Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning Loamers,

Welcome home, Kailey!!!!! So glad you've decided to join us here. We're on the same mission as you are and we get her done!!! I'm glad you've taken the choice off the table as our dear Byrdie tells us to do. No more wasted time. What's in your toolbox? Tell us a little bit so we can know your path and support you along the way.

Daisy, how are you today?

Ava, I'd say you get the mom of the year award. But then again, we'd do anything and everything for our children. It's a fine line where the enabling may start and some people just can't see it or don't want to.

Jane, forgive me, but I haven't read your post just yet. I will read it later and respond.

Dottie, that's a tough thing you're doing. I haven't had the same experience. I was in a few different houses growing up and one in particular I loved. It's in my dreams from time to time, and guess what! DH and I bought a house very similar to it. So the memories will never leave you. Hugs xxxooo

LB, having good conversations with DH! How great that is. You sound in a great place right now. Now, the punching bag sounds inviting. Whose pic is gonna be on that bag? Just kidding!

Getting ready for a walk for cystic fibrosis. A friend's daughter has this disease. She has to do treatments daily and requires a lot of medication to stay healthy. She's 12 years old. I hope it's a great turn out for them. Will read and catch up later this evening. Have a great day!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Kailey;1662257 wrote: Good morning. I am determined to get back on track and start racking up the AF days. I know that posting every day is a powerful tool, so even though I'm rather tongue tied at the moment, I'm putting this out there as a starting point. I'm done drinking. The decision is made I won't let it occupy any more of my time. All that brain chatter figuring out when I can drink, what I can drink , how much I will drink.... a waste of time. I don't drink. Period. I respect all of you on this thread and hope to find a home here. Daisy, I am so excited to see you doing so well. I'm going to grab on your coat tails!

It is great to see you here again, Kailey :l. For me, joining MWO was a turning point. Since I knew I would never voluntarily go public with my problem, programs such as AA did not even seem like an option. Because I had had some success on my own but repeatedly FAILED, I was feeling pretty desperate. So, when I joined I kind of felt like this was my LAST CHANCE. In retrospect, I realize that was probably not true but in many ways, I'm glad I was that scared because it helped me make an absolute commitment to doing whatever it took here to get rid of that beast that was ruining my mife.

Getting to know some people, opening up, and asking questions helped so much. Supporting others made a huge difference because when I wrote to them, I was making what I said more and more my reality.

I also started caring what others here thought of NoSugar That seemed kind of crazy on an anonymous forum but I had to face it: NoSugar is a PEOPLE PLEASER!!

Now, I know that that is part of what got me into trouble in the first place but the more I think about it --- caring what people think is a good thing if what those people value is what you want to be. I'm glad I no longer care what people think about superficial things but I don't want people to think I'm a hypocrite, or sneaky, or a liar, or... a drinker. Live up to the expectations of others when those are the same expectations you want to have of yourself! We need that external support when we've let ourselves down so many times that our self-worth is no longer strong enough to give us the support we need.

I hope you can make re-joining this thread your turning point, Kailey! Let it be that thing that finally sets you free. It requires time and effort and taking risks. Once you acknowlege that you're on a mission to do this, you'll find that people here will try to help you stick to that -- sometimes it might look like stalking or harrassing or being too tough. Please know that we are only trying to help you stick to your goal and to do so, pulling out every trick we've seen work. NoSugar is braver than I am and risks making people angry or not like her when she says things she believes but knows they may not want to hear. I am a conflict-avoider in my real life although my experience here is making me stronger.

The more you let us know you, the more we'll be able to help you in the way that works best for you.

I personally needed some really straight talk and being called out on my BS. Some people are turned off by that. I needed to learn the biology and science of addiction. For others, that is just background noise that clouds the issue.

I truly hope you can find what you need here, Kailey. I just wrote to Kuya last night (the very tough but loving person who helped me face and deal with aspects of my personality that led me to the desperate place I had found myself) that almost 16 months later, I can't believe what a big deal this didn't turn out to be. In some ways it almost makes me mad because I see now that I could have done it at any time. I hope you let this be your time. Because being free is a very big deal and worth whatever it takes.

xx, NS

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow. Just wow. I'm floored by the welcome back. Thank you so much. You are very, very kind and generous people. There is no turning back for me. This is it and I will commit to posting my heart out here. Just one question. What's a loamer?

