Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hello everyone.

Pav i am with you there about today god those al thoughts came with a vengeance.

Well work is over and now a break. What a day. My god i so loathe my office manager. I have a patient who is a friend also that is having chemo for anal cancer so i met him for coffee today as he is my age and the support from me with help in the hospital he really appreciates. My boss says that he is a patient and i should not be meeting him for coffee. I said "no he is a friend" so the argument began. I was told to delete his mobile number off my phone. I was so fucking cranky but i just thought i will do as i want thank you arsehole. (excuse language) but if i could have hit him i would have.

I woke up this morning and a desk was missing from my loungeroom so i went into the spare room and there was a body in the bed and my desk and a computer. Im like no way. My 20 yr olds friend who when he gets settled never leaves. So i told my son i am on leave and there is no way someone is staying that i have to look and clean up after and put my desk back. This was when i got home from work and they were sitting having a can of cold bourbon.

I kind of spoke rationally i think, went to the freezer to get some ice for my iced tea and oh what a suprise they had used it. I just grabbed my drink and am now locked in the bedroom.

It is hot i wanted wine, one always has wine when hot, yet i am sitting with an iced tea. Its been a struggle the last couple of days but I have not given into my al brain and I wont.

I wont ramble on but i also had to vent. I will respond and read posts later when i have cooled down. A sleep in will be wonderful tomorrow if this weather ever cools down.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Ava:

I'm still awake (why - I don't know). I'm so sorry you had a bad day. I can't believe that your manager wouldn't want you to have coffee with your friend. What kind of service is that for a sick patient??!!!

And your desk moved? No ice!? Grounds for a fit, I'd say. A yell. A walk. A warm iced tea (hah). But, as you know, NO ALCOHOL. Sorry to yell, but I'm just stating what is obvious to you.

Stay strong. Maybe you could go buy a dress?

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh Pav it is that obvious it slaps me in the face of what i would wake up like. I just thought no way do i want a hangover or to start at day 1 again and let me down and disappoint my friends and i feel better being able to vent. The positive is that i went to the shops and got my af drinks and did not actually even look at any wine and want it. I only wanted to go into the coolroom to get cool. Its that bloody devil al sitting on my shoulder but i cant think of any positives in having one wine.

My manager hates me but is nice to my face. He said the other day i was bitter and twisted, i just rolled my eyes and he told me not to do that. Our last chat i was so tempted to buy al, this time i thought you wont make me do it and you are a dickhead. People are nice to his face but i know my patients genuinely appreciate what i do and that i give them the time of day to offload their problems without asking a thing in return.

So warm iced tea it is and hoping when this 1.5 litres is finished something is cold for me. What time is it there?

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

narilly;1600579 wrote: I feel really strong about being AF this time. It kinda scares me. I really want this to last a long time.

Hi, Narilly. Don't be scared by it - be reassured! Now that your head is clear, you can trust your feelings. You are DONE letting yourself down. You have just had it with AL and are moving on with your life. There is a tipping point for everything and it is hard to know what makes a system finally reach it - but it sounds to me like you have .

I went through a lot of ups and downs and crying and being scared and feeling naked and all that over the last several months but deep down, I absolutely knew in my heart that I was going to make it and I was willing to do whatever it took for that to happen, including for the first time in my life, asking for outside help and letting others see my weaknesses.

This can last for much more than a long time. If you choose it, it can be for life. And what better lives we'll all have if we don't drink :l.

xx - NS

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all,
K9, I think I'm starting to follow in your footsteps, haha, I've got the boot/shoe bug. Just call me Imelda. I haven't had a drinking dream in a week or two but I welcome the reminder too, and the relief of knowing I am not hungover and didn't actually drink.

J-vo, I'm so glad to read that you feel that difference this time too. Because of it, I really don't want to screw this up. I don't have depression so much, but I do have anxiety so I hear you when you say if only that mental state would go away. Yesterday, I had a few anxious hours, with that "Now what?" Feeling, but I pushed through it. At those times, my list of things to occupy my time seems irrelevant. Lucky you, you have a regift! Love those.

Ava, I so agree about politics and religion, but when it's dh, it's difficult not to talk about it, especially since those are the two sore spots in our relationship. No wonder I drank! I'm apolitical at best, and let's just say he's not. A-hole office manager (I tried to type arsehole and it autocorrected to rash hole haha). Really, delete your friend's number? Who does he think he is? I remember those days of 20 yr old boys in my house when I would prefer not. I always locked myself away too and made sure my son had the front side room to entertain. That way, the only time I had to put up with them was when they walked past the living room to use the bathroom. They could go into the kitchen without bothering me.

Pav, loved your post, read it all, and loved the quote from J-vo. I'm going to have to find that thread. Will read the article later.

Narilly, I may sound strong, but I also want this to work and it scares me too that it might not. We can all keep each other on the right path so we don't wander off and get lost again.

