Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS I am not sure what or how I changed my thinking. But what I did realize was that if I drink I could die and there are too many folks depending on me, including myself, to let that happen. Put the mask on yourself before trying to help others...

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

The mission of LOAM

NS - when we chatted about setting LOAM thread up, I think this is what we were aiming for - we really wanted to reach out to those who were serious about quitting and not just having fun chats - Ann, Star we chatted about this - and it seems NS has hit the nail on the head...
I am not good about reaching out - I did one night when on another thread I found someone who talked me out of drinking - I did not believe it, and sadly I did not repeat my learnings the next time.

Let's agree to this, that this is what this thread is for - to be there when needed - yes we can chat, that will ensure that the vast majority of the time someone is here when needed - but we are all on a mission to become AF, so lets help us all to do it! RIGHT!!!

NoSugar;1622020 wrote:

The messages about our daily doings are fun and interesting and I love learning about all of you guys and feeling the connections we have. But that has to be the bonus part of being here. If you aren't going to also post when you aren't doing well and need help NOW, any old social media site will do for the fun stuff

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

The mission of LOAM

NS - when we chatted about setting LOAM thread up, I think this is what we were aiming for - we really wanted to reach out to those who were serious about quitting and not just having fun chats - Ann, Star we chatted about this - and it seems NS has hit the nail on the head...
I am not good about reaching out - I did one night when on another thread I found someone who talked me out of drinking - I did not believe it, and sadly I did not repeat my learnings the next time.

Let's agree to this, that this is what this thread is for - to be there when needed - yes we can chat, that will ensure that the vast majority of the time someone is here when needed - but we are all on a mission to become AF, so lets help us all to do it! RIGHT!!!

NoSugar;1622020 wrote:

The messages about our daily doings are fun and interesting and I love learning about all of you guys and feeling the connections we have. But that has to be the bonus part of being here. If you aren't going to also post when you aren't doing well and need help NOW, any old social media site will do for the fun stuff

[Miley]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hello everyone....I haven't had much time to post the past couple of days, although I've been posting in the roll call. I sat down to read through the last couple of days on this thread and there has been lots going on!

J-vo....I have been where you are so many times its ridiculous. AL is a tricky little bastard and getting our brains to start thinking differently after so much abuse is a very difficult thing. Hang in there.....I'm not one to offer advise, as I am only on Day 12 but I am offering support.

I like the idea of reaching out on this thread when we are struggling instead of taking a drink. I was struggling a little bid earlier today because of the Super Bowl. My neighbors are having a party and of course we were invited but I was afraid to go because I didn't think I would have the self-control not to drink. I shared this with my Husband, we ordered wings, pulled pork and ribs and I am drinking diet coke with lime. It's the first time I will remember a Super Bowl in years.

It is supposed to snow here in the morning again, which messes up my morning trip to the gym, which I really need right now because it keeps me focused. I've been going to yoga two nights a week because it relaxes me and gives me something to do besides cooking and drinking.

I'm signing off to watch the game, drink my diet coke and chill out before another week of work. I hope everyone has a great evening...you guys are awesome!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-Vo, I still find myself thinking I can have a glass of wine but then I push the thought out of my brain. I take it completely off the table. Like NS says. It's off the table, not an option.
My life has gone in another direction and that is a sober me. I don't remember who posted this but it was a nice lady in her 70's who just quit.
She said she wished she had quit 20 years ago. I don't want to post that when I am 70. I have the opportunity NOW to make the next 20 years of my life the way I want. I want to remember all the moments, enjoy watching movies and remember them. Wake up hangover free and be here for my family.
I can do that now.

J-Vo, you have that opportunity too. Make your life what you want. You are lucky to live a great life with an excellent support system. Use it, use us We love you and want the best for you to live your best life.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Don't get me wrong. I still struggle sometimes but I am really trying to change.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

so true Narilly...
Just read - "your life does not get better by chance; it gets better by change"
I am trying to change too....

well now in last few days I have had my quota of posts!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL, I think it is good that you didn't look at FWad when he picked your girls up. No use bringing up a bunch of negative feelings. I used to do the same when mine picked up the kids because to see him would push me over the edge.
Xo

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just read this in another thread:

Turnagain;1622050 wrote: Bri....give yourself a big green check mark and some credit for your courage in coming back and acknowledging that alcohol is indeed a big problem and that you need help. Addiction is horrendous. It compels us to do things that are seemingly against our "will."

