Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow long flight but you can read away which is good and sleep. I hate flying. You have a great xmas and hey we can spend new years together as i plan on hibernating for that one. xx

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pavati;1599103 wrote: Right now I feel like the struggle is that I am mad and disappointed at myself for not having control and not being able to keep myself from getting in this position. I feel like an idiot.

Hey, Pavati.

Once your head is clear enough to be able to look back and see what was going on, it is hard not to feel like an idiot. I was stuck at the place you describe for a good long while and it is easy to go back there if I don't work not to. I try to do that work because there is nothing to be gained from berating myself and making myself feel so weak and unworthy.

Many of the people on MWO are high-achievers who have otherwise have a great deal of self-discipline and control. So, getting addicted to a drug feels like a major failure. It is very confusing and all the tools that have worked for years in so many aspects of our lives are worthless.

The main thing that has helped me is getting to know so many intelligent, interesting, funny, kind, moral, and caring people here who also have experienced this. I think all of you are wonderful - and certainly NOT total failures. This has helped me see myself in the same way.

Learning about the biochemistry and psychology of addiction also has helped. There are some underlying things that can set the stage for this and once initiated, there are strong forces at work that can easily allow it to spin out of control. These are just facts that don't reflect the moral strength or value of the person.

I'll always wish this hadn't developed or that I had recognized it as a problem sooner. Or at least looked for help sooner. Those regrets don't overwhelm me anymore, though, and in some ways, I'm a better person for having had this experience - certainly more patient and less judgmental.

I'm also grateful for my new friends - some of whom know me and I know better than most people in my real life who have only been allowed to see the "good" me. To be valued by others who know the worst, darkest secrets is amazing, liberating, and very reassuring.

I was going to reply to the other posts but I'm tired and you've probably heard enough from me anyway. I'm glad you're all here.

:l NS

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Take it one minute at a time, and remember, you do have peace inside of you right now. Breath, dear.

And, I was just wishing that the world could stop for a day so I could get off and breathe a bit. but didn't happen....

I completely understand how you are feeling. I'm not looking ahead at this stage, just each day at a time.

Many of the people on MWO are high-achievers who have otherwise have a great deal of self-discipline and control. So, getting addicted to a drug feels like a major failure. It is very confusing and all the tools that have worked for years in so many aspects of our lives are worthless.

The main thing that has helped me is getting to know so many intelligent, interesting, funny, kind, moral, and caring people here who also have experienced this. I think all of you are wonderful - and certainly NOT total failures. This has helped me see myself in the same way.


Thanks everyone! I knew if I posted here I would get some excellent replies. SL - yours made me cry. That's exactly how I feel. I just want to push pause and relax a minute. I play a silly game on my phone (Sally's Spa) and you can burn a candle that allows the world to stop for Sally to catch up. I want that candle!

Anyway - you all are the best. Thanks for the advice and support. I am heading to bed at the end of Day 13 grateful for finding MWO and grateful for finding this thread and all of you lovely ladies (plus one gentleman who drops by). I was going to respond to more posts, too, but I'm out of steam. :thanks: :l

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

MAE ladies and Mr G when around

Today was a great day, candle making was fun and we had a ball. The coffee was good and much needed also.

My other daughter and her husband and my niece came over for a baked dinner and we had a good chat about my not drinking anymore and it was good to feel comfortable enough to talk about it openly. They are all very proud which makes this journey all worthwhile. I was a bit uncomfortable at first not having a wine or ten as that was my usual on family nights but i had bought lots of drinks and al was drank but I did not want any after the initial thought.

I know that life without al is a blessing each day and I cant and wont take it for granted like all of us here.

Work tomorrow so an early night. Take care all

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I came across this in another thread and it really hit home with me. Thanks, Treetops!

treetops;1598562 wrote:
... I think many of us here can relate to the drinking alone pattern ? its what Ann Dowsett Johnson (and many others) write about with regard to women and AL. This was my trap for years and years. I mostly could handle the social occasions and going out to drink held no attraction to me ? esp in my later years. Much easier to just drink alone, potter around the house, do some work ? and I did manage to get a lot done while drinking ? some of which was good work. I also had fun with AL and I am not denying this. I wasn?t always a sloppy drunk. I had an intimate relationship with AL ? it was my companion and we had rules we followed in the game ? but as we know it was AL that was really controlling me. Because it was so embedded in my personal life ? and because I was outwardly ?functioning? ? it was a monster to get finally rid of. And as you say we become very very lonely, sad and cut off. Its taken months but I am emerging from that barrier ? but I am not whizzing around being a social butterfly. I think I have a better handle on socialising again. It's a blessing to not think about ?escaping? early to get home to the bottle. You know, that alcoholic urge that tugs at you ? to get away, go straight to the wine glass and glug. Ahh, relax. Alone.
No ? I still escape, but its different now.

[FreeFly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS, Treetops' post is me in a nutshell. Not doing so well this festive season. I want 2014 to be so different. It has to be - can't keep going on like this. Got to get my head in gear!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Can you tell us the particular obstacle(s) you're facing this time, FF? I think TT captured the essence of several of us so perhaps we could bounce some ideas around. Something might come up that will give you a running start on an AF 2014.

We've all been where you are :l.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

MAE Ladies,

Today is another cold and snowy day here. We're all safe at home, football on tv, laundry's going, and lots of papers to correct. But I love doing this, being here with my two boys and having a lazy day minus any headaches or any long naps. My husband's 50th birthday is coming up on January 1st, so I'm going to look into a trip to Las Vegas for us. Probably won't go until August, but that'll be between our 50th birthdays. He likes to gamble (not a big gambler) but has always wanted to go there. Anyone ever go and if so, where did you stay?

