Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

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Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Quick hello loamers.

PAV is it 120 days today, congratulations my friend, i am soooooo proud of you in walking the walk and we have not beaten the beast but damn we are giving it our best effort. It has always been a pleasure being with you on our days of sobriety.

Interesting topic i must say this morning, i dont think i was a perfectionist in any way but i certainly dont like to put myself out there in social situations, unless i had a lot of al or i totally knew who i was talking to. give me al and i was anyones and that was literallyf. oops. I think my problem was i was in a marriage where i loved my ex husband we were best friends but he was like another child and i had to do everything, work, bills, child raising etc and when the children were basically capable of fending for themselves i relaxed into the bottle. With MWO i was able to admit i had a problem and start to admit to my children i was an alcoholicf and from there the ball started rolling to where i am today. I know i can get support off my children but nothing like i can get off mwo as you all understand the battled, the frustration, the cravings, the urges, the thoughts of al. To my children its like, well you have given up, too easy. I wish it was like that.

Well i need to get ready and i will try and reply when i get to work. i slept for ten hours last night so the excitement went when i realised i was way too early to go on this holiday. still shaking my head on that one. Here i was telling mum to stop nagging me about stuff as i was nearly 50 and i farked up the date. she laughed so that was good.

Today for me is the 1st April 2014 and exactly 4 months without a drop of al. Today is a good day.

love you all and i will definitely reply later.
xxx

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi ladies,
I am totally a type A perfectionist. In retirement I am trying to let some of that go. It is not easy after all these years but I am making progress.
MuLuck congrats...u have done an amazing jog....huge congrats.
Nice day here so maybe spring is here. I can only hope..

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, I don't think anyone can truly understand addiction if they've not been in the throes of it like we are/were. When I hear people saying, "They did it to themselves" or something along those lines, I guess they're right in the fact that we do have a choice to stop or take it completely off the table, but then again, addiction is evil and it takes strength, consistency, faith, rewiring and whatever tools beat it. So the question is disease or choice. I have to say both.

SL good for you my girl! You're kicking his ass one day at a time. Oh, I love words like "niggles." Sounds like giggles and I'm a giggler.

Pav, happy 120! You are such an inspiration. And Pav, it's not that I can't stand being in meetings, it's like someone that has a phobia of airplanes or heights. I'm going to beat this other bitch first, then will move onto that. My life's not over yet. I tend to think, when I'm down, that all of my problems are worse than others, but in reality, we all have "stuff."

Nar, you're honesty is important. Look at what happens when I'm not honest with how I'm thinking and where my mind is going. I'm learning from you. Thanks sweet, Nar.

NS, wise woman. Thank you.:l

New Dreams, I missed your post before. How great to have your DH on this journey with you. I bet you enjoyed every bit of the show!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh, Dot! I hope I can learn to be imperfect and love it. Nobody can claim to be perfect, and isn't it hell trying to be something we never will?

[Marylou123]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Beautiful Ladies,

Just wrote a long post then got kicked off the net before I posted. Argh!

I'll summarize: Love you all, life getting back to normal, perfect is impossible being AF is not.

Pav, Ava - congrats on your big numbers - happy feet dancing here for you.

J-Vo, Dottie, Nar - and everyone I haven't mentioned - I am reading yout posts, sending my love and support.

Have a peaceful day/evening Lovlies - will post more once I get home (hopefully this weekend.)

Hugs,
Mary Lou

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav 120 days of living life without the GSR Brothers. What a relief.
SL a full calendar month is wonderful.
:wave::wave:
I too hate public spprts. Feeling that I am coming up short in the public's eyes.
It helps others feel that way.
Congratulations Myluck. I am so proud of you. So many posative things happening for you. You have worked so hard for every single one of them. You GO!!! Jane I love shells too. I go and collect them whenever I can.
Ava havd a great trip. Talk to you later.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Goodnight gals. I will post tomorrow.

Xo

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Goodnight, all.

Thanks for the support, 120-day love, and other tidbits.

I took al off the table by being honest with my therapist in person and by posting here. This is where my pleasing nature is kicking in. I honestly think it would be worse to tell my therapist I drank than to give up drinking for good! I was pretty far down the alcoholic path, but with a good job, good marriage and the outward appearance of "functioning," I could have lasted a lot longer in the cycle. What got me out of it and to the therapist was an extremely bad hangover (full blown panic attack, anxiety, fear) after a week of heavy, alcoholic drinking (also knows as the Thanksgiving Massacre). I NEVER want to feel that way again. Nar, that two glasses sounds great, but that would let the beast know he still had a place in my heart, and all bets would be off.

I was in and out of a giant funk today - really anxious, sad, weird from out of nowhere, and then back to normal. WTF?? I ate well, slept ok, got exercise. Oh, well. Chalk it up to one of those days.

Hope you all have great weeks, whatever is in the cards.

xo
Pav

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Loamers

well i am now officially on 3 weeks leave, woo hoo.

ML congrats on your big achievement, i meant to post that before but forgot, be very proud of your days sober, its a wonderful feeling isnt it?

Jvo i totally agree that the children dont fully understand the addiction of al except for liam who was addicted to crack. They give their best to support me and that is all i can ask for. You are sounding great my lady.

