Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, hope your Counselling session is good. It sure helps to talk.

My trip is going well although I had a glass of wine last night with supper. We went to Emerils and I just ordered it. Ok, I know I can't moderate, I know I would have had more last night if I could so I am going to figure out a way to stay AL free today and at happy hour. I am so afraid of getting drunk, happy hour free drinks scares the crap out if me.
I am posting to stay sober. NS, Pav,Ava, Humble, all PC you gals I know this is supposed to help.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Order a delicious non alcoholic drink. I enjoy frozen lemonade if I can get them to make it. Wonderful virgin Mary's with olives and pickled green beans is another favorite.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Tanks lil B. Today it's Disney and I won't have trouble there. I will make sure supper is AL free.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hang in there Nar, darling. I like LB's drink specials! I have to look online for new, fun al free drinks for summer. Although at this rate, looks as if summer will never arrive. Check back Nar. We are sending you strength. Can ya feel it!!:l

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav,
I could have written your last post. And it's great you are getting it off your chest, and will again with your counselor this evening. I've been married for 24 years, and we dated 10 years prior to that. I'm going to be 49 tomorrow, so I've been with the same man for a very long time, since we were children.

Sometimes I think had my situation been different, and my parents hadn't moved across state when I was 20, I may not have married. But then again, he's wonderful, everyone loves him, he's the best dad, and he's so good to me. Takes care of so much and he's got endless energy. But the way we've "not" communicated since our younger days, and communicated ineffectively, has hurt us over the years. We know we must attend counseling (rather I know) to have a better relationship.

As I struggled to get my degree, the resentment in me built against him. I knew I wanted a degree, but I never believed in myself, and I felt as though I was forcing myself through something that i couldn't handle. I got angry with him, because I was the one trying to make a better life for both of us, and for years and years, I hated the fact that I was the breadwinner because I felt all of the pressure. I could never just "quit" so I never felt safe or protected from life. I struggled with severe anxiety and I used to get so angry that I had this and I had to deal with the shit I was dealing with daily, because he couldn't provide for us. I felt guilty for those feelings. I don't have them much anymore, as I"ve come to accept that our roles in our relationship are just different and one isn't better than the other. But I struggled a long time to get there. Maybe I have residual resentment. I don't know, but it's just like the fact that I can't change my alcoholism. I have to accept that part of me and learn how to live a happy life without it. I know a better marriage is somewhere for us, but it's going to take lots of work. But it nags at me at times and again, I feel guilty for that. I think the feeling of having that pressure on my shoulders was more than I could handle most times, and I drank through that just like I drank through all of my other emotions.

I hope counseling helps you out Pav. This isn't an easy situation, then to feel bad about it on top of everything else sucks, Strength to you, my friend.

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav and J-vo and all,
I could have written both your posts, except for the pot smoking part for my dh. He used to drink, but no more. Now I'm getting irritated at all sorts of things that I used to drink away. Most of the time I am able to let it go and so is he, when before we would have had a major communication breakdown, endless screaming match (mostly on my part), hotel bill, etc. Last night, he went to the gym to get away from the fight. In the past, I would have grabbed that opportunity of being alone to drink myself silly, on top of what I might have already had to start the fight in the first place. This time, I took the quiet hour to regroup and figure out what went wrong in our communication and try to make it better for both of us. When he came home, we were able to talk it out and I even laughed at a joke about it this morning. Being AF makes all the difference in the world in de-escalating arguments. The only problem is, like you say, behavior we used to stomach along with a good dose of alcoholic fortification we now are irritated as feck over.

