Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I still struggle, but I would rather struggle for 15-20 minutes of the day then spend a week regreting a split second bad decision.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good point LB!!!!!!

[DreamThinkDo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Giraffe, happy birthday! Giraffe, happy birthday!
Giraffe, happy birthday!
Giraffe, happy birthday! Giraffe, happy birthday!
Giraffe, happy birthday!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Giraffe, Happy Birthday!

LB, way to go on 300 days!! I appreciate you being on this thread, you have helped me many times. Thank you Lil B

J-Vo, Ava, Pav, I too have been thinking along the same lines. On Friday I thought I could just have a glass of wine when I went out for supper. It freaked me out. I knew that if I went out I could potentially cave. So I made supper and stayed home and AL free. Historically This happens to me when I have been AL free or almost AL free for a period of time like this. I have to stay vigilant and use the tools here at MWO. I have to keep posting and reminding myself why I don't drink and being grateful for sobriety.

Anyway, I am sleepy. Getting up at 5:30 am to watch the Canada vs Sweden hockey game for Gold tomorrow. The bars are open at 5am so people can drink and watch the game. That is just ridiculous. I'm watching it at home with my cup of coffee. I can get up caus I have no hang over. Yay!

Xo

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Happy Birthday, Giraffe! Pav, basically, I still have no desire to drink. That bottle of Crown Royal my brother got us for Christmas has sat collecting dust somewhere, completely forgotten. I'm grateful, seriously not sure where this came from, prayer perhaps although why now I don't know. Now, mind you, there is the BIG Memorial Day coming up where I will be expected to drink. Just one other person involved. I have been so inebriated on that day in the past. But I won't cave and drink. At least I don't think I will. xo all

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

HumbleRider;1630225 wrote: Pav, basically, I still have no desire to drink. l

I feel this way, too, HR. I know I don't ever want to drink addictively again and see no benefit to drinking moderately. When I did drink moderately, it was because I could take it or leave it. So now I just leave it.

Like others here, I've been in a funk, though, and feeling sorry for myself - not because I can't drink but because the whole thing happened and has to be dealt with from now on. I haven't been truly feeling grateful. I've been wishing this were a disease that once you're cured, you can put it in the past. I've felt (internal) pressure to "fix" myself - sort of feeling like after a whole year, I should be Fine. Logically, I know this is unrealistic and I need to be more patient. And get out of my own way.

I think the low energy on MWO affected me some - Reading positive posts and trying to offer support must be more critical than I realized. Being actively involved keeps recovery on my mind in a positive way - not in the brooding way I've been for about a week.

Little Beagle's post about her first 300 days helped me remember what is important, what we're doing, and why. Thank you, LB :l.

Hope all of you are doing well. :h NS

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

No Sugar I think we all go through that. I have been feeling the blues too. I decided that I just need more time outside. The winter blahs, at least for me.
We are starting to green up. Trees are beginning to bloom. Spring flowers are coming up, and walmart has out the first of the herbs and veggies. It is offically SPRING. I love it, and I plan to garden this summer like crazy. I actually have a young man who is going to help me with the hard, backbreaking work. A first for me, usually I do it all myself, but he needs a little work and money and I need help.
Have a great MAE everyone.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS, you're being honest, and that's really important to our sobriety. Honest feelings about where you are, because we're not always going to be happy and grateful for having this disease that requires daily maintenance. It can get "old" and naturally everything gets a bit tiring after awhile. But just remember as a diabetic has to maintain a good diet and check blood levels, we need to post and support others. I think the winter has also gotten to a lot of us. It's been a rough one.

Nar, I'm glad you decided against dinner out if you were feeling that way. Don't put any pressure on yourself if you're not ready. I'm glad I didn't have any pressure to do what I didn't want to do this weekend and basically haven't left the house for two days. I'm gone daily for at least 9 hours so I don't feel like it's an isolating thing to do. I like reading and hanging out in my home.

Humble, you're really sounding strong! Crown Royal! That would have been gone had it been here. Please keep it away from me!

LB, sounds like a great hobby you've got lined up!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I was lurking in the NN. Byrdie made a comment about peanut allergies. Someone with a peanut allergy would NOT eat peanuts! They could potentially die. Well then...They need to be aware of ingredients in anything they eat. Aware daily.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

FFS! I just lost a LOOOONNG post. I am usually good about copying them before I try to post but forgot this one time. I will try to somewhat recreate it but DANG.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Here is my re-creation - it won't be as long or eloquent, but you'll get the point (and I'll show you I learned how to multiquote!)

j-vo;1630017 wrote:
Maybe as time goes on and we reach longer-term sobriety, these feelings may dissipate, but even if they don't, a little tug is just that. Don't give it too much thought and go easier on yourself when you have that little tug. Think of other daily circumstances when we get a little pissed off at someone or something. We know it, but we're not going to think to ourselves, "Hmm. How long will that anger last or will I have the same encounter with that person every time?" No, we take it with a grain of salt and move on. I know I tend to obsess, so this coming out of my mouth is kinda funny to me!
This is great advice, J-vo. Let it go. Acknowledge it, but don't obsess. This is not going to go away, so obsessing won't help.

available;1630130 wrote: I FUCKING want to moderate, there i said it!. I cant, i know that but FUCK FUCK FUCK, why not? Oh i know the why nots, i am an alcoholic plain and simple. I feel like i was walking on an abyss and do i have the guts to get to the other side or do i wander off to the pub i can see in the distance and fall off? I have kept walking and walking. I am tired of thinking about al daily, i am tired of it all but i will not drink, like you Pav i know where it will end and not nicely. ...

So Pav there is the answer to your question girl but I WILL NOT DRINK.


