Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-Vo, lol frostbite, I get that. It's -20c here today!! A perfect day for frostbite!
SL- I hope you made it through last night. I was thinking about the term 'lovely glass of wine' I think we have to re phrase that to 'stinky glass of wine' it is not lovely in any way for us!
Humble, your sober muscles are looking good on day 50!
Pav- good on you for not drinking last night.
Ava, have a great sober day.
I woke up feeling great today and grateful not to be hungover. It's freakin cold here so I went to the pool for a swim. It was awesome! So many times I would miss swimming because I was too hungover to go.
We are off to Banff soon. Wearing our parkas, winter tires on our car etc. Life in Canada eh!
Hugs,
Sober me - day 52!!!!!!

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Tortilla soup in the crock pot and will make some beer bread later, minus the beer but I do use the soda pop instead. Trying to cook more at home so we can control calories....and I make pretty good soup if I do say so myself..

[giraffe1234]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Humble, well done on 50 days! You have given me so much support and encouragement, and i am really happy for you. Keep up the good work!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

:applaud::jumpwow: HUMBLE50 days is awesome!!!!!! Take that chance, girl!

Pav, what a wonderful evening you had! So happy for you, dear lady! It is that first beer, those first few moments, the firsts. Then everything after that, at least for us, was downhill. Get past those firsts, and we can enjoy, still!

Nar, have a safe and enjoyable trip!

Dottie, I'm calorie watching...after x-mas.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Giraffe!! Hope you're doing well!

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all!
:l:lNarilly - I got thru last night, and a lovely party today with carols and a cookie exchange, and lots of Christmassy adult bevarages.
You are right - I know I need to move from depravation mode to gratitude mode, but have struggled with this for a good year. It is a lovely glass of wine to me, I love wine - and totally enjoy the first glass - it is the rest that is the problem...
Looks as if we are all going to be counting calroies as well as AF days in the NY :H:H

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Great SL! I know how good it is to have that first glass. Yesterday I really struggled with it. Tonight I am in Banff and had a really hard time not ordering a drink at supper. I got through it but have been craving it all evening. The pub is right by the elevator to go to our room. That sucks because it is very inviting.
Anyway, I got through it and now am in bed. I will wake up hangover free in the morning.

My husband and our kids who are 18 and 17, played.chess in the coffee shop tonight. We drank coffee and had desert. What a great thing for our kids. So much better than mom and dad drinking at supper and then going to the pub while the kids go do their own thing.
I hope this gets easier because it's been a tough few days for sure.
Stay sober sweet ladies!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Everyone:

SL and Narilly - I am with you in the sad/deprivation mode feeling sometimes - especially at the start of the night. Tonight my inlaws had us over to help decorate and everyone started with a martini or champagne (except yours truly). As with last night, that was the hardest part of the evening. But then they tasted some great tequila that FiL had and I have to admit that I was momentarily tempted again. When that happens to me, I actually breathe deeply (without being too obvious) and think about my worst hangover ever (Thanksgiving weekend). There is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks that I would trade a couple of sips of tequila to have to feel like that again, and I know from my reading here and elsewhere about alcoholism that eventually I'd end up there again. So not worth it.

So my treat was an extra scoop of ice cream and now I look forward to a good night's sleep and feeling great tomorrow. I hear from those old timers around here that these feelings we're having get fewer and farther between. Let's stick together and support each other until we can make that happen for ourselves!

Stay strong, Ladies on a Mission. WE CAN DO THIS! Think about that delicious cup of coffee (or tea) without a hangover, guilt, shame or remorse that we will enjoy on Jan. 1. Going to bed after a strenuous but successful Day 21. Good night.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all

Jvo so true what you wrote. I am sad at the moment. Like you said the stages of grieving, I am not devastated that al has gone, i am just sad but al is dead and buried so i will grieve without him/her in my life. It will pass in time. I can see al, i can feel al but I cant have al in my life ever ever again.

Humble I was also like you, got home from work, fed the dogs, went to the fridge to have that first wine, i deserved that damn drink and maybe not the other bottle and a half but.....Food what was that, i figured i had fruit, grapes were in wine so i had lots and lots of fruit and water, they make wine with water too. Great balanced diet there i must say. My diet is still not crash hot but that is what i am focusing on after xmas, well that and exercise.

Im proud of you for giving up al when you lost weight, gees i did the same but give up wine, never, i just had wine instead of food and counted those calories and some i didnt count also. I did manage to lose weight but i think that was due to all the exercise i did. You can still enjoy the bottle or two a night and lose weight! Funny how our minds rationalise with al in them. A huge hug for 50 days, I am only 27 behind you so make sure you are always winning!

Dot i love soup in winter, my fav is pea and ham and i pretty much stick to that until we are pea and hammed out but the boys love it oh and chicken and sweet corn soup, yum. Thanks for the links Dot i went to the markets this morning and it was so quiet i was shocked. Most of our markets are closed on a monday so not sure if everyone thought that but i got lots of fruit and seafood and was finished in twenty minutes. Beforehand i was becoming really anxious about the crowds and was thinking of taking a xanax but didnt and i didnt need it at all.

It does feel good Pav to wake up without a hangover but just one glass would be heaven. It probably would not be but its the way my al mind thinks. But as Nar says it is "stinky" and who can stop at one. That first one took me nearly an hour to drink then the others took 5 minutes each, god when the taste happens it escalates to us being out of control and I dont want that so diet ginger ale it is for me tonight again.

Hi Giraffe nice to see you popping your head in.

