Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow, ladies. What a day here.

Jane, LB and Ava - I really don't know what to say. I say that the fact that you are around, seemingly normal (in the delightfully crazy way), loving, funny people says a lot about your strength and the strength of the human character. I worked with abused kids for a while - it is VERY hard to recover from ties that were never fully formed. My heart goes out to you all - I actually shed some tears as I was reading. I tell my kids all the time how lucky they are to be living where we live in a comfortable and loving family.

We talked about this in the nest a while back - when I read stories like yours I think - FFS, what in the world did I have to drink so much for?? Not that any of you are using your relationships (or lack thereof) with your parents as an excuse, but if ever there was one, that would be it. What the heck was I numbing?? NS - your beagle-shaped hole was too much.

As for pregnancy and drinking - 1) I wasn't as far along in my drinking career back then, 2) the urge sort of left me - I didn't have a taste for alcohol and 3) the information about the tragic effects of alcohol were too strong to permit myself to drink. In the third trimester with my second one I had about a half glass of wine on a couple of occasions, but it didn't really taste good. When I think of it, however, I trace the beginning of the end WAY back to the summer after I had my second child. I began to binge in earnest - not all of the time or even very often, but in scary ways. That story is for another time...

Narilly - not sure when you post but we do seem to cross a lot. I am usually here around 8 - 10pm, PST (see NS's clock for confirmation). I'm sorry that adoption didn't work out. I have always thought I would adopt kids, and have several times felt like bringing home students who were being mistreated.

SL - I wonder about spouses, too. How do they put up with it? I am glad your kids have you to take care of them. Hope that chat with your daughter went ok...

LC, ML, J-Vo (glad you're ok!) -- hope all is well.

Today I am so grateful for this thread and for all of you lovely, strong women who are on this journey with me. Thanks for your vulnerability (see Brene Brown TED talk for a great talk about that), and your honesty.

xo
Pav

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I too am so grateful to be able to come here and talk. I have been on MWO for 11 months. 11 months of counceling. I have been able to sort through so much and have begun to resolve issues that have hung over me for decades.
I have found so much useful information and made some real connections.
I wish I could have done this sooner, but I probably was not ready.

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hello dear Ladies,
I have read the past days posts several times now. I was filled with sadness for you all, Jane, LB and Ava, thinking of you all as young girls/women without feeling wanted and cared for and loved. Questioning yourselves and what was "wrong" with you, not to deserve unconditional love-- What you said, Jane, about feeling like just part of a person, incomplete-- like swiss cheese--, I can relate to well. This entire part..

.......I got less than I wanted. My life has been divided by analyzing the environment around me to make sure its safe, covering up for knowledge and experiences I should have gotten and lack, crash course studying to catch up wherever possible, creating things that didn't exist because there's nothing else, sleeping with one eye open, and then somewhere in there is me. There is so little space for me when I have to do all of that other stuff, and it gets so the fuck confusing......

is very similar to how I have always felt and it's what I've also struggled to come to terms with. To love and accept MYSELF. It is so difficult to learn if you've been denied or not taught it as a child.
My story was a bit different in that from baby age until my mom was a full on alc when I was 10, she loved me very much and I felt this. And when I was in my 20's and she stopped drinking we were able to slowly build on the relationship that had at least some grounding. It's interesting, Jane, what you said about mothering. I never doubted my abilities to be a good mother, although I had no real prototype for what a good mother should be. Somehow I thought just loving them fully, for who they are--would be enough. I didn't foresee, though all the signs were there, that I might follow in my mothers footsteps and leave them questioning why I would choose to drink over being their mother. Parenting, raising kids who are confident and strong and sympathetic and loving and honest is such a challenge, I guess. Some grow up in the worst situations and come out ok and some struggle their lives long to find meaning. I wish I could make it clear for myself. I feel blessed that I am somehow managing to raise really amazingly strong, intelligent girls-- I always think it must be because of their dad!! No, I will take some of the credit.

I am going nowhere with this-- waffling. I mostly wanted to thank you for sharing some of your stories, concerns-- I think it helps all of us to reflect on our own stories-- like a mirror, as was said.

I cherish you all and am so GRATEFUL to have you in my life.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

A common thread I see here in our posts is that we are grateful to have each other.

Life, your girls are lucky to have you and I AM sure that you have a Huge part in that! My daughter is the same way and my friend said to me the other day "it's because of YOU". I thought, "no it isn't". But, you know, I think it IS

Interesting how we beat ourselves up and do not take the credit we deserve.

Life, thank you for sharing. So good that your mom did finally stop drinking.

Back to work for me.

