Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[giraffe1234]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Available: a belated but heartfelt well done!!!!!! on 150 days. That is huge; congratulations and I am so happy for you.
J-Vo - excellent work on 30 days. That was such a major milestone for me; for so many years it seemed like an impossibly high hurdle for me. Keep up the good work.
xox all

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Getting a quick post in here - needed to say a big congrats to j-vo (PS - you have been on my mind - I was talking to girls yesterday evening about J-lo and kept saying j-vo:H - I think they were looking for the wine!).
Long day and board meeting to follow - hope girls behave themselves without me and get everything done as needed!
Well done Rox, and I liked your little ditty!
Anyone heard from LC? I am missing her

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hahahaha SL!!!! That's what a women calls me at work and where she got the idea from!! I don't mind modeling J-lo. Love her.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I like it Jane! I'm doin a dance right now! I've got no rhythm, sorry.

I wish I had something profound to say, but I got nuthin! Well, I do! Thanks for the 30 day congrats everyone! Giraffe, this will be my last 30. I will never have to hit that number again.

Nar and Roxy, loved how you two conversed last night. Nar, you're sounding really strong.

Roxy, glad you're doing well. How was your day?

LC, we miss you.

Humble???

Long day. Just settling down and going to watch a few shows, do a little school work, then call it a night. Hope everyone's well!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

How did your presentation go, Ms. J-vo?

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Congratulations J-vo on your last 30 days. Hope the presentation goes well. Tomorrow right? Short notive, but you are up to it. Strong and sounding great.
All blood work is good except hereditary cholesterol. Bleh.
Roxy good job.
Feel better soon soon soon Ava.
Giraffe good tosee you.
Narilly glad you are busy. You sound great.
I am reading the Chief's thread.
Have a good night ladies.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

JVo, kick butt on your presentation.

Lil B, is the chief's thread a good one? You are sounding good too.

I am already in bed at 8:20. Really tired today. I guess I'm 50 now...

Goodnight sweet ladies!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Warning! All about me.

I went to the therapist today – I started off talking about denial and realizing that I had to take responsibility for having more than “a little” problem with alcohol. No doubt it hurt my relationship with my DH and other stuff that I haven’t really taken the time to consider. I’m not having regret, I just feel like I need to admit the honest truth about my problem.

That lead to a conversation about how absolutely farking pissed off (in the US terms) angry I am at myself for letting this happen to me. I am so mad, ashamed, sad, JUDGEMENTAL of myself. I started bawling in a way that I haven’t in a while – uncontrollable. I can read and rationalize it all I want, but boy am I having trouble forgiving myself.

She asked me how I reconciled the Pavati on the one hand – the one who has a great job/career, is raising two fantastic boys, just finished a Master’s degree, has many friends and family – with the one I am ashamed of because she doesn’t have any will power and didn’t see this giant train of alcoholism coming a mile down the tracks. I don’t know? That makes me even more mad – how in the world can I handle all of that and not have controlled my drinking?

And THAT led to a discussion of you ladies (she has heard a lot about MWO and this thread in particular). She asked – are you judgmental of them? Do you think they’re weak? Actually, NO! I think they are wonderful, strong, amazing people who are tenacious in getting alcohol out of their lives. Well? Why aren’t you that way, too? I honestly have no idea. In my head I know I should be forgiving myself – but I am having trouble with that. I was vulnerable to alcohol, at a certain point it took over and I was no longer in control. That is one mother of a concept for someone like me to accept.

I am much better now – but that was hard. Once again I have you ladies to thank in new ways every day.

OK, enough about me.

J-Vo – Congratulations on your last Day 30. I hope your presentation goes well tomorrow – for some reason I think it will…

Roxy – I love your scenario with the dickhead. Yep. Push him out the door.

OMG, Jane, your avatar. Hilarious. One of my DH’s favorite sayings is “the early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

NS – Are you back?

SL – I hate leaving my kids to “get everything done.” It is good that they’re independent and can fend for themselves, mostly, and I actually believe it is important for them to stumble around a little while they’re learning to be adults. Hope your meeting isn’t too dreadful.

Ava – How are you feeling? I hope better, and I hope your kids are taking care of you while you’re sick. Now that Breaking Bad is done, what are you on? How did you spend your 150?

LB – Are you around any of that weird and terrible weather? I think it is above you, but how scary!? Hope you’re ok.

Giraffe – good to see you pop by.

LC - I miss you, too, squirrel!

OK – I think that’s enough for now. With everything else I was doing, this post took a couple of hours to write. Looking for a good book – any recommendations?

‘Night, and thanks for listening. Thanks for being there for me.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh Im going to do an Ava gazette when i feel human, atm that feels like never. Today i woke up great as in greater than before but it has slowly gone downhill. Thank god i have the week off work is all i will say.

Pav, I can relate to the forgiveness bit. I feel just totally awful about what i have done to my mother and our relationship, all the while me blaming her when in fact it was me. To forgive myself is hard, farking hard but if i dont forgive myself i cant move on and i have to move on. I cant change what i have done, i wish i could have that magic wand but i dont. I also know i cant beat myself up anymore, i did that for at least a good ten years with al. The only thing i do know that i can do is to be the best person now, this minute and to prove that i am.

I am so proud of my children and the adults they have become. I have been mother and father to those kids and sometimes i look and wonder how the hell they possibly turned out the way they did when i was a functioning drunk. But they have and i have to be grateful for that.

