Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

And Narilly - CONGRATULATIONS. I bet all of Canada is celebrating. Great stuff.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh, x-post.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, cross post. I am here! This weekend I was just really busy but don't worry, I haven't left

Xo

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you sweetie. I was up at 5:30am to watch the men's hockey game. Very exciting!

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all,
About that itch to be able to moderate. It's crossed my mind, believe me. But not for long and not intense. I just shift my focus every time I start to go there. I know what will happen because it's played itself out many times in the past. Each attempt at moderating leading me straight to nightly and sometimes daily bouts of serious inebriation, resultant poor sleep, blistering hangovers and debilitating thought processes. I need to continue to think logically and positively about my being a teetotaler and not focus on what will never transpire, and that is a HumbleRider able to drink like everyone else.

About feeling down that I can't drink like everyone else, perfectly normal as long as I watch the duration and intensity of the emotions I activate. "Too strong and too long" might lead me to drink that first glass of wine leading to oblivion. Right now in my sobriety, I'm feeling peaceful most of the time and not nearly as anxious as I was when I was drinking. Which helps when I feel like there is something inferior about me because I can't moderate, drink like normal folks. And because thats a fact, I just have to get used to it. For me, the best way to do that is by not thinking about it, by occupying my mind and body with other activities, preferably healthy activities.

Hope everyone is doing well. xo

[giraffe1234]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all

DreamThinkDo: Thank you for the splendid bright birthday "card"!

Thank you for the congrats from:
Little Beagle
j-vo
Humble
narilly
NuSugar
Pavati

Thank you gals - I appreciate!

Pavati, I know exactly what you mean by missing the ritual. I often (obsessively) watch people enjoying a drink and having a good time in a restaurant or wherever, and I miss that so much. My problem is that I started that way, but then I started drinking for all the wrong reasons, and then I lost control altogether.
And non-alcoholic beer etc is not the answer for me - it's not only the taste; it's the whole "thing" or ritual like you say.

Available, like you I yearn to moderate, I really really wish I could. But from what I have read on MWO, it seems that is not an option. I am definitely not ready to try it yet. But I share your feelings completely.

Little Beagle - well done on 300 days!!!! Wow, that is amazing and I admire your fortitude and perseverance. You are an inspiration.

Hope you all have a fantastic week.

[giraffe1234]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanx for sharing that Humble. Your post gives a lot of perspective. Thank you.
You are one strong lady!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

hey Loamers

Well i have had my pity party for one and now i am back. It wasnt so much a pity party but i just needed a bit of a break from thinking about al 24/7. So after a day with my girls and a haircut and dye i feel like a new woman and the positive me is back. Thanks so much for the messages but i am not going to fail on this quest. Sometimes i do forget why i started and feel like yep now i can finish but this is something i can never finish, not drinking will be a constant in my life just like drinking was and man i was pretty damn focused on drinking so i just have to be focused on not drinking. I wish i had the same enthusiasm i had while drinking as so much planning went into that i must say.

giraffe, i am sorry i missed your birthday, i hope you had a lovely day and was spoilt totally rotten and and enjoyable sober one. I am counting the days till my 50th NOT!

Humble what is memorial day? I see that mentioned and keep meaning to ask and of course you will NOT cave in, we have put in too much time and effort to stop now. I crossed my abyss thank god. Peaceful is how i feel the majority of the time also and i imagine myself with a wine then i imagine myself after a lot of wines and its not pretty at all, a horrendous thought and one which i cannot dwell on too much.

NS when did you drink moderately? Damn you have a good memory as i cant say i remember when i went from moderate to blind. Vaguely though i think it was about 20 years ago. Oh those were the days, have a couple and be content. It didnt seem to take long before the hold of al snuck in and i dont want to go there again. FUNK i like that word, i will use that when i have felt like i did, maybe i could make four words out of Funk but we know what the first word would start with haha. I'm glad Pav and I were not the only ones funking! C'mon "Sandra" break out with that F bomb, i dare you!