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes I am grateful too that u all are here.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning loamers

well hump day here and i am getting pretty excited about holidays. My body goes to work but my brain stays elsewhere. i had to phone a woman about changing her botox appt yesterday and rang the wrong number, well that call ended up being hilarious, she was so not sure what i was on about, thought i was trying to sell her botox. great start to the day.

I always think i was left behind the door picking my nose when parents were handed out but i was given them to be the person i am, my mother wasnt even a drinker, did not start till 50 and neither was my father that i can remember though my mothers 2nd husband was a chronic alcoholic.

LC you sound like a terrific mum, all of the loamers do, even though we did drink we still were responsible for the children, maybe not 100% but we cant take back the past. I take 99% credit for my children as my eldests two's father has not contacted them for over 15 years and the father of my other two who actually my eldest two call "dad" was there but he was another child and still is. The children know who to go to but they do know that their dad loves them he is just "emotionally retarded" as we call it.

Nar how lovely of your daughter to say that and take it as she means it.

Well running late again, SL, LB love to you both. what happened to our newbie? I hope we didnt scare her away.

Dot isnt it lovely that we are all here and for years hopefully. how is the new you coming along?

I have downloaded photobucket so going to try and figure out how to post pics, maybe when i am on hols.

have a great day girls and stay safe
xxxx

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

ava photobucket was very easy. It found my photos on my computer and my facebook account. I was amazed.
Went to the gym 3 days last week and yesterday. Also tomorrow. No weight loss of course...I am impatient to be skinny but that may never happen at my age but I do think I am looking pretty darn good. And my strength is important. I want to be able to carry the 40 pound bag of dog food to my car myself. And pick up one of the dogs if needed. Independent me ......

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Ladies,
Getting my son ready this evening to leave for Florida tomorrow. He's playing baseball in a tourney with his teammates. DH is already there, so we need to finish getting him packed and get the stuff up to school by 7:00.

I'm feeling fine, and thank you for your thoughts. There are some things that I need to attend to, but I'll be posting on here in addition to some other forms of support I may need. Gotta get her done! Thanks all. I'll try to be more detailed another time. Stay strong girls.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo I hope your guys have fun.
Narilly I am sure your daughter is doing well because of you.
Ava I cannot WAIT for those pics.
I just wanted to tell everyone I am having a much needed break. SD moved in with a friend as roommates. We will see how that goes. But the house is quiet and I have been resting.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB, enjoy your break!

J-Vo, good you are feeling better. Yup Get er done

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes she is Jane. Hubby's daughter. I am glad you are coming here. I too feel the healing power. So wonderful to have you with me on this journey, terrible though it is.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I am also grateful, and humble.
This site has been a lifeline for me, and I owe it so much - I have reaped more than I would have imagined in my wildest dreams when I did a google search a few years ago.
You ladies are incredible. I used to feel so alone, watching people - wodering if they were all struggling like I was. I used to watch peoples shopping trolleys in teh hope I could find someone like me - and here you all are!:l:l
:thanks:

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Life, Jane, SL, I feel the same. The love here is a beautiful thing. I have been in MWO off and on since 2006 and this is the first time I fe?l a real connection. You have helped me tremendously.
Thank you.

Pav, are we cross posting?

Anyway, I read some interesting stuff on L Glutamine in the meds section. Does anyone take it?

J-Vo hope your day is going well.

Thanks for your nice comments Ava.

Gals, I am tired. Oh, bear hug for Giraffe!

Goodnight.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, All:

LC ? Interesting about motherhood ? you don?t need to have instructions to become a mother, and certainly a lot of this is winging it. My mom was around and spoiled us with things like individually selected sandwiches in our lunch (i.e. made to order), but wasn?t very good at showing emotions or love. She drinks plenty ? three stiff drinks a night ? and I remember being afraid of the times I would see her over indulge. I wonder what my kids will remember of my drinking?

Jane ? you said it well, but I was going to say that being without alcohol has allowed all of the emotions that I kept at bay for a while to surface. Some of them are being uncovered through the slow erosion of the layers of protection I have built, but then suddenly I will be overcome by an emotion I didn?t even know was there. Have you seen Glennon Doyle Melton?s TedX talk? I think you might appreciate it ? http://youtu.be/NHHPNMIK-fY[/video]]Lessons from a Mental Hospital. I?m guessing better food will help ? I?m in the same boat, although I am eating real food, just a boatload of it.

LB ? Happy that you get some rest from the turmoil of having your stepdaughter live with you. I can imagine it is like when a loud and persistent sound stops suddenly ? the quiet can be almost overwhelming. I hope you and she (and your DH) get what you need.

SL ? I?m with you ? I still do that. I see someone order a drink and I think ? does that person go home and have two more? Does she have a problem? I think if you look statistically there are a lot more of us around than we normally think. But for sure the power of this community is seeing people with the same struggle ? feeling ?normal.? When I was 18 I started having panic attacks and I remember feeling such relief when the therapist read out of a book the description of what a panic attack felt like ? it was comforting to know it was common enough that there was an entry in a book about it! That meant I wasn?t alone?

