Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pavati;1680326 wrote: Hi, GLOAMERS:
I think I hit some sort of turning point last night. I was out at a concert and honestly didn't want to drink. I didn't have a "why me" moment, no thoughts of "why couldn't I just have one." Very strange, and a night I honestly didn't really believe would come. These long termers always say it will come, so I played along, but REALLY? A night out at a concert venue and NO DESIRE to drink? It felt wonderful.

I'm so glad you felt the magic, Pav :l.

Maybe you could keep this post along with your massacre missive - it is as important to remind ourselves of the achievements, too. xx, NS

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Maintenance and Termination are interesting subjects. I worry very much about being fooled by thinking this battle will ever be over. Maybe its possible for some people. Maybe its possible for me. Right now, I don't trust myself one bit. I did listen to the John Kelly episode and I thought the number he used was 3 years, but 5 years is easier to swallow. He commented that the case of Phillip Seymour Hoffman was unusual. (Falling off the wagon after 20 years). I humbly disagree on this point. I don't know. What do you think? I wonder what the stats say?
Well, Jane, I agree with Unpickled that Maintenance is a pretty great place to be, especially relative to the preceding stages. At the moment I don't see it as a bad place to be forever but it is pretty clear that many people who used to be very active on MWO no longer are and are off living their sober lives. Maybe for some, that is the natural evolution of things. And maybe it will be for some of us. Then again, there are some people with a good amount of AF time behind them who still check in here every day.

I am concerned that without the connection (at least at this stage), my mind could wander and I could convince myself that I no longer have a problem. While I don't have any interest in taking a drink right now and no urges to do so, would that change if I were no longer actively engaged ? I guess we really can't know and right now, I agree completely with Unpickled:

? at this point it doesn?t matter to me because I have a lot of work still to do and see myself in the maintenance phase for many years to come.

Stats on addiction and relapse are pretty unreliable, I think. Imagine trying to collect them here :H! And there are many online forums very similar to this one. AA either doesn't track its numbers or doesn't make them readily available. The best numbers probably would come from rehab institutions but then you're looking at a very select population of addicts.

I know the AA model is that you never get out of the maintenance phase - that is why the word 'recovering' is used rather than 'recovered'. Although it sounds desirable to reach the termination phase, right now I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to go forward as a ?non-drinker? and be done with it.

But that's ok - I like it here :hug:

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NoSugar;1680294 wrote: Hey, Kailey. This is one thing I just don't get and I've asked people about before. Do you really enjoy that first glass - I mean, are you sitting around, relaxed and content, taking sips, conversing or perhaps listening to music, winding down from the day? By the time I was in "I've gotta quit this" mode, I was desperately gulping down the first glass and sometimes not bothering with a glass. It was not about enjoyment at all - it was putting out some kind of weird fire that was raging within me.

Good question. I won't lie, it goes both ways. Often it's like you describe, but sometimes, if for whatever reason I'm not beating myself up for caving before I even open the bottle, it's lovely. But so are a lot of other things.... a long walk on a beautiful path, a bath with a great book in hand, a delicious meal prepared for friends, watching the sun rise and the birds wake up ... and on and on and on. So it's one thing in a million that I enjoy, and only sometimes, at that. And the negatives so outweigh the positives. I can do without it for the rest of my life and not miss a beat.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I remember with my first glass that i didnt want it, i needed it, i had to have it. When i poured it, it took nearly an hour to drink but once that first glass was gone it was like turning on a tap. Let the wine run free until i had passed out. I never enjoyed that first drink as i knew once i had it then i could not stop. Once upon a time it was completely different but the last year or two this was what it was like daily. I knew once i had that first sip that i was gone but i could not say no to that first sip.

Nar, did you not know Chero from your porn days. That pic that NS put up sure looks like she was in the same line of work that your were! Maybe Chero went under a different name and you are confused. Maybe you will remember on your 91st day ha ha. I am not sure if my brain rewired after 90 days, god some days i am not sure it has rewired after 220 but i do feel normal and human and someone that can feel emotions daily instead of burying them in al and it feels good.

Jane thanks lovely, 220 days, well it feels just like any other now. i had to date/time calculate as i cant remember anymore. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT, i dont remember. FFS i never thought i would say that. Why was i not invited to your party, food looks yummy, is that a pool i see? Is that the sun i see also? Oh i am still planning on giving up smoking, yep just like drinking, i always had a plan for that one too, one day.

Well at work so better do some work, off to the drs today due to my shoulder problem, i want good drugs dammit!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Interesting Blog

I came across this today and especially liked this post:
Playing the film to the end. The actual end. | And Everything Afterwards

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Girls and G,
Well, DS has been a bit sick. He didn't go out at all after practice this morning. Little bug from vacation possibly.

NS, I remember the photo of Cher! Well, who could forget! Congrats Chero!

Pav, that was such a great "turning point" for you! I agree with NS. I think you should cut and paste the massacre to your last night's experience. How awesome! And I related to the way you were at previous concerts and that's exactly how it was for me. Another Loamer win!!!

Wags, I'd skip out on the camping part, too, and when you get to know the girls better and feel more secure in your sobriety, you'll know. We never wanna gamble with this. I liked what someone said about going into the ring with a Lion. Would we do that? Hell no! Would we walk down a heavy crime area at night alone? Hell no!