LB your 300 day post was a great reminder of the struggles you went through and on the getting to the other side. The ups and downs, the positives, the negatives and knowing that life is so much better without al. God i know that, i look at myself and see how much better i look, i feel 100% better so why the hell would one want to put the poisonous crap in our bodies again. I funking hate al. The positive is i am not clinging to that ladder any more and i will keep that thought if there is a next time. You are so not allowed to have spring coming as then that means poor me will be the only one complaining about the cold and how miserable it is while you are all happy and getting loads of vitamin D.

Jvo i am like you, i am out of the house for 10 hours a day and when i get home i feel like doing funking nothing and i generally do that. Weekends i have set myself to do three things each day and i will do them. I feel that i should push myself more and then i think why? I am really still in the early stages of recovery and if i dont want to walk, i wont. My poor dogs got their first walk after 84 days. they were happy and so was i that i got off my arse but they really did enjoy that walk lol. My sugar intake is slowing down but if i want to eat a packet of lollies who am i hurting, my hips, that is all. As long as we wake up sober we have achieved so much in those 24 hours.

Ahhh Pav for someone that lost a post you certainly still achieved something great with the post you posted thereafter! Im definitely walking with you Pav, holding your hand and skipping along. Jumping is not an option for us and sometimes we may drag our arses but i know you will always give me that push i need. Its good that we have those same feelings, when i saw your previous post i just said "YES" that is so how i feel (but with more expletivies) and that felt good to know i was not alone. A total bonus with having a quit buddy i say. Please send Ken though if you are willing to share that is!

Well i think i have waffled on enough and Pav dont stress, i am back with my short but sweet posts.

Rox where are you and Pat are you lost and need to be found? Even if you are drinking and lurking you are never far from my thoughts.

Hugs to you girls and i so appreciate this thread. Happy days ahead. xxx

PS: I just wanted to say how shocked i was to see Moss's thread. Moss dont go away, we need you here and it definitely goes to show how "on our toes" we have to be. Even though Moss is going through her pain and i for one would take it from her, it has sent a message to us on MWO that we can never be complacent in sobriety.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I am doing a quick post this morning. Off to work on a Monday... usually my day off, but oh well. Pav what you said about wishing it would just go away, the laundry, the dishes, the "what's for dinner", argggghhh. But I am coping.
Humble I think of not drinking at social events like this. I am now the cool girl. The one peoole actually enjoy talking to. I don't slurr and act like a jerk. Blow stinky beer breath in their faces, remember what the conversation is, and don't endlessly repeat myself in a broken loop. And I wake up and remember what I said and if I told someone I would do something, I now can do it. No stupid, lame excuses.
I'll catch up more later.
didn't mean to get preachy.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

available;1630646 wrote:
NS when did you drink moderately? Damn you have a good memory as i cant say i remember when i went from moderate to blind... C'mon "Sandra" break out with that F bomb, i dare you!Well, I didn't really drink at all until socially in my mid-30s and then sometime in my early 40s it was a habit but I'm not sure when I crossed that effin' :H line into addiction (Ava called me Sandra b/c when she was looking for movies to watch, I suggested The Heat and told her that I felt like I was the uptight Sandra Bullock character and she was Melissa McCarthy's in terms of personality. Melissa helps Sandra lighten up until at the end, she manages to actually cuss so we'll see...).


PS: I just wanted to say how shocked i was to see Moss's thread. Moss dont go away, we need you here and it definitely goes to show how "on our toes" we have to be. Even though Moss is going through her pain and i for one would take it from her, it has sent a message to us on MWO that we can never be complacent in sobriety.

I feel bad for Moss, too (and Moss, I hope you're reading this :l) and I think what happened is a reminder about the importance of keeping a close connection with a community with the same goal. I know that last week when I wasn't really engaging here very well b/c of being in a funk, the "back of my mind" thoughts were not good ones. I've also drifted away a bit when I've felt really good and strong and then, too, my thoughts drifted... Maybe it isn't true for everyone, but I think it is important to give and take everyday - to keep recovery an active process. Moss, we'd love to have you join us here. You don't have to say alot - just check in each day and let us know how you're doing. It may help you to know that there are people who will notice your absence.