Nar ? I missed you again. You must be hitting the hay early these days. Something I am working on with myself (and I think it is common for perfectionist women) is taking a compliment ? someone says your daughter is great due to your good parenting, you should believe it and say thank you! We are programmed to say ?no, it was?? Think about what you say any time you get a compliment ? I like your dress, your speech was excellent ? whatever. Part of being vulnerable is taking credit for the good things as much as we blame ourselves for the bad! (well, we?re supposed to change that last part, too)?

Ava ? can you offer Botox for when we come visit? I guess after what I just wrote to Nar I shouldn?t ask, but maybe you could tighten up my neck??? I hope you do get those photos working as I would love to check out your Thailand picts.

Dot ? Glad you?re feeling so strong. I am still trying to get more in the habit of eating well. How long did it take after you quit al to be so motivated (or were you motivated all along?)

NS ? Hope you?re well. You?re quiet these days. Surely you have some love to add to this love fest.

I?m feeling the love out here on the west coast of the US. I hope you all have wonderful hump days (tomorrow for me, Ava).

xo
Pav

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Loamers hello hello

LB i totally agree with you, this is where i can come and say how i feel and not be judged, its where i can say it like it is and you girls understand where i am at. I am growing just by being on loamers in so many ways and it is nice to know i am not the only one that has had knocks in life, i think we all just chose to deal with them with al until al took over our lives. Oh some time to yourself, take that with all you have LB and enjoy it, get hubs to give you more massages and enjoy just you or both of you depending if he is driving you nuts or not.

Dot i hope you are right about photobucket but some things i am so technically challenged with. If i have problems i will call in son so he can help. I am sure you will be beautiful by summer when it arrives, well you are beautiful now but should i say happier on the outside looks than whats inside. I think i am finally ready to start on my body when i go to thailand. I keep imagining myself as one of those body building women, yeah right! Not happening in this lifetime i am certain.

Jvo great to see you checking in and you sound good. We can never do enough to stay sober and different things work for different people. I am grateful that MWO has been my AA and kept me sober. I have the occasional thought of maybe i should not be on here as much anymore as i am doing so well and feeling so good but i know where that could lead and it would not be good after awhile. I cannot avoid the fact that i am an alcoholic and always will be.

Jane its funny how the more sober we are the more the emotions come to the fore, i know Pav and i experienced them around the same time and had to sort through them but i felt a sense of peace that i cant change what i was or the negatives in my life but now i can focus on the positives of living everyday. I was a pleaser, had to make everyone happy 24/7, had to do 100 things at once, neglect myself, feel like a failure if i didnt make everyone around me happy but now i know that is impossible and i am finding if i am happy then my family is too. They dont have to needlessly worry now that i am going to burn the house down drunk, fall down and hurt myself, die from drinking too much like my brother. I was burdening them more with my behaviour in the end. You are you Jane and you are just lovely the way you are. Lets not talk about sugar, i am still eating it if it is in front of me like there is no tomorrow. oh well i needed to gain some weight, now i need to tone it up as its going down.

SL we joined around the same time in 2011, me in a drunken stupour thinking i could not carry on like i was anymore. well i certainly managed to till last year. Its great when you find your niche especially in a place like MWO with like minded girls that share it all. I used to do the same as you and wonder if people buying a bottle of wine already had one at home and then i would think probably not, i am probably the only person with a "bit" of a problem, little did i know there was a "world" of people exactly the same as me, woo hoo. Shame we have the same addiction but i have met some of the best people on MWO.

Nar 2006 well arent you persistent lol. Coming up to your 8 year anniversary! Go girl. Your persistence has paid off though. I'm quite interested in L=glut too but dont know much about it, i dont really take vitamins except for Vit D which i lack in but still forget to take.

Pav we only do botox for medicinal purposes but when you ladies come to visit i will borrow some and we can have a botox party. The only thing though is that i will not be responsible for you not being able to close your eyes for 3 months or swallow but other than that i will give it my best shot, ha ha.

Hump day nearly over and its been busy at work, im trying to get up to date before i go away so the boss does not take me in for a chat when i come back. MMMM i'd love to go through his work and see how far behind he is. I was worrying about my job while i am away but i cant do anything about that so i have decided not to worry. If i was drinking i would have been agonising about work. This afternoon i was trying to put results for patients on the computer and i thought to myself "why rush" you will be sober tomorrow. Gone are the days where it took me hours to function, mistakes were made, work built up, thinking i will not drink today, thinking i deserve a drink now i dont feel so much like shit. Damn that feels good.

xxxx