Patrice, safe travels!!!!

Available, candle making sounds like fun, even more fun when you can share that time with your daughter/daughters and sons. Blessed!!! And you said about a candle store? Sounds like a great idea! I love, love candles. It creates that comfortable, relaxing ambience we look for after a hard day's work. And life without AL is a blessing. We need to remind ourselves daily.

NS, thanks for that wonderful post. Always good reflecting on what you write. And good one by treetops! Wow, can I relate.

I'll check back later! Have a great day.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just a quick hello and check in. Monday morning here, 5 days of work left and then holidays, i cant wait.

FF i remember we started on here about the same time and are still here fighting al. I hope i am al free 2014, 2015, 2016 and years beyond. I think we just get it in our head we cant do it anymore, we get tired of the merry go round of al. I still remember my nieces 21st which really started me wanting to give up al again, i stopped, then i drank and now i have stopped. It wasnt my lowest point but I feel i disappointed and let down my one and only niece who i love dearly. I am over hurting myself and the ones i love. I dont think of never drinking again, i just say I wont drink today. It seems easier to get my head around.

Jvo, candlemaking is a thought of making some extra money and they cost so much money over here to buy. Since it is actually something i enjoy I am going to look into it after xmas otherwise the kids will be innundated with candles for the rest of my life.

Why am i always so tired on a Monday. Have the patient from hell coming into today, so that is going to test myself on whether i walk out the door or to see if she is actually pleasant in person. I need to remember that I will not be spoken down to, I am stronger than her and I need to think of myself and I deserve respect.

[FreeFly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi NS,

Well I think my brain is not engaged in the seriousness of abstinence if I?m honest. When I found this thread I really liked its intention and it did feel exactly where I wanted to be ? serious and focused in at last kicking the habit. I was doing ok, crossed the first milestone of works? do effortlessly, and then the spontaneous friend dinner blew that one. I think I remember you saying that the cocktail parties hold no interest for you. Again, me in a nutshell. I find those occasions easy to stay sober ? they bore me. What I do find challenging is good friend suppers. I don?t have loads of friends but a few good ones (bit of a loner really). My friends are not ?lushes? and don?t experience the same problems with alcohol that I do, and know nothing of my struggle. I still do enjoy sharing a bottle with them. Trouble is I don?t stop. If I?ve been out, I either pick one up on the way home or think the next day, well I?ve started, so may as well get in a ?private? session to make my ?slip? worthwhile. F***ed up eh! The other trigger is anything emotional, I cave quickly. I enjoy my sober time and that is far more than I ever had before I arrived at MWO. And I really, really enjoy it ? I like myself, everything falls into place, synchronicities are abundant and happen effortlessly and surprisingly quickly. Then I blow it all again. The endless hamster wheel. The one thing I do think however, is that change is not linear. I see it more like a spinning top ? arriving in different places and building on the changes already made. I don?t feel the same distress I did before because I can see change but I am so fed up of hurting myself. I want to love myself, not just like myself.

Available, I hope I can get my mindset to where yours is. Well done you on that one.

Hello to all you other lovely ladies. I've yet to read back

Thanks for listening
FF:l

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning all - candles, I want some! I also love candles...and Pav's Sally spa candle sounds perfect - Av, can you get right too it! You will get a pile of orders very soon:H
Saty storng Av - when dealing with peopel who push my buttons, I try to remind myself not to let them have that sort of power over me...
Girls are volunteering at pet shelter today, I am supposed to sort out their gifts and do a last check, but up last two nights for work and can't manage to push myself to do much...
One more week till girls are off for two week break, I am taking one week off and we are going to San Francisco for three nights on Boxing day - it has crept up on me, have to stay strong when on my hols
Hi Patrice, j-vo, NS and FF - good to see you guys signing in.
Well Av, have a good Monday - still Sunday here, and just noon - so off to make the most of the quiet....

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

nfire:I'm not having a good day as I took a nutty on my husband for his serious attitude towards things. I am so angry with his stupid excuses when I call him on it. Really not good in my head right now. Send some good vibes ladies. Thanks.

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

((j-vo)) I have been there with dh lately too....he is driving me NUTS!!
Need a ME day of mani/pedi or something....

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jvo deep breaths, deep breaths and keep bitching if it helps. It makes me appreciate my singleness even more ha ha. Dot and you should meet up for a good old bitch over a coffee or ten. Its a shame we cant just jump on our brooms and fly to meet up with each other.

Looks like the silly season is definitely upon us!

SL i intend to ebay and get the ingredients after xmas when finances are a bit better. I think i have found the interest to replace al and its not rocket science. The nutty patient cancelled thank god but I am definitely in a better head space this week to deal with her.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Big hugs j-vo! Lots of great vibes coming your way - like Av, I am happy in my singleness just now, so sending you some of my leftover husband dealing energy....
Yah - I think it is wonderful to find a passion Av, so looking forward to hearing how it goes. I found some great candle makers at the Christmas craft fair we went to, bought a few for Christmas presents - bought myself a lovely one for my christmas gift to me too (I picked up one for a firend that smelled wonderful - turned out it was merlot - she had all the wines in candles:H:H). I think we all need to find something to fill our hearts as we kick AL out - haven't found mine yet...