Thanks to all for the congrats on 100 days. I still can't believe I'm here AF after all this time. I can't stress enough the importance of checking in here for my sobriety. You ladies make it seem almost like a cake walk, if that is possible for this journey we are on. Thank you and xo. I have another super busy day at work and home. Monday and Tuesday are my dh days off, so after work I hardly get a chance to do much of anything privately until he goes to sleep. Today, I am taking a break from work to get a new computer. My laptop has been limping along for months now, is several years old, and I just need to get off my duff and spend the money for a new one, something I hate doing but hey, I can consider it a 100-day AF present to myself. That might soften the financial blow!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Loamers hello

Well i was just exhausted last night so actually went to sleep and i must have slept like the dead as my bed clothes were so not on the bed this morning when i woke up. this was when i actually felt glad it was hot here and not freezing cold.

Oh NAR be strong girl, dont let al win, you know we can never win against it so why bother having it. Thanks for being honest and posting but only you can not order that first drink, not us or anyone else. I so laughed about Fwad as i love shrek too, that is about the only movie i would sit down and watch with the kids, love it till this day.

Pav lovely big hugs to you. My first thought is "the grass is never greener on the other side". I was with a pot smoker who mind you used to smoke in front of the children as "he helped pay the mortgage and it was his house". mmmm no wonder 3 of my 4 kids smoke pot. He always worked harder (physical) work so that gave him the excuse not to do anything around the house so i worked and cleaned and looked after the kids and after 17 years i left. The grass is not greener but damn i am a lot happier. Find that happiness in you to like and love yourself Pav, its in there and you have shown us what a beautiful woman you are. Your husband i am sure thinks the same but we know men are emotionally retarded. My ex never grew up and still hasnt now. I am sending you a big big hug. Being alone is lonely at times let me say that! I still have bricks to send!

LB so true, when i went out on the weekend i had no trouble ordering a LLB, i had practiced it about 100 times on the drive in and it came out automatically. I wish we could be "normal" drinkers sigh. I am glad your husband is turning a corner for you.

Jvo i would have liked to have been a nurse but by the time i had kids etc there was just no time and i could not have relied on ex to give me support when he was one of the children as well. I keep thinking now i am too old and i could not live on the wage trainees get now. Oh well, i do enjoy my job. You are right we have to accept them for what they are, we cant change them and obviously we are definitely the stronger sex in this world.

Well time for me to get ready for work, feeling a bit blah too but not sure why. Oh yes i do i have no money, gas got turned off, mmm cold showers are nice, a huge electricity bill and a vet bill and going to thailand in 6 weeks. i cant do anything about it so i just keep plodding along and i know everything will work out at the end of the day. Not worth drinking about, mind you i have thought about it but cant afford to drink wine as well. Take care friends. Love you all. NS you are quiet! Pat where are you? Rox hope you are doing fine and staying strong being af.

xxx

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi ladies,
Having a great time dancing with hubby. Finally getting out of the house and doing something. I am grateful to be AF!!

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Doing good, day 6 done.

Dancing, goes into dream mode, all floaty.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Your're right, Ava, I have been quiet here -- thinking about all the posts you guys have written. (I blabbered on in the nest, though :H).

You bring up interesting points about relationships before and after giving up alcohol. In some ways I pretty much checked out of my relationship with my husband (and others) - dulling my emotions and protecting myself from caring too much about people (and worrying about losing them). So, things are better now because I'm more engaged and actually do care. Sometimes I'm surprised at how much fun things can be - I guess I'd kind of forgotten. Things do bug me now (as they did before) but now I speak up about them better. I felt like such 'the guilty one', I didn't feel like I could stand up for myself. Also, the really little things don't irritate me so much anymore - I guess I've become more forgiving and tolerant (which for me was a really needed change).

I'm not talking about the kind of issues you are, Pav and J-vo - those are things that truly do have to be dealt with. One thing I would say, though, is not to make any big decisions for quite a long while. From experience I know that my view of things has changed dramatically over this year and I think they are changing still as I work to understand more about myself and the choices I've made.

