Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava and Roxane, I read your posts, and i'm glad I saw how this can work. I knew it could, but it was good to see you two in action and how that one call for help can really make a difference. I'm glad you made it through and Ava, good work!

To add to the things that will make our AF stick/and us to be successful:
Stealing great ideas from others and posting them in my journal. It's like my own little toolbox,

Daisy, nighttime is a trigger for obvious reasons. My deep thinking happens at anytime of the day, although cause more anxiety than thoughts of drinking. I need to cut the start using my distracting tools when I think too much.

NS, I loved your list of things that you did to make you successful. I probably will steal that, too, for my journal. But I'm going to start with the "calling" or posting idea first. I also liked how you didn't pressure yourself to exercise and push yourself into hobbies right away. I pressure myself to exercise, although it's not a lot of exercise, it's still on my mind that I need to do it. The only thing I need to do is take care of my family, go to work, and not pick up a drink.

LB, also like the brain reprogramming. I have a few mantras I'll say daily:

No matter what happens, I will not drink.
No matter how I feel, I will not drink.
I do not drink,

Some smart chick named NS gave me those.

SL, after all that, you handled yourself so well. Good for you sista. Did you notice all the hands on you? It was us!

Nar, long john index!! Wow! And I wish we could warm you up a bit. Hopefully you can sit by the toasty fireplace this evening. When do you go to beautiful sunny Florida? I love Florida!

Giraffe, congratulations on your 100 days!! What a great achievement for you!!! I loved your post!:woot::kudos::kewl:

Pav, you were in a fun for three weeks, yet you didn't drink. You used your tools with success. I like your idea of the mental playlist and playing it out until the end. Excellent one.

Jennie, thanks for the link on addiction. Gonna watch that in a few minutes!

Hi Patrice, Dot, Star, Humble, Ava (praying for Maddison) Lb, Pauly (what a stupid, crazy bitch to do that. Just awful! OMG. That angers me.) and Sweetpea, Rivergal, Roller girl, and all Loamers.

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

From the article Jenniech posted:

Chances are that someone you know is addicted to drugs right now, you just may not realize it.

Or you do know, but you hide their addiction because of the social stigma.

Or you don't hide it, but you shame them instead.

Or you don't shame them, but you slowly phase them out of your life because you don't want to be around them anymore or because you just can't do it anymore.

Or you keep them around, but talk about them behind their backs, discuss how sad it is that they refuse to get help, vow to be better than they are.
*****

This is what everyone was doing around me and what I have done around others in my life. This is what I like about being here--we do none of these things with each other. Thank you, loamers.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, It sounds like your response to the stress of your pup's illness was much different than it used to be (and than your daughter expected). Congratulations on making it to the stage that your immediate response is the right one. I hope Maddison is doing better. Those of us nearing or in our 6th decade sure can be crazy about our canine "babies"!

One thing to think about is the time after an acute crisis, when things have calmed down. Like j-vo said, getting through a big social event in many ways is easier than a boring Saturday night at home. When my dog died a few years ago, I didn't drink (or eat much) for a couple days. After the worst passed, I slipped right back into old drinking patterns.

Giraffe, Congratulations on your 100 AF days. You've done it so quietly and with such grace, you've made it seem easy. We know it isn't, though, and that it is a big accomplishment. You should go introduce yourself on the 100 day thread - everyone will be so happy to see you! Humble is nipping at your heels and can be heading over there soon, too.

Your comment about the likelihood of relapse certainly got several people thinking, including me. The relapse statistics don't worry me much because they are so unreliable. Organizations such as AA are predicated on secrecy and there is no way to obtain data from sites such as MWO - and there are several of them. Rehab centers probably can generate reasonable stats but while for some people rehab is essential, it is almost never sufficient. Becoming AF in rehab is like losing weight by eating specific frozen Weight Watcher products at every meal. It might work but you've still got to learn to eat (or not drink) in the real world. So that means going to something like AA or joining a site such as this so we're back to unknowable numbers concerning relapse.

All of this is not to say that we shouldn't be concerned about it. I just don't think we should feel like we're almost doomed to fail. We do, however, have to be as committed to maintaining our sobriety as we were about becoming AF in the first place. It is a daily responsibility for life. That sounds a bit daunting but it certainly is an easier task than drinking and dealing with the fall out from that every day for the rest of our lives!

