Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[frances]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

jVo congratulations on 90 days that is freaking amazing!! WOOHOO and keep on enjoying your wonderful vacation. Glad you're enjoying it sober - so much better truly, even if at times it feels like it's not - that's just that sneaky f-head and you are smart enough to know it! Funny about your SIL; you've just rocked her world a little and probably making her think a lot about herself too. I sometimes marvel at how much I drank in every situation anytime everytime whatever I was doing if I could drink, I would drink and there were plenty of folks right there with me. I haven't been on a vacation with others yet since I've stopped but I can bet there will be some confusion when I do!

Jane I am so sorry to hear you feeling so down and also guilty about not wanting to do something you feel like you should be doing because others want you to. NS had great thoughts on that. Have you talked to your hubs about how you feel? I'm wondering if you just said to him that you know he likes to be with the boys when they're there but that you need some space at times - he might completely understand? You might find that what you're worrying about isn't something he's worrying about. I could be off track there but that just crossed my mind. I really hope you feel beetter soon and so glad that you're not drinking!

Ava - it must be cold there if you don't want to take your clothes off for the shower! I absolutely hate being cold. Did you tell your 'friend' yet?- I'm assuming yes from your earlier post - hope it went okay and that he didn't get nasty. Sounds like he has a bit of an anger issue if he threw the remote like that. Good for you for knowing what you don't want and not spending any more time dealing with that.

NS - I think it was you who recommended Mans Search for Meaning on here...I am reading it now. I'm just about half way through and am at the part where he starts to introduce Logotherapy - I'm getting a lot out of it - thanks for the recommendation!

Hi Nar, Daisy, Ginger and everyone else! Hope you are having/had a good weekend. I had a good one. watched some good ball games (my kids) and the weather was just beautiful low 80s and low humidity. Not looking forward to going to work tomorrow but very happy that it will be a short week!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[
Congratulations, J-Vo!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey, Frances. I'm glad you are enjoying that book! Sometimes I reread the first part about his life in the camps. The second part is more academic but also is full of good things to think about. Now I'm reading The Big Fat Surprise (which I don't suppose surprises any of you ).

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Frances I really enjoyed that book too.
Jane I know how you feel about not wanting to be around them. Don't feel guilty about having time to yourself. :l
J-vo it really does sound like SIL is questioning her own drinking. Keep on having fun. Congratulations on 90 days. Yeah!
Ginger good to see you.
Ava I'm glad you are so strong. You sure don't need negativity in your life. :goodjob:

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-Vo, way to go! 90 days, Yahoo! Dr kelly says that the brain takes about 90 days to start healing. Let us know how your brain feels tomorrow!
I am so proud of you not drinking on your holiday, what a role model you are.

Jane, I agree with Frances. It might make a difference if you talk to your hubs. Sorry you feel so down. Hanging around with teens is not always easy I know.

NS, that book sounds interesting. Th Big Fat Surprise. It's funny, they have been talking about adding butter to coffee on the news. I guess butter is back in style. I like butter and use it quite often myself. I like it because it's natural and tastes good.

Goodnight Loamers! I work tomorrow and then have Tuesday off for Canada Day. Pretty crazy.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jvo - so wonderful that you have hit 90 days and well done for being on holiday af, that will be me next week.. Please give me some tips!
Jane, I hope you have a peaceful sleep
Hi to all the other loaners
Xx
Patrice

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo!! 90 days is amazing. Way to go. Keep enjoying that AF vacation! Thinking about all of you guys tonight. Thanks for being here!

