Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

site froze, then my laptop, so rebooted. everything decided it would update haha!

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

its only posting my posts if i log off, fuckin thing.

my mother refuses to talk about the past, she gets defensive aggressive and i end up appeasing her. she plays the victim to a tee.
i want an acknowledgement that she fucked up. she knows it but wont talk it through. just goes running to her enabler. i dont confront her btw, i try to bring up stuff in a nonconfrontational way.

she lives in australia now so i went to visit for six weeks. she is entrenched in her behaviour now and i left feeling very sad.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

my laptop is playing up with this site also, went to post something before and froze.

my mother says she did what she had to do and end of story but she just loves telling me that the worst day of her life was when i got married 20 years ago and how much she hates the childrens father in front of the children of course. Then when i tell her to get over it she plays the victim. Oh well, i dont try and dwell too much on my mother, i just need to let her go on but wish she would be a bit happier and not so bitter and twisted.

Where in Aus does she live. Come visit her again and if she annoys you you can come visit me, Autumn and Spring are nice.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

my laptop is playing up with this site also, went to post something before and froze.

my mother says she did what she had to do and end of story but she just loves telling me that the worst day of her life was when i got married 20 years ago and how much she hates the childrens father in front of the children of course. Then when i tell her to get over it she plays the victim. Oh well, i dont try and dwell too much on my mother, i just need to let her go on but wish she would be a bit happier and not so bitter and twisted.

Where in Aus does she live. Come visit her again and if she annoys you you can come visit me, Autumn and Spring are nice.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava you are such a comforting person.
Roxy I don't even know where to start on the mother issues. Mine is no longer alive. She smoked too much when young and cut her life way short. I hope you can find serenity with this issue.
Having been through a rough patch recently with those around me hurting themselves and making me crazy, I can say that this is one thing that cannot be changed. Other's behavior is on them. That is hard for me to accept and YES it affects me personally and daily, but a few yoga stretches and a hot cup of tea or a walk with my doggies is what I do. Sometimes a hard cry in a hot tub. Or a visit on MWO ###$$& thread. But never a drink.

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

an hour north of brisbane.

i spent most of my money visiting her last time. i absolutely loved the place but the atmosphere in the house was depressing. they would go whispering in corners and he would ignore me after she said anything to him. if i was chatting to her and he came in, she would walk off to him with me in mid sentence. and on it goes.
oh, and shes never wrong, i am!

at least we have distance now :H

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

lb, i hear what youre saying and i want that so much. as you can understand i have just suppressed it with al. it hurts so much and i was never allowed to express how i felt. i was wrong, selfish disruptive if i said even the slightest thing. initially i railed and ranted but it got squashed out of me.

so i guess im still a child in my emotional response to her.

i always respected my stepfather. he always had mood swings but if he was in a good mood he was wonderful. the sort of person people wanted him to like. he was around only in small bites as he worked abroad alot.
but after the last 6 week visit, my eyes were opened. he is unbearable to be around. and he cant bear to be around others. i felt i was an uninvited guest. he holed himself away most of the time, his normal routine. barely spent any time with us. but his presence was all around. the house ran around his weird routine.

i dont know why im saying all this, it makes no real sense to anyone but me and my siblings. that morning thought streaming has really got me. thanks for reading!

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

im going to take the dog out for a long long walk. hell be begging to come home.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Roxy just get it out! At least here we listen. This is very upsetting to you I can tell. I sympathize. :l
I love dog therapy.

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey all - got a lie-in today so caught up on much needed sleep. Missed 2 days of exercise as we had a funeral this week. Yesterday, after the service, we went for a meal and I have to say there was some craic among us - I laughed so much my belly hurt! Such a good feeling to be so present and alive and contributing - drinking water!
I then dropped a few off to the pub and I went home and slept for a while....I did have a little moment when they asked me to join them, but that was all it was. Glad to be sober and with no commitments today I have decided to spend time at the gym and maybe a swim.....
Availablle - a big congratulations! Bet you are a happy bunny today!
Roxy, I had a lot of family issues last year while my dad was ill; I let it get to me and became ill myself.....now I find I am able to let it go - if I feel in any way miffed with them, I stay away, suit myself - sometimes you have to for your own sanity....
Have a great sober weekend my friends!