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all - have car back $1009.88 - could not find wine for 0.22cents, so won't bother :H
Yup j-vo, I did feel all those hands gently supporting, no need for the big shoves this time, very gentle reminders - tonight, though I want a drink soon changed I really don't want a drink!
Nar - yep, we are together and holding j-vo's hand to the next 30 days.
Well, got to get dinner cooked - won't do it itself now woll it!
So sorry about your family member Ava - Dogs are so very special - take care of yourself too on this journey...
Will check back and read properly in a bit...

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Narilly I hope you have a great break from the cold. I guess you can see by where I live that I don't do those extreme temps very well.
Ava I hope you and your baby is ok. Poor thing.
polly That was aterrible thing to do to those dogs. So heartless.
SL glad you got your car back and I know for me just thinking about drinking makes me feel nausous. All that brain reprograming I guess.
I have had several drinking dreams. As time passes I am in control of the situation even in dreamland.
I had a rough day and am going to bed early. Have a great night all.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Glad you made it through the day SL!!!

NS, Good points about after the time after the crisis. That's when our adrenaline settles and we have time to think. I get myself into a lot of trouble thinking too much. My body doesn't respond well to being over-stressed and over-thinking.

Read the first article Jennie posted. Very good article. And society doesn't get it. They don't get it because it's still carries the negative connotation - addict, alcoholic. People look at it as a weakness and nothing more. We are not educated in the fact that our brains are wired differently, just that we can't make the right choices.

I also read another article that someone posted in the newbie's nest and referred to the same guy Phillip Seymore Hoffmann. I'll post the link, but this caught my eye: Phillip Seymour Hoffman did not have choice or free will and neither do you. – debbie bayer blog
Our brains are different and react differently to drugs and alcohol. So, no matter how hard we try to be normal drinkers, it's never going to happen. Our brains are different but normal for us.

When our entire culture understands as common sense that addiction is an individual neurological disorder that requires immediate medical attention then a person like Phillip Seymour Hoffman has a chance to understand that he has “one of those brains” that will shut down his frontal lobes and take away his ability to exercise good judgement and control of his behaviors. And until he knows this fact about his brain in same the way that he knows a bone sticking out of his leg means he needs to go to the ER, then him and those like him will not be able to ask for help.

And a guy like Phillip Seymour Hoffman isn’t going to know these things until we all know them. And that time is NOW.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman died from having a combination of sensitivities in his neural wiring that caused his brain to override his better judgement, take away his free will and caused him to take the actions that ultimately killed him. It appears that these sensitivities were unknowingly activated by a prescription of pain killers that were necessary at the time to treat a different medical condition. Because of his previous 23 years of being clean and sober he was presumed safe to take the pain medication. And it looks like what he and maybe even his doctors didn’t know about how his brain worked kept him from staying in treatment long enough to allow his brain to rewire itself around those sensitivities and render him clean and sober again. For this, like all addicts in this situation, he deserves our kindness and compassion.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Lzdies I have to say that sometimes articlex like that hurt my feelings. I live with 2 addicts. My hubby is a crack addict and his daughter is a heroin addict. Yes it obviously runs in families. But sometimes it feels like articles like this are giving them a green light to use, hurt, and just plain shit on the people in their lives. Lazy and selfish. Yes they both are. I hsve seen some improvement in hubby since I started MWO because we talk about so mush I learn. Accountability. Does this mean addicts don't have to follow the same rules as the rest of society? I really am having trouble with this one.
And if that were so how does mwo work for so many who put effort into it? Byrdie, no sugar, lav, Dottie, ava, Giraffe.
Please help me understand this.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Loamers

I will reply later LB as that is a good point to ponder.

My darling girl has been admitted to hospital, she has not been away from me for so long and i will miss her so much. She has to be re-hydrated, have her foot operated on and her bowel is nearly obstructed so she will be given enemas for that. She is such a placid soule even with the vets fingers up her butt lol. I am hoping she will be home tomorrow but if not the day after. All for a grand total of $1070 but i would pay anything to have her enjoy her older years. Cant even afford a whiff of wine!

I am home and yelled like a madwoman at my boys, one was too busy to come and support me and the other was tired. well they are going to suffer for this one. they know i need support when things like this happen and they decided in their wisdom not to support me. Mia had to go to her counsellor and said she would cancel, as much as i wanted her to getting well is very important. I took a xanax, the first since i gave up al but i needed it and i was fine even though i was crying taking her to the vets.

NS no thought of drinking lovely, it will not solve anything, it will not make Maddison better, if it did i would. It will not solve my emotional turmoil but a good nap will. I am fine with the no al aspect and thank you all for caring it means the world to me.

