Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

MAE:

J-Vo - more words of wisdom - Be here and be honest. None of us are safe be it 15 days or 15 years.

Back when I was lurking I remember NoSugar started a thread asking longer term abstainers who had "slipped" or gone back to drinking for one day or one year what happened. I am not sure how to dig up an old thread but maybe you do, NS? It was great to read what people said happened. I remember for several people it was allowing that first "why not just one" thought into their heads - that is where a relapse is conceived, and that tricky Mr. AL nurtures that thought until one day you say "why not?" That reminds me of a post from Overit44 - I actually think I know where to find that one. Be right back...

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Here it is: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ect-78410.html

Maybe some more stories will get added. I think they are invaluable and really appreciate the people who are willing to share.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

OK - here it is - the "pink cloud" effect:

The “pink cloud” is best described as a period of time where the addict or alcoholic experiences a reprieve from the struggles associated with early recovery. These struggles are generally associated with the feelings of depression, anger, resentment, self pity and the realization of where their drug addiction or alcoholism has taken them.

Upon experiencing this phenomenon for the first time, the addict or alcoholic is understandably excited. They begin to believe they now “hold the key” to their recovery. This is where the seed for relapse is planted. They begin to believe more in themselves than in the process they have been following. Without the pain as a daily reminder, they tend to forget about what it took for them to embrace recovery. Denial rears its ugly head and they minimize how devastating their drug addiction and alcoholism really was and that they have a disease of drug addiction and alcoholism that requires attention on a daily basis. Relapse prevention becomes an afterthought as the person becomes defiant and rebellious regarding suggestions contrary to their desires. Without resorting to drugs or alcohol, the individual in recovery is one step away from relapse. Remember, relapse is not an event, it is a process.

That is the rub - from where we are now, this problem DOES require daily attention. That doesn't mean that we have to walk around with the Big Book in our hands, but that we have to live our days with the intention of sobriety - we can't just hope it, we have to make it work. If part of making it work is slipping over Christmas and readjusting the plan (great suggestions, J-Vo), then so be it. I am writing this all for myself (at only 26 days) as well as for you all.

Anyway, Kradle I concur with you about J-Vo's elegance and honesty. She's the reason I am here posting on this thread. I hope your tears are good cleansing ones - I have read much of your journey and admire your strength.

I feel like I'm rambling again. Hope everyone is tucked in safe and sober. Available - I REALLY want you to get that cleaning fever when you're visiting me - I don't catch it often enough. I think you should come clean with your SiL. It seems that if anyone would understand your need for sobriety it would be her. Maybe she'll be fearful at first - to be losing her drinking buddy - but I hope she'll understand.

OK, now I know I AM rambling again. Good night, sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Xpost, NS. I knew you'd find that - thanks for sharing. I really resonate with the way you approach your sobriety - always asking questions and looking for more information. It helps me so much.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow, ladies- Pav, NS, J-Vo, iiclem, Kradle, your posts are so good to read. The relapse thread by NS is awesome and the 'Pink Cloud' post.
Thank you for this info. It is very helpful.
I can so relate to this. Yes, thank you J-Vo, time to readjust my plan and continue on my AF path.
Talk tomorrow,

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1603806 wrote: Ava, very sorry about your brother. That had to be heart breaking for you and family.:l
How long ago was this? So your SIL is coming? How long will she stay? Will that be hard on you? And for now, I won't go to places that remind me of Al, even if every place has Al, I will avoid it when I don't want to think about it. Sometimes it feels like rubbing salt on an open wound when we try to early to go places and be ok with it. Why put ourselves through that if it's not necessary.

Jvo it was sad about my brother and i probably only really realise this now that i have admitted i am an alcoholic. Me, i am a functioning alcoholic, had a family, job, house, to everyone i was fine. My brother died 6 years ago. He actually went into rehab for a week to finally give up al and when he came out he became demented and then his organs all shut down and he was dead within 3 weeks. He was not a good alcoholic, are any of us, but he stole from us, he lied, used us, beat up his girlfriends, told my father something i had told him in confidence that made my father not speak to me for the past 20+ years. My mother had to cut him off due to drunken rants and abuse, it devastated her when he died as she had not really seen him for ten years. Me, i was angry, i loved him, why did he do what he did to me, i wanted him to come out of his coma and say sorry for what he did. He never did wake up. Now i feel so sorry for him, do i wish i had done more? No, i could do no more as ultimately i realise that he wanted to want help and to help himself, he did not do that, he could not pull himself out of the al pit. I thank god that i finally made that decision sooner rather than later.

My SIL will be here next Friday and not staying at mine but she so wants to see me. She is bringing a friend of hers who is a chronic alkie, worse than i was i think. As Lav said I will tell her i am NOT drinking and take some soft drink. I really want to see her. Its funny but i seen her in August before i gave up drinking and of course we got shattered. I even got up and walked away as she was viciously abusing her partner (he was not around) and even in my oblivion i remembered how bitter she sounded. Now she tells me she does not drink that much anymore but her daughter has told me different.

Well the good news is i did no housework today, way too hot and i have a bug of some sort where i feel like crap.

thanks for the thread NS i know i became complacent at the 40 day mark so it will be an interesting read for sure but ODAT and just keeping away from al helps me. Im getting lots of invites for NY's but telling white lies that i am spending it with my kids, i cant go out plain and simple.

glad to see everyone is doing well. Its great how the posts change all the time, never a dull moment conversation wise and always inspiring and makes me think.

Hope i didnt ramble too much, take care everyone xx

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Narilly... Just a thought but maybe download some of those "gotta stop drinking books" books on amazon? I have some on my phone and can read a page or two whenever I need/want to. Helpful to me.
I would count 55+1 if I were u. To help u not to loose spirit.