Nar it is great to be with the kids and be totally sober and that is what keeps me going and going and going and of course you lovelies on here and at least you guys listen to what i have to say not like my boys!

Pav the temptation will always be around us and I think sometimes we crave/desire al more than at others where we dont even notice people drinking but xmas time is not one of those times at all. Good on you for getting through it. My son asked me what i was doing for NY's and i said nothing, staying home and hiding for a bit longer. I just keep thinking how bad the blackouts were getting and the shakes and anxiety and that is enough to deter me from drinking al.

I hope i have covered everyone with my ramblings and stay strong girls, we can do this and only 2 more sleeps for me until xmas day and I will not drink.

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, Narilly, Dottie, Giraffe, J-vo, Ava, and all, a huge thank you for the well wishes and support on my 50 days. I know I wouldn't be at 51 without all of you. This is too much to handle in solitary mode.

SL, I was the same. Loved wine, loved that first glass or two before the idiotic behavior kicked in. Oh, I even loved that whilst engaging in it. Thought I was the light of the party, even when home alone with no one to entertain but the animals. Past tense! I no longer love wine or what it does to me.

Nar, that must be a bit disconcerting, with the bar right there in a lovely vacation spot. Excellent time to flex those sober muscles as you are doing and enjoy what some consider the most beautiful winter wonderland in the world.

Yum Pav, an extra scoop of ice cream trumps two shots of tequila any day. And yes, we can do this. Congrats on day 21, you made it through a good challenge unscathed.

Ava, yes, I was able to quit drinking while losing weight, but only for a short time and never with abstinence as my primary purpose. I pretty much drank my dinner for years. Yuck, the thought of the oppression makes me sick without even touching a drop. Oh, and split pea soup and ham is my favorite too. I love making it from scratch and experimenting with different seasonings and background veggies. We got a Vita-mix blender a while back, which I use for this particular soup. Still reading your post...I was the same, that first glass took me a half hour or so when I was out on the town, followed by opening the gullet and dumping it in for the rest of the evening. Ewwwwww.

I have a former student/friend visiting for the holidays, and she drinks (I teach at the college level). I'm going to have to be careful. I think with her, I might have to say I'm taking antibiotics, but who knows, I may just spill the beans. Will keep you all posted.

I've got a busy day ahead, shopping, entertaining, meeting a co-worker for our annual Christmas lunch, etc. Have a great AF MAE all -- I'll check in later. xo

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning all:

I was reading the Tool Box this morning and came across this post from Work In Progress about deprivation vs. gratitude mode. I thought it is helpful for us right now:
__________________________________________________ ___

I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!
__________________________________________________ _______________

Have great days, Ladies. I am off to do some last minute shopping which is something I HATE to do, but I will survive. Be back later.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good MAE to all of you .

It sounds like everyone who has checked in is staying strong :goodjob: - I hope our friends who aren't posting much are just really busy with no time to participate. But if any of you are reading and reluctant to post because you have chosen to drink, please come back and try again. Give yourself this most awesome Christmas gift, and don't try to do it alone. It is just too hard.

I didn't drink last Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Year's or for several periods of time before and between them. In some ways, that felt like success but in others, it was bad news. When I didn't even try to quit, I could tell myself that "I could if I wanted to". Failing after periods of success forced me to (finally!) accept that I was not in control and could not do it alone.

All of us on this thread and others are using an online forum the way it needs to be used - giving and receiving support. Several people mentioned how they would never lie here. That was key for me, too. It struck me as really weird that using an alias I wouldn't consider lying to people I don't actually know but for whatever reason, that's how it is. Maybe part of it is being so tired of lying and sneaking, it is a huge relief to be honest about all of this. I didn't want to let myself down but I also did not want to disappoint some people here who had offered me so much of their time and energy. I know it plays into caring about what others think, but in this case, I think that personality trait can work to our advantage.

I'm glad that those of you who are feeling sad and deprived of that 'first drink' are admitting it and not putting up a front. Acknowledging true emotions and not burying them are critical, IMO. But after the acknowledgement, I encourage you to actively change your thoughts. It feels really fake at first and like a stupid exercise that cannot possibly work. But it can. Our brains can be trained. Mine was trained to want a glass of wine ~ 4 pm each and every day. It has now been trained not to. This does not just happen. It takes effort and consistency. After thinking about how nice that one glass of wine would be, immediately think about why not having it is even nicer. After awhile, those thoughts become automatic and the wanting/not wanting almost concurrent until eventually, there is no desire at all.

There is an open big box of wine in my kitchen right now and whereas in the past I have actually opened that spigot directly into my mouth (), it now means nothing to me. This is not because I have amazing will power - last fall and early winter made that perfectly clear. It is because I have trained my brain to see that as something that is not for me.

Sort of preachy here - sorry about that. I just so much want all of you to experience this amazing peace.

xoxo NS

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Crosspost, Pavati, and WIP articulated so well what I was trying to say.

This point stands out to me:

Pavati;1602164 wrote:
We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways.

We can do this because we want to and choose to do so. A friend of mine, who also truly enjoys that first glass of wine (and who stops there) has had to give it up because it interferes with her chemotherapy.

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I am here, girls, struggling through day one. Thanks for the support :l
I admire you all so much!

:h Star

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Starfish1;1602175 wrote: I am here, girls, struggling through day one. Thanks for the support :l
I admire you all so much!

:h Star

STAR! Great to see you :l. I know you have so much going on and need some relief but it just is not in a bottle for us.

This can truly be your last day one. Take that option off the table. Like Byrdie says, no matter what and no matter who. You know what it is like to be free because you've been there. It is worth everything.

xx - NS