Speaking of which, Where are you, Daisy? And like Ava said, Rox and Pat?

Humble, you sound like the adult in the room right now - the one everyone can trust .

xx, NS

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

About that itch to be able to moderate. It's crossed my mind, believe me. But not for long and not intense. I just shift my focus every time I start to go there. I know what will happen because it's played itself out many times in the past. Each attempt at moderating leading me straight to nightly and sometimes daily bouts of serious inebriation, resultant poor sleep, blistering hangovers and debilitating thought processes. I need to continue to think logically and positively about my being a teetotaler and not focus on what will never transpire, and that is a HumbleRider able to drink like everyone else.

thank you for that Humble. I needed to read that.

Ava, Fark, exactly. WHY can't I moderate?

I am going to my lady friends house on Saturday and we always talk a drink wine. It is lots of fun but last time we were together was the 'last' time I really got drunk. Now I am thinking I can have a few glasses of wine. Intellectually I don't want it but my AL brain has been rearing its head. I will be working on that this week. I don't want to drink! (but I do...just a bit)
And that is enough to make me realize I have to work on this all week to be in the right head space for this get together.

Its so Fn hard sometimes. Like you said lil' Beagle, maybe I will be the cool Girl at the get together. The one that makes sense all night and doesn't talk in a loop with red wine lips.

Glad you are back Ava.

Pav, you did pretty good for losing a post! Thank you.

-28 here this am. My legs froze walking to work. Getting sick of these unbelievably cold temps! Can't even go skiing when it is this cold.

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi ladies,
I feel old..will be 60 in June....but I am lucky to be here after the blood clot thingy last summer.
I am back to the gym and eating better so hopefully I will another 30 or more....my mother died at 91 so hopefully I have good genes..trying to cut down on stress too...letting go of things that are out of my control and that is a BIGGIE for me.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Girls,
Lots of posting today! Glad everyone seems upbeat and beatin' the beast.

Dot, good for you for getting to the gym. I just need to drag my butt downstairs where I have dvd's and treadmill and can't seem to get motivated. And it's not easy letting go of things bothering you, but once done, it feels great. Try those apps called "calm" and relax lite." I used it today just to do some deep breathing and it did calm me down after I took a nutty on a kid that isn't getting his work done.

Nar, are you ready for that get together if you don't want to drink? How about bringing your own special non-al drink? Just want you to be ok!

Ava, you said about starting but never finishing. It's like starting exercise, and our intent is never to finish exercising, we want to maintain that. Someone gave the analogy of this not being a "sprint" but a long-distance run. I like that.

Humble, I really liked your post. Just like I have to accept my severe social anxiety (and I still struggle with that because I am different from most people in social situations with physical reactions I have that can be seen a mile away) I have to accept my alcoholism. I've had an inferiority complex from both because we can't do something lots of other people can do. I can't sit in the lunchroom with my co-workers and haven't for 20 years (although I may start trying) and I feel bad about that. We can't drink normally. But then I look at the children in my class, and how many "different" kids go through my classroom year after year. Each struggles with something. And each needs to learn to be an advocate for themselves. Look at the dyslexic child. They have the label, the obvious extra help and adaptations and accommodations, but they need to hold their head high and say, "hey, yeah, i have this, but I'm a good person regardless of this label. I think the more we can accept our weaknesses or what is true of ourselves (maybe they're not weaknesses but strengths because in the end, they do make us stronger) the more we love ourselves and others.

NS, loved The Heat. Yes, I can see Ava playing the roll of Melissa McCarthy and teaching you effin' shit.

Hi Giraffe, Pav, NS, LB, Jane, Rox, Moss, Acadia, and all you pretty girls.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Girls,
Lots of posting today! Glad everyone seems upbeat and beatin' the beast.

