Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Quick check in. Spent MWO time talking w/hubby. He needs to talk sometimes.
have a great day. J-vo. :l

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good MAE, Loamers

Yesterday I came across two posts about forgiveness that really impressed me:

donblackwell | one dad's perspectives on life, love, faith and hope | Page 2

I did, however, have a choice. I could continue to allow myself to be held captive by the pain, brokenness and/or dysfunction of the past ? and by ?past? I mean anything that happened more than 5 minutes ago ? or I could choose instead to use that past as a catalyst for positive change. I could begin to give myself the credit I deserve for being courageous and resilient in overcoming (or working to overcome) the challenges that have littered the path of my life journey. Eventually, I could even entertain the possibility that, as those who know me best have insisted all along, I am loved and, more importantly, that I am worthy of love. I?m not suggesting for a moment that choosing the path of hope (and healing) is ?easy? or that it will happen overnight ? I know better ? as do all who have dared to step out of their brokenness and set foot on it.



Good News for Eating Disorders Recovery in September: You CAN Forgive Yourself

Forgiveness can be a touchy subject.

I should know.

For years, I absolutely, categorically insisted that I was beyond forgiving. I was willing to go round 1000 with anyone who dared to suggest otherwise, too.

I wasted so much time and energy treating myself differently from the way I treated everyone else around me. I was often quick to forgive others, for the very reason that I assumed automatically that if they were mad at me, I must deserve it.

But when it came to me, I was rock-solid bent and determined upon locking myself safely away in a forgiveness-free purgatory of my own making.

Why?

Why do we refuse to forgive ourselves? Is it protective - are we afraid of what we might do, say, or create if we give ourselves any leeway?

Is it reactive - are we so inordinately tuned in to our ever-changing inner climate (a climate, by the way, that no one but us will ever be privy to) that we suffer a catastrophic objectivity-fail that factors out the presence of our humanness, and the natural frailty and continual proneness to error that being human entails?

For me, it was both, and the loud presence of my eating disorder as well. If I needed another reason to hate myself, "Ed" was always ready to provide it. It took me years to realize that not only did I have to learn to tune Ed out, but I had to offer Ed my forgiveness as well as forgiving myself.

This, as you can imagine, was quite difficult for quite some time.

Today, I extend forgiveness to myself readily. I do this for several reasons. One, life is miserable when I am holding a grudge against myself. Two (and my mentor continues to remind me of this every time I forget) if I could have done better the first time, I would have. The recovering perfectionist in me doesn't even try to argue with that one.

And finally, I forgive myself because I am human, and human beings deserve forgiveness.

Forgiveness helps others. It helps me, and it helps you. Without forgiveness life doesn't really have much to offer, because forgiveness is the one thing on this planet that offers us the chance to choose love over hate.

So, over the last four decades (wow, has it really been FOUR?!?) I have learned that I can forgive myself, no matter what it was that I did or said or didn't do or didn't say, and no matter how long it takes or how hard I have to work to do it.

You can too. You truly CAN forgive yourself.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS,
Great article from Don Blackwell. Loved the prayer also. Thanks for sharing that!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

From Don Blackwell's article, "You Are Beautiful."

A Prayer

I wish . . .

I wish you victory against the cruel inner voice,

To see self-acceptance truly is a choice.

I wish you victory against the worries that fill your mind,

To seek contentment that you shall surely find.

I wish you victory against a tunnel vision that blinds your view,

From the exquisite beauty that radiates from you.

I wish you victory against the dark thoughts that invade your sleep,

To instead be filled with peace that you shall forever keep.

And through each victory that comes with each passing day,

A melody to fill your heart, for you my friend, I pray.

Loving messages becoming more and more clear,

Drowning out the haunting voice of inner doubt and fear.

And finally you will hear it, and life will truly begin,

The victory song of self-acceptance that only comes from within.
________________

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-Vo, NS, my point was to Love that little Girl.

Just love yourself- its not about how everyone else made you feel. She deserves to be loved.


Pav, I am a big people pleaser too. It kinda drives me nuts and I am not very good with confrontation At all!

Hey Lil B, I bet your hubby appreciated the talk.

Well, I am glad to be having coffee with your girls this am. What a great way to start my day.
Guess what? It is going to 21C today!! OMG, doing flips here! I am wearing a dress with BARE legs, didn't even LOOK at my Canada Goose Jacket

I went to my friend's birthday party (guy friend) last night and they were drinking wine and beer, of course. I had my club soda and mango juice- very good. A neighbor was there and gave me a bottle of wine for my birthday! So I said thanks and took it. I won't drink it though.
Another friend was there and she mentioned that she just came from a funeral of a 35 year old lady yesterday. I guess this lady basically drank herself to death. She was drinking 3 L of wine a day plus 1/2 bottle of hard liquor, every day towards the end! OMG! Before that she was a successful woman and worked as a air hostess. I guess she was a beautiful woman.

My friend said "Can you believe it? You never hear of that! I mean who would do that? I think it is pretty rare." Wow, I was almost speechless. I said "it is a huge problem, people die everyday from drinking Alcohol. It is addictive. I mean look at all the stars that die from it, like Amy Winehouse for example"
My friend said that Amy died from drugs not AL and blah blah blah. I mean, really, I am not going to argue. But people are so clueless about Alcohol sometimes.
Its kinda funny because this friend drinks Alot. I mean, she can pound back a bottle of wine no problem, she is about 6 feet tall and has a lot of tolerance as opposed to me. My friend said that I get drunk as soon as they uncork the wine bottle! Haha.
Anyway, I always wondered if she kind of had a problem. I think she knows she has an issue with it but does not want to accept that.

