Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[New Dreams]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NoSugar;1641033 wrote:

When I felt this way, I still didn't know how I was going to make it but I was convinced that somehow I would. I hope you feel that way, too :l.

Thanks everyone for all the wonderful post & welcomes. I had been hangin out mainly in the newbies nest...ventured out to the 30 days of Gratitude challenge, but this looks like a comfortable thread as well.

Thanks NS & yes I do feel that way too. When the witching hour calls, sometime I have to fall back on your advice & "fake it until I make it" but for the most part...I truly feel I've turned a corner. 24 days AF...sleeping better, fog has cleared. Have been drinking 1/2 caf - 1/2 decaf coffee, on my way to being decaffeinated as well. Have been able to come off my antidepressants. Hubby and I are trying hard to put alot more non-processed meals & have dropped the refined sugar...this last task is going to take awhile....I love to cook, but sometimes have fallen on the quick meals which are all processed...need to add some non-processed "quick meal" to my repetoire...but I am not fretting over the last one ...it will come...just getting off the sugar has helped immensely with the craving...& when I goof the Kudzu & L Glut help. :l

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I have read back and really thought about how to go about dealing with changing things. Today I will box any wine glasses and put them in the garage. I started a painting project yesterday that will have me sitting in a different room.
I know how you feel J-vo - but after my latest slip Ava pointed out that this thread is really about teamwork....we have a responsibility to try our best but when things don't work out as planned then that is the time that we come together and hold one another up. Take care

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you all for your support. I don't know what to say yet. I feel so down, let you all down, let my son and DH down, and me. I will be back. Just can't talk now. You girls are the best support anyone could ever have. How could I turn away from that. I won't. I need to figure out how to forgive myself now. I don't want to feel like this ever again.

Marylou, you're so strong, and congratulations on your 60 days. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Everyone, I need to sort this out. I will try and talk about what happened so we can figure this out together. I can't do it alone. I know i have people here that care about me, and thank you because I care about you all so much. I can't give up on myself and you girls. We have a responsibility to each other, just like I have a responsibility to my family, my students, and friends.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Mary Lou- way to go 60 Days!

J-Vo- so nice to 'hear' your voice Be kind to yourself.

I am busy at work so will check back later.

No hangover for me today on Monday- I used to be hungover so many Mondays. I am grateful for today.

Thank you ladies.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Jane

I wish there were a way to take away some of your pain. I'm glad you wrote about this here and I'm glad to know you better. A person who I think could help you but is no longer here is Kuya. It would take a lot of time, I know, but if you read back through some of her posts, you might find some guidance. She was fostered as an infant to a family that did not show her any love or affection.

I am glad you are here. xx, NS

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow, Jane, that is a lot to go through. It is interesting, in this thread, lots of us have 'issues' with our mothers. I know Ava has quite a time with hers.
You are really introspective about it though. It seems like you really know how this relationship has effected you. It is really Awesome that you are not drinking to deal with this. It is really good that you are not going to have kids Just to have them. Of course, things could always change with you.

Have you tried counselling? A good consellor might have insights into your situation that you would never think of.
I am sure you have read lots of books on this type of subject. Maternal love or lack thereof can be so traumatizing. As you point out. I totally get why you are confused.
My mom has her moments too but she was very loving most of the time. There was a lot of guilt involved in our relationship when I was growing up. Now our relationship is pretty good though, I don't let her make me feel guilty anymore.

Thanks for sharing.
xo

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning all just a quick check in before another day begins.

Glad you came and said hello Jvo and are ok. As i think you have figured drinking does not solve any problems only makes new ones. Pav never forgets her "massacre" which stops her from repeating her drinking, i dont forget the accumulation of how i got to the point i did when i was drinking and my nieces 21st in particular. I am sure loamers have their stories on why they now choose not to drink and to go back to that place ever again. It takes strength not to drink and you do have that dear Jvo.

Jane i have a father story like yours and the only thing i find i can do is move on with my life. He took up so much time and energy for me mentally that i went to a psychologist and i was hypnotised and let him go. I had to let him go the pain was too hard to deal with, the why was i not capable of his love, the what did i do wrong not to deserve his love, the always trying to be a better person so he would love me and nothing worked. What worked for me was being grateful to him for giving me life so that i could live each day and appreciate it. I have 4 wonderful, beautiful children who i can never imagine doing to them what he did to me and i have had to change my parenting techniques greatly as my mother was not a great role model either and I did it. I swore never to bring my children up like they bought me up. I had to move on in life, its my life, i only have one life and be farked if i am going to waste it thinking about a man that was just at the end of the day a "piece of sperm" that gave me life. Nothing i can do will make him love me, i have tried, he did once upon a time but now it know it is his loss and not mine that i am not in his life. he is the one that has missed out on so much, not me. He has missed out on my love, his daughter. I luckily enough had a stepfather (mothers 3rd marriage) that i am proud to call my father. Just because they gave us life does not make them a parent in my eyes.