Maybe we became alcoholics for a reason, who knows, but Pav being sober is the best gift we have given to ourselves now.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi - just home, safe and sound - avoided the bar for the after meeting debrief!
Pav - thank you for sharing! I totally understand what you wrote, and it has got me thinking. I think maybe a lot of us are our own worst enemy, I know I am. I had an interesting chat with myself in the mirror when I was taking off my war paint, then I read what you wrote....I do wonder if it is possible to change that sort of mindset?
Girls did well, I agree it is good to let them work things out - but the call at 9:45 to ask when I would be home as she didn't feel safe without me was hard.
Ok - better get some rest before the alarm goes off. Much food for thought Pav and ladies!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav,
That's so great you're able to work through these emotions. I'm glad you're able to share this with us. I see so much of myself in you, and the same judgmental thoughts. I wonder if it's just a normal human emotion and common to have these thoughts and feelings. Not saying we're crazy! Just wondering if these feelings are common for women our age. Gosh, I don't wanna stick my foot in my mouth at 5:45 a.m. Got a whole day ahead of me!

My presentation is this afternoon, after work faculty meeting. My principal called yesterday afternoon and told me I was on "standby" because a guy I work with was suppose to present something and doesn't know if he'll make it in today due to health issues. He (principal) told me he "owes" me for being ready and not being certain if I will present. I had to laugh when he said he owes me. So I prepared last night, have my activity and power point ready to go if I do present. Thanks for the wishes!

Have a great day and will check in later.

Glad you're feeling better Ava!

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav what you are feeling sounds like how I feel in many ways. How could I have so much strength in my public life but let my private self go to hell. But you ARE doing it. Addiction is terrible. It's so hard because our survival instinct takes over and run away with something it shouldn't. I am very proud of you. You are really kicking al's butt to the curb. And no bad weather here.
Narilly I really got a lot out of reading the Chief's thread. The part about his health getting worse after quitting hit home. I feel that way. But it passed for him and I am confident I will find a way too.
I think I find something on MWO every single day that helps me in my new life.
Jane you have so much to share with us. I am so glad you are here. I like that part about removing something from your life and it leaves a hole. I wonder if that is part of my problem. I have focused on my negatives so long that I feel lonesome without them. I did understand you, right? I have heard this before.
Ava whatever you have I DON'T want it. I have been thinking of you.
SL you rock. You are doing it.
NS hope you are enjoying yourself.
Roxy have acgood day.
I too miss you LC.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB, how will you take care of that cholesterol? Don't ignore it pretty lady.

SL, obviously, I don't go to the after work gatherings. I may go to the end of the year one, only if I feel strong and confident enough. And I do believe it's possible to change that mindset. Anything's possible SL. We just need to figure out the how's because we know the why's. I hate to admit this, but I've never liked myself until recently. I've never had confidence and my thoughts were full of nothing but worry and negative thoughts. It's amazing when the brain decides it's had enough of that and starts to replace those thoughts with more positive ones. And SL, I hear and feel it in your posts, that of happiness and faith in what you're doing. The more we do this for ourselves, no matter what kind of crappy day we're having, we're going to find that peace.

So, I found out that I am for sure presenting this afternoon. I have a break now and will review some things. Thanks for thinking of me. Can you do that at 2:45 just for a second? I feel more calm than I ever have and am not worried if I mess up, so that's huge for me. But I still need my ladies for strength.:thanks2:

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Congratulations on achieving 150 days, Pav! The hardest part truly is behind you.

Your struggle with self-forgiveness mirrors mine. It is as much of a process as becoming free of a drug has been. I know it fits in for me with perfectionism, high expectations, performance, control, ... It has even been tough to acknowledge that in many ways, I fit a negative stereotype. How can I forgive myself for not changing something when I recognized it was a problem? How could I not have recognized it sooner? The person I expected myself to be would have done those things. So I feel like I failed and for so long, I did not consider myself to be a person who could fail - almost like it wasn't an option.

Anyway, I've learned we really can change how we think about things. I found this list of affirmations helpful:


1. I lay down the heavy weight of doubt, shame, guilt and embarrassment.

2. I release the past so I can step into the future with pure intentions.

3. I am capable of moving beyond my mistakes.

4. I am able to heal from the hurt and pain of what I have caused.

5. I am worthy of all the compassion and kindness life offers me.

6. I forgive myself one day at a time until it?s complete.

7. I gently release the grip of anger and rage from my body.

8. I set my past free and forgive my participation in it.

9. I give up the hope of a different past by accepting my true past.

10. I trust my present and future decisions based on love and good intentions.

11. I trade my anger and rage for understanding and compassion.

12. I accept that I did the best I could at the time with what I knew.

13. I have the courage to heal and become whole again.

14. I will treat myself with respect and kindness from today forward.

15. I forgive others as I forgive myself: with ease, sincerity and loving compassion.

16. I take this small step toward greater growth.

17. I am willing to live with all of who I am.

18. I am capable of loving all of who I am.

19. I go with the flow that life brings me.

20. I grow more patient and understanding of others by forgiving myself.

21. I let go of all self-judgement and self-sabotage.

22. I melt into an ocean of love and forgiveness.

23. I grow stronger and better as I forgive myself to move on.

24. I forgive myself so that I can have inner peace again.

25. I can only share my gift with the world if I first forgive myself.

25 Affirmations to Forgive Yourself

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

This one is a real struggle:

12. I accept that I did the best I could at the time with what I knew.