Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LC, I loved "Lit" by Mary Carr. She's an excellent writer. You'll love it. And good for you for distracting yourself. You did it and you can do it again and again.

Jane, I know we'll all get our own pool boy in time. That's something to look forward to!

Ava, I am trying to imagine how much space 402 bottles of wine takes up. I bet lots! Wow. I watched a few of the "Mom" episodes. Very cute show. Have fun with your pool boy!!!!!

NS, you're so right. I would have been so much worse had I said f-it and drank. I'm glad i said "f-it" and posted about it. We're not going to figure out what causes each of our moods, or maybe we will. But what's important is not acting on them, not turning to the bottle. Taking a tantrum would suffice. And I'm damn good at that! Family issues...Ava said something that I agree with. We can't control them, and why the hell would we want to? I can't control what they do or say, so I need to let it go, love them as they are, and that's it. That's all I have in my power.

Moss, a fiber addict!!!!! Shit, I thought I ran of things to become addicted to. Now I feel right at home. RELIEF! And it's funny you said it feels like meditation as I said that to my aunt last night. I feel like I'm focusing on that particular stitch and not thinking of anything else. It's kind of cool. I actually decided to try croqueting as I was spending too much time on my iPad. From one addiction to another. Oh...I'm so good at becoming addicted to things.

SL, Nar, Frances, Wag, Giraffe, Roxy, Pav, Kailey, Patrice, Daisy!!!!!!!!! Hi!!!!!

Have a great night ladies.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ladies I'm very busy right now with my work. We are still try I to finish that d#$@&d rental house plus my business is Gavin a little growth spurt. I will try and catch up tomorrow.
congratulations Ava 200 days.
Hang in a there J-vo. In the words of Pinecone.
posting on phone. Sorry for typos.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB - Didn't mention you in the above post. I saw on Spirit's thread that you are grateful for your husband - so happy to hear that one. xo

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

good MAE, Ladies!
I'm so happy to be back in such great company! I woke up at 5:13 this morning from a deep sleep, so relieved that I didn't have to try and get through a first day again. I am a bit discouraged that I have to fight through these early days again--but I did bring it on myself, didn't I? And I feel hopeful after hearing the Bubble Hour podcast yesterday. I am more knowledgeable than I was the first time I tried to quit and I have some tricks up my sleeves and some memory of how to get through the urges--and I have all of you lovelies and your experiences to reflect on and try out for myself. Plus your loving support. This morning I feel truly grateful to be back on the right track.
Work is often difficult for me because we always have bottles of wine in the kitchen and I'm often alone for half an hour in the mornings. Yesterday I noticed an open bottle of wine in the fridge and there's a huge tupperware container of some weird vodka drink in another fridge. Yesterday I was struggling with thoughts of today and how I would NOT drink any of it. Today I am sure I won't. And I'm going to dump the nasty vodka poison.

NS, sorry to hear about your computer troubles yesterday. It's bad enough when you can't get on to MWO or stream films! But when you rely on it for your work, I can only imagine how frustrating that must be. What you wrote to J-vo regarding the blahs was great--I always forget that sometimes the blahs are just the blahs.

Jane, I can really relate to what you wrote. I am an all or nothing and am uncomfortable with the middle ground, the pale shade of blue. That is something I would really like to work on changing. I'd always thought one had to have the real lows to appreciate the real highs, but after doing this med course, I don't believe that to be true. I think it is possible for each and everyone of us to be truly happy. I felt that for 10 days. A happiness I have rarely felt--a solid, believable contentedness in just being. My problem is always integrating the meditation into my every day life. And of course, when one is drinking it doesn't work at all. I am also someone who has to struggle to leave the house. Once I'm out, like you said, it's usually alright---but getting out is a mental fight. I had to laugh about your cat in the water analogy. Last summer when it was really hot, the girls and I filled the bathtub half full in the mornings and jumped in whenever we were too warm. We got the idea to give the cats some relief from the heat by throwing them in-- they were horrified! But after the initial shock seemed much more comfortable.

Pav, I did see that you called out to me.:h Thank you for that. I also saw that you lost someone dear to you, which I was very sorry to hear. And that you had lots of stress but lots of fun with the graduation at your school. You managed to do it all without the beast and I'm so happy for you. And proud of you. Slowly, but surely. day by day, you are becoming one of the old timers around here.

Off to work--big hugs to everyone. I'll probably be back on before most of you wake up!xo

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey all; just wrote on the Newbies Nest - had a busy day in the garden yesterday - everything since being AF is better!
Now, we all know this is down to being sober.....so why do I sabotage? Haven't done it but last night the thoughts that I would were strong.....I was not craving a drink through depression, sadness, I was not craving a drink there and then....I just looked and thought 'everything is good, sorted so much out, caught up on jobs, so wouldn't it be nice to have a get together and enjoy a few drinks, food and company'.
On reflection this morning, (I did not drink and didn't intend to there and then) I feel so differently......but, I have now a greater insight to myself.....self-sabotage.....why?
We know that the advice is to come here before that drink but when I look at how I was last night, I was so adamant in what I intended to do that I would not have come here because the decision was made and no amount of talking it over would have made a difference....
Now, I am not saying that my mind woulldn't be changed but that I was so intent that I was willing to forego that possibility by not posting......as it turns out, I feel back in the zone today but I need to be armed for the next time..... Hope this makes sense....

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

alcohol stimulates the reward receptors. job well done = reward = alcohol.

planning it for the next day. delayed gratification = anticipation of reward = heightened gratification.

one thing I will say, delaying it gives you a better chance of changing the reward to something other than alcohol.

when we have a craving, its what we do. change the reward. ice cream, out for a walk, a film. the go to for reward changes over time and we don't automatically think of al as a reward.

along with all the other tools obviously.......... thinking forward to how it really would be, its punishment not reward, self esteem through the floor for being 'weak', its not you that wants the al, all that stuff.

