Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB, you're right that we have to admit alcoholism and other faults to ourselves first. We can't move on if we acknowledge the truth. And you are strong and beautiful. Your post made me cry, as this is forgiving your mother and being happy for her is what heals us. I love you LB.
Just like I was always told by my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone that I was so immature, it really hurt me. My older sister was the favorite of everyone. I carried that with me and created lots of other negative thoughts from it. Not only am I immature, I'm stupid, nobody wants to hang out with me, I must try to show them I'm not that. I'll show them! Painful, and when I found booze in the 10th grade, I thought I'd hit the jackpot with feelings that I'd never had before. It took away all of my pain.

Nar, the increase in alcoholic women doesn't surprise me with how our culture has changed and how much women have to do, perform, as a wife, mother, and professional.

Jane, keep reaching out for help. If one person said something that made you feel bad, let it go. It's not worth living with pain. Misunderstandings happen, and don't let that keep you from your healing, being honest with your feelings. You seem to be comfortable with us here. Let it out and we'll help you.

Have a great day ladies.

[Marylou123]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

GME Ladies,

It's been a bit since I've posted but I've been here, just kinda radio silent.

NS - I loved the forgiveness post; it came at such a good time. As did the sad story Nar, about the young woman that died.

Today is day 100 for me. I'm happy and proud but also feeling very blue and emotional. I know this is not unusual as I've seen/read others feel similar at certain milestones. I heard one lady on the Bubble Hour say her sober anniversary was also the anniversary of her lowest day ever. I don't necessarily feel that was my "lowest day", and believe me I'm so very thankful to be sober, but I feel like its time for me to do more to be happy. Forgiveness has a lot to do with it, I believe. Time for some counseling/life coaching maybe. :-)

And enuf self pity.

Much more importantly:

Thank you ladies for the gift of 100 days. :h

Byrdie, Lav, Pav, Ava, JVo, Jane, NoSugar, LilB, Moss, Mamma, and all the fabulously delicious friends here that have shared their lives with us in this journey...I don't have the words to convey my love and gratitude. Tears run down my face as I type this but, unlike my tears from 100 days ago, they are joyful and thankful.

I am so grateful to have you all in my life!

Loads of love and hugs,
Mary

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Marylou,
Congratulations! So very proud and happy for you! I hope your mood improves throughout the day. I know emotions can be difficult. Hang in there and enjoy your day.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane I appreciate your honest emotion. It has helped me deal with some of my own. I feel that we are really getting into issues that have been at the root of much emotional conflict for many of us. That what we are doing here is extremely helpful. And you are a huge part of this process for me. Everyone contributing here is. Just seeing things from other perspectives has helped me tremendously. I am not the only one going through these things.
I too have watched someone die from alcoholism. It is an experience that really sticks with you. When I get weak and think about having a drink, I think about that. One of my daughter's clients decided to commit suicide by alcohol. We would go clean for him during the latter stages and of course the final clean. Something I won't forget.
have a great one ladies.
Ava I hope that you are better.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

A big fat hug and kisses and congratulations on your 100 days Mary, wow time flies. I felt like it was xmas when i hit 100 days, to actually realise that i could accomplish NOT drinking when i seemed to be pretty good AT drinking. We can all only do one day at a time and like you i feel there should be more, maybe a dancing parade or something but alas its another day but always a day to be grateful for getting al out of our lives.

Remember Mary its still early days but the more days we get the further we are away from al and thats damn good thing.

So proud of you xxxxx

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav posted about Sarah Allan Benton, author of Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic in NN. Here are highlights from the book:

This is soooooo me:

Perfectionist • Overachiever • Good student • People pleaser • Need for other's approval • Fear of other's opinions • Motivated by praise • Belief that doing well will lead to positive feelings of self • Ability to hide true feelings • High standards of personal achievement • An innate ability to manipulate other's perceptions

Wow, hit the nail right on the head! All except for the last one, I think...

And this...

Often, through failed attempts at controlling drinking, HFAs are led to their bottom, which can be defined as "the place an alcoholic must reach before he or she finally is ready to admit that he or she has a problem and reaches out for help."1 It often takes repeated defeat in controlling drinking for an individual to chip away at his or her denial enough to see that he or she is alcoholic.

and...

To high-functioning alcoholics (HFAs), controlled drinking appears to be a solution to the problems they experience when they drink too much. If they could drink moderately, then they could have alcohol in their lives without suffering the consequences of excessive drinking. Control is the glimmer of hope that enables their infatuation with alcohol to continue.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

MaryLou, you made it to 100 days with some big stresses along the way. Congratulations!

