Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Stuck in the airport for 8 hours. Plane delayed and hasn't even left our city to come pick us up yet. Oh, at least I can do some catching up.

First and most importantly, congratulations on your six months Jane! How fantabulous! It's such an admirable number and hopefully those yucky feelings you'd been having are abating a bit. I'm so glad we can travel the journey together. I'm on your tail by three months!

So, as i sit here on my ass in Cancun, Mexico and wait for another seven hours, I have time to reflect on the past 7 days. I'm happy that I didn't drink for sure. I got to do lots of things that I never, ever would have had I drank those days. I got to see what I would have done had I drank nonstop, as I watched SIL do it. She didn't drink yesterday as she never drinks her last day of vacation. That was the only day that she spent more time with daughter as she wasn't sitting near the pool bar downing shots of tequila. Yes, it's vacation and people do that, but what I've also come to realize is that at 45 years old (SIL's age) and people our age, it's not normal to just drink all day long and not say you've got a problem. That time has come and gone and I'm ready for it to be gone forever. Yes, I had tugs and a few pity parties. But I'm gonna push through those even more now. I feel as though I have the strength now to do even more, like tackle my weight problem, get through saturdays and sundays without feeling like I'm missing out. Day picnics will seem like a walk in the park. I was able to connect on a different level with my nieces and nephews, and just be my weird self without worrying that people think I was drunk. I act weird on a normal, everyday basis which is why I probably love my job. And now it's not drinking is making me realize that I do like the sober me more than the drunk me. Sure, I miss that buzz. But that buzz continued into the drunk and sloppy me. I want to continue trusting myself and gaining the trust of individuals around me. I know it'll take continued vigilance on my part, and now I know I'm worth it. To be on the roller coaster ride isn't worth it for me anymore. I'm sorry it's all about me again, but I'll be reading posts next week and supporting. Just lots of stuff on my mind. I feel like an almost grown up now. Well, kind of. Maybe a weird grown up. I could never be a serious person. Thanks for listening to this ramble girls.

I think I may take a peek in the 100 thread...few more days! Love you all.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

wagmore;1678682 wrote: Ok, so I'm somewhat surprised by this but I'm kind of struggling right now, and I'm not totally sure why. I went to paddling practice this evening and only had a so-so performance, partly due to the paddling of the person in front of me. So that was a bit of a bummer. Then it turned out that it was one of the long-timer's birthdays today, so the coach and a few others on the team decided to go take the birthday woman out for drinks. I'm new to the team and not totally "in" the group yet, so I wasn't invited, but honestly I'm not sure what I would have done if I had been.

So now I'm in a bit of a funk. On the way home, I found myself thinking about tomorrow and thinking about drinking. Where did that come from? As I mentioned in my previous post, I'm missing my old friends network (I moved across the country a few years ago to care for my mom before she passed away, and now I'm in a new city). I'm really reaching out to try to develop a new network, but this beginning time is hard and lonely. I wish I had been included this eve, sort of. But it would have been really hard to go out "for drinks" with this new group and not drink, so it's probably better I wasn't invited.

I don't think I'll really consider drinking tomorrow, but it scared me how it popped into my mind so unexpectedly, and it scared me even more that I actually entertained the idea for a bit. The idea isn't totally gone now (probably about 80%).

I'm hoping I'll get a good night's sleep and wake up and workout and spend the 4th of July sober. It's just really obvious to me that loneliness is one of my biggest triggers right now, and I guess I'm feeling lonely. :upset:

Hi Wag!
Well, I'm beginning to read back a bit and this caught my attention. You know, I think it's normal to feel that tug and also not to be scared of the thoughts that will come into our minds about drinking. It's what we do with those thoughts that is important. You did the right thing by posting your thoughts. You didn't just ignore the thought but you typed it out and you know what you're gonna get from us? Good for you for not letting that drinking thought lead to drinking. But it made you aware of how vulnerable we still are at this stage of sobriety. And that's ok, because it's a normal process. I've had those drinking thoughts on vacation but hell no I didn't act on them. I had the back-up abs tablets and MWO. We're not going to go through every day of our lives without feeling a tug here or there. Just like when we see someone does something that someone you miss used to do. Someone that has passed on and it reminds you of that person you loved for so long. Except that person wasn't poison to us like al is. But we still have that tug on our heart. It can't be avoided.

