Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Aw,ta everyone.....I came on here just now feeling a bit blah, and wot do ye know? You lot put a smile on my face!
Away to the funeral today ( brother of my sister's hubby)....the service was just over when my nephew who was very sick overnight was taken to hospital.....acute appendicitis.....later we heard it perforated and he was going for surgery.....still waiting to hear how he is.....
Later my daughter and I packed up my car with stuff for a car boot sale in the morning......have to get up at 6am....
Scotlass, I think I will join you in that icecream tonight.....got to my first weight goal so feeling good....
Nar, congrats on 70 days!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Girls,
To tell you the truth, I just finished typing in NN and don't have the strength right now to read more and post. In a nutshell, I took my first antabuse pill as I was feeling quite shaky last night. I didn't want to blow my days as I know sometimes we're going to hit these rough patches. I felt like I needed to do that so I ensured I wouldn't screw up. My family issues have been bothering me lots lately, and to some degree, every person in my family has al issues. And all of them are drinking. I'm angry and feeling down. But I'm not going to drink. I just don't feel like my normal happy self, but wanted you all to know I was still alive and kicking without al. Love you all. Thanks for being here for me.

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo, hopefully things will look a bit brighter tomorrow - I also am surrounded by drinkers - drinkers in denial! I feel that for all of us here at MWO, we are lucky - because in order to have come here at all we are being real and at least seeing that there is a problem.....this applies to everyone, from those struggling to start, days, months, years behind them.....Most of the people surrounding me think they are ok - let's just say, I have my own opinion.....
It can be a bigger struggle with this around you but, you know, referring to 'recovery is contagious', hopefully some day we can sit back and be proud that we are doing right now may be what convinces someone else to give it a go...
If you need antabuse tonight, so what? Did you throw a couple of bottles of wine down your neck? No! It is merely another tool in your box and well done you for making the right choice! Hugs J-vo......

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey, J-vo. I have thought more than a time or two or three that Antabuse is the tool I need to make no drinking a certainty. I had some once and was too scared to use it. My husband was adamant that I shouldn't, so I finally threw it away. I think it's time for me, too.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

morning loamers, well a sunny day at the moment but wont last long and rain predicted for a week or more.

Kailey you can not drink, hard but possible. my son used to bring his mates around and drink, i felt like a little child missing out on something but i know at the end of the day that they could go home and not drink the next day whereas i would. It would not matter how drunk i got the night before i would still drink the next day. I would stare and stare at their al, most of which i did not even drink and wish and wish and wish i could but deep in my heart i knew that i could not. I could not go back to day 1 again, i could not put myself through the hell of giving up and that is what it is, hell! Why put myself through drinking and for what? it wasnt fun, it was habit, a filthy habit like smoking (which im still bloody doing). Thankfully i dont even worry now when his friends come over and drink, except for the bottle left all over the house, now that makes me cranky.

Wag, its lovely that i am excited about going to see mum. I was ruining the relationship and i know that now i can see without living in a haze of al. She is so sweet, she said to me yesterday that she wishes it was longer, i had not heard her say that for years. Makes me feel warm and squishy that i am back to the daughter i was 20+ years ago.

Pav, liam was going to counselling and was on ad's but is off them now. i keep a very close eye on my son. He has been my "trying" one over his 25 years with his ADD etc so i can normally see the signs and i am happy with his progress. his counsellor moved to another job but lives around the corner so he is always there he said if needed. Mind you last night i wanted to smash him into next week. how hard is it to get a lawn mowed? the grounds too wet, the grass is too high (really!), Tye can do it, he does nothing, i do more than him. God by the end of that diatribe i wanted a wine and of course my logic flew out the window after the first five minutes of this crap. I said if he does everything my bloody house should look like a show home not a brothel. So if it is not done today then no one is coming around and i am quite happy to tell whoever walks in the door to go home again. it will be done but damn why do men not get that if they just do as they are told, life is good. so after that long winded answer Pav, he is doing well and still alive, today anyways.