well enough waffling. i had a good nights sleep, other than the fact my son woke me at 11pm to say he was home. i give up with having a door closed to my bedroom as everytime i close it they must feel the "rope" as i call it stretching so need to come in and say hi. mmmm. good thing i love them.

shower and work. take care all. xxxxx
daisy good on you for getting rid of the al, but i would get it way away from the house and give it away.

NS the wedding, how was the wedding, tell me about the wedding please please please. i bet the bride looked nearly as good as the mother of the bride. C'mon Sandra break out with your story of singing and dancing on the tables. xxxx

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane I do know how fractured you feel. I went to live with foster parents when I was 7. My mother was abusive. Very. Almost horror movie abusive. I remember.
My foster parents were buying a ticket to heaven. Thats how it felt. Also another field, dairy hand.
How did I get past it? Honestly, much soul searching. I do feel that things were denied to me like college, a childhood, love.
I just love myself now and realize that they are the ones missing because they have a hole in them. The one I would have filled if they knew and loved me.
You will come to peace with this. Drinking stopped my healing for years, I still am going through the process, but the longer I remain sober, the more connected and well I feel. That much pain is a sickness of the soul. Be kind to yourself, take pleasure in small steps, reward yourself for your achievements, and most of all look in the mirror each morning with a smile.Love yourself.
J-vo we are here when you are ready.:l

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

little beagle;1641303 wrote:
I just love myself now and realize that they are the ones missing because they have a hole in them. The one I would have filled if they knew and loved me.

LB, I love what you've said here and that you know you aren't the one to blame for whatever happened. You have filled MWO with love - I feel sorry for the people who missed their chance to be loved by you and had their emptiness filled. This is the image that came to my mind when I read your post - a beagle-shaped hole in their hearts:


.
So so glad you are here, LB. :h NS

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL, There is a new MWO member here with a username much like yours and when I just read her post, my heart just sank b/c I thought it was you!:

"....Yes I know we're not supposed to have more than two small glasses of wine in one sitting but drinking a bit less a bit less often is a victory. I struggle but if I want to drink I'll regulate it in my own way and I drink a lot less than what I did. Just do your thing, and you'll be OK. Good luck. Xx"

I am so glad that was posted by a Girl, not a Lass! xx, NS

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh, LB, you are so strong. Yes, they are the ones with a hole in their hearts. They were so lucky to have such a beautiful person like you in their lives. What a terrible opportunity missed for them! We think so much of you LB, you have helped me so many times and have such great things to say.
XO
NS, I love that picture.

Ava, you are one strong woman. I admire you so much. I was so lucky and had a great dad. I miss him a lot. I can't imagine having a Dink of a dad like you do.

xo
(I am going for a massage now!!)

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Really quick check in - busy day, but it was Monday - what else should I expect.
Read briefly - so happy to have j-vo back, and my old friend Daisy - yeah!
Have a lot of reading to do, may manage to do a bigger reply later - but on the issue of mothers, there is a reason I am 6,000 miles away from home....my mother isn't as bad as some of you describe, but I still seek for her approval above so much else, even when I know full well I will never get it - and for crying out loud I am nearly 52 - and my girls know how they have to behave when she is around.....so sad.....My dad is lovely - I just don't understand why he put up with her for so long....
will be back later - got to do supper....

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Narilly, NS:l

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

OK - read, and oh my....LB......Jane....Ava, there are not words....thank you all for sharing, you are incredible people becuase of who you are, not what made you. You deserve better, but only you can do that for yourselves...I am proud to be in your company and to know you...Jane some of your words hurt my heart, I hope you are able to find peace and self worth....
I just had a really hard talk with my daughter, then came back to read this - sometimes we really don't realise how rich we are....
I have lots to ponder, :l:l

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane, we tried to adopt a 10 year old boy once and it didn't work out. He was abusive to my son and we had to let him go to protect our biological kids. It was really hard. To be able to adopt a loving 'normal' child would have been my dream. In my next life we will adopt you

LB, Jane, J-Vo, SL, Ava, thank you for sharing. You are strong women. Keep it up! You all have been through so much.

Pav, you are probably posting right now. We seem to cross post a lot!

Goodnight girls. Much love,