Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Marylou123]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

MAE Ladies,

I have been really trying to be more conscious of my words and actions since being AF. One of my reasons for quitting was to be able to reflect then react. When I was smashed, if I could react, it would usually be brash and stupid but I thought it was spot on. Ha!

That being said, I agree with Jane that moods happen. And we're all human and gossip sometimes. Forget about it. You're doing great. (Of course if it really bothers you, leave a little note for your colleague apologizing. But write it in Pig Latin. :H:H:H)

Ava - the trip sounds great so far. Glad things are working out with mom. Are you getting hand massages too? Not too much I hope - got to keep those posting fingers in shape.

Love you all.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning ladies. J-vo how I react to others is one of the big things I am working on. I guess my social development was stunted, so now I am having to catch up. It's not easy. I sympathize. It seems like I am always saying stupid things. Often truthful, but still, do I really need to point them out? I hurt hubby's feelings Saturday evening. He went to bed very early and I took dogs for a ride in the car. Parked in a parking lot, left my lights on for about 30 minutes and got a dead battery. Of course he was asleep so didn't hear the phone. I called my daughter and she rescued me. Well I will watch what I say from now on. Hopefully!
I love coming here and talking about things. It really makes my problems easier.
Glad to see you with us Roxy.
Have a good day all.

[ToMyHealth]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Quick c/i. Really, really like waking up feeling good! Have golf today but looks like it might rain by afternoon. Should get 9 in and if we all do, can have some fun tonight with prizes, etc. BBQ could also be rained out, but i'm thinking it will have passed thru by then..

Jvo, love the Resurrection! How old is your DS? Just curious since he enjoys it.

Well, better run. Later......

TMH

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Posting here is good practice for being aware of what we say and how it affects people. It is really important, too, because although it doesn't always seem that way (such as all the pencil interruptus :H business yesterday), we are dealing with really serious issues. I try not to post unless I think what I've written makes a positive contribution (even if the message may not be what the person wants to hear). I've often written a long (usually overwrought) reply and not posted it, realizing it probably would not be helpful. Sometimes I've gone in and deleted (or at least edited) posts that I thought were actually not helpful or could be misinterpreted. (And I'm sorry to anyone who I've inadvertently hurt in a post that did not come out "right").

Anyway, I've noticed that this approach to has spilled over into verbal communication, too. A few times I've been asked if something is wrong because I'm being so quiet . Since I can't edit or delete what I actually say, I'm trying to keep working on this.

Have a good one - NS

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hello beautiful Loamers,

J-vo, thank you for sharing that. Like LB, that is the number one thing I am working on. Reflecting before responding. I am the queen of saying things I regret--and like you said a good test is to ask ourselves if we are saying something we'd be ashamed to say (or something that would be hurtful) in front of the person we are discussing.

Jane, I am super impressed with your discipline in doing the master cleanse. Good for you-- how are you feeling?
Speaking of cleanse, Ava, I would love it if the next time I popped into your mind it didn't have anything to do with constipation!:H So glad you are enjoying your time!!

Pav, I missed that you are going away this week. For work or vacation? You sound like you are feeling really good about it, strong and determined in your sobriety. I am so looking forward to the day when drinking doesn't really cross my mind.

SL, you're sounding really good!:h

Roxy, good to see you here! and you, too, Marylou and TMH--
NS, I like the change you made next to your name-- Grateful Member. Is that a subscriber's perk?

xoxoxo to you all

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I too try and be really aware of what I say and how it is interpreted by others. I am a really career minded person so I am continually working on myself and try to be aware of people's perceptions of me. I am going to join the toastmasters club here at work and work on my public speaking too. We will see how that goes!

Of course, sometimes in my writing, (here especially), I may not be very clear. Since everyone here now thinks I was a porn star, haha!!
By the way Jane, I hope you don't think I am rude but when I am reading your post I keep looking at your pencil.....

Jane, I am thinking of doing a juice cleanse for my 50th. I have to think about it.

TMH, J-Vo, The Resurrection? I have to check that out.

ANYWAY, my hubs and I have really had to work on our communication. It has been tough. It totally amazes me how different his perception is from mine. It drives me nuts really. I would like to say "what is wrong with you???" But instead I sit back and think about how I can approach things a bit differently and get my message across to him. He is very black and white and not an emotional thinker at all. Me, I am totally emotional.