As far as not being invited, don't feel bad about that. You're new to the group. You're building friendships and the friendships you build now, they will know you as a nondrinker. Remember...people who drink al 'normally' don't have a problem if a nondrinker is around and just having a diet coke. It's the drunks that have a problem with it.

Strength to you friend.:l

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ginger,
I'm beginning to like yoga. I did hot yoga with a gf before vacation and did yoga on the beach twice. The beach yoga was much easier and just more stretching but I think this will be a workout I'll find challenging and will be good for my body and mind. How long have you yoga-ed for?

Ava, no beer for you at Tye's birthday bash! That's like I watched all the young kids drinking lots on vacation. We don't fit into that group anymore. That's not for us. Glad Mia has your back.

LC, great story about last night at Biergarden. So glad things are looking up for you!

Ok girls, a few more hours to go in this airport. Gonna go get a bite to eat.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh! Just wanted to add that I love seeing so much action on Loamers. We r gettin' her done here on the mission. Thank you all! Let's stay strong, and when we can't, let's post and ask for help. Use your resources girls. Bubble Hour, great blogs out there, and each other. I need you and we need each other.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane - WOOHOO!!!! 180 days is awesome!!!

Patrice, Eloise, Nar - Thanks to you all for your empathy re: building a new life in a new city. I've done it before, both in the U.S. and abroad - it just seems harder this time, I think due to the combo of age, self-employment, being divorced with no kids, etc.

Eloise - Dutch IS hard specifically, and it's also hard in general for most adults to learn and function in a second or other language. I can remember trying to survive in Tokyo with my child-like Japanese skills, and it was a humbling experience every single day.

NS - I have similar feeling about the 4th of July - it has never been a holiday I liked a whole lot, but now I will think of it as independence from AL and all that goes with it.

I have also peeked at the 100-Day thread and have set that as my next big goal, with other milestones along the way of course.

j-vo - Sorry to hear about your long travel delay, but loved reading your reflections on this vacation. You sound so happy and strong, ready to tackle the next big things in your life. As NS posted to me the other day, these experiences really do make us stronger, don't they? And that 100-day thread??? You're almost there!!!

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all, I am doing MUCH better today. I'm feeling strong with my quit and grateful for all your help getting past my recent trigger. So glad to be on day 65 instead of back to day 1 or 2! Thank you all for your support!

I had a great paddling practice today - we pushed super hard and even though we finished 90 minutes ago I'm still basking in a flood of post-workout endorphins. In addition, several of the people I seem to have clicked with the most were there today, so the vibe was different than Thu eve (more positive and inclusive). I have to keep reminding myself that some of these women have known each other for 5-10 years and I've only been on the team for 3 weeks.

I'm also taking steps to find other friends. I've tried several meetup groups but haven't found a real niche yet. No excuses, no giving up - I need to keep trying. I really don't want to go back to very lonely evenings at home alone drinking, nor do I want to get caught up in a new social circle that seems to revolve around AL.

Baby steps, patience, and positive self-talk.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1679343 wrote: You're building friendships and the friendships you build now, they will know you as a nondrinker. Remember...people who drink al 'normally' don't have a problem if a nondrinker is around and just having a diet coke. It's the drunks that have a problem with it. So just glad you're going to be home soon, J, and that you had such a great vacation. You sound so strong, enthused, and committed!
It is so true that the people who care about what others are drinking are revealing a lot about themselves. It's really nice to meet new people who know us only as nondrinkers and it's great when your new identity is clearly understood by everyone around you and the subject doesn't even come up anymore. I was offered a drink the other day by someone I hadn't seen in quite awhile. I sure hope I didn't look as shocked as I felt. My choice of tea didn't affect anyone one way or the other .

wagmore;167934 wrote:
I'm also taking steps to find other friends. I've tried several meetup groups but haven't found a real niche yet. No excuses, no giving up - I need to keep trying. I really don't want to go back to very lonely evenings at home alone drinking, nor do I want to get caught up in a new social circle that seems to revolve around AL.

I bet there are some natural as well as reformed nondrinkers in your group, Wags - probably in any group of decent size. The thing is, we don't go around advertising our status with new people. I bet if you keep your eyes open, you'll identify a sober pal.

Hey, LB, how was your celebration of Freedom? It is so great to see people checking in!

:hug: NS

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good night, Ladies. It's only 930pm here, but I'm beat! Hittin' the hay early so that I can have a full Sunday.