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good Morning, Loamers.
Everyone is doing so well racking up the days and working through their problems, going on vacation and work parties, etc. AF.
I am trying to learn how I do it but I keep sabotaging myself. I won't give up trying. But I have to figure out what I can do differently. Actually I know what I have to do and I'm frustrated that I'm not doing it. I won't allow myself to get so down that it turns into a depression--I can't allow myself to have a "f*** it, it doesn't matter anyway" attitude. It DOES matter. Jane, I had to smile and tears came at the same time as I read your google search-- I love my girls so much and yet it is when they are here that I am most inclined to drink. They are younger, 9 and 12, and I only have them part time so when they are here it is full on--and I love spending time with them, but I get so overwhelmed and then have such guilt when I need to disappear for awhile. So this time, again for the thousandth time, I drank to escape but still be (physically) present. Again for the 1000th time the guilt of doing that so outweighed any other I could possibly have. I pulled myself together yesterday and had a quiet, lovely day with the little one. She hugged me and said, "mama, we had such a nice day, didn't we?". This guilt thing is a killer and a very hard way of life to overcome. In my sane moments I handle it all like a champ, and then something clicks and I go into crazy auto mode and don't even take time to think. All rational is gone. I think what worked for me before is really trying to be in the present moment ALL the time- it was my goal for awhile and it did work. Yesterday it worked.
So I read here, but felt too bad to post --I know that goes against everything this site is about-- but I was very happy for Pat for 30 days!! and Nar for 75 (now 79)! and Eloise for 40 (now 44)! and I think Wag has 60 today!
and J-vo for 90!! J-vo, Brilliant job staying tough on your vacation! I know when I was drinking a lot publicly, and knew I had a problem, it made me so uncomfortable if someone else had stopped. I remember feeling somehow threatened and afraid. I hope her reactions to your not drinking give you even more resolve.

Hi to everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been more supportive of you all-- I don't like to be a Loamer who isn't adding to the cumulative success of this wonderful group. I have faith that I will. Being ok in that in between place is my work. (thank you for that, NS)--

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1677261 wrote: Hi ladies,

Still doing well on vacation. Not going to post much but my SIL has questioned my husband, BIL, and mil so far about my not drinking. I'm fine with that and I'd never feel pressured to drink. The only pressure would come from myself and I'm not doing that to me!


Oh! It's 90 for me today!!

big fat huge massive red flag over your sil about her own drinking. its not you, its her. i dont know your relationship with her, if youve said ive forgotten sorry, but is she a drinker? either way, shes lost her 'weapon' against you and shes discombobulated about that.

not your problem. theres so much more but im getting it mixed up.

congrats on 90!!

ETA why is it such a big deal to her is the question?

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LC keep on trying that is all we can all do. When we started the loamers thread we all had our ups and downs believe me. We all tried and failed and tried and tried and kept on trying. At different stages did the switch "switch". Really though for us all it was being on here daily and not hiding, if we drank we came back, which you are doing. You are getting the hang of it LC and dont be too rough on yourself. Every sober day is a good one and you are doing those days. Maybe you need to have a plan for when the girls come over, like get all al out of the house, dont go to the shops if you feel like buying al, go to the park instead and get through the urge. Buy icecream and lollies, the girls will love you and so will your hips. Just little changes can make the world of difference. Never think we are not here for you and we are all at different stages of not drinking as you know from the congratulations to everyone.

Well i am biting the bloody bullet and going to start yoga. I googled hot yoga and there is a place near me that had a special on so i spoke to Mia, my daughter, and she said yes ok. so i email the place and the reply email was the building was not built yet. Oh great i thought, wont be done till October. Oh good i can prepare myself for that then lol. but they have classes on for normal yoga three days a week so we are going to die slowly together next week. well the plan is next week. It will be good for me to finally get off my arse and Mia suffers from anxiety and is not sleeping well, so off we go, well if i dont slacken off but i want to go and do something. Everything is dropping at a rapid rate of knots so i need to try and pull it up again.

[frances]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NoSugar;1677291 wrote: Now I'm reading The Big Fat Surprise (which I don't suppose surprises any of you ).

OK I hadn't heard about this one and I am surprised! I may just have to read that...I make a concerted effort to keep the fat content in my diet down and all the 'good' foods in good proportions (to the best of my ability with the 'on the go' diet we have during heavy sports season when we are running around and rarely at home to eat) - so now I'm wondering 'what? I don't need to worry about that?' - but I thought all the research had pointed to high fat diets being significant contributor to heart disease and plaque...I guess I'll just have to read the book and see what it says!