Narilly, I'm wondering why, with all you know now about addiction and your response to AL, you made the choice to order the wine and drink it. Did you enjoy drinking it? Or was your mind chattering at you about how you were making a mistake? I think I would be so conflicted, it would be almost impossible to truly enjoy it but I'm way too chicken to run the experiment.
I hope you are able to avoid drinking today. It will be much easier to get back with your plan if you don't let your brain have the slightest hint that a hit of AL is something to anticipate each evening.
It sounds like your vacation has been great otherwise - I'm so happy for you.

Talk to you later. NS

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Phew.

I had a friend (drinking buddy) come over this evening to deliver a freezer to me, was bringing a friend to help. Was due here at 7pm. Had asked for some hoegarden beer to quench their thirst. Rolled up at 8.45pm. With his friend and his child.

While he was drinking this fancy beer, I asked what was so special about it. he offered his glass to me and I nearly took it without thinking! Suddenly remembered, it's alcohol! I made some comment about not liking beer anyway.

Them being late and not knowing why got me frustrated. Handled that frustration better than if I was pissed.

I was not slurring and embarrassed.

I could look them in the eye.

When they had gone, I did not want to drink.

Phew

ETA I don't often have strangers in my house, let alone people I know. I find it stressful to play host, I usually drink more after guests have gone.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Rox sounds like me, i tried to hide the drinking by drinking "normal" but when they had gone it was such a relief and off i went guzzling down what i had not consumed while being there.

Good on you for resisting temptation, that is half the battel and at home too, woo hoo!

Day 7 for you tomorrow and that is so good, no drinking days in between just completely sober, onwards and upwards.

i am at work so best be doing something! mmm maybe not

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks Ava!

You know? It wasn't a temptation, He could have been offering me to try his tea. And I went to take it, and, eek! No!

Now, back to work, and no skiving.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

available;1625689 wrote: I wish we could be "normal" drinkers sigh.

So, what do you guys think a normal drinker is?
Someone who can have one or two drinks once or twice a week and is fine with that?
Someone who only drinks on weekends?
Someone who only drinks too much once in awhile?
Someone who adheres to the government regulations about weekly units?

I really don't know what normal is and am starting to wonder why it is normal at all to consume a known carcinogen and teratogen?? If you just read the "side" effects of alcohol, it doesn't sound like something anyone in their right mind would ingest. I would be afraid to take a pill with those effects.

Most people would have considered me a "normal" drinker because I was - in public, just like you said Roxy and Ava. So how many other people that appear to be fine really aren't?

Back in the day when I truly did drink "normally" (a glass of wine when out to dinner with others or at someone else's house), I didn't really enjoy it but drank it to be part of the group, mature, sophisticated, whatever the heck else I was trying to be. I certainly didn't like the taste and 1 glass really didn't have much effect - good or bad. Maybe once your brain "likes" it enough, you really can't be normal anymore.

The part of AL I liked (the numbing and escape) doesn't result from any of those definitions of normal drinking. So, I guess I don't have any desire to drink normally.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I could have written both your posts, except for the pot smoking part for my dh. He used to drink, but no more. Now I'm getting irritated at all sorts of things that I used to drink away. Most of the time I am able to let it go and so is he, when before we would have had a major communication breakdown, endless screaming match (mostly on my part), hotel bill, etc. Last night, he went to the gym to get away from the fight. In the past, I would have grabbed that opportunity of being alone to drink myself silly, on top of what I might have already had to start the fight in the first place. This time, I took the quiet hour to regroup and figure out what went wrong in our communication and try to make it better for both of us. When he came home, we were able to talk it out and I even laughed at a joke about it this morning. Being AF makes all the difference in the world in de-escalating arguments. The only problem is, like you say, behavior we used to stomach along with a good dose of alcoholic fortification we now are irritated as feck over.

Humble, what you wrote is major progress in your life with your husband and with yourself and drinking. You are digging new tunnels to your AF life. You took the hour to regroup and figure out what went wrong and then you were both able to talk about it. He went to the gym. Both, in my opinion healthy decisions. But then the irritation goes away eventually. And a hangover lasts much longer.