FUCK! There, I said it, too. Ava, I feel like we are side by side on this journey, and I feel the same way - FUCK, why not? Of course, I know why not. And I know I WILL NOT DRINK. Let's keep walking and walking together (John Iriving said - keep passing the open windows (meaning don't jump out of them)). But, yes, I want to say it again, FUCK!

little beagle;1630152 wrote: I still struggle, but I would rather struggle for 15-20 minutes of the day then spend a week regreting a split second bad decision.

SO true, LB. I work with teenagers, FFS, and am ALWAYS talking about delayed gratification and not giving in to every whim. The short term "gain" of a drink is SO not worth the long term consequence. I really loved your 300 day post. I am going back to reread and comment this morning.

narilly;1630221 wrote: I have to stay vigilant and use the tools here at MWO. I have to keep posting and reminding myself why I don't drink and being grateful for sobriety.
Xo

Yes, yes, yes. Last night I got home at midnight, checked in on the boys, read a bit in my book and went to bed - without even reading here. That was a first for me, as I didn't even think of it (I always read, even if I don't post). I can see as time go by it will require more thoughtful effort to "work" on sobriety. That is why community is so important and why I value so much the connections I have here. I actually WANT to stay involved in this sober community.

HumbleRider;1630225 wrote: But I won't cave and drink.

No more to say (note, I chopped off the "at least I don't think I will." I know you won't. I can still very easily play the scenario forward to how I felt at the end of my drinking career - how bad, sad, afraid and anxious I felt, so I know I won't drink, and I don't really want to either. I guess I just don't want to know that I can never drink again. Ok, attitude of gratitude - I get to never feel like that again in my sober life!

NoSugar;1630354 wrote:
Like others here, I've been in a funk, though, and feeling sorry for myself - not because I can't drink but because the whole thing happened and has to be dealt with from now on. I haven't been truly feeling grateful. I've been wishing this were a disease that once you're cured, you can put it in the past. I've felt (internal) pressure to "fix" myself - sort of feeling like after a whole year, I should be Fine. Logically, I know this is unrealistic and I need to be more patient. And get out of my own way.

I am with you, NoSugar. This sums it up nicely. I just want to make the daily grind go away. I feel that same way about laundry and dishes, too, and they won't go away either. And my marriage - FFS, that takes a lot of work, too. Sometimes I just want to do the fun things and not the monotonous, daily chore, and living without alcohol can sometimes feel like that. Not totally difficult, but just a daily grind. I know that's not the attitude of gratitude, so I will keep trying to cultivate that as well, and I haven't felt like that this whole time, so I hope it will go away, or at least my feeling of slogging through it will.

In a perverse way, it is good for me to hear that you all struggle in the same way - it makes me feel like what I am experiencing is "normal" and that with each others' help we will get through this. Not that I like your pain, mind you!

I AM grateful this morning that I had a great time last night, played cards, went to a party, drove home, all totally sober. I kissed my boys with breath that didn't smell like alcohol, and I slept a solid 8 hours without waking up with the GSR brothers. I am now facing my day with a clear head and with the strengtg of my MWO sisterhood behind me (plus any gents who want to join! )

I have a scheduled a massage with "Ken" for this afternoon. Maybe you won't hear from me for a little while... (hee, hee). I can't wait.

Happy Sunday (or Monday if you're in tomorrowland already). Thanks again for being there for me!

xo,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB, I'm happy for you about spring arriving. I sure am going to appreciate it this year! Sadly, the Polar Vortex (who ever heard of that before ?) is returning this week... I'm done feeling sorry for myself, though (much too draining!) and am not going to let dumb old subzero temps get me down !

J-Vo, being honest here is so important, isn't it? Without it, there is no point in being here. The only way to get past this is through it, and that means facing the truth - good and bad.

Pav, sorry about your lost post but way to go on those multiquotes! And also on typing the F-bomb :H! It is taking me a long, long time to get past being "the good girl".

Without going into gory details, I told a relative this weekend about my inability to moderate - essentially anything - but that abstinence wasn't so hard. It freed her to open up about some things she is experiencing. Although it is much harder, I'm hoping to be more open and honest about all of this in my offline life, too. No one can connect with a mask of perfection and that is a pretty lonely way to live.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS, I bet that was hard, but felt good in the end. Would you agree? I think "coming out of the closet" for anyone has to be liberating. And I'm really proud of you for doing that, as I know how private you can be. You're breaking through, sista! You're right about that inability to connect with others trying to mask our imperfections. We can't connect if we're not honest about who we are. Not that people need to know every detail, but being who we really are, accepting who we are is a wonderful thing. That's just awesome.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Okay, Loamers - where is everyone? You all have me worried, but I am hoping you're just busy with life, alcohol free. Maybe my looooong posts are too much??

NS - when I first told my friends the gory details face to face it felt like a real weight off my shoulders (we all ended up in tears). I'm glad you took that step, and it sounds like in doing so you helped someone else as well. I feel like I am shy, but I tend to let a lot of my emotions hang out on my sleeve, so my good friends know me pretty well. That being said, I haven't been completely honest except with those two, my friend who told me about MWO and my husband. I'm not sure everyone needs the gory details.

J-Vo - Accepting who we are IS a wonderful thing. I feel like I get more accepting every day, liking myself warts (and belly) and all.

Ladies, lurkers, gents, post away. No time like the present.

MAE!
xo
Pav

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes, I agree with J-Vo- NS, it's so good you could share with your relative and also with us. I know how crazy this ride is. After a year you should be 'cured', my brain is telling me that I am cured now too. I have to keep reminding myself why I can't drink. I think I have to spend more time on this site.

Pav, thank you for the post.

Goodnight sweet ladies.