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Daisy! That is exactly what happened to me last time I decided to drink. I was feeling good, seriously had myself convinced that I could give it a go again. Just a drink or two, only once a week and no more. I wasn't posting here that time-- but there have been other times where I made up my mind, was adamant, and like you said, I didn't feel any amount of talking could change my mind. Or I was afraid it might change my mind so I didn't want to take the chance--because I knew I could handle it.
What stopped you last night? I am very happy you decided not to go there.
I hope someone with some more experience gives some insight because asking for "help" when you're feeling great seems more difficult than asking for it when you're down. Who thinks they need help when they're feeling great?

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

x-post Roxy. Already great advice. Delaying it would give one time to think it over or, like Daisy mentioned, we usually feel differently the next day anyway. What worries me is that this situation is often like the planting of a seed. So even if we don't act on the thought or impulse, we probably need to go back to being extra vigilant with our plans for not drinking. Back to the beginning.? I have never been successful with this--I have never noticed that a seed has been planted until it's too late--in hindsight, sure. But I would be very interested to hear the experiences of others.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LC so glad you are back, thought i would throw that out again. i think you do sub consciously notice that the seed has been planted with al. The thoughts are there constantly, you think about al but try and push it away but the the thoughts keep being a constant. You think you can deal with those thoughts but they become more constant until you give in. What i did in the early days is post like a bloody lunatic. If i gave voice to those thoughts they would win, if i spoke about them on here and did not run away then those thoughts receded. We always knew when we were going to drink as we ran away to our safe place where no one or anything could stop us. To be on here and accountable and honest with ourselves then half the battle is won. If we dont hit the nail on the head with regards to al when we feel we are losing control over our thoughts then al wins, it always will. Thus the reason of being called lunatic linda and im totally not ashamed about that tag i was given. Only now i dont have those thoughts do i think i can stay away from mwo but i know that i am not totally safe yet so being on here is the best option and damn its a great option to have.

Great post roxy and so very true of how our brain thinks. not very logical but with regards to al we are not logical at all.

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LC, im the same in that I want that drink NOW. I don't do delayed. but daisy does.

if the seed is planted as in planning the time to to buy it, that's a different thing. im not delaying to look forward to it, im delaying because I cant get it any sooner.

does that makes sense?

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I should be WORKING since my internet is but this is much more interesting and seems more relevant, really.

roxane;1673450 wrote: alcohol stimulates the reward receptors. job well done = reward = alcohol.
planning it for the next day. delayed gratification = anticipation of reward = heightened gratification.
one thing I will say, delaying it gives you a better chance of changing the reward to something other than alcohol..
What a great summary, Roxy! Needing immediate gratification seems to be a hallmark of the addict -- kind of like an immature kid. Learning to wait for an even greater reward is such an important part of all this. The thing is, that requires that our rational brain be functioning correctly.

lifechange;1673452 wrote:
asking for "help" when you're feeling seems more difficult than asking for it when you're down. Who thinks they need help when they're feeling great?

That is where I think daily (or more often) involvement comes in. If you get used to coming here each day and posting honestly about where your head is, you're going to be less likely to "trick" yourself which is what your alcoholic brain is doing to you when you convince yourself, despite tons of evidence to the contrary, that you now can handle a drink. Just like what happened to Daisy, what was really going on became clear when typed out.

Daisy, you've broken a pattern this time! You came and posted instead of listening to that voice that was trying to pull you back. That is great! Like LC said, though, it is important to be extra careful and committed now that you know the beast is awake. (Then you can go back to normal, baseline vigilance )

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good morning! Just have a quick minute before I have to hit the road for a two day trip. It strikes me how far I've come that a hotel room holds no terrors for me in terms of falling off the wagon. Easy Peasy. I will be getting home on Friday night, though, so I'll need to put a plan in place for that.

I'll read back later today when I have a moment, but I hope everyone is doing well.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Trying to catch up ladies. Jane I identify with you. I have a hard time convincing myself to get out of the house too.
The picture of cats being thrown into a bathtub is funny.
we should finish painting tonight and finish cleaning and rehabbing the blinds tomorrow so back to having evenings free. Well sort of.
have a great one ladies.

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yeah, that all really makes sense. It's about knowing that the al mind is trying to trick us into drinking and by being here very regularly we are more likely to catch it in the very early stages--I think I saw, but chose to ignore the signs, probably all the while subconsciously planning for the "event". I am going to be more honest with myself this time. Daisy, well done, once again. Roxy, I get what you're saying. It does make sense!!
From Lunatic Linda in the Nest to Daisy (and me!), "I did a lot of visualising of what i would be like if i drank, not what that glass would taste like. Trying looking at where you will be. pissed, hungover, ashamed, back to day 1, trying to start this cycle again, hating yourself, embarrassed." I like this idea of switching the focus of my visualisation and haven't yet mastered it.
NS, thanks for taking a break here from your work. I'm glad everything is up and running smoothly again. I sure did miss you.:l
Kailey, have a safe road trip! And a fun one!
hi LB!!

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all,
Sorry, so tired, lots of end of year school stuff and feel like I'm working round the clock!!
I really love the idea of visualizing took it's a really great tool..

I've rewarded myself for being 3 weeks af by booking a ticket to Cambodia for a week.. Yes thought a beach holiday would be too much temptation at this stage, so cultural holiday and fab food and cheap markets in Phnom Penh. Mmm not sure my son will love it quite so much but...that's ok
Hope you are all having a positive day
Xx
Pat