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ladies On A Mission - er .

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Kailey, let's get this going; I am hanging on every word of those that have made it anywhere past 6 days, 2 months, a year.......everyone has something to give to help us on the journey; relief to know we are not alone, that what we feel at any stage has been experienced by them along the way, and most of all, hope and the proof that it can be done.
I got a good kick up the arse last week (in a good way) with posts that certain members here took their time and effort to write out in order to help _ for that I am so grateful.......
NoSugar, another great post from you - helping me today.....thanks.
Hi J-vo; sober and feeling good - getting sleep after only a few dodgy nights, which is great......
Just keeping sobriety as priority and small bonuses coming along with that.....
Today I am painting. backdrop for a show in 3 weeks time.....well, would be if I get off this ipad, lol.......catch you all laters....have a great day!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning, all:

Kailey - welcome back to MWO and to the last first sober day! As Jane says, a win here for one is a win for all, and we're here to help each other. I get what you say about mind chatter. When I finally committed to not drinking again it really did stop for the most part. I still get the odd "wouldn't one be nice" thoughts, but they are easy to push away with gratitude (see Lav's posts) and thinking through the drink - one would never be enough. Maybe for a night or even maybe a month, but in the long run I know I'd end up back where I was without much effort.

NS - Another masterpiece. It was the people pleaser in me that kept me on the straight and narrow at first. Remember my drinking dreams were all about the shame of having to come here and confess? That and telling my counselor.

Jane: Re: your long post (stop reading if you don't want advice!) I agree with everyone - just say no. If MJ wants to drive up and enable that behavior, you don't have to play a part. You don't even have to stay in your garage for 15 minutes! That poor girl sounds like a mess, too. I'm wondering if your school has an anonymous tip line? Maybe you could connect with her parents and let them know what is happening? It sounds like she needs a lot of help, too. Hope you're feeling better...

LB - Glad you and DH seem to be on the same page.

J-Vo - Have a great walk. Cystic fibrosis is such an awful disease. What a great way to spend a Sunday.

SL - When are you back? Hope your travels went ok.

Dottie - Sorry about your house - I really do understand how hard it must be. I am nostalgic anyway at this time of my life, and houses like that are filled with so many memories. The important thing is to remember that the memories are there anyway - not contained in the stuff but in your head and heart. I wish you strength through this hard time!

Rox - Hope you're ok.

Ava - The doc again? Brutal! You really have been sick for so long. Your blow job comment is hilarious.

Nar - What's going on up there?

My dinner last night with the ladies was fun. I had that awkward moment the third time I was offered a drink and someone said "are you on the wagon?" I replied, "I haven't had a drink in five months!" At least I didn't say 168 days... People first said "you look so great," and then wanted to know why I wasn't drinking. I said that I get depressed over the Christmas holidays and wanted to see if quitting drinking would help and when it did, I just kept going. I wouldn't have been convinced. Later a friend asked me if it was hard. I had a long pause (I wanted to tell her the truth but decide not there). I said "from time to time." She said (a very moderate drinker), "yeah, I was thinking about being pregnant and how easy it was..." Anyway - that was it and then I had a great time. Lots of laughing. They're not my best friends, but very good people.

One thing - it really took all of my strength to get out of my house and go to the party. I have been feeling a little disoriented on the weekends sometimes, and sort of sad/depressed feeling. I have always known I thrive on schedule and order, so maybe my kids getting older and not needing me as much has meant more free time. Of course there is plenty to do around the house, but I haven't been motivated to do that. I guess I drank through these feelings before, and now I have to figure them out. I decided last night that I couldn't wallow on the couch and forced myself to go with the understanding that I could leave any time. I stayed for 3.5 hours and had fun!

Happy Sober Sunday, Loamers!

xo
Pav

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, way to go! Glad you had fun with your friends and didn't drink.

Jane- whoa! What a story! Hang in there girl, that kid sounds like he needs a talk with MJ.

J-Vo xo

Hey, I'll post later!

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I'm still hanging around, plodding along.

Soooo many people here my brain doesn't compute sorry!

[giraffe1234]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just for the record, "others here" think NoSugar is awesome.
xox

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just a quick check in to say I finally feel like I've got my head on straight. It's early Sunday afternoon. This is generally the time that I decide I might as well go get a bottle of wine since (even though it's a work night) it's the weekend. And Mondays are such a better day to quit.