Thanks all. Day 46 and I'm not a drinker.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

available;1600610 wrote:
My manager hates me but is nice to my face. He said the other day i was bitter and twisted, i just rolled my eyes and he told me not to do that. Our last chat i was so tempted to buy al, this time i thought you wont make me do it and you are a dickhead. People are nice to his face but i know my patients genuinely appreciate what i do and that i give them the time of day to offload their problems without asking a thing in return.

Ava,

This guy does not seem to have very strong managing skills! Who calls someone bitter and twisted? Was he trying to be funny?

Unless there is a stated requirement for you not to interact with your office's clients outside the job setting, it doesn't sound like he is in a position to tell you to delete phone numbers or not meet someone. You are offering true kindness and support to someone who needs to know someone cares.

You're strong to do what is right even when you're told it is wrong. Too strong to drink, that's for sure!

:h NS

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

HumbleRider;1600738 wrote:
Narilly, I may sound strong, but I also want this to work and it scares me too that it might not. We can all keep each other on the right path so we don't wander off and get lost again.
Thanks all. Day 46 and I'm not a drinker.

We x-posted Humble. Like I said to Narilly, you don't need to be scared. We of course couldn't trust ourselves while we were drinking because we knew we were liars and cheats and who would trust one of those??

But now we are honest people who mean what we say and who know what drinking does to us -- who are in control of what we do because like Pav said earlier, we don't surrender that control to a substance.

You should feel empowered! (I'm not saying we should be cocky --- complacency is something to fear and avoid).

Keeping a support network in place is critical IMO because we aren't superheroes, after all, and there is so much encouragement to drink out there. But with the support we have from one another here, and the ability (given our now functioning brains) to recognize when we need help and get it, I think we can feel confident that we will not drink.

Like you said, We're not drinkers!

xx- NS

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi ladies,
Well, getting through the days, sometimes hour by hour and minute by minute. My depressed brain is telling me, just wait, it can wait (that means any and everything). My normal brain is saying get the hell up and do what you need to do. Getting to Narilly's "scared comment, I feel that too, at times. It's not an ongoing feeling, but from time to time. It's when I think that I will not drink "forever." It makes me anxious and scared because I've never done it before. Anything that you've never done, including zip-lining, giving speeches to large groups of people or anything new makes one scared. We don't have a whole lot of experience with long-term sobriety, so it can be scary. We've let ourselves down so many times. But like NS said, we need to continue with a strong support group. We need to do whatever it is to get through ODAT. We can't think forever. Brings up too many anxious feelings. I was reading "Guts" and at the end, Kristen was talking to a counselor. She asked, "What keeps someone sober?" He replied, "If pushing a peanut up a wall with your nose keeps you sober, then push the peanut up the wall with you nose." So whatever it takes for each one of us, do it. But remember, we are here for each other, in the same boat. Vent, cry, laugh, hug, and do what we need to do to keep us on together. You know what they say...Power in numbers.

Pav, good for you for breathing my dear!!!! You used an excellent tool to get through a moment that would have caused you to drink in the past. You did it this time, and you'll do it again. Those situations won't go away, so use your tools. I also read that article. Very good one. I'd rather be low-key - I'm always high-strung, and I'd like to let my mind and body take time to breath. Must get back to meditation.

Ava, OMG, I don't know what to say about your manager except WTF planet is he from? Showing such a lack of compassion in the field you're in is despicable. And that man is your friend and in your personal cell phone. Ignore that sad man. He's an idiot. But I'm glad you're on your break now. Treat yourself nicely, talk to us, visit your friend, enjoy your kids (and your kid's friends . Get a massage! A pedicure! A mani! Never waste one or more drinks on that goofball. And to namecall...bitter and twisted. I think he's got that twisted. He's not a happy person. Not at all.

Humble, I already know who my "regift" is going to!!!!

Well, ladies, that's it for my afternoon post. Have a wonderful day!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo's post makes me think I may have not been clear in 2 (!) previous posts.

I got the sense that some of you were feeling uneasy about how 'weirdly' strong you are feeling. My point was not that you shouldn't be afraid of drinking (we all should be ready to do whatever it takes each week, day, hour, minute, and second not to!) but that you should not be leery about feeling good and strong. You aren't going to jinx yourself by admitting you feel like you're on the right path and you like it. In fact, the more you reaffirm that you are doing the right thing and feel good about it, the more likely you are to stay on it in the face of all the temptations to get off the AF path. But, of course, doing that would most likely land us back on the hamster wheel...

[K9Lover]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Cougars and (G Man needs a nickname...lol)...