Jane i had to laugh about your post. whats the matter lovely? hope there are no thoughts of al.

Pav i still remember your post after therapy and when she said you were an alcoholic. You were not a happy chicken were you? God it was hard in the early days, you kind of forget the anger, why me, intense cravings that take every bit of your being to get through, the what now. The urge for me is still there but controllable, now i worry that one day i wont have that control so for me it is being aware of the triggers and feelings. One day i hope that goes away but its manageable the more that time goes on. Congrats again.

LB how are the reno's going,enjoying the hubs and just you? I hope things have settled down you so deserve it. Thursday i leave to go away so tomorrow is to finish packing and have lunch with my girls. Dogs are washed and fresh so that is one chore down.

Nar how are you lovely? Getting warmer you way i hope. we have had a bit of a heatwave the last few days and i am not liking it but cool tomorrow. I have even packed some gym clothes to go to the gym while i am away, so fingers crossed.

Mary glad you are doing well and thanks for the congrats, your days are wracking up now,good on you.

well i am going to go and make some dinner. Sleep in tomorrow i hope and then i can have a coffee and a read and definitely do a gazette. my space bar is not spacing very well. damn damn and damn.

xxxx

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes Ava the peace is very nice. It's probably temporary, but I will take what I can get right now. I am taking some me time right now.
Mary I like that. Perfect is impossible, AF is not.
J-vo you are sounding much better. When I get down it seems like all problems become mountains. Then I realize it isn't so bad. I am not alone anymore.
Jane hope you are ok.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB, I love reading your posts. They're calming to me (and God knows I need that!) and always with a positive twist. "The peace is very nice, probably temporary, but I will take what I can get right now." Just what I needed on my lunch break.

Ava, did I say happy 4 mo. anniversary? Well, Happy 4 Month Anniversary!!!!!!

ML, I loved, too, what you said - "Perfect is impossible, AF is not." Right on, sister.

Hope you're feeling better today, Jane.

Pav, your roller coaster emotions are fewer and farther between, and you get back to normal much quicker. That's what's important. Life will be full of this and that feeling. Wouldn't it be boring be without them? Learning to deal with them when they come, the bad ones, is challenging, but it doesn't have to be a struggle. Hmmm. NS?

I can't keep this all to myself...NS shared this poem with me.

Relax into the effort

Make the effort, with passion and persistence, but don’t make it into a struggle. Take action, but don’t add your own tension or conflict to it.

To be highly effective at what you’re doing, be at peace with what you’re doing. To be confident in your actions, genuinely enjoy those actions.

It may seem to be a contradiction to take action and to relax at the same time. In fact, it is a powerful combination.

When you’re not fighting against your own efforts, you can devote all your positive energy to bringing about spectacular results. When you find enjoyment in working through the challenges, you’ll transform those challenges into great value.

If you’re busy being uptight, you’re not getting anything done. Instead, be good with what you’re doing, and you’ll be very good at whatever you’re doing.

Accept, enjoy and relax into the effort. Find delight and fulfillment in peacefully being your authentic best.

— Ralph Marston

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, three weeks leave sounds GREAT! I know you will have an amazing time. Make sure you stick to your plan and fill your days up with non AL stuff (which I know you will). My down fall is those non structured holidays. A tough time for me.
Good to hear you are bringing your Spandex and are 'thinking' about exercising!

Pav, those two glasses of wine may sound nice but they are full of tension in my mind. The whole time I am watching myself and worrying that I might lose control and measuring how I feel. Of course, I just can't have only one (which is a big indication that I should not be drinking at all). My second glass is very scary because that is the big slippery slope to 4 or 5 glasses. So really, what is the point? I know this and all you ladies do.

J-Vo, glad you are getting back into the swing of things hon. I find meditating helps me chilax
Actually I try and do that everynight and just listen to myself breathe. I fell asleep in the tub last night doing that! I guess I must have been pretty relaxed!

Talk later!

[Marylou123]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi All,

Quick chuckle: when I first read your post Narilly, I thought you said meditating helps me climax. :H:H:H

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good one Marylou, well it is April Fools Day!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

lol well what a wake up chuckle this morning Mary, good one girl!

Feeling a bit sentimental this morning about not being in contact with you all maybe for a few days. Why cant you all come too? I know there is a little internet cafe near my motel in bangkok that i will visit as mum likes to check her emails etc. Feels like an furnace in there but thats ok as coming on here will be worth it to check in.

I know i will be fine but i will just miss you guys. I feel like i am leaving my children not being on here. These are good emotions and i am gaining a bit more strength and resilience leaving loamers for a couple of days. Emotions that i have not felt for such a long time, sadness of going, happy to be going, confident in myself, instead of dreading what i am heading into for two weeks i am looking forward to the challenges to prove to myself that i deserve this life being sober.

Damn im being a sook today. Jvo sent me a beautiful gift and it made me realise that i do deserve to be loved and for all these years i never thought i did. I tried for years to get my parents to love me as i deserved and i suppose i have blocked that bit of emotion out of my life. Its funny how one beautiful gift can open up a whole new world.

You guys mean the world to me and since i am sooking i am going off to have another cup of coffee and finish up my packing. I will be back though before tomorrow. xxxx