El, the studio sounds so perfect! And sounds like you have a busy day tomorrow. Enjoy every minute of it.

I pretty much took my time with the first glass of wine, only if I knew i would have the rest of the night to drink. If I wasn't sure, I'd gulp a few down and say, "what's the plan?" And why the hell would anyone wanna go to a movie FFS and sit there and not be able to drink? Or do anything for that matter. Drinking time was sacred. Not anymore.

Have a great night ladies. Gonna go spend some time with my sick kid. Love him!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Excellent read, NS! I'm going to steal that one!

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Kailey I loved your post. There are so many wonderful things in the world to enjoy and it's true, a drink is only one of them and often NOT.
Chero congratulations on 40 days. Wonderful.
Pav your concert sounds wonderful. The fact that you truly enjoyed it and had a turning point is beautiful. Definitely a group win.
I'm a bit under the weather. Summer cold. Yuck.
Jane that spread looks wonderful.
NS going to check out that link.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you NS. That was sobering.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all,
NS, that post was so spot on! And just what I needed to read this morning

Today is 6 weeks af for me and it is getting easier although this first Af holiday is proving to be tough. I'm in a country where booze is cheap and good ( Cambodia, being a former French protectorate has amazing quality French wine)
But I won't drink and I am so grateful to have had a head start befor I came here
Intermittent internet here but just checking in and encouraged by all the successes here
Take care
Pat
Xx

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, haha! That was funny. Yes, Chero and I worked together,back in the day!

It must be difficult working with the guy who has ADHD, Is that what he has? I can't remember !

Jane, the movie was a bit lameo but probably worth watching.i will watch the Grand Budapest Hotel. Marigold was awesome, I agree.

Great post Kailey

Pat, interesting about Cambodia. I never knew that about the wine there. Holidays are the hardest for me. Make sure you keep posting!

NS thanks for the link., I read it. Very powerful and very sad. So grateful that did not happen to me.

We'll goodnight ladies. Talk to you tomorrow.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Eloise - Sounds like the extra walk did you a lot of good. Glad you have your studio full of light and space, and that the art lesson you gave went well! Hope you enjoyed your evening home alone.

Pav - Great job with the concert, and so happy to hear it was so easy for you. That's awesome! Thanks for the nudge about Allankay's thread - I'd read some but your post reminded me to go back thru it again.

Jane - Glad your party went so well (looks yummy) and that you're finding the MoodTracker to be so helpful. It sounds really interesting. Sorry about the phone call with your mom though. I can't imagine experiencing that. Thanks for the meetup suggestion. I have tried a few groups but need to keep putting myself out there until I find one that really clicks.

Ava, NS, Kailey - Interesting discussion about "that first drink" - by the end, I was gulping the first one and then maybe slowing down with second or third. I don't think I ever slowly enjoyed the first one. In some ways, that makes it easier to stay AF now - I have no warm fuzzy memories (real or false) of nursing the first one, and I'm very clear that I always pounded the first one in desperation. Kinda pathetic actually.

On the topic of falling of sobriety getting easier after 3-5 years, that wasn't true for me. Well, around 3-5 years I was fine I guess but I was sober for about 15 years before falling off the wagon in 2011. When I fell, I fell hard and fast and completely. It was like the interim 15 years didn't exist. I hope I get to a point where I don't think about it every da, but I know I can never again take my quit for granted no matter the length.

j-vo - Hope your son feels better soon! As badly as I want to join in on the camping, I'm fairly certain I won't go to that art of the weekend. At practice tonight a few of my team mates tried to talk my into it, but I was noncommittal. During breaks on the boat there was talk of drinking games, and I just don't trust myself, nor do I think it would be much fun to be the only one not drinking in that environment.

LB - Hope you shake the cold and feel better soon!

Pat - Stay strong! You can make it thru this holiday!

Nar, G-man, Ginger, Chero, others I'm sure I'm forgetting - :hallo:

Time to hit the hay, I'm exhausted!

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning, Ladies!

Yesterday for no reason in particular I had a huge sugar binge. Going to bed at 11, I felt pretty shitty and this morning upon waking, I felt hungover. I am taking this as a warning to be extra vigilant. It seems like a weird loss of control over a situation I didn't give much thought to ahead of time-- which for me is very similar to what I've done in the past with drinking. I'm going to be very careful not to have sugar today and to stay present in whatever it is I happen to be doing. Work, first of all.

:l to you all-- will check in again later..l

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Everyone:

I came with the intention of reading and posting a lot, but I got into reading the blog that NS linked to, and now I can hardly keep my eyes open.

I'll catch up tomorrow. Good night (and thanks for the link, NS). This entry go to me as well: The Ugly Wasteland of an Addict's Mind.

xo
Pav

[Guitarista]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yo Loamer's,

I'm going to check out those links, thanks.

Congrat's Chero on 40 days. Bravo!

Thanks Pav for the heads up on the 'freedom' episode on the bubble hour. I enjoyed it, especially with the guest being a muso like me. Very relatable.

Jane, yep, the program i'm doing tries for a wholistic approach as we know life isn't just about giving up the booze. It's the only one of it's kind here as far as i know. Another cool and useful bonus is there is an ongoing wednesday night mini program we can continue to attend forever if we want.

Lil B, good stuff on the yoga!

Take care y'all. L8tr g8tr's.

G