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

well done daisy! that was a test if ever there was so early in af mode.

lb, im done with it now thanks, im sorry about your mother, its such a waste to basically kill yourself. which was what we were doing just different drug.

that walk did me good. its sunny here so i got the joy of seeing dog happy, getting excercise (i dont hang about) and some son on my face. rather windy mind, i walked alot faster when the wind was on my back i can tell you.

going to get some decaff coffee and jaffa cakes and watch the olympics.

just looked out the window and its clear blue sky and a half moon. i do look at the positives of life (cbt worked wonders for me). or little things please little minds, take your pick :H

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

MAE, All:

Sorry I missed checking in yesterday. I had a long hard week at work and then got asked out by some friends for a "drink." I met them at a cozy bar/restaurant and had tea while they had Manhattans. As you say, Daisy, there was a moment. I didn't really want alcohol if I thought of it, but I wanted the ease of relaxation that comes after a long week and that alcohol can provide so quickly. Instead I ate a good dinner, talked and laughed. I didn't miss it after that first moment at all, and certainly not when I was driving home in the rain. (YES, we FINALLY have some rain here. We'll see how much we actually get).

My DH was all tentative when I got home and said "I'm not sure if I should ask this - but did you drink? Of course you didn't drink." WTF? I think he figures that I've dried out a bit and now I can go on to drink again? We're going to have to have a chat... I had dinner with my parents on Thursday night and my mom essentially said the same thing. My husband knows how much I drank so there is no excuse for him - my mom didn't as much, so she has more of an excuse. When they say little things like that it activates that part of my brain that says - maybe just one someday... I really always go back to what 3J wrote, though. If just one, why not none? There's no two glass buzz in my future, so why even think about it. I can shift the thinking pretty quickly, but again it is a reminder for vigilance and work for sobriety that will probably always have to take place. No complacency EVER.

Ava - I missed your 70th, although by my calendar, I am still in your 70th day while you are probably on your 71st. Your sons sound like they have your sense of humor, anyway. You can tell him Pav is on day 69 and she's not drinking today either! See above for my feeling of the tug of alcohol - it is a potent drug that works fast to numb feelings - that is part of the appeal, right? I think that's what had me chasing that feeling down to the bottom of the bottle. I used to say "if I could only go through life with a two glass buzz." Oh well. I'll have to recreate that buzz in other ways... I hope Maddison is pooping - how's the watch going, Rox?

Rox, you're doing great. I know you agreed with LB on this already, but I'll chime in - the most calming thing in my life that happened this decade was understanding, not just "knowing" but really understanding, that I can't control the behavior of others. I can only control my own actions and my response to others in an attempt to communicate - sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. In my job people are angry and upset a lot, and sometimes they blame it on me. As a life long pleaser, it was hard for me - I always wanted to plead my case and prove why I was not to blame, but it really didn't work a lot of the time. I realized that some people just will create their own stories no matter what I do, and sometimes it is wise to do what LB suggested - just look up and smile. Good luck!

LB - Mardi Gras must be a nightmare! I am watching my taped episodes of Top Chef Louisiana, and there is booze in every frame (as there is in every episode of every season). I am wondering who among you cook and what you do when there is wine called for in a recipe. It is such a distinctive flavor and the chemistry seems important to taste. Any good af substitutes, or do you just use what you need in the recipe and pour the rest down the drain?

Dreamy - thanks for stopping by. You are right about these Loamers - they'll keep you honest.

I have to run - son to baseball (workout in the gym, too rainy) and some exercise for me and then I am going to tackle the absolute junk yard that is my sons' room. Time to get rid of the legos they haven't used in a couple of years and see if we can find the floor. Any tips, Ava?

Much love to all the loamers. Keep it going strong. We are collecting some big numbers.

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I'm about halfway through Everything I Never Wanted to Be by Dina Kucera. It's a good book by a comedian about the tragedy of alcohol and drug addiction in her family. Did one of you recommend it? I'm going to have a quiet day at home for a change. I just have to pop down to the grocery store and then I'm coming home to relax, watch some shows, read my book, write an Ava length post here, haha. Hope everyone is well this morning. See you later on. xo

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo x-post! I should also add your name, an Ava/J-vo epistle on its way later.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Roxy, it is good to get that off your chest. So post your feelings.

Pav, your strength and determination is such a inspiration to me. Your thought processes are one I'm trying to emulate. Isn't it so true that one little comment like that activates your alky brain! I think that is a huge trigger for me - just a comment here or there that someone makes. Gonna keep an eye on that one. But I've been reading about the alky brain and see how that once you cross that line, you will be back to your rock bottom within a short period of time. I'm going to keep reading this, as it's a true eye opener to know that our brains are different, and no matter how much we want to think we can, we can't! Not one, not ever.

So thats a good one Humble? I'll look that one up on Amazon.

Daisy, you're making great choices lady!

LB, oh, that was one of my dreams, to be able to visit during mardi gras. Not now...

Getting ready for another basketball game. Will check in later.