LB, I am also wondering how your day of Freedom was? Are you still celebrating?
and Ava, how was your day with Mia?
J-vo, so nice to read your thoughts on your af vacation. Looking forward to your 100 day celebration in just a couple of days. Hope they're all getting ready for you on the 100 day thread!

xoxo to you all..

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1679343 wrote: Hi Wag!
Well, I'm beginning to read back a bit and this caught my attention. You know, I think it's normal to feel that tug and also not to be scared of the thoughts that will come into our minds about drinking. It's what we do with those thoughts that is important. You did the right thing by posting your thoughts. You didn't just ignore the thought but you typed it out and you know what you're gonna get from us? Good for you for not letting that drinking thought lead to drinking. But it made you aware of how vulnerable we still are at this stage of sobriety. And that's ok, because it's a normal process. I've had those drinking thoughts on vacation but hell no I didn't act on them. I had the back-up abs tablets and MWO. We're not going to go through every day of our lives without feeling a tug here or there. Just like when we see someone does something that someone you miss used to do. Someone that has passed on and it reminds you of that person you loved for so long. Except that person wasn't poison to us like al is. But we still have that tug on our heart. It can't be avoided.

As far as not being invited, don't feel bad about that. You're new to the group. You're building friendships and the friendships you build now, they will know you as a nondrinker. Remember...people who drink al 'normally' don't have a problem if a nondrinker is around and just having a diet coke. It's the drunks that have a problem with it.

Strength to you friend.:l

Thanks j-vo. These are all really great comments, and I really appreciate the thought you put into your reply. All true, and with a bit of time I've been able to put the events of the other evening into perspective. It is amazing to me, though, how quickly I went from feeling strong with my quit to feeling triggered and tempted.

This was a great learning experience for me on several fronts, and I'm glad I captured a lot of it here in posts - it will make it much easier to check back and revisit when/if it happens again.

Safe travels!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane congratulations on 180 days, 6 months is such an achievement and now to count months instead of days is awesome in af land. So proud of you and love you being a part of my life. Big hugs lovely lady and i hope you enjoyed your party.

El, 50 days of being sober. Imagine 51 days ago and how you so dont want to be there ever again. This rollercoaster life is hard but well worth it as the days go up and up and up. It took me 5 weeks for the headaches to go and it was such a great feeling waking up one day and they were just gone. Thought i had a brain tumour (as you do!) at one stage, well a lot actually but then i did realise what i had done to my body for 20+ years so i deserved it.

LC 7 days girl, big hugs, now onto 14, off we go! So proud of you for keeping on keeping on with your struggles with al and everyday sober is a good day.

NS i could handle living next to you girls, you all seem to cook which for me is a triple bonus and my boys would love you all to death with that one. Funny though that i do enjoy my own company, i put that down to working in a hospital and dealing with people all day thus the reason also that i dont have a home phone as i am communicated out by the end of the day. But if you could all come over and cook and clean for me that would be wonderful, oh and get my sorry arse motivated to exercise oh and walk my dogs please! Now why does that sound "all about me"!

Jvo so glad your holiday went well. Of course i am not going to drink, i dont drink! They have fun drinking, i just drown my sorrows and feelings when i drink, no fun in that and I hate beer. Also someone needs to be sober to clean the mess up the next day and that was never me when i drank.

I had a lovely day with Mia yesterday, just what we both needed to spend time together. I had a good chat to her about my drinking and how it is something i work on daily and she was very understanding. we went for coffee, to the op shops where we got some great bargains, more coffee and food shopping. She then dyed my hair so i am not looking like a frumpy 50 year old and damn that does make me feel almost human now. Even if the weather was crap the company of my baby girl was a much needed boost. Funny how when the weather is crap it reflects on our feelings.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I just had to share this with you lovely ladies and why it is so worthwhile to not drink. I am the luckiest mother in the world to have such beautiful children. This is from my daughter, Kiera, who is 27 and just got married last November.

"Good morning mum. I was just watching "Sunrise" (a chat show in Aust) and they went to the Salvation Army Drug and Al program place and there was a lady there who was drinking 3 bottles of wine a night. It reminded me of you. AND how proud i am that you did it by yourself with no rehab programs or anything. It bought a tear to my eye. Anyways just wanted to say I'm so proud that you have kept sober and are a happier person. I LOVE YOU MUM XXXX".