Dot, good for you for getting to the gym. I just need to drag my butt downstairs where I have dvd's and treadmill and can't seem to get motivated. And it's not easy letting go of things bothering you, but once done, it feels great. Try those apps called "calm" and relax lite." I used it today just to do some deep breathing and it did calm me down after I took a nutty on a kid that isn't getting his work done.

Nar, are you ready for that get together if you don't want to drink? How about bringing your own special non-al drink? Just want you to be ok!

Ava, you said about starting but never finishing. It's like starting exercise, and our intent is never to finish exercising, we want to maintain that. Someone gave the analogy of this not being a "sprint" but a long-distance run. I like that.

Humble, I really liked your post. Just like I have to accept my severe social anxiety (and I still struggle with that because I am different from most people in social situations with physical reactions I have that can be seen a mile away) I have to accept my alcoholism. I've had an inferiority complex from both because we can't do something lots of other people can do. I can't sit in the lunchroom with my co-workers and haven't for 20 years (although I may start trying) and I feel bad about that. We can't drink normally. But then I look at the children in my class, and how many "different" kids go through my classroom year after year. Each struggles with something. And each needs to learn to be an advocate for themselves. Look at the dyslexic child. They have the label, the obvious extra help and adaptations and accommodations, but they need to hold their head high and say, "hey, yeah, i have this, but I'm a good person regardless of this label. I think the more we can accept our weaknesses or what is true of ourselves (maybe they're not weaknesses but strengths because in the end, they do make us stronger) the more we love ourselves and others.

NS, loved The Heat. Yes, I can see Ava playing the roll of Melissa McCarthy and teaching you effin' shit.

Hi Giraffe, Pav, NS, LB, Jane, Rox, Moss, Acadia, and all you pretty girls.:l

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Well, Hello, all:

What amazing advice. Thanks for that post, Humble. You are a great role model. Really good to remember - yep, too bad, so sad, now move on. Dottie, you, too. So true about accepting what we can't control. I can't control my alcohol intake once I start, so I can't drink. Period.

And thanks, too, Giraffe.

Byrdie's post in the Nest today hit home for me. After 23 years, Phillip Seymour Hoffman drank again; Robin Williams (after more than 20 years) had an airplane bottle of whiskey. This beast is lying in wait, and we're not "undoing" it by being sober for longer. Moss is going through it now, and there are countless other stories here on MWO (Unwasted's story in the relapse thread really got to me, too).

J-Vo - So true about kids in our classes. And I know that once (younger days) I was judgmental about people who "had to quit," drinking. Not that I thought they were bad people, but I felt sorry for them that they had let it get to that. Now I understand this so much more (I'm still not sure if I can call it a disease, but that's another discussion), and I understand the movement to de-stigmatize recovery. We should be celebrating people who choose not to drink, not judging them. I actually DO feel like the cool girl sometimes (thanks, LB!), with my friends marveling at my strength of character in not drinking to stay healthy (I don't think most of them know how BAD it had gotten, but they ALL know how much I loved the drink).

Ava - glad you posted. I understand the need to take a break and not think about AL all of the time. I used to wake up and post first thing, and now I'd rather take the time to eat a better breakfast and pack a good lunch. I don't want to focus on this all of the time, either, but those long timers who choose to drink really do make me remember to keep this connection alive (that, and you ladies). Ava, dear, we have a short time to the 90 day mark, a big goal in my book. I get excited and amazed when I think about it. Soon we'll be celebrating the century mark. And BTW, Ken was great but not the best. I'll keep looking...

Nar - What's your plan for the night with the ladies? I am going away with my gang in two weekends, but one of them has quit drinking, too, so we have each other. I am not worried.

I'm waffling now (in the US that means something different - changing one's mind back and forth, so I always think Ava can't decide something). Have to sign off and get to working with my son.

Have great MAEs, all. Thanks again for the great, supportive posts.