Will be on later. xxxx

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

:welcome:

little beagle;1623357 wrote: Lzdies I have to say that sometimes articlex like that hurt my feelings. I live with 2 addicts. My hubby is a crack addict and his daughter is a heroin addict. Yes it obviously runs in families. But sometimes it feels like articles like this are giving them a green light to use, hurt, and just plain shit on the people in their lives. Lazy and selfish. Yes they both are. I hsve seen some improvement in hubby since I started MWO because we talk about so mush I learn. Accountability. Does this mean addicts don't have to follow the same rules as the rest of society? I really am having trouble with this one.
And if that were so how does mwo work for so many who put effort into it? Byrdie, no sugar, lav, Dottie, ava, Giraffe.
Please help me understand this.
Hi, LB

I don't think addicts should get a "pass". I don't entirely agree with the author that addicts don't even know, as she wrote, that their brains are broken. There is often a period of denial but from what you've said, your family members are aware they have problems. It is not ok for them to make others' (your!) lives miserable. I do agree with the author that many addicts need medical help.

I think MWO works for the people like the ones the author says AA works for, with you being a shining example of this:

There are two caveats to the success of 12-step work 1) It works when you work it. and 2) You have to be honest, and some people are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

I guess the question is, are your family members unable to be honest with themselves in the way you have been? If so, maybe they need more help than we can get here or you can offer to them. As you know, you have to want it more than anything and be willing to do whatever it takes.

I don't think I can really answer your question but I understand why an "It's not their fault" article upsets you. You have taken responsibility for your mistakes and for getting yourself sober. It isn't fair that you are also paying a high price because others won't, or maybe can't, do the same thing.

:l

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, I'm so sorry your dog is so ill and away from you. You should be proud of how you're handling it. A :l for you, too!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB, I have to think more about your question. It is sure good that MWO is helping your hubby too.

NS, that was interesting what you wrote about addiction.

J-Vo, I am leaving tomorrow. Yay! Leaving my long johns home

SL, glad you knew we were with you. That sucks about your car though, they sure are expensive!

Humble, I loved reading your post.

I am falling asleep here. So talk to you honeys later.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Evening, All:

LB - I don't live with a crack addict and a heroin addict, but I was thinking the same thing as I was reading that article. What makes some people ask for help at whatever level they need? I think in terms of the mothers who go so deeply into addiction that they lose their children, and I have to believe that the rational parts of their brains are not working - or how in the world could they continue a habit that would cause them to lose their children? But how do you believe that and not then have it as an excuse to keep using, even if you don't have a bad enough brain disease? And can you re-teach your brain to work the program and be honest - it seems yes, but you ask very compelling questions. I like your reply, NS (as usual)!

Ava - Sorry about Maddison! My friends had a dog who had to have emergency surgery and it all went well - she is fine.

Jennie - I went swimming tonight thanks to your description of how good it felt for you. I wish I swam like a manatee - slow but at least graceful. I feel like I'm flailing and half drowning most of the time, but I feel great after having done it. I go to an outdoor pool and it was dark and raining - very peaceful and not very crowded!

Humble and Ava – I, too, found this site years ago. I read for a while and then left – thinking that wasn’t me, I can beat this. I lurked from time to time after a bad hangover, but always found an excuse not to quit and not to join. I’m glad I finally did! I was lurking back when our NS joined! Humble, I think we did have the same original quit date, although that one was half-hearted for me as I always knew that was just for a short time (until I really got my act together to moderate for real. Hah!) Turns out I made it shorter than I anticipated – stayed sober for 20 days, drank for 8 and then quit for good.

Off to sleep – stay strong and committed, everyone. Happy travels, Narilly.

Xo
Pav

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

interesting about the script drugs kicking his addictive brain awake. i was doing ok a few years ago, days af and not thinking about it when i was. had an op on my shoulder and things spiralled after that. went into depression and anxiety as well. hhmmm.

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

healing thoughts for maddison

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. What I think is that this is the same thing as the "powerless" concept they use in AA. We are all responsible to get sober and stay in recovery for life. When we do what we need to do, we will live a fulfilling life. When we ingest any bit of our poison, whether it's heroine, alcohol, coke, or whatever, we lose our power. Our brains can't stop us from taking more. Our "off switch" is not there. So until we've got our brains rewired which takes time, and as long as we stay away from that substance or any if we are addicts, then we can live normally. We give up the power (something happens to that frontal lobe) as soon as a little bit touches our nose, lips, arms.

Nar, have a super duper time in Florida!!!

Ava, how's Maddison doing?