This is why I dont drink, this is why i cant drink and this is why i will never drink.

I did reply to her that without MWO i would never have gotten to where i am today.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava- that brought a tear to my eye too!!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, all:

JANE! JANE! JANE! Congratulations on 180 days - whoot whoot! I LOVE being on this journey with you, and am glad you're here. Your honest posts are great to help me work through my shit, too. I agree with what you say to Ava - it is weird to KNOW we'll never drink again, and yet to have that tug that can be quite strong. Way to go, sister.

Ava - that note from your daughter brought a tear to my eye, too. Cool that your kids are so close and supportive.

NS - I think that the 2D and 3D friends DO compliment each other. There is stuff I work out here that I can then bring to my in-person friends, and I often find myself saying "a friend said..." meaning one of you. I don't really talk with my husband about you as individuals because we don't talk that much about my alcohol problems, but he knows about you as a collective and about how important it is for me to have time here.

LB - How WAS your freedom from alcohol day?

LC - Your BF sounds great. I think that your 13 year old would prefer the freedom and the responsibility that comes with being 13 rather than being 6, right? Maybe you can help him with that???

Wags - glad you're feeling better. I think finding friends is important - it took me a long time to get over not being in the mom groups here in my town, but I work more than a lot of them, and I just never had the time to develop friendships. Instead, I have developed a great set of friends from my work - they are of many different ages and live all over the area, but I have more in common and have more fun with them anyway. It took some doing, but I don't feel like I'm a left out high school student when I hear that they all went out to someone's birthday or something. I wouldn't want them all at my birthday, anyway!

Ginger - Are you retired? What is your volunteer work, or did I read that wrong in the nest?

J-Vo - sounds like a wonderful, insightful vacation. I am glad you're coming home sober and proud, and sorry about your SiL. Good that you could be present for the kids on the trip.

Nar - How's it up there? When is your daughter leaving? My kid is going to a summer program out of town for four weeks - the longest he's been gone so far is a little over two weeks. I am happy for him as he's going to have a great time, but I know I'll miss him...

Patrice - How did you end up in Malaysia? I think I would love to live somewhere different, but my husband is not much of a traveler and he hates hot weather, so I'm fairly sure it wouldn't be anywhere near there (if ever).

Eloise - Beautiful artwork, and CONGRATULATIONS on 50 days. I'm glad you came back, and happy to have you here as well.

Off to pick up the kids and have some dinner. I channeled Ava today and did some heavy cleaning. I am pretty disgusted by what I found under the old couch (bought a new one as the other was 20+ years old and quite a piece of junk). That gave me cause to overturn a lot more furniture and dust, vacuum, and clean. Feels good, but there is so much more to do!!!

Happy Sober Saturday!

xo
Pav

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, I am retired. I went out early because hubs was retired for 5 years and I was tired of going to work while he stayed home and played. I do some work with pet rescue and lately more and more with the elderly. There is such a need for medical/financial/legal advocates for the elderly. This world of technology is so foreign to them and having someone to help them is essential so they don't get confused or worse...taken advantage of. Right now I help my mom, her two sisters and my step-dad. They are all 80+. For now that's as much as I can handle and still travel as much as we do but I wouldn't mind adding others when time permits.

All of you ladies are amazing and I'm so happy that NS mentioned I stop by. I'm afraid I don't lend much to the conversation but I do read and absorb it all!!

Love ya!!

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I had a wonderful Freedom Day. Beautiful weather.
I hadn't seen that group of people for a year snd some of the changes were HUGE.
Addiction is a terrible thing. One of my friends looked terrible. I feel for her. She was so strongly against alcohol and then her 18 year old daughter got married. She started dating her son in law's uncle who drank. Last year she was drinking just a bit, this year I'm not sure what she's doing. It wasn't good though. Sad and scary.
I was thinking about moderation. Many of the people on MWO talk about it and say how we are unlucky that we aren't able to moderate. I question if I would even want to drink small amounts of alcohol now that I really know what it is and what it does. Like saying "oh you can eat just a little rat poison. It won't make you that sick. "
I really am happy not to be drinking anymore.
I love that art work Eloise.
Happy to have you home J-vo.
:wave: congratulations Jane. 6 months. So glad you are with me on this Journey.
I will catch back up later.
The dude ranch was fantastic. My beagle Dolly is so sore she can barely move and I kept up with her step for step.