I have a bunch of meetings this morning. A couple of weeks ago I got into it with another collegue who is a total A..hole anyway. He is in all 3 meetings today so that will be interesting. I would like to kick him in the Nuts but that wouldn't do much for my career!



Talk later,

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

lifechange;1646452 wrote:
NS, I like the change you made next to your name-- Grateful Member. Is that a subscriber's perk?

That is one of the things that a subscription buys you . Senior always sounds like Senior Citizen to me so I was happy to change that!

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Nar, good luck in the meetings with the A-hole. Probably good that this topic came up today, eh? I really admire your continuing work to improve the qualities of yourself that you find important.. I'm still trying to pinpoint my strong points!

Jane, your MIL sounds like the son of my BF. My heart sinks every time I come home on a day he is supposed to be at his mom's and see his shoes in the hallway. I feel like such a bitch for feeling that way-- I try to be nice, but still I am disappointed. What ever happened with your MIL?-- did she get the hint and stop or did you learn to live with it?

[DreamThinkDo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Love your collection of pencils, Janey!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane,
My parents are from India. My dad died in 2006 but my mom has been fine. She is a Go getter and doesn't feel sorry for herself. I know Indians in general have a wierd thing about a woman losing a husband and will treat her differently.
I know a lot of them who lose husbands feel sorry for themselves. My mom tells me all about them

My brother and her have a tough relationship and I know it is tough between her and my brother's wife. I don't know what it is about Indian MIL's.

Mine is a non Indian so I don't have that problem.
I think when the son gets married, Indian MIL's think of the daughter in law as their 'new' daughter, confidante, person to help them, servant, etc. and they have high expectations of her.


My mom has wierd expectations of my brother's wife and I really don't understand the wierdness of it. I get along with my mom great most of the time. I bet your MIL and my mom would get along great too!

OMG, you didn't invite her to your wedding? My mom would LOSE it! At least she is talking to you again Weddings are a big deal to Indians.

I get what you are dealing with for sure. Hang in there Jane. You know, she just wants to be close to you and probably doesn't have a clue how to do it. I always feel bad when my brother's wife and my mom are having issues and I don't know how to help. My brother basically told mom to 'back off' but they still have issues.

Anyway, that is a sister in law's perspective.

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Lateish here and starting think of going to bed to read my book.

Something I can only do sober.

Hello to all you loamers that have been and to those yet to come.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

How are you doing, Roxy? Sounds like you're going to bed sober so :goodjob:! I hope today was easier than yesterday. Just try to always remember (maybe write it down) how awful days 0 and 1 can be. Those memories can help keep you on the path you want to take.

xx, NS

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Evening Pretty Loamers,

Thank you all for your input on my issue above. It's good to know that we at least are aware of our actions. That is a first step, but it's working on the second that is the challenge for me. Dealing with these emotions all the time, and actually caring about how we are reacting is new. When I made the same mistakes while drinking, I only beat myself up over it and never took the time to look the situation closely to see that it was maybe me that started the confrontation unnecessarily. I would just continue to hate and that's not good for anyone's soul. When I looked at it closely, I realized, yes, it was me, and that I caused someone pain even though he was wrong. Just because someone has a different view on something doesn't give me the right to be a nasty bitch. So I did apologize to coworker this morning and said I should never have made the assumption I did and sorry for hurting him. We work in teams of 5 and we're all close after many years together. They're like family to me, and when I hurt one of them, I hurt. I was able to think clearly about the situation. Just wish I'd be able to think clearly when it happened. Jane, I felt like I'd eaten a box of glazed donuts! Marylou, my parents used to talk to one another in pig latin until my sister and I figured it out!

LB, I believe I am socially and emotionally stunted, too. That is a part of what we deal with in sobriety, and thankfully we can work on catching up! So glad your daughter was able to rescue you and pups!

TMH, Resurrection is pretty good. I guess it's about people who died that have "unfinished business." DS is 16 and learning to drive. Yikes!