Daisy 40 days, wow that has gone so quick. Why did it seem that my days dragged along like my feet when going to work. Now they seem to fly by thank god and every sober day is a bonus for us. Congratulations lovely lady you deserve those days. Dont even think that you can moderate and you can do it. I found around 40 days that those thoughts came to the fore. I could be the only farking one to moderate successfully because i am special! Well of course that failed dismally so its nothing for us girls. I hope your nephew is ok and sounds like your weekend has been busy.

SL lovely to see you checking in. I remember buying myself an electric toothbrush for my 90 days and 2 new bras. Now i buy wool to knit with, damn wools expensive but keeps my hands busy.

LC happy anniversary. How is the step son going now? i remember you had issues with him before but it sounds like everything is sorted out now. You are sounding happy and determined girl, keep it up and up and up.

J we cant be happy all the time, if life was like that then it would be pretty damn boring. I am glad you took the AB though if you are feeling shaky. Do anything to not drink, you dont want to be at day 1 again, remember how that felt. Remember everything that happened while you were drinking, that makes me not want to lift a glass of al. You go on holidays soon so focus on your plans for that and put the family issues in a box for when you return. Your family problems are not going anywhere. I am sending you a big hug lovely and i am here if you need me. Listen to Daisy she made some great points and i dont want to sound like a broken record but use every single fucking tool you have to not drink. That is your priority in early recovery the rest you can deal with later.

Well i am going to do some washing and chill for the day, so much to do, so little motivation! I am into hot apple pies with custard at the moment. i wonder if i can have that for breakfast, oh no i bought some bacon and eggs so that is breaky for me today. the boys are excited about that.

Love you girls and its so good to wake up to read mwo in the mornings. xxxx

Ps: Hi Ginger and Pat, where are you Pat? Roxy girl what you up to? Hi Giraffe. Humble i hope you are doing fine. Hi Nar! Jane where are you? what are you doing? Miss your posts xx

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all, still here Ava!
Yay Daisy = 40
Yay Nar= 70
And you know I'm not talking age.. Wish I was because then I would be 25 today..
Good on you JVo for taking the Antabuse, as Daisy says, the more tools the better
It's hot and hazy here in Malaysia, not as bad as yesterday...Indonesia has started the twice yearly burning of native forests to make way for.... Palm oil!! The smoke travels all round SE Asia, it's yellow and acrid and makes me tired although the pollution index is half of what it is in Bejing on a normal day!
Have a great day
Xx
Pat

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

available;1674501 wrote: morning loamers, well a sunny day at the moment but wont last long and rain predicted for a week or more.

Kailey you can not drink, hard but possible.

Yes, thank you.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

daisy45;1674496 wrote: J-vo, hopefully things will look a bit brighter tomorrow - I also am surrounded by drinkers - drinkers in denial! I feel that for all of us here at MWO, we are lucky - because in order to have come here at all we are being real and at least seeing that there is a problem.....this applies to everyone, from those struggling to start, days, months, years behind them.....Most of the people surrounding me think they are ok - let's just say, I have my own opinion.....
It can be a bigger struggle with this around you but, you know, referring to 'recovery is contagious', hopefully some day we can sit back and be proud that we are doing right now may be what convinces someone else to give it a go...
If you need antabuse tonight, so what? Did you throw a couple of bottles of wine down your neck? No! It is merely another tool in your box and well done you for making the right choice! Hugs J-vo......

I just posted in NN about this. My younger sister has the severe al problems, was in rehab a few years ago, and my parents sent her and DH on a cruise when she got out to help their relationship! Yep. You guessed it. She drank the whole time. Now I love my parents, but this alcohol addiction thing they just don't get even though they both, in my opinion, have problems with it. My dad has quit on and off his whole life. Mom, she's a 3 wine glass a night give or take a 4th. Has been for years. But like I said above, and great advice is that i can't control them or what they do. We only have the power to do this for ourselves. IMHO that's enough damn work!!! And yes, I'll take the antabuse again if I feel wobbly like last night, but since I've been reading on here for the past few hours, I feel as though my attitude is getting the adjustment it needs. Thank you!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava,
Yep, I agree. Sometimes we need to play that tape from hell back in our heads of what we did daily to get our al, drink our al, poison our bodies, so we can appreciate where we are now. I'm gonna go back and read some of my journal just so I can feel a bit of that now. :l