I like to be actively working on things so in some ways, attaining a goal can be kind of a let-down. That is perhaps why I had a sort of down, what's the point of anything, funk at ~ 4 months. Could you be experiencing some of that? Once something is part of normal life, the positive feelings of accomplishment, the frequent notes of praise and encouragement from people here, even the daily struggles that keep you actively involved in the process are fewer and fewer. The adrenaline hits and endorphin releases of the early days are gone and things are kind of blah... It is weird how even negative stresses can in some ways be addictive. You see that in people who continually create chaos -- they seem to thrive on it. It is hard sometimes to accept and be content with a calmer, AF life.

Being involved with you guys and being part of the excitement when you reach various milestones helps keep the process interesting and exciting for me. Celebrating yours reminds me of my own and how valuable and worth protecting they are. Celebrating those of people ahead of me reminds me that I have more goals to attain even though it now feels more like a long, slow, jog rather than running hurdles, like it used to. Its not nearly as exciting but its easier to appreciate everything else that is going on around me.

The other thing is, the freedom from the daily struggle provides the mental space to deal with all of the issues that have been being discussed on the last few pages of this thread. This is where true healing begins, I think.

Thanks to all of you, NS

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1656433 wrote:

Perfectionist ? Overachiever ? Good student ? People pleaser ? Need for other's approval ? Fear of other's opinions ? Motivated by praise ? Belief that doing well will lead to positive feelings of self ? Ability to hide true feelings ? High standards of personal achievement ? An innate ability to manipulate other's perceptions

Wow, hit the nail right on the head! All except for the last one, I think...

Oh, good grief, another book that it sounds like I should read since it sounds like I wrote it. I missed that post in the NN so thanks for bringing it here, j-vo. I'll head over there and see what Pav had to say.

I'm afraid that because I was particularly good at the last one I was able to hide the extent of my problem so well. Living a lie was truly the worst part of all of this for me.

xx

[DreamThinkDo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Marylou, congrats on 100 days!

[giraffe1234]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Mary-Lou, I am happy for you!
congratulations and well done.
xxx

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Mary-Lou - so very happy for you and so very proud!!

I have not been feeling good this week - chose to ignore it, because I was "doing" good. I have been dizzy, some strange pains, bit of a rash - but I am a nurse, like many of us here in caring professions - pull up the boot straps and keep on going. I went to urgent care on Wed but decided everyone waiting was worse than me, so left (thought - another of those feeling that i am not as important situations) - still not feeling good so managed to get into my Dr and good god, I have shingles!!! I don't just not feel good - I am not well So on meds and feeling bit sorry for myself - and realizing that I am under a ton of stress and a bit run down....

enough about me - so glad you are all here, my lifeline - and so many good discussions this week....:l

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Shingles is stress induced (physical/emotional) isn't it?
Painful too so I've heard. Hope you're off sick, you obviously need a rest :l

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL,
My mother-in-law just got over a bout of shingles. She's doing much better. It's a virus, so you have to let it run its course. Take good care of yourself. I'm glad you found out what the problem was, but feel bad you have to go through that. My aunt also had it. It was up around her eye and very irritating. Will you be able to get some time off work?

NS, that was a great post to Marylou. I'm gonna add that I know now I must be going through that initial high and happiness. I also feel as though I want to be connected and stay connected because I don't want my thoughts to stray. We can, at any point, in our sobriety stray and those al thoughts conveniently plop themselves down in our brains without our noticing until, BAM! They say, Hey, what's up! I'm here!" But I also see the benefit of sharing each and everyone of our journey's. We're all in different places on this journey and we can learn about each point from one another. It may not be the exact same, but that's ok. Like NS said, sharing those milestones is great. Helping people get back up, or encouraging others and receiving it is so comforting.

I'm sitting in the eye doc's office waiting for the drops to take effect. Haven't been to the eye doc in over three years. Not much has changed, and that's good. So got my mammo, gyn exam, eye, dental. What's next? Oh, my head doc!! That's actually just my GP. He checks on me every three months to make sure I'm ok. Gettin her done here! And it's Friday. Hope everyone has a great night, and take care of yourself SL.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks Ladies - no time off work, can't afford it...
j-vo, luckily not my eye!

Some good news - just found out that at long last my divorce is filed, so should be officially done by end of year - do hope, it has dragged on. Little bitter sweet mind you - little tearful today.

j-vo - i had booked my annual for later this month, got teeth done, got to make eye appt next - interesting how much we let go isn't it!

[Marylou123]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Loamers,

Feeling much better now - thank you for all you fabulous we'll wishes. NS - I so agree.

I did eye doc last week - we're all on a roll. Also did dermatologist for the first time in my life!

SL - so sorry about the shingles. I remember my divorce as bittersweet too - end of one chapter and beginning of another.

Have a lovely weekend all.