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Narilly and all,
I can't sleep, it's 12:45. Just read Rumi on the thread NS posted. There are several quotes in the post, but the one that caught my eye for you and all of us who struggle was #6. I hope it's okay to repost this here. That thread on relapse has got me thinking hard about staying sober. These guys had years under their belts. I have to remain vigilant and not think that I can moderate. I know I can't.

NoSugar;1537685 wrote:

:h NS


1. Challenge Fear

"Run from what?s comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious."

2. Be Bold

"Do not be satisfied with the stories that come before you. Unfold your own myth."

3. Have Gratitude

"Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life."

4. Take Action

"Why should I stay at the bottom of a well, when a strong rope is in my hand?"

5. Have Faith

"As you start to walk out on the way, the way appears."

6. Embrace Setbacks

"If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?"

7. Look Inside

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

8. Learn From Suffering

"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."

9. Don't Be Concerned With What Others Think Of You

"I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think."

10. Do What You Love

"Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love."

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi sweet ladies.

I am so sorry to say this, but I have had a terrible relapse. I drank a little bit on Christmas Eve and a little on Christmas Day. The day after Christmas, I got terribly drunk, went out in public and almost got arrested. This was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I am so sick over the whole thing. I was so hungover yesterday that I could not even go to work (and I usually don't have hangovers). I have humiliated myself and my family. This madness has got to stop. I don't know what else to say, except to ask you all to stay sober. Don't risk drinking again. It is not worth it. I love you all.

xoxo Star

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Star!

As you may have read from my posts, I had a similar situation that I am calling the Thanksgiving Massacre. My hangover was so bad I almost had my DH take me to the emergency (psych) ward because of anxiety. I missed a day of work, too.

The silver lining was - it cemented the fact for me that I can't drink. Not one, not ever. Once that choice was off the table, not drinking has become so much more enjoyable. It is almost like antabuse for me because even a fleeting thought of drinking and I remember that weekend and can easily say no. There is no drink in the world that would be worth having to have that feeling again! I am actually so much more at peace with being sober now.

I'm glad you came back and posted. Read what Humble posted above - some of us (myself included) are so stubborn that we get a lot of polishing! Think how shiny you'll be, Star. :l

Hi to all you other ladies and gent, and Happy Saturday. There is a bad drought here in Northern California, but that makes for some great winter hiking (even if we'll be flushing toilets with bath water soon). I'm off to convert some vitamin D and get the blood flowing with some great friends. I'll check in later.

Thanks for being yourselves, amazing ladies (and G).

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Star. I am so sorry to hear it. That could have been me, for sure. I too would probably start out slowly and end up a train wreck. You know the drill here, keep reading and posting for best results. Lots of support and positive thoughts headed your way. Take good care of yourself as you recuperate from this derailment. Hugs.

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you, so much, Pav and Humble!
I certainly never intend to drink again. Not one, not ever. As awful and painful the memory (what little of it I have) of this episode is, I hope I can use it as a tool for the rest of my life. I just want to crawl in a hole right now. Thank you all for your support.

P.S. You know, I realize I have a terrible disease, and with the way I feel about myself, I really don't care how much damage I do to myself. I just wish I didn't have to hurt the ones I love so much. Take care ladies and keep up the great work!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Starfish1;1604007 wrote: Hi sweet ladies.

I am so sorry to say this, but I have had a terrible relapse. I drank a little bit on Christmas Eve and a little on Christmas Day. The day after Christmas, I got terribly drunk, went out in public and almost got arrested. This was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I am so sick over the whole thing. I was so hungover yesterday that I could not even go to work (and I usually don't have hangovers). I have humiliated myself and my family. This madness has got to stop. I don't know what else to say, except to ask you all to stay sober. Don't risk drinking again. It is not worth it. I love you all.

xoxo Star

Star, Please let this be your rock bottom. Drinking just can no longer be an option for you. I'm so afraid that if you push this any further, you might no longer be the one deciding your fate.

Remember when I first joined and wrote to you asking you about your relapse after several years? You said it was good for you to explain it to me and I benefited from what you told me. Would you consider telling that story and maybe the next one in that https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ml#post1537685 thread? Those stories can help others but most of all, it might help you to organize your thoughts and tell your story.

Also, one thing I wish I had done was write down in excruciating detail how you feel right now. This can be a public post or a private thing for you to read in the future once you forget how awful you feel right now. And you will. Our brains are programmed to blur the sharp edges and forget some things entirely - how else would we survive? You need irrefutable documentation of what you have done and the fall out you're living with now. I did not do what I am suggesting and I wish I had.

Please post every day, Star. You know it works. You told me it would work and it did.

You can do it, Star, and we can help but only if you give us the chance before you drink, not just after.

:h NS

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Starfish1;1604021 wrote: You know, I realize I have a terrible disease, and with the way I feel about myself, I really don't care how much damage I do to myself. I just wish I didn't have to hurt the ones I love so much. Take care ladies and keep up the great work!

For a little while, please just take our word for it that you are worth loving and caring for. Treat yourself like you would have treated one of your daughters when they were little and depended on you for everything. You are sick right now and need to heal - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. All of this will look different after you've been free of poison long enough and your head has cleared. Tell yourself the positive, affirming things you've told people on this board over and over. You are worthy of health and love and peace.

As much as possible, concentrate on the present and the future; what happened is over and the only way it can have served a good purpose is for it to be the springboard into your final AF life (just keep your document that tells the whole story for when you need it in the future).

Pretend you're talking to one of us when you talk to yourself, OK? We are all the same.

Love, NS

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you, NS