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane, sorry to hear how you were feeling.....hope things are looking brighter today....
Lifechange, I think I am the queen of sabotage - desperate for help, crying out, life going down the pan; then help comes along (from all of you), life gets better, thoughts creep in, and then F*** it all up!
I am determined to not let this happen.....in this quit I am concentrating on this trigger more than any other - it is the one I have to overcome....since quitting I have had about 3 major moments, last week being the worst, when I had to literally sit it out, feel like shit, just want to drink and not do it....
I have had 2 quits before when I got 67 and 82 days and I can't remember it being as tough.....but that's ok, because I feel the harder I have to fight for this then I will not give it away so easily.....does that make sense? Do I ever make sense?! We will see.....but right now I am grateful, even for last weeks shit week......today is a good one!
Going to get my exercise done now, then to sort my mum out....she is 75 and heading away in the morning on her first solo trip to Canada, NY and Boston.....my brother is joining her in 4 days but a bit nervous about her getting off and going through customs and getting her luggage alone....
I will drive her to Dublin airport in the morning.....

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Daisy hope your mom is ok. Good for you. Your getting throuh the rough spots and hanging on to that quit forcall it's worth.
Good to hear from you Roxy.
LC I'm glad you're still fighting. You will get it.
Ava I too am trying to keepbthings on me from going south, but what a struggle. My daughter helped me get a swim suit together yesterday and what a struggle!
Narilly Canada Day must be similar to out 4th?
I am exhausted and off to work I go. But I don't have anxiety and a hangover so I will be fine.
Catch up more later.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

available;1677245 wrote:

NS yes i totally deserve to have a man that i get on with. He mentioned in a text that he had me picked as a "bullshitter and liar". mmm wonder why he was with me. His problem and not mine and happily i will move on and try and find a decent man. Rare as rocking horse teeth i am thinking.

Ava - Sounds like a defensive, self-protective text comment from that guy. If you ended it with him, he's probably feeling hurt, but you are not responsible for his feelings. Keep looking (or not looking - sometimes the better strategy) and the right guy will come along. Not sure how old you are, but I have found dating in my 40's to be a bizarre experience. Tried the online thing a few times and mostly met people who had serious issues. I'm taking the approach now where I'm trying to meet people in group activities instead - I find that I get a much more complete and realistic impression of others when I see how they interact in a group and not just on their "best behavior" like on the first few dates. Wow - dodged a few bullets already!

Stay warm!

jane27;1677246 wrote: Thanks Ava & NS. Xx

NS, maybe the gun stuff got into my head from seeing Fridays nights program. We have no guns in the house. It never occurred to me that I could let go of feeling guilty. My hubs looks like a sad puppy dog over the fact that I'm isolating myself in the bedroom. That and dinner are the real sticking points guilt wise.

Jane - I think the idea of letting go of the guilt is excellent advice. Easier said than done, but you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings or actions, and you do deserve to tend to your own needs.

I am wondering whether your meds might be affecting you a lot right now. I don't really experience depression per se, but the one time I did (suicidal thoughts even) I was on meds that totally screwed with my brain chemistry. If you have any sense that even some of your funk is chemically based, I would look into that right away.

In the meantime, hugs to you. Please keep coming here, reading, posting - whatever will help.

j-vo;1677261 wrote: Hi ladies,

Still doing well on vacation. Not going to post much but my SIL has questioned my husband, BIL, and mil so far about my not drinking. ... Oh! It's 90 for me today!!

j-vo - First, major Congrats on Day 90!!!!! That is awesome, and you achieved it on vacation!

Ok, so it seems odd to me that your SIL is talking with others about your not drinking. WTH is up with that? Glad it doesn't seem to bother you - it would piss me off I think.

Stay strong and enjoy your time in Mexico!

lifechange;1677352 wrote:
Hi to everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been more supportive of you all-- I don't like to be a Loamer who isn't adding to the cumulative success of this wonderful group. I have faith that I will. Being ok in that in between place is my work. (thank you for that, NS)--

LC - You ARE adding to the cumulative success, and I'm sure you will continue to. Don't let yourself get boxed in by a narrow definition of what success looks like. Your post shows great introspection and honesty - two skills that will help you stick with your quit in the long run. Just keep moving forward and you will get there.

Frances and NS - I just started reading Big Fat Surprise as well. It goes along with a small contingent of books that buck the trend in nutritional advice we've seen over the past few decades. Really good stuff so far!

Gotta get going with my day now, so will have to catch up with everyone else later.

Hugs to all...

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Daisy, if you phone the airline with your mums details and explain her age etc (shovel it on if you want) they can provide a meeter/greeter to help her through the airport, connections and wotnot. Wheelchair and/or a buggy to get through the terminals. They know where to go so it takes the stress off her. Nothing worse than being alone and feeling lost in those places.