To the rest of the Loameristas, have a great night.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Kailey,
I'm glad I didn't throw mine out. I'll keep it and pop one if I feel any bit of wobbliness.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo I am so sorry for the frustration you feel from your family. I empathise. And yes I agree. Just keeping ourselves on track is work enough. So many times I have wished that I could say just the right thing, or do just the right thing and it would be like a light bulb goes off in their head. But it's not like that. Beating addiction is a personal journey, God it sucks so bad to not be able to actually DO something. I know that frustration VERY VERY well. Keeping yourself sober by whatever means necessary is all we CAN do. And that day may come when they reach out for help and you have paved the way. I love you lady.:l
Ava I can send you brick if you like.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Two please LB, the boys are watching a movie now, i swear they are waiting for it to rain so they can say "its raining". Ready to kill my daughter also, today my children are driving me nuts. I refuse to be the guilty party anymore though and they find that hard to comprehend. My daughter is like "you are a bitch and i cant talk to you anymore, cya". I'm like okay, cya. now that really got on her nerves! Actually now i think of it, make it three please.

Hope you are doing ok, you have been very quiet lately. xx

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo, sorry for your mood - that is not fun. Anything we can do to help you? Sorry it is making you feel wobbly - don't let external factors spoil your achievement! Well done for coming here and reading to strengthen your resolve..
Ava - sounds uggy too....
Hang in there loamers...

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, All:

J-Vo - just answered you in the nest. Got a little rambling, but the gist is - GOOD on you for posting here and staying safe.

I had that same feeling Ava describes - looking at the drinks, absolutely knowing with certainty that I could not drink again, and yet feeling so frustrated that I couldn't. Like I was in a dream watching my life be what it couldn't possibly be - I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic. That's not me. That's someone else who doesn't have control over everything, who isn't perfect in most other ways (insert smiley face). I literally pinched myself a few times. That's where acceptance comes in. There is no use in my feeling "why me?" WTF? Who knows why me, but the facts are the facts. I can't drink. Period. So much easier to just accept that and get on with things. Oh, I could drink, but I couldn't drink and live the life I want to live - my kids, my job, hiking, traveling - it would all slowly go away. Believe me, this has not come easy. An the period between 4 months and now (almost 7) was a bitch. I read that this was true for a lot of people, and so I continued with my fake it path to sobriety - taking the leap of faith that all of these long term sober people were not lying to me, and that indeed, it would get better.

But here's the thing. No matter what a bitch it got to be, it was NOTHING compared with the hell that drinking had brought me to. Even if I was stuck in that anxiety, boredom and uncertainty, it was 1,000 times better than the pain, guilt, fear and remorse that alcohol brought.

Wow, I'm having a prolific Saturday Night.

Wondering where Jane is - has anyone heard from her???

Happy Sober Saturday, Ladies.

Pav

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava I am fine. I'm just working myself to death. I had 4 people decide to do remodeling projects in their homes so lost a bit of money as they all did it at the same time. Now I'm making up for that. Plus I have 2 new ones I'm trying to fit into my schedule. I'm juggling, and plus we've taken on side jobs....painting a rental house, air conditioning change out, well I'm busy. It comes in spurts when you work for yourself so you just hang on until the next slow period.
3 bricks it is.
I had a little down period. Just another transition. The protect you quit at any cost CAN be tough. I had to put my foot down and say no more with SD it was hard and it got cussed about it. But i had to stand up for myself. Being walked on and used has to stop at some point. The pointcame when she refused ccounseling and to pay rent. I said fine figure it out but not under the same roof as me. And I told hubby he was welcome to go with her. I am a Not Popular but who gives a shit. I don't. I am sad for her and hubby. And angry I was put into that situation.
The kindest, gentlest animal will eventually bite if backed into a corner and poked with a sharp stick often enough. And that's how I feel. Like a rogue animal coming out of a corner snapping and biting. It was not pretty. Trust me.