Nope, not this time. My quit day was on a Sunday. May 18, 2014.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS, that was a great post!

Daisy, you're so right. Everyone has something to give. We're all different, we each have different ideas, and what might not help one might help another. Being aware of our differences and celebrating them is what's important. But our goal is the same. And we will get there together. Each individual win is a group win...that should be our motto!!!

Jane, what a story. And I'll agree with Ava's advice. Let DH aka MJ handle his son with his ex. I know it has to be hard, as he lives with you. Although MJ should handle him, there are rules he should abide by in your house and as long as he lives under your roof, he needs to be aware of what is ok and not ok. If he's not ok with that, then he can support himself somewhere else. It has to be MJ who tells him this, though. It has to come from him. MJ has to respect your thoughts on this as well. You two are a unit, and have to support each other. You two have to be a united front in A1's eyes, because he'll continue to do whatever the hell he chooses.

Hi Nar!!! How was the weekend?

Hi Roxy!

Walk went well. Now I must get some concession work done and prepare for tomorrow. Have a great night ladies.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Giraffe, yes we do think she's awesome!

Kailey, your head is in the right place for sure. Sunday afternoons were all about having drinks way before dinner. Then I"d be in bed at 7:30 thinking that the extra sleep would make me feel fine on Monday. Soooooo wrong. I felt like crap on Monday regardless of the extra sleep I got. It wasn't good sleep anyhow. It was restless sleep, waking up to drink loads of water, trying to fall back to sleep, and then the anxiety. So glad you're quit date stands at May 18th!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

quick hello loamers but you know where that leads!

Welcome Kailey and Daisy, hang onto each other and take this journey with each other. I am totally blessed that Pav and I stopped around the same date and we have gone through our many ups and downs together and have been able to talke on here about how we have felt along the way. Now we are both in a great place coming up to 6 months (170 days today, not that i count either Pav) and it sooooooo helps. i would be unsure about posting how i felt and then what do you know, Pav posts exactly how i was feeling. Its nice to know we are not alone and we all received wonderful advice on this rollercoaster ride. Keep it up girls.

Pav i went to the drs to talk about giving up smoking. I have a plan for the 1st June and i did ask him for a donation to put me on a deserted island for a couple of months but we decided on some tablets called Champix which apparently stop the addictive part of your brain from wanting a smoke. So i will go and get the tabs and start taking them as apparently you take them for a couple of weeks before you give up smoking. Beware of the bitch from hell but i am hoping that they work and of course im addicted but i have a plan and dont want to smoke anymore. i can think of 100 things better to spend my money on.

Rox glad to see you popping in, hope all is well in your part of the world.

NS i love you, what more can i say. You can be my sandra bullock on occasions but you are a woman i admire and will always ask for advice, if you dont make me think before i even ask.

Well i have 2 minutes left before i venture into Monday and life as i know it. I love dealing with peak hour and the village idiots at work as i call them.

Have a great day everyone, there is nothing like waking up sober every morning and not dreading the day ahead.

xxxx

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks for all the kind words, Loamers :l. When we're really fired up about something, it is easier to just get it out there. And I was stoked to see a post from Kailey on this thread!

I've seen your posts, Kailey, and I think you're so close to truly becoming a non-drinker. I think the way to do that is act like one and the easiest way to do that is hang around with non-drinkers who talk/gloat about it all the time. Who are excited about sober living and are glad to be making this choice. Who don't feel deprived - we have received/earned the greatest gift!

If you read back in this thread, you'll see that it isn't sunshine and roses all the time by a long shot. All the stuff of real life keeps happening and we have to deal with it. But at least now we can. The ideas and support offered help me stay on track and each person's success helps renew my commitment. Like Jane said, each individual win affects everyone else. Psychologists say that in the real world, things like divorce and becoming overweight can be contagious in the sense that they can move through a group of close friends. We are a social species and there is such a drive to "belong" at work in our subconscious. Well, I'm convinced the same thing happens here and we can use it to our advantage - recovery is contagious!

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks everyone. We spend the day at the house and I got a few things done. Weeds are gone but I need to get some mulch and even up the beds in front. Some more things inside the house and new shutters on the front since the wind blew one away. Many things to keep me busy.
Gym tomorrow to work off my frustrations and keep my mind sharp.
You all are right that the memories will never leave and I have many picture albums full of them just in case I forget...