Addiction actually changes the way our brain works. If I can be even more blunt - and accurate - alcohol damages the way our brain works and eventually....doesn't work. And here's the crucial fact about that....ANY amount of alcohol changes our brain processes. It alters dopamine, serotonin, and GABA - the neurotransmitters that are responsible for how we 'feel' and function. That's ANY amount of alcohol. Of course, those facts are not readily apparent to most of us who have been culturally and systematically conditioned to view ingesting the DRUG alcohol as normal and acceptable and even desirable.

Bri, when I finally accepted the FACT that alcohol - ANY amount of alcohol is ALWAYS damaging - and that EVERY drink damaged my entire system even more, EVERY time, I was able to make a firm and final decision that I was no longer going to allow that drug in my body. Before I accepted that ABSOLUTE, I always had some idea in the back or even front of my mind that maybe I just had a 'bad habit' that could be brought under control or maybe I could drink again once I lowered my tolerance by cutting back.

Now, that acceptance didn't make the process of detox any easier to deal with. It's a tough and uncomfortable time as our system comes back into balance. And it takes time to heal. And it takes work. It is natural to feel cravings for awhile. Your body has had years of cues and conditioning, afterall. BUT, as we give the front part of our brain the support it needs to recover its rightful place in driving our decisions and actions, we re-wire our neural pathways and in time, cravings cease and normal living - free of addiction - becomes second-nature.

I have never been happier or healthier in my life. I'm not special. This way of being is available to anyone who decides to keep the drug alcohol out of their body and puts in the time to actively heal. Healing, of course, is much more than the absence of alcohol....it means exercising and helping your dopamine receptors rebuild to respond to the natural and necessary stimulus that physical work creates. It means eliminating sugar and processed foods and fueling your body with whole, healthy foods. It means taking control of your thinking processes. Practicing daily gratitude and learning how to meditate will quickly change your brain for the better and will give you the kind of buzz that no drug can even come close to producing.

So...there is hope. And you're in the right place to make this the LAST time you ever have to deal with a Day One. It's a decision. One epic, amazing, liberating and life-changing decision. Go for it!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS, thank you for sharing that. That was really good. This is what Alan Carr says about alcohol.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

So much good info on here.
How did I change my thinking? Coming here and reading every single day and posting every dingle day. Reading Allen Carr was a big help. Being able to look myself in the eye again.
The first 30 days were HARD. But my life was hell. I was not willing to live that painful existance any longer. I told myself I would do anything to not live like that any more. So I did the work. So much easier to spend 1-2 hours a day average then days on end wanting to just die.
Part of my posative is helping others with this issue. It is a strength to me.
There is so much wonderful material on this site. We started our living room meetings tonight and I feel that this will be a success.
Thank all of you.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

scottish lass;1622045 wrote: NS - when we chatted about setting LOAM thread up, I think this is what we were aiming for - we really wanted to reach out to those who were serious about quitting and not just having fun chats - Ann, Star we chatted about this - and it seems NS has hit the nail on the head...
I am not good about reaching out - I did one night when on another thread I found someone who talked me out of drinking - I did not believe it, and sadly I did not repeat my learnings the next time.

Let's agree to this, that this is what this thread is for - to be there when needed - yes we can chat, that will ensure that the vast majority of the time someone is here when needed - but we are all on a mission to become AF, so lets help us all to do it! RIGHT!!!

I'm feeling really crappy right now as I should. What I did was irresponsible. It was selfish, as I was only thinking of myself and relieving whatever pain was going on inside myself. I did have several talks with my parents regarding childhood stuff, things that put me in the "I am worthless" category in my eyes. Not having a voice, not thinking my voice would ever have importance. We really talked deeply about this through email and on the phone. I truly believed I was making progress with myself and my issues.

But I didn't do what I promised, and that is call or post when I was feeling weak. I'm ashamed that the thing that is most important in my life right now, my recovery, I let go with just one stupid AL thought. And to know that I hurt many of you by not sharing what was going on is just wrong. I'm not good at failing. It shakes my whole world, and I know I don't want to F up again like this. You should all be pissed (angry) that I didn't use my tools. I was selfish and let you down and myself. I'm not looking for any pity, but I need to continue on this journey with you all. Please forgive me for being so stupid. Now I need to get on with my sober life, and take your posts that you all wrote to me and really absorb them. I don't want to let you down, ever again. And I will not give Al that power anymore, I surrender. I will not run, except to come here. I won't fight. I will call. I will post. Thank you all.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

One last thing...Bruno Mars is such a cutie and did a fantastic half-time show. Go Seattle!

