Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Will be thinking of you j-vo, just pretend you are j-lo and it will be magic:H

Interesting chats ladies - i have very low self esteem - nursing in the UK was easier as i had a uniform and could hide behind that - I am my own biggest critic. It has held me back from many things, including my own happiness (and probably from even considereing dating again now :H).
I see many of you talking about drinking in social situations in order to be able to function - i know that it definitely me - I do wonder as to how I will "manage" without a drink, where I should be confident in my ability to have no problem managing!
LB - you rock too:l
Happy Hump Day Ava, Jane, NS and those yet to come - we are great, and one day we will believe it!!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow ladies! I did a quick skim of your posts and they are awesome as usual
I am super busy today and so will have to catch up later.

12. I accept that I did the best I could at the time with what I knew.

I love this quote SL. This am when walking into work I was thinking of some things that have happened when I was drunk and I thought "give yourself a break" I really try not to obsess about this kind of thing but sometimes I still find myself doing it.

Anyway, I will talk later.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Feel free to use the list, Jane! I already stole it from the link I posted .

I am trying to give myself a break, Nar, and I think we have to do it, but that is definitely my biggest hurdle to someday make it over...

I hope your talk went well, J-vo.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks for the list NS. It's in my journal. A good list to refer to.

Presentation went well! I felt kind of rushed as we only have a half hour for these meetings, and the woman that presented before me took half the time so I only had 15 minutes. I was able to crack a joke about something that no one will get here, but got some laughs. Thanks for you thoughts!

Liking ourselves is something that's happening for me now, and I've recognized it. It feels incredible. Don't get me wrong. I'm not this happy, ecstatic person 24/7 but am experiencing lots of peace and recognizing little things that make me smile. It's a great thing.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, 150 days!!! Yippee! So proud of you.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

You know, sometimes when I realize I am being hard on myself, I stop and think of myself as a little girl. I think of a picture I have of me with long hair down past my butt and this big smile with chubby cheeks. The most adorable kid ever. So innocent.

I think of her and I think "she deserves to be loved" I would never be mean to this girl. That is ME!

I need to Love ME!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning loamers

Happy 150th Pav, so proud to walk this path with you and you give me strength to keep it going and going and going. Bring on August 2016 i say. Big hugs on your special day. The further we are away from al the better life becomes. One day our drinking will be a vague memory to reflect on and put in its box where it belongs.

Ava needs to do a leaflet at least but feeling mediocre still. Glad everyone is doing great and it seems to have hit us all that drinking does not cut it anymore, especially that ONE.

Jvo so glad that the talk went well, if i had to talk, i would need 100 xanax but hey who knows what it would be like now i am sober but i dont want to take that chance.

love you guys xxx

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Loamers

I unexpectedly had to say a few words at a fairly large business/social event. It was a little awkward but ok and I was so pleased not to spend the rest of the evening second-guessing what I'd said.

Nar, my little girl image is of a people-pleasing, well-behaved child who was terrified of failure. I received tons of support and praise - sometimes I think maybe too much. Over the years everyone around me tried to get me to lighten up but it was too late. I expected perfection of myself yet didn't really enjoy it - it had become the minimum in my mind with nowhere to go but down . I got past a lot of that in my 20s and definitely after I had kids but I think what remains is what makes it almost impossible for me to forgive myself.

Can y'all tell this was a travel day and I've had time to ruminate ?

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

We'll take the leaflet Ava!

So many things are feeling just like a relief not to put so much time and energy into worrying and fearing what will happen. I'm actually living life and not living in my head.

I'm glad you had a great conference NS.

Nar, your little girl image is opposite of what my reality was, then I turned into NS later in my early 20's.
I was immature, took lots and lots of tantrums, at least once daily, craved attention, wet the bed until I was almost 10 years old. People would talk about me in front of me saying "she's really immature for her age." or "when you do you think she'll settle down?" I remember those words. So later in life, I think I had to prove myself by going to school, doing everything right, and I did, but my inside was still broken, and always afraid I would screw up and be that little girl that just didn't have it together and lose someone's respect. Sure I could go to therapy for years and years to work through those issues, but I think just accepting what was is going to have to be good enough for now. The thoughts as of late have been nothing but good thoughts and moving in a positive direction. So I'm gonna keep marching forward.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo I like that. Living life not living in my head.
Glad your talk went well. You are sounding wonderful.
What a wonderful discussion today.
Narilly I like the picture of the little girl.
Tbank you for that list NS. I am going to reread it.
Have a great night all.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Girls, I am in bed. Tired as usual.

I went to my friends birthda party tonight. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

NS, sounds like you did well.

J-Vo, I wish I could hug that little girl.

Goodnight lil B!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Loamers:

Thanks for your kind words - I read them all but don't have the energy to reply individually right now. NoSugar - I love those affirmations. I find this one hard, too:

18. I am capable of loving all of who I am.

I remember being a kid and just wanting to please everyone and be liked. I don't know where that came from, but it was very important to me. Even before giving up alcohol I was working on realizing that I can't please everyone, and that is going to have to be ok. I think it helped when I became a school administrator and I realized that people were going to be mad at me just for my position - I definitely couldn't help that.

Anyway - working on the self love.

I am listening to the Bubble Hour still. Finished the one on denial and am on to functional alcoholics. Very interesting. On thing that Ellie has talked about in two episodes is calling up sober friends when she feels particularly sad/angry/defensive and asking "is this real, or not real?" I think that's one of the way I use our friendship here - obviously the feelings are real, but the question is really am I falsely rationalizing some behavior or thought that is not good for me.

Ok, ladies. Good night. I wish we could meet up for coffee tomorrow.

xo
Pav

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Coffee sounds great Pav. How about 9 a.m? I'll skip work for you ladies!!!!

Speaking of work, have a 7 a.m. department meeting at the high school. Hate to have to go there then back to our school, especially because I'll get a parking space that's a mile away because I'll be late due to the meeting. Hmm. You probably didn't need all of that information but I'm certainly glad I got it off my chest.

I'll check in later pretty ladies.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh, I need to catch up on some of the bubble hour talk shows! They are always interesting.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

As I sit here waiting for my meeting to start, I was thinking of me and how I was as a little girl. I know my parents didn't have much money, Dad was away a lot on business leaving monday morning and returning at the end of the week. Mom had me and my older sister and younger sister who is 8 years younger than me. Mom had bouts of severe depression. I know that they did the best they could with what they had. For a long time, I was angry about how I felt growing up. But now I can let that go. One of the things from NS's list:

15. I forgive others as I forgive myself: with ease, sincerity and loving compassion.

And they did the best they could at the time. I love them.