Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning Ladies,
Today is clerical day, so no kids. It's a nice change, to get caught up. I've also been able to catch up on some posts. Really good stuff ladies!

Dot, looking and feeling great is such a wonderful thing. I know we can't turn back time and take away wrinkles, but I don't think I would ever want to do that anyhow. Too much time wasted on alcohol, but need to live in the present.

LB, you sound peaceful. How are you doing with the DIL having moved out? Are you still holding family meetings?

Mossrose, what you're doing, posting when you're not feeling happy, is what I need to do. That's the right thing to do. And this is the thing. We have many moods, feelings, emotions, and being able to deal with them without alcohol is the key. Talking about it is key. I'm learning that.

SL, the switch for me never was, never will be. I can accept that, but when the "snap" happens after all my AF days, it doesn't involve that I believe I deserve it. I know I should never drink, so it's awareness of the sabotage that I am choosing. I need to learn to love myself so this doesn't happen, as well as protecting my quit. I've worked hard over the years to gain understanding of myself and who I am, what my addiction involves, so I must continue to work at it. 39 days for you!!!

Pav, daily gratitude is what I need to work on also. I really think seeing a therapist will be helpful to me. I need help in sorting things out. I'm ready to let things go and work through them. I'm ready to like myself and protect myself from "myself." That doesn't make sense. Oh, I think you get it!

Hi Giraffe! That hot air balloon ride sounds like lots of fun!

And Jane, shelling cruise! You two are having some real adventures.

LC, you're sounding great.

My Luck, congratulations on 160!

NS, I really liked your post. Down times hit when not focused on why this is the right choice. We've got to keep that in the front of our minds. You've always talked about noticing the small but good changes daily and to be thankful for them. You're so right. If you're not focusing on the good, then what's the alternative? That doesn't work.

Ava, tomorrow's your big day. I'll pray for you. Breaking Bad is such a good series. I'm glad you're going to get online while you're in Thailand. Take lots of pics! Did you buy a sexy new bathing suit!?

Nar, how are you sweetie?

Ok, I must get some grades done! I'm thankful that I am back where I need to be. I'm thankful for this day. I love you ladies.

[New Dreams]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hubs and I had our first Theater night out since going AF. We used to have a cocktail pre-show & then order one for intermission and then for out to dinner for a meal with of course wine &/or cocktails. Glad to say we had a Carmel latte pre show, our water bottle at intermission. Dinner was delish even w/o al beverage. We did discuss over dinner the temptation to think that having just one out at a restaurant, is a thought that occasionally ran past our booze brains...we held strong & told Mr AL shut the F up...we're on a mission.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Myluck;1643458 wrote: :hHi all - quick stop by to check in - proud to announce 160 days today for me in my new AF life. Feeling confident, focused, healthy and happy. Just finished my last class for my MBA and signed up already to get Maters in Computer Science (Software engineering concentration). My job is paying for my school, so why not? Hope everybody doing ok!
MyLuck, Reading your posts over the last 160 days has been absolutely inspiring! The way you and LB have saved yourselves and been able to help your husbands at the same time is just amazing. I vote that you change your name to MyStrength .

New Dreams;1643575 wrote: Hubs and I had our first Theater night out since going AF. We used to have a cocktail pre-show & then order one for intermission and then for out to dinner for a meal with of course wine &/or cocktails. Glad to say we had a Carmel latte pre show, our water bottle at intermission. Dinner was delish even w/o al beverage. We did discuss over dinner the temptation to think that having just one out at a restaurant, is a thought that occasionally ran past our booze brains...we held strong & told Mr AL shut the F up...we're on a mission.

You are so fortunate to be doing this with your husband, ND. It must make it almost fun - sort of a challenging adventure to do together. Congratulations on doing a familiar thing in a different way and enjoying it as much or more.

Pavati;1643464 wrote:
I also feel the guilt of "having done this to myself." How could miss perfect also be an alcoholic????
Pav

Wow -- that flashed me back, Pav! I had forgotten that in Middle School, my friends called me Miss Perfect. I guess I played the role for a long, long time. It didn't seem like a burden at the time (and was actually a source of pride ) and I "grew" out of much of it by the time I was adult in terms of appearance, possessions, etc. but the underlying traits are always with us, I think and I've always felt like I should and could handle everything on my own without bothering others or letting on that some things are just plain hard to do. I remember I didn't like golf lessons b/c you have to learn in public and maybe delay the group behind you... I liked activities I could perfect in private before letting others see me. Interesting things to think about...

I saw that a powerful female CEO (can't remember which internet company) is campaigning for girls to be bossy and not to get straight As. Sounds like an excellent idea to me!

xx - NS

[satz123]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NoSugar;1643584 wrote:

I've always felt like I should and could handle everything on my own without bothering others or letting on that some things are just plain hard to do. I remember I didn't like golf lessons b/c you have to learn in public and maybe delay the group behind you... I liked activities I could perfect in private before letting others see me. Interesting things to think about...


xx - NS

Gawd NS that is me to a T - never be seen to be weak - fix yourself always and don't go on about it or ask for help.
Kinda did it too with the alcohol and quitting. Just did it without family help.
Only the gentle guidance from this site :l
The golf thing really resonated with me - never look stupid....
To this day I would 'freak' if there was someone watching & waiting for me like that & putting pressure on.

