Sun 8 December

hey TT - yum I love gingerbread, am looking for a christmas market to go to or similar to have some kind of festive activity as I love Christmas.

Patrice, you can do this,just keep trying.If I say never it freaks me out - but if I stick with today alcohol wise it's fine.We're all different though so do what works for you.One thing that I'm pretty sure doesn't work for anyone is beating yourself up.

Samstone - anxiety eh?One thing my CBT guy said was is we all have it,and no anxiety is impossible as it helps us survive/react to events BUT it's when it gets out of hand.
I had my first 'worry time' session today - 15 mins a day where I sit down and let all my worries come to me.Outside of that time I push them away.We'll see how it goes,it's a bit of an experiment.It feels nice to know I can concentrate on other things the rest of the time.I have a diary I need to complete hourly each day,activity,mood and negative thoughts.

Well my floor is done and looks amazing I feel very grateful and love how different my home looks. We have also moved the living room round and it looks a lot lighter - now I've realised how I need to clean my windows though as I'm facing them!
Next year I want to decorate our bedroom,get stairs and landing carpet and save up for new bathroom.Bathroom may be a tall order as well as have US trip to save for,but we'll see what quotes come back. The tree and rest of decs are going up later

Other than that,off to the tip to dump old carpet/packaging and gym for more running.
One thing I know is that none of this would be happening if I was still drinking how I did a few years ago as I would have NO money and also would be lying in bed feeling awful. I do think back to the years I have wasted,not to mention the money,but I guess without that experience I wouldn't be where I am now,sober,grateful and taking control.

[bear73]

af Sun 8 December

SF - cross post - I can identify with a lot of what you posted, when i have drank recently it's been easy to say 'I'm not that bad' as I would have 2-4 drinks rather than my previous levels of 6+ BUT what also happened was I realised that I wanted more than the 2-4,I was still smoking, I was beating myself up and I also had low mood the next day.
I also deep down think I would have ended up at some point back at my higher levels of drinking, and possible recreational drug use thrown in again too.
Focusing on the ' it makes me feel s**t' aspects is easier for me rather than 'I have a problem and can never drink' as it makes me feel in control and empowered as I am making a choice, rather than I 'HAVE TO' stop.If I say I 'have to' stop that's when the ' not that bad' pops up and I still get stuck in endless,pointless debates with myself.Focusing on health and feeling better is what helps me stick to it without feeling deprived and like I have no choices.

[patrice]

af Sun 8 December

Thank you friends.. spot on as usual. Head in hands, eyes closed, screaming and hitting that ground floor running
Letting go...
SF, Bear.... thanks and yes I would end up where I started and soon
But not me, not now
Have a good day
x
Patrice

[Samstone]

af Sun 8 December

Bear, I sort of think the same way. Any time I entertain the thought of drinking, I realize that there's is no way way that I'm going to have just a few. Oh, I might the first day, but the snowball will get rolling. Knowing, being honest with myself, and checking in here daily have been what has worked this time around.

[Lavande]

af Sun 8 December

Good morning Abbers,

Patrice, have faith & just take the plunge into AF'ness - you'll never be sorry

Greetings TT!
Nothing smells better than gingerbread baking in the oven, yum!
I aim to stay 'cool' for the rest of my time left on earth. I've had enough angst, anxiety, stress, etc for several lifetimes

Sam, has the snow hit your area yet?
Glad you are feeling better today!

SF, all I feel is gratitude! Grateful that I never, ever have to feel bad about making an idiot of myself because I drank too much wine. I'll trade all the wine in the world just to hang onto this powerful feeling

bear, glad to hear your new floor is done & looks good. I know what an undertaking that sort of work can be. Glad to hear you are taking control of the anxiety too. I do not miss my anxiety, it was killing me

SF, enjoy your son's concert - I miss those days

Well, I have to get out to buy dog food before the roads get bad around here. I'm not fond of sliding off the road & ending up in a cow field or worse :H

Have a great AF Sunday everyone!
Lav

[patrice]

af Sun 8 December

Thank you Lavande.. yes I am done, it's true.. I've fluffed around for over 6 months now trying to pretend I am not quite done ... innately my body and mind tell me I am... so I am listening. In some ways it will not be the huge task it was 3 years ago when I came here shaky and sick counting the hours and days.. I am healthy and well now. However, it still means letting go of the occasional times..
I feel for you guys in the ice.. hope you all have chains!!
Be safe
x
Patrice

[paulywogg]

af Sun 8 December

Mae everybody,well the "big storm"predicted turned out to be just a few flurries and not even a drop of rain,it did snow here back in'08 the kuds loved it,they were making snowballs but the snow was wet so it was more like slush balls painful haha,was totally bored last nite,hubs is sick,babys sick,now his moms sick so i just passed time on here,and watched t.v its o.k though sometimes boring is ok,id rather be bored and sober than making an ass of myself anyways,hope everyone has a nice sunday

[Mick]

af Sun 8 December

hiya all ...still in gran canaria ..last day of the sunshine ..arrive home tomorrow at 10pm..so how are you all..wow weather sounds pretty bad for a few of you ..as if I aint going home to it ..yep tt Manchester is open ..Lav did you get the food ok before the weather set in?this is a spanish keyboard I am using ..and its a mad one!!!hope you are all well ..yes Patrice stay with it ..you will get there ..Dont give up..big hello to you all ..take care "see" ya soon

[treetops]

af Sun 8 December

Hi everyone-I am a day ahead as its Monday already but wanted to say that Bear, those were good words of advice that you gave to Patrice.

Lav - I confess, I bought the gingerbread from a delicious new 'artisanal' (that makes me laugh):H bakery I discovered.

Catch you all later non-alkies !!

[porqoui]

af Sun 8 December

MAE ALL....temps are 10 degrees warmer today but that also brought the snow. Thought I should put my hat on.

Patrice...put some of these Positive "PPP"s in your pocket and use as needed.

Mick...safe travels home.

Big :hallo: to everyone else. Will check in after I figure out how to roast some peppers.....PPQP