Wow, who knew I could talk so much!

thanks for the coffee!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

That is such a shame about the (to me) young woman, Nar. I suspect that the known cases of problems with alcohol are the tip of a huge iceberg. With only extreme cases discussed, they are so easy to dismiss as outliers. That woman's daily intake was very large but as we all now know, not as unusual as most people think. Plus, there are more people with problems at all levels than we know. I convinced myself that I was the only person who was so humiliatingly secretive. It kind of cracks me up now to think how "special" I thought I was.

Last night during a very nice seafood dinner, I watched a sunset that looked almost like the photo I found and used as my avatar. It reminded me how much I appreciate MWO and all of you.

xx, NS

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I appreciate all of you too. This group really helps me to stay sober. I think I should go to a group here in town too but I just haven't been able to.
I love the Loamers! Dr. Kelly says that being part of a group really helps people to stay sober. That is why AA or other groups can be so effective for people.

Yes, this young lady quit work about a year ago. I imagine she did that because she could not hide it anymore. Her husband worked out of town a lot, she had a lot of time to drink herself into oblivion. Her intake was alot but everyone is different. My friend that was telling me about it was trying to convince herself that she did not drink too much. She was comparing her own consumption to her friend's, and saying "I wasn't as bad as I thought." Oh boy- big red flag to me!
Ok, you don't drink 3 L of wine and 1/2 bottle of hard AL per day but that does not mean you don't have a problem.
But then again, she may not have a problem. Maybe I think everyone has a problem these days!

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Quick check in - another good discussion.
I deal with death and dying daily, and daily we get referrals of cases with peoples deaths inpacted or caused by alcohol - DAILY! It is a huge problem, and lots of young people. And people who appear to be fit and healthyy, but are unable to donate their livers due to the amount of damage that noone was aware of. Also, different people seem to have different impacts from different amounts of alcohol - what will kill one person will not kill another. I used to use that to bargain with myself - I would read histories and think that I was ok! Crazy - I somehow ignored the ones who drank less than I did and had disease - russian roulette.
Just had to say that - will check back in later for more reading and saying hello!
Happy May Day!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL, that is really interesting (and sad). So many people are unaware of the impact of AL on their bodies.
There was a BBC documentary that I think NS posted a link to. They hi lighted this epidemic and the impact on health.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane,
I don't know why I had daily tantrums. As I said, mom had severe bouts of depression and would spend days in bed. Dad was away on business most of the work weeks. We visited my grandparents often on the weekends because they wanted to have us and we had a very special relationship with them. We also had cousins that moved from NYC and we were with them a lot. So I don't know, and now, I want to hug that little girl, just like Nar said. I want to love her.

Nar, this is a sad story. When drinking, I always worried about damage being done to my body. My DH's dad died from liver cancer, had cirrhosis, as did my aunt's boyfriend (lived) my next door neighbor (woman age 44 end stages of cirrhosis) this past January almost died, so I've seen what it can do. It's so scary. SL, I'm sure the knowledge of this was a factor in protecting your health. But I also know that denial is a part of this disease and we can talk ourselves out of being 'like them." I think my sister-in-law has a huge problem, but she would never admit it to anyone, ever. For me and us, I'm glad we had the sense to get to sobriety, know that we can live without this poison and live a real, true, meaningful life.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL and NS, love your avatars!

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo I think the first person we have to admit having a problem to is ourselves. That's the hardest.
Jane I love the new avatar. A discussion my daughter and I have been having lately. Judging others.
Thanks NS. The article on beauty was great. I always see myself as ugly. I have been told so very many times about how ugly I am. But I don't believe it. I am strong and beautiful. We all are.
The article on forgiveness hit home with me. My mother never told me she was sorry before she died. I always waited for her to. But I looked at family pictures recently, soberly. All I could see was a woman deeply unhappy. She never smiled. If that isn't sorrow, I don't know what is. I cried and decided to be happy for her. She had suffered enough her entire life. It's just too short to carry that much sorrow through it.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Whew, that's tough lil B. Mothers have such an impact on our lives and how we feel about ourselves. That's amazing what you could see through sober eyes.

J-Vo, you know a lot of people that have died due to liver disease.

You know, this story is sad but also shocking was my friends reaction to it. She s?id "you never hear about that happening"
She basically said most people die from drugs not alcohol. I guess there is a real lack of information out there regarding the negative health effects of AL. They don't really put any stats out. People have to search out the info.
I was listening to another blog with Dr Kelly and he said since the 60's women are 3 times more likely to become alcoholic and men 2 times.

Anyway, I have the day off tomorrow so I'm sleeping in!

Goodnight xo

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Ladies:

Quick check in as it is late. I will read more thoroughly and post more this weekend.

little beagle;1656204 wrote: I cried and decided to be happy for her. She had suffered enough her entire life. It's just too short to carry that much sorrow through it.

This was a lovely post, LB. You are the embodiment of gratitude in my opinion. Not trying to hide the sadness and suffering but acknowledging it while also looking for something you can be grateful for.

Jane - I try to assume positive intentions here. I think in an online forum where the communication comes without facial expressions and through the lens of our own alcoholism as well as someone else's, sometimes the message can take a different meaning than intended, or sometimes the intention is meant for general purposes rather than specific. Not sure if that made sense, but I figure we are all here trying to get sober and trying to support each other in doing so. I hope you continue to be honest - it is what helps.

Good night, all. Soooooo sleepy.

xo
Pav

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

jane, we're all being singled out! please dont feel ostracized. like you say yourself, you are feeling again, sometime these feelings can be out of whack.

pav says that positive intentions. i agree wholeheartedly. you can spot the judgemental ones a mile off, and that wasnt one.

would you rather we didnt say anything to you? no. so we will! with no bad will intended. :l