And YES I'm stalking you :H

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I wasted a lot of time and missed some good opportunities while trying to be perfect, Satz . The next 50 years are going to be different .

And like you, I've also gotten away from AL seemingly by myself but actually NOT because I finally let myself be seen here. I admitted I needed help and got it. That shows you how deep these traits run -- only in an anonymous forum did I finally take the risk of being vulnerable and ended up developing some relationships that are more honest and meaningful than many that I've had in my real life for years and years.

The good news is that my experiences here have lead me to open more up in my real life. I've allowed others to see more of the real me this last year than probably ever before in my life and it has made such a positive difference. But I'm still not taking up golf :H.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Interesting topic of conversation. I've lived with severe social anxiety for decades. It's an intense fear of certain social situations - one's you'll be watched or evaluated by others. You get anxious just thinking of them. It's a fear of being judged or embarrassed in public. You know it's irrational but you can't help it. It's a phobia. This is another thing I wish I had the time to work on. The CBT - Comprehensive Behavioral Therapy...It's a therapy to rewire your brain. I have spent lots of money on this, and have gotten so far with it and stopped. Sound familiar???

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just being in meetings (one of my worst fears) and sitting amongst a group of people creates intense anxiety and results in blotchy skin/flushing of the skin. This is why I take the benzos, which is also not good, as they are addictive.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

My perfectionism looked like my trying to have everyone like me. I would sacrifice who I was and what I wanted to keep the peace and make sure everyone else was happy. Now that I try to take care of myself sometimes I am called "bossy," and I have developed a much thicker skin. I still want all I do to be admired and appreciated by others - I get a lot out of external praise. Working on the internal praise being enough, and working on accepting my flaws. Also, as you all know because I write it so much, I am successfully working on understanding that the only person whose behaviors and reactions I can control are my own. Very freeing.

J-Vo - being a teacher who can't stand meetings must be a nightmare!

I am not going to work this morning - hence my omnipresence at MWO. I'll be baaaaaak.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-Vo, nice to hear your voice again! Great that you are going to counselling. I went and it helped. She gave me some good ideas and it is good just to talk to someone.

Hey MyLuck, I have my MBA too! Pretty cool. I can't believe you are signing up for another masters though. What a lot of work! Great that you are beating AL. I found that when I was in the MBA it was really hard not to drink, of course I did drink and got drunk a few times. Right after I finished the program I found MWO but still have struggled with it for 7 years since.

Perfect Pav. hmmm...that has a nice ring to it You know, I am a people pleaser myself but I can't say I am a perfectionist. It is interesting you are called "bossy" sometimes. Have you heard of the anti "bossy" movement? One of the people in that movement is Sherly Sandberg who wrote the book "Lean In". It is all about women, their role in business and perceptions etc. It is a really good book.

NS, I get what you are saying about Golf. I just get the person I am playing with to hit the ball for me if I get stressed! I am not a very good player and hardly ever play. It is great that you are starting to open up and your comment about the anonymous forum was interesting.

Hey gals, I REALLY wanted to drink on Saturday night and I fought that feeling. It was really difficult. I made sure I was not in any situation where alcohol was available and just watched TV with hubs. I know if I had any opportunity to drink, I would have. So, I am thinking that I need to have my weekends more structured so I do not have that opportunity or feeling. If I am busy and my mind is occupied I think that would be better.
I have been doing really well though. I have drank 2X since my holiday in Feb and only had 2 glasses of wine each time. I had to really really be careful and made sure I was in a situation where I could not have more. But I think because of this, the door is open a bit and then AL thoughts sneak in. The door is completely shut on work nights and I have no trouble abstaining.

So I think the easiest way (Pav, NS, you have said this) is taking it completely off the table. I want to do this but Honestly I know I have not.

SL, big hug to you. You are doing so well.

Giraffee, Hot air ballooning! Cool.

Talk later,

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

AVA!! your trip is so close!!
I don't think you look like your mom unless she was a Hottie too!

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good discussion - Nar, I agree - in all honesty, I have not taken it off the table either - I have done so well in last 6 months, and that niggles me to continue doing "so well" - then I read a thread like the one last drink, which reminds me that it is leaving the door open a tiny bit.
I also have problem doing things that people can see, and what my head thinks that they will think of me - as if I am that important that people pay attention:H
I am looking at the anti-bossy communications with interest, especially as I am bringing up two teenage girls - interesting....
Sending you strong thoughts Ava....

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yah Pav - a double 60 or a quadruple 30!!! Wonderful 120 af days! Keep it going, there are a few of us following in your footsteps....:goodjob:

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I never actually took it 'off the table' but one day when I looked, it just wasn't there. So just keep doing what you're doing, you guys. It takes different strategies and time periods for different people but as long as you don't take that drink, you're doing just fine :l.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Congrats, Pav on your 120 days and on your full calendar month, SL! Once you have some defined goals behind you, protecting them starts feeling more and more important - too hard-earned to treat lightly. So glad you're both here. :h NS

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS, thank you. That makes me feel very good. Like a pat on the back

SL, lets just keep going, day by day right!? It is good to be totally honest. I mean who are we fooling anyway?