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I have only read the last 8 posts and am blown away - just these alone are full of inspiration. Thank you all!
Gives me renewed confidence. Sleep still not in order but it will come as I give my body and mind more time to heal.....

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

paulywogg;1622023 wrote: so i rush to the gas station to get my beers knowing full well ill feel like crap the next day,or sometimes i dont even care i just want it now,i dont know how to get past the cycle,i mean im cool now sober and happy about it but what about next time the urge is there?it sux
Maybe next time you feel that way, you could promise yourself to come post on MWO first. Someone will be online. Use that Need Help ASAP thread if no one is here or in other threads you follow. It may be enough to just take the break and type out what is going on. The part of your brain that is sending you out for beer is your primitive, pleasure-seeking brain. Your more evolved brain, where rational thought and executive function go on, has to be engaged to type a post. Just activating that part can help shut down that alcoholic voice of your "lizard" brain. Then you can make the better, rational choice.

acadiaofmaine;1622024 wrote: And "surrender." Another really difficult concept for me, but again, I really believe it's our only way out.
I have trouble with this in the "surrender responsibility or power" context. I have no problem admitting I can never drink. It is my responsibility and in my power to make sure I don't.

I am having a lot of really difficult feelings starting to edge up into my consciousness. Nothing well formed yet, but I can tell I'm in for a rocky ride. I know it has to do with having been very self centered for a lot of my life, even though I thought I was the most giving person in the world. I don't think I was the most giving person. I think everything might have had to revolve around me, me, me. Me and my need to drink, especially. I am not feeling the feelings about all this yet, but it's going to happen. I will have to post about it, I know, and talk to my sponsor. Not looking forward to it, and yet I am. Ann

I hope you do post about it and have the courage to ask for help when you need it, Ann. Your recognition of what you are feeling could save you from making the wrong decision. Instead of deciding to drink before you actually do it, it seems like you're preparing yourself to face your feelings and not make that choice :l.

scottish lass;1622045 wrote:

I am not good about reaching out - I did one night when on another thread I found someone who talked me out of drinking - I did not believe it, and sadly I did not repeat my learnings the next time.

I've not been good at reaching out in my personal life and it took awhile to learn to do it here. I could barely bring myself to submit some of my posts and often wanted to delete them immediately but didn't know how and didn't want to ask. After awhile, I figured I'd embarrassed myself about as much as I could so once I had nothing left to lose, reaching out became easier. And I'm getting better at it in person, too . Just take the chance. Risk being vulnerable and exposed. It could make all the difference like it did the first night for you.


Let's agree to this, that this is what this thread is for - to be there when needed - yes we can chat, that will ensure that the vast majority of the time someone is here when needed - but we are all on a mission to become AF, so lets help us all to do it! RIGHT!!!

That is a good point that having an active thread is important so we will be here for one another, SL. Another thing is that if you post regularly when things are fine, you'll be more comfortable and likely to do so when they aren't. J-vo, can you tell us why you didn't try posting last night? You are a mainstay of this thread - we want to hear from you in good times and bad.

Miley;1622052 wrote: I like the idea of reaching out on this thread when we are struggling instead of taking a drink. I was struggling a little bid earlier today because of the Super Bowl. My neighbors are having a party and of course we were invited but I was afraid to go because I didn't think I would have the self-control not to drink. I shared this with my Husband, we ordered wings, pulled pork and ribs and I am drinking diet coke with lime. It's the first time I will remember a Super Bowl in years. Glad you got through that, Miley, (and kudos to your husband!) but I hope you also will have a plan to use this forum if you need support - don't struggle on your own too long before asking for help, ok?

narilly;1622053 wrote:
J-Vo, you have that opportunity too. Make your life what you want. You are lucky to live a great life with an excellent support system. Use it, use us We love you and want the best for you to live your best life.

The word you chose shows where your head is, Nar! We don't have to do this, we get to . I think that is Humble's distinction between the positive and negative views of her quit.

Wow, this is probably my longest post ever. The football game is a bore and I really care about the topic. Stay as close as you need to, friends. :h NS