Hope everyone is doing good today! I'm glad to hear everyone sounding so strong. Alcohol is not our friend and never has been. We wanted it to be, but we were lying to ourselves. Yes, it let us "escape" now and then, but when we came back, reality was there with a vengence!! Plus we had a hangover on top of it. That's not a friend! If alcohol was a person, we'd never let it into our lives...to steal from us, make us ashamed, hurt us physically and mentally, and hold us back from what we truly can be. I'm so proud of all of you for kicking the sh*t out of AL...never give in to it again...we are all too good for it!

Humble - I really must be stopped with this boot/shoe thing. I must say that 90% of my boots have come from the thrift store, so I don't feel TOO bad...but I am still bordering on becoming a hoarder! LOL

Alright girlies and boy...I am going to be all Halle Berry today at 4pm...lets hope it turns out as planned...otherwise I'll be looking for some stylish new hats and beanies to cover my head. HA

Hang in there lovely ladies (you too G)

:h:h

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Everyone,
NS, thanks for the feedback on my 'feeling strong'. That brought tears to my eyes! Yes, this time I really feel its different. I really don't have any desire to drink- MOST of the time. I still have the odd stupid AL thought "I can have a glass of wine, just one" But I quickly brush them away. I just have to keep doing that- all of us do...right Humble, J-Vo, Pav, K9, SL. (where are you SL, hope you are ok)

Available- your boss sounds like a Dick. The good thing about a boss like that is that you you can make fun of him all Day long...which can actually be quite entertaining. Keep on being the good person that you are sister.

Anyway, One more day of work after today. We have a work thing tonight at the bar. I might not go, but if I do, its cranberry soda pour moi!
Just nutsy crazy here at work, everything is a friggin' emergency the two days before the holidays start.
Ya, whatever guys...just take a pill! lol
Hugs,

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi lovelies

Some great posts while i was in nigh nigh land, i love waking up and coming straight on here to catch up, facebook whats that?

My boss hates the fact that i get on so well with everyone and believe me i have told many patients about his attitude to me and they all want to give me a reference. I love my job otherwise I would leave and look elsewhere. I just not let him worry me and get on with my job, i am good at what i do and he hates that i run the department the way i do. Suck shit sunshine is my motto to him.

NS his problem is there is no written requirement so he cant do anything and so therefore he tries to be logical and inform me on what is best to do. I know what is best to do and i will keep doing it.

Thanks for letting me vent but i pay not attention to the sad excuse of a man who thinks he runs a department when everyone always comes to me. I am thinking this is why i got so many gifts and he got none. Chocolate and no wine, they all think i need fattening up!

Pav, Jvo and Humble i know those feeling of life without al. If i can get rid of that thought that comes and goes of "one wine" then life will be so much calmer but without al i feel so much calmer in myself. This morning i woke up and went to the loo, looked in the mirror and smiled and thought "god i have not drank for 20 days". I think it was the first time in years that i have ever smiled in the morning. It is the little things that keep me going. I had nothing to smile about being hungover and shaky and trying to face another day as a functioning alkie.

I messaged my daughter yesterday and said "god i want a wine" and she messaged back and said "no you dont", i knew she would say that and for me its all about the myself and the children with no al. I love her for being here.

K9 cant wait for the hair cut. I need to get my hair dyed, god those greys are rampaging, must be the hot weather.

It does feel different Nar i agree, its hard but its doable with the support of you lovelies.

Another hot one here today but need to finish the xmas shopping and my son has a job interview and house needs cleaning and life is great and getting better day by day. I love the way we seem to all go through the same emotions at the same time, god it helps to get through each day.

I love you all and appreciate that you guys are in my life. Today i will not drink.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

So, after I finished all my shopping this past weekend, my son says to me this morning, "Mom, I know what i want for x-mas now." Hehehe! OMG. Teenagers...it's only a few more things I need to get. He bought most of his gifts online and had them sent to the house. How easy is that!!

My work party was today after school, and I'm glad I didn't go. I'm not ready for that atmosphere, as it's at a bar/restaurant. I've been so tired lately, probably from the depression, so I was happy to come home and take a nap.

NS we do need to reaffirm that we're doing the right thing...daily. And I think coming here, posting, supporting does just that. We need to be extremely vigilant in these early days, and I suppose in long-term sobriety. No matter how long anyone has, we're all only one drink away from disaster.

K9 - Al is not our friend. I'm gonna use Available's endearing words..."AL, Suck Shit Sunshine!!

Ava, "one wine" thoughts don't usually happen to me. It's multiple wine thoughts. Because I know that I can't just have one. Smiling in the a.m.!!!! Sweet! Happy 20 days, Dear! And how wonderful to have your children to support you.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh, Narilly,
I love your take on Ava's situation. Make fun of him all day!!!!! What a positive take on this!!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS, I was thinking about supplements. I know you're an expert in the nutrition area. Well, women our age do need certain supps, and especially after we've probably neglected our bodies by drinking so much AL. In addition to a good diet, which I'll get there after the holidays, what supplements do you feel we should be taking on a regular basis, based on our age? Thanks!!!!!!