NS, I liked what you said about posting being a good practice for being aware of what we say and how it affects people. So true. After posting so much and putting care into what you say, it can become natural, kind of like rewiring brain in CBT. And yes, positive contributions are what I try to do, although I can become a bit selfish at times...but that's what we're here for. To give and get encouragement and support.

Nar, I agree with LC, that you're such a positive influence here and always trying to improve yourself in one way or another. I admire you for that and am trying myself. That's all we can do, sister, is try. Good luck with your public speaking class! BTW, when is your 50th birthday. I know it's this month. Oh, on the DH communication thing, yes, we are, too, trying to work on that, but actually have put it on the back burner for now as I think other things are priority right now. As NS said, one thing at a time.

Jane, ooh! MIL's. My MIL and I are just getting our relationship started! After 25 years, we're really seeing eye to eye and enjoying each other's company so much more. She's come to respect me and I her. But I know how disturbing the situation can be. Oh, I so don't ever have to rely on anyone else for happiness. Ever.

Nar and Jane, this is new to me - the loss of an Indian husband and everyone treats the wife differently? How so?

I do continue to worry about what others think, but something in me is changing. I feel as though it's not as intense as it was. I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I do recognize changes in myself.

Have a happy night Loamers!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Evening Pretty Loamers,

Thank you all for your input on my issue above. It's good to know that we at least are aware of our actions. That is a first step, but it's working on the second that is the challenge for me. Dealing with these emotions all the time, and actually caring about how we are reacting is new. When I made the same mistakes while drinking, I only beat myself up over it and never took the time to look the situation closely to see that it was maybe me that started the confrontation unnecessarily. I would just continue to hate and that's not good for anyone's soul. When I looked at it closely, I realized, yes, it was me, and that I caused someone pain even though he was wrong. Just because someone has a different view on something doesn't give me the right to be a nasty bitch. So I did apologize to coworker this morning and said I should never have made the assumption I did and sorry for hurting him. We work in teams of 5 and we're all close after many years together. They're like family to me, and when I hurt one of them, I hurt. I was able to think clearly about the situation. Just wish I'd be able to think clearly when it happened. Jane, I felt like I'd eaten a box of glazed donuts! Marylou, my parents used to talk to one another in pig latin until my sister and I figured it out!

LB, I believe I am socially and emotionally stunted, too. That is a part of what we deal with in sobriety, and thankfully we can work on catching up! So glad your daughter was able to rescue you and pups!

TMH, Resurrection is pretty good. I guess it's about people who died that have "unfinished business." DS is 16 and learning to drive. Yikes!

NS, I liked what you said about posting being a good practice for being aware of what we say and how it affects people. So true. After posting so much and putting care into what you say, it can become natural, kind of like rewiring brain in CBT. And yes, positive contributions are what I try to do, although I can become a bit selfish at times...but that's what we're here for. To give and get encouragement and support.

Nar, I agree with LC, that you're such a positive influence here and always trying to improve yourself in one way or another. I admire you for that and am trying myself. That's all we can do, sister, is try. Good luck with your public speaking class! BTW, when is your 50th birthday. I know it's this month. Oh, on the DH communication thing, yes, we are, too, trying to work on that, but actually have put it on the back burner for now as I think other things are priority right now. As NS said, one thing at a time.

Jane, ooh! MIL's. My MIL and I are just getting our relationship started! After 25 years, we're really seeing eye to eye and enjoying each other's company so much more. She's come to respect me and I her. But I know how disturbing the situation can be. Oh, I so don't ever have to rely on anyone else for happiness. Ever.

Nar and Jane, this is new to me - the loss of an Indian husband and everyone treats the wife differently? How so?

I do continue to worry about what others think, but something in me is changing. I feel as though it's not as intense as it was. I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I do recognize changes in myself.

Have a happy night Loamers!:h

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

And regarding the positive contributions, and I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but making positive contributions here is what I strive to do. In my daily interactions with others, I'd like to do more of that. A problem with social anxiety is thinking of what I'm saying, and trying to say the right things. I put the focus on myself and miss half the conversation because I'm worried about making a stupid remark. But what I need to do is focus on that person. Think about what they're saying, and know that whatever they're saying is important and give them positive feedback. In other words